Have you "bullet proofed" your life?

[mklinden2010]

Note:

I changed the OP from:

"Have you "bullet proofed" your life"? to:

"HOW have you "bullet proofed" your life?

The question was/is, "How" in order to gather practical, specific, and useful ideas on what works, not various stories about what didn't or doesn't...

Thanks.


OP:

After reading some really scary stuff about people being "caught" (Sorry, folks!) I wonder what steps people have taken to "bullet proof" their lives...

As a child, I'm pretty sure my parents and sibs granted me perhaps an unusual amount of room to "mind my own business." So, it's possible they just ignored whatever they came across. (I did, probably, exactly the same for them.)

As an adult, however, I've operated with the idea that life is a jungle of sorts and you can't hide forever. So, my "bullet proofing" has been to be "out" with my opinions about gender bending, health care, human rights, the best paint brands, and so forth.

In other words, if someone wants to challenge me on anything, they know in advance I'm not one to suffer in silence or to back down from a confrontation. And, talk? Look out! I'll talk you to pieces. Better, perhaps, to just "let it go" and try picking on someone else.

Having both feet on the ground and being prepared for a tussle, I have never had any real problems at home or while out. I speak normally to people, look them in the eye, and, laugh along with them - while making it clear I'm as entitled as anyone to do what I want to do.

So, for those of you who have been "outed" in some awful way, or, who've never really been outed in a bad way, what are the "bullet proofing" methods you've employed/picked up along the way in life?

Thanks.

[Christina Horton]

My Bullet proofing was to tell everybody I loved. I also outed my self to my work. My old job that is. They said they were find with it but I lost it do to other factors not cuz of my CDing.....I hope. My new job they do t know but I would like to tell them but I think I'll wait untill the enconome gets better and there are more jobs in my fieid.

Telling everone I think at least in my eye is the only real way to bullet proofing you life. You may take a hit or 3 and first but after that I would hope you not good. Just my :2c: worth.

[Jannette H]

I don't think one can really know if and when one is going to be outed or caught. Try to have a very good plan for explaning it all to whom ever. Once your caught, your caught. Heard this many times, their are those who have been caught and those who are going to be caught. Expect the unexpectable. There is no real way to bullet proof

[Sarah Doepner]

A small, but necessary step in developing your "bullet proofing" is acceptance of yourself. It may sound simple, or unrelated, but if you have any questions about where you fit in this gender continuum, there will be a chink in your armor. Once you know where you are and are comfortable with that it will take a much bigger bullet to hurt you.

After, or even during that process, it is always good to have support. It can be here, in your family, with friends or in a support group. That support will help you prepare for problems, build your confidence and be there if you do take a shot.

[TNRobin]

Well, I have a bulletproof vest, level IIIA...oooops, wrong thread!:D

On the internet, if anyone finds me out, then they're looking for answers as well or they wouldn't be there.

In person my friends know not to drop by without letting me know. I build custom rifles and there are simply times when I'm not going to walk away from my work. They all know this and know that I find it extremely annoying to have something all set-up in a machine tool and have to take a break to speak to a human. As for them catching me at home dressed, well, they don't know about side of me, but the first part tends to prevent the second part.

When I'm out I don't dwell in the same town that I live in. I do know for a fact that there are some people that are friends that would not deal with crossdressing at all well, regardless of how much I might try to explain to them that it has nothing to do with being gay or burning in hell (gotta' love the bible belt). Nashville is just up the road and that's where I go. If anyone does happen to catch me then I'll cross that bridge if/when it happens. It's quite possible that this could happen one day, and I'm prepared for it, but it's just not something that I'm going to discuss with friends until it does happen. Same thing goes for family, though with them it's a bit easier since they live 450 miles away.

[boy2girl31]

Well I think the best way to bulletproof yourself from this is simply not to care what others think of you. I do not go out of my way to tell someone I am CD but when I get to know someone well I do not hide it either. If someone catches me I simply tell them that this is part of who I am and that other than the clothes I am the same person so they can chose to accept me or not because I am who I am.

