Did you lose something leaving the closet?

[JanetHarper]

I came out a few years ago and now my girly things hang up in the closet rather than me lurking there. Having spent 20 years in the closet I wouldn't go back but I can't help feeling some of the fun seems to have gone out of CDing.

I used to like the secretive side, the anticipation of being able to dress when an opportunity was coming up in a few days, the sheer thrill of the 'naughtiness' of being a man wearing womens clothes. Now they're just my clothes.

Anyone else felt this?

(I still love dressing up and feeling feminine)

[diane51]

I sure do enjoy the anticipation of being able to dress. I get to think about what I'm going to wear, how I want to present myself, what look I want to achieve.
I guess if it became dull, boring, ho-hum I wouldn't do it so often.

[tinalynn]

I understand... I'm out only to my wife (that I know of), and dressing around the house isn't as fun as being sneaky about it. Still enjoyable, but the feeling of getting away with it just isn't there. To compensate somewhat I'll sneak out clothes when I go on a business trip. She doesn't like me going out in public, so I do when on the road. So much fun! Yeah, I believe she knows I'm doing it, especially when I come home with shaved legs, but she hasn't complained. Its small, but something nonetheless...

[Nicole Erin]

I understand.

Yeah I am not in the closet. One does lose something coming out though.

The problem with being in the closet is that if you had limited times to dress and something came up, it was like you were screwed and disappointed. This really bit if you had only like one day a month when you could dress up and go out, like to a TG group meeting.

Yet, on the glorious days you could get out, it was wonderful.

Now, being "out", going out is no big deal, and dressing up is a hassle.

Though the closet sucks, it does keep the dressing part fun.

I guess it is like when you turn 21 and no longer need to sneak around clubs with a fake ID. The fun soon disappears.

[Carole Cross]

I didn't lose anything coming out, I found a whole new life. I was able to be me and next month I am going full time, starting my RLE. :D

[Cary]

I'm still there for the most part and happy about it!

[KarenHiller]

I totally know what you mean! There's not more 'being bad', sneaking around like a spy. Don't get me wrong, putting on pretty things every day is still amazing, but it does become routine a bit.

Karen

[suchacutie]

Tina and my wife are girlfriends, but no one else knows the connection. That puts me in a closet of sorts and my take on this is the excitement that everyone inherently has in knowing a secret!

After all, there I am at work in a 3-piece suit, dressed to the nines albeit in male mode....expect that I can feel my Body by Victoria thong with ever step I take (tucked or not). That can't but help to bring a smile every now and again looking around and knowing that no one besides my wife has a clue! There is a certain thrill in that privacy that increases the adrenoline every now and again, and the adrenoline rush upon transformation to Tina is still incredible. I sure hope that a part of that rush is never lost.

I say this while not minimizing the fact that the concept of Tina herself, and the notion of a feminine existence with my being is itself exciting! The added kick of this shared secret does make one smile.

:)

[Joann Smith]

I have been out for some time now and pretty much dress more or less every day ....But i do miss those day when i use to plan and exacute them girly outings.....sometimes i even do a quick change in the car ....for old time sake

Joann

[SouthernBelle.GG]

I used to like the secretive side, the anticipation of being able to dress when an opportunity was coming up in a few days, the sheer thrill of the 'naughtiness' of being a man wearing womens clothes. Now they're just my clothes.

Anyone else felt this?

I believe my husband feels this way. It seems like he got more out of CDing when doing it alone and thinking I didn't like it. Not sure how to feel about this. :sad:

[Sheren Kelly]

You lose the "naughty" excitement aspect, but you gain the feeling of being comfortable in your own skin. The self acceptance I have found is well worth the loss of excitement in thinking I am "getting away" with something.

Kelly

[tamarav]

I actually found that my creativity increased since I was able to go through all the combinations and take pictures and re-think the options. Now that I am out dressed virtually everyday I am very happy to have had the practice time to sort out the looks.

I still anticipate every day and wake up early to start getting ready for the day. I love it!

[Sherry-Stephanie]

Yes I did....

I lost inhibition and fear...both of which were totally useless to me....but they were replaced by the enjoyment of my new freedom and acceptance...which felt very refresshing and enlighting...

JMHO....YMMV.

Steph

[Teri Jean]

Ditto Sherry. Don't look back unless you are checking your booty. LOL

Teri

[Karen564]

The big plus side to all this is your clothes won't get wrinkled anymore.....:D

:hugs:

[Veronica Nowakowski]

I don't think I've ever cared for the naughtiness of the secret. It's not the adrenaline rush I'm looking for, and I strongly dislike it when I feel like I'm going to be caught by someone who I don't want knowing. I hate that feeling rather than thrive on it.

I'm now considering getting hormone therapy and having to come out to the world, and that's pretty much the only thing holding me back. That same "naughtiness" is preventing