That moment when you realise being a cd would be for life

[joanne51]

After that first venture into the femme world, when did it hit you that this wasn't a one-off ? Or did you just think it would wear off ?

What made you go back for more... and more?!

[kimdl93]

hmmm, I would say that I felt free to include CDing as part of my life when my gf, now my wife, showed such openness and acceptance of me as a CDer. I had been abstaining for several years as I recovered from a painful divorce. Her understanding made it OK for me to be myself again.

[thechic]

I realized it when in my high school years,started dressing as a girl from about the age of 6 or so.thought i was the only person in the world that wanted to be a girl and was born a boy.just cant stop that want.

[Phyliss]

There wasn't really a moment but more like a shift in feelings. I just felt so right when dressed. Didn't want to loose that feeling. Now it's so comfortable that I almost forget what it used to feel like before I began seriously dressing

[suchacutie]

Within a few days of the first time I ever dressed (in front of my wife, in fact) I had a name, an e-mail address, and a very supportive wife. I had tried on a dress and it didn't hang right (no breastforms yet) and it was clear tina needed breasts. My wife encouraged me and it was clear at that point there was no return...this was forever..

Even if I stop dressing regularly, tina is a part of life forever. It seems she has always been there!

[TNRobin]

hmmm, I would say that I felt free to include CDing as part of my life when my gf, now my wife, showed such openness and acceptance of me as a CDer. I had been abstaining for several years as I recovered from a painful divorce. Her understanding made it OK for me to be myself again.

That's very close to my story. My current and final girlfriend of 2 years now brought it up one day as in, "you'd look cute in this," and things haven't been the same since. I'd been dressing up to one extent or another since I was probably 8 or so and quiting from time to time, the last time for over a decade; lots of "born again guilt." Thank god I got away from that!:devil:

[Tina B.]

After 3 purges, 1 divorce, a second marriage, and a day at home alone with a closet full of womens clothing beckoning for me to come and play. I knew then the only cure for me was clothes of my own.
Tina

[JessicaMiller]

I realized after a couple years of college. At first i thought i was just going through a faze, but i couldn't shake it once i got out on my own i the world. Going on 11 years now.

[sterling12]

It coincides with me accepting myself for who I am. Before that, for most of my life, I always believed it was something I could "take it or leave it," per my own choosing.

With Acceptance I firmly realized that it was so much of a lifetime commitment, it would be just about as easy to "quit," as taking a can opener and removing my head from my body!

Peace and Love, Joanie

[jenifer m.]

i think i relized i could not stop around my highschool years,but i started around 4 or 5 years old i guess.so ive been at it for 35 years now.

[Shayna Ashley]

It was a series of events for me. I tried so many times to stop dressing and I just can't. I can control the times when I dress and limit it so I am not going crazy to want to dress all the time. It was after the purges that I kept on buying the girlie clothes that I started to realize that this is not going to go away. I first thought getting married would make it go away, but after seven years of being married the cding is still there. I finally decided to give in and just allow myself to enjoy this side of me.

[CDTiffany]

I realized it one weekend. My aunt came to stay the weekend. She always wore much more feminine clothing than my mom did. We where all supposed to go somewhere together. I dont remember where. But I knew that I wanted to have some time with my aunt's suit case. I pretended to be sick, just so I could stay home and raid her suitcase and what she hung up in the closet. Mom was not happy. She did not know what I was up to.
But she was not happy for leaving me behind. I was 11 or 12 years old. They left, And left me alone. YA!!!!!

I will never forget the experience of opening my Aunts travel bag and pulling out White Satin w/Lace tap Panties with a matching white satin w/lace camisole. I PUT THE OUTFIT ON AND KNEW I WAS GOING TO WEAR WOMENS CLOTHING FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. So smooth, So fun, So ME!!!!!

Age 11 or 12, My Aunts lingerie!

Thats my story.

XOXO Tiffany Amber Rhoads

[Dee Model]

I finally realised it when I stopped purging for good. The last one (about 6 years ago) hurt so much I vowed never to do that again. Dee would kill her male counter-part!

Dee now has her own wardrobe, literally!

[Stina84]

I have had fantasies about crossdressing since my teens but it was only about a year ago that I did something about it and bought some clothes over the internet. A financial breakdown a few months back had lowered my defenses so much that I just followed the impulse.

I still remember how scared I was when the mailman brought me the package with the clothes (I had stayed up the whole night because I were so excited that I could not sleep). I tore the package open and put on the clothes and immediately felt absolutely wonderful. Right from that moment I knew my fantasies were not wrong - being a beautiful girl was definitely the right thing for me.

I had never regretted my crossdressing and I hope my femme side will be with me for the rest of my life.

[Dee Model]

It coincides with me accepting myself for who I am. Before that, for most of my life, I always believed it was something I could "take it or leave it," per my own choosing.



So true. I had to tell my sister recently: This isn't something I do, it is something that I am.

I am a dual personality; a composite. Two people who share a body. My male self wouldn't do half the things Dee does. Especially with men!

[JenniferR771]

i thought marriage would cure me of my fetshes and cding--wrong. I felt it was OK and would be long lasting when I visited an adult booksote and found some literature, and magazines. Later I read Peggy Rudd's book, "My husband wears my clothes" . Thanks Melanie.

[Mitzi]

For me, it was very shortly after marrying. I'd always thought once I got married this craving for dressing up as a girl would go away...

As we all know, WRONG... I realized then the urge would never go away...

Mitzi

[Sandygal]

Until I stumbled onto this site, I didn't even realize there was a name for what I was. I thought I was a 45 year old guy with a lot of mental problems.(That was 7 years ago). I carried this around with me my whole life. Of course I never told anyone, I thought there was something wrong with me. Imagine me surprise and relief when I discovered I was a Crossdresser and that there were many, many others out there like myself. So yes, I've always felt my female side. Like I said above, I discovered I was a cd 7 years ago and the joy of that discovery still makes me feel great.

[RancidRabbits]

The summer before college for me when I finally shaved my arms and legs. It just felt right. Anyway, my personality shifted so often in high school as I explored what and who I was, that I never really had time to stick to the rebel, athlete, pretty-boy, loner, etcetera. There were times I didn't even feel human thanks to this. In the end, I ripped each of myselves apart and joined them into the apparatus I am now, the human machine as it is, bra and all.

I've been about fully dressed and half dressed, and wanted to grow my hair out, but lost to the cosplays I do at anime conventions. This is definitely a life thing, but my employers dislike when I walk in all painted-face, so I bend to society on that one.

[LisaAlexander]

Basically the moment I joined this site, my dressing has been very sporadic but now I want moooooree!!! Just the fact that I have uploaded some photos gets me excited :D

[renee k]

There wasn't really a moment but more like a shift in feelings. I just felt so right when dressed. Didn't want to loose that feeling. Now it's so comfortable that I almost forget what it used to feel like before I began seriously dressing

:iagree:

I'm with Phyliss one this one. That's how was for me, it all felt right, when I dressed. I'm very comfortable with this side of me.

Renee

[Karen kc]

I've been dressing since I was 6, and ten yrs ago I realized that nothing would change this feeling I had deep inside,playing baseball, fishing,hotrods, or even getting married , nothing would change. Now at53 yo I'm so glad that I accept who I really am, and a supporting wife helps a lot

[Kaitlyn Michele]

what a wonderful question!!!.

altho i dressed whenever possible since i was a little kid, i never thought of it as me "being a crossdresser"... and i didnt really think of wearing the clothes as crossdressing....however, i never thought of myself as a woman either...

i never thought anything about it...i just did it...and when i wasnt doing it i was thinking about it...in fact, i guess i had no thinking time left for wondering about it...

As i aged, i still never thought of what it was...i just did it...and i had to add a couple hours a day of not thinking about it to my schedule:heehee:

and then when i thought about "what i was" i started to feel the terrible distress that many transsexuals feel prior to accepting our fates...(what a morbid sentence - but true for me)

i would say that my best guess is that my thought process grew from my initial confusion about how i felt as a little kid and it protected me.. (altho now i wish i had accepted it many years earlier)

It's apparent to me that crossdressers and transsexuals often go through a very similar thought process although many TS women internally realize and accept they are women as little kids and frankly have a better time of it than i did

[Gillian]

When I returned to it after a long office job based sabbatical of 5 years it felt "me" and feels likee I shall be indulging now for the rest of my days

[bron]

I have known for 20 years that i have a strong fem side to me.
it was only in the last 3 years that my fem side has demanded attention...and i am so glad she did. Its so me....

[diannecourtney]

I don't regret any moment of life sentence to crossdressing. The feeling is euphoria.

[EnglishRose]

i would say that my best guess is that my thought process grew from my initial confusion about how i felt as a little kid and it protected me.. (altho now i wish i had accepted it many years earlier)

It's apparent to me that crossdressers and transsexuals often go through a very similar thought process although many TS women internally realize and accept they are women as little kids and frankly have a better time of it than i did

Right. I've read many stories recently about transsexual women who wanted to be a girl so bad when they were children. I can't remember much about my early childhood so I can't really relate so well to that, personally. However I do remember a few incidents that have made me question my own gender identity, such as the games I used to enjoy, the toys I played with, the cuddly toys I wanted, the alienation from boys of my age, the list goes on and on. I also remember feeling so content while wearing some of my sister's dresses and feeling nothing in terms of "turned-on-ness?" (I didn't ever even "relieve myself" until I was almost twenty). Of course, a lot of my memories have been erased or at least made fuzzy by my alcoholism of my twenties. So glad I quit drinking two years ago, and of course this helped me have a good look at who I really am. Ugh. I should stop now as I'm already worried about gender dysphoria enough at this time :)

[Frédérique]

After that first venture into the femme world, when did it hit you that this wasn't a one-off ? Or did you just think it would wear off ? What made you go back for more... and more?!

I never really thought about stopping, or thinking it would all end one day. I spent so long getting here, you know – it was definitely NOT a whimsical one-off thing that got out of hand, and now I’m embarrassed about it. No, this was a conscious choice, the latest in a chain of baby steps towards a lifestyle I enjoy and continue to enjoy. It doesn’t wear off. You can delude yourself for a while, but you might just as well strap yourself in (literally), and get comfortable. What made me come back? I’ve had periods of non-dressing, forced by circumstances in my life, but crossdressing always returned (gratefully) as soon as the smoke cleared. Waves of desire may decline, but they always rise again. I keep these cherished femme feelings close to my false bosom at all times…:battingeyelashes:

[Lynn Marie]

I don't regret any moment of life sentence to crossdressing. The feeling is euphoria.

I really like this statement. Euphoria is a great description. Erotic is another one I like a lot for the feeling of being enfemme. I think my first pair of heels was the real turning point. We looked so good together!

[Deborah Jane]

What made you go back for more... and more?!

The Devil made me do it :devil:

[suzy1]

I have allways wanted to C.D. but thought of it as a bad thing and felt I had to suppress the feeling an go on as a "normal" person. Now, after many years I know I am as normal as anybody and we are all just different,thats all. And I also am now convinced that we have something that gives us real pleasure
that many others no not have.

hugs SUZY

[Debra Jane]

So glad I'm a CD and Gender Dysphoric.

I do resent the fact that I wasn't born female, but had I been born female I would not be aware of these tremendous feelings we have and our ability to see the world from both sides of the gender divide.

The best of both worlds...

[JulieC]

For me, it was in my early twenties. I'd crossdressed (mostly pantyhose) since age 8 or thereabouts. I'd dreamt about it since age 4 (distinct memory). But, I always thought it was something I could put away, get rid of, grow out of, grow tired of, etc. Not so of course, but I didn't know that. This was also before the Internet. So, I was alone.

I started dating a wonderful young lady, and kept my stash of CD clothes (again, mostly pantyhose) hidden from her. This worked for a while. But, I felt so guilty, and so angered at myself for being so weird, and I didn't want to lose her. So, I purged. I told myself it wouldn't happen ever again. Most of us have been there.

Fast forward two years, I haven't crossdressed since. Then one day, I'm in a grocery store and can't resist buying some L'eggs pantyhose. I went home to my apartment literally shaking from head to toe. Within minutes of closing and locking the door, I was in those pantyhose.

This set of an explosion of overwhelming input in my brain. Emotions, thoughts, desires, images, feel, touch, ...it was like every neuron in my brain was firing off at once. It wasn't focused on being erotic. It was just an overwhelming overload of my brain. I could not believe my reaction. It was like reverse-devastating.

It was at that point that I knew I could never put CDing to rest, and I swore to myself at that point that I never would. I still didn't tell my girlfriend, and we broke up about 1.5 years later. It took another 7 years from that point for me to finally come full circle and accept myself for who I was, but it was at this point that I knew I couldn't turn my back on it ever again.

I occasionally have tinges of this experience, especially after I haven't dressed for a while. Just tinges though, as I never go more than a few weeks without dressing now.

It's as if there's a part of me that absolutely insists on not being repressed.

[Kristy_K]

Even so I raided my mom's dresser from the time I can remember. And My older brother came out of the closet some years ago. I still felt such shame and guilt that I wouldn't even admit it to my own brother before he past on. I have also purge many times in the past. Just a few months ago I came to realize that after much pain and depression over the last few years that I had to accept who I am. Even so it is hard sometimes to accept people reactions to it. But it is easier than letting myself accepting the guilt and shame that society has towards it. I feel so much better now. I am now learning to be me.

[ArleneRaquel]

My realization took 47 years. Since 2004 I have been a lady 24/7. :battingeyelashes:

[ptp009]

Hi all,

I remmber very well, I was about 38 Year Old had told my wife who was semi accepting and I told her I wanted to wear Panties 24/7 and PHose whenever I wanted and that I did not expect this urge to dress was ever going to go away so I needed to deal with and wanted her to be inclusive in my decison. She liked a Don't See don't tell policy but now will buy me stuff just dosen;'t want to see me fully dressed but undestand I dress almost everyday under sometimes very much mixed always girls jeans and sometimes shoes. She just dosen't want to see me with a wig etc, though she knows I go out dressed.

I knew at 38 if it didn't go away I ahd to accept it or just couldn't continue thinking that somehow it would go away.

It's a great feeling several years later knowing I', a crossdreser, tend more toward Transgendered and I'm proud as heck!!

Jenn

[Jodi M]

I have been cding since childhood and still have the idea that I could quit if I wanted to.Who am I trying to fool? If I ever try it again I will store my things. It's to exspensive to purge!

[Jenniferpl]

Like few of you, there was no real momnet in time for me. It was baby steps for me to come to terms with who or what I am. I was in denial for years. My wife fianlly got me to admit I am a crossdresser. That was eighteen months ago and we have yet to look back.

Those darn urges would never stay away. They always came back. I just learned to stop fighting. My woman within always wins.