[dana digs sweaters]

Bulletproof myself? Hmmm....I don't know. I am out to my family since quite young. I am still loved no matter how i'm dressed. Friends are just buds anyways. Work is all about P.R., the rep I have was estabilished a long time ago. Same effort always, just more experience as the years go by. They don't know this side of me and I do not want to know what they do behind closed doors either. I've discussed this with gurls before and to me I could not see anybody desiring a sexual harassment lawsuit against them, which would ultimately bankrupt them in legal fees and the public humiliation they would also have to endure from any potential actions on their part.

[Lorileah]

Like boy2girl, I am at a point that I just don't really care what most people think, wadda think about that? If it was something that physically or monetarily affected someone's life beyond my on, then I would be concerned. If it was something like above then when the issue was important to that time and place, you tell them the truth. My provisional warning is always, "don't ask questions for which you really don't want the answer." That will take out most of the "are you gay?" and any perverse sexual questions. If they are truly curious or more often actually willing to learn the conversation continues. Worst that has happened so far is that my golfing buddies no longer tease me about missing short putts and having to wear skirts...now they are serious

[Karen7cd]

Since I got caught, my SO has told the children that we are getting divorced.
She has been hiding money (I'm a computer person you can not hide anything from me).
I do not want a divorce just a little play time once in a while to get dressed with her,
I want to share. Now I limit my dressing, and never go out.

[TNRobin]

Since I got caught, my SO has told the children that we are getting divorced.
She has been hiding money (I'm a computer person you can not hide anything from me).
I do not want a divorce just a little play time once in a while to get dressed with her,
I want to share. Now I limit my dressing, and never go out.

OUCH! I'm sorry to hear that. I had a similiar divorce, but she never tried to hide money from me and we didn't have any kids together. Basically she figuratively tried to beat me over the head with a bible for my "sins."

[Rachel05]

Well I have to say I thought I was bullet proof and oh so careful but sadly I wasn't as careful as I thought and my wife found me out, we chatted about it for a few mins and have never spoken of it since but she must know I still dress because now I am much less careful about hiding it - I never let her see me dressed but my clothes are much more handy to get at now!!

[Nicole Erin]

I guess my bullet proofing is to not make an issue of my femme side.
If I am frumping around with dirty hands and ratty hair, 5:00 shadow, that is me.

If I am in a pretty blouse, slacks, made up, and primped well, it is still just me.

See I think the biggest thing that TG have issues with is wanting to make a big fuss about their own tranniness.
Fact is, no one cares, you just get to a point where you yourself just don't care.

Have you ever been out and seen a TS who doesn't pass but is well pulled together? I saw one today at autozone. You could tell she was MTF, but was pulled together, and no one was making a fuss, hell, no one even noticed her.

Not making a fuss is my bullet proof.

[AliceJaneInNewcastle]

Well I think the best way to bulletproof yourself from this is simply not to care what others think of you. I do not go out of my way to tell someone I am CD but when I get to know someone well I do not hide it either. If someone catches me I simply tell them that this is part of who I am and that other than the clothes I am the same person so they can chose to accept me or not because I am who I am.
:iagree: I have chosen to out myself to many friends and family, but work customers are different. I'm not transitioning, so it's not important to be out to everybody for now, but I have long hair, pierced ears, very shaped (but pale) brows, sometimes grow my nails out and use shiny clear coat and always have little or no facial and body hair hair. If someone asks, I'm not going to lie. I've also chosen to make it exceedingly easy to link my personae online.

I almost got involved in politics a few years ago, and have made the decision that I will not do so unless I am as out as Pip (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_Wherrett) was.

[jenifer m.]

my plan is and has always been to just act,and speak matter of factly about what im doing like its no big deal.i think that if i act ashamed,scared,or defensive that it intails to whomever caught me that im some how guilty of something that in reality is just no big deal.by acting non shalant about it it takes away a certain amount of their ability to stand in judgment of me,and try to make me feel bad about who i am.im like just the same as anyone else i just have the extra ability to look good in womans clothes is all.ill have to use that one some day ha ha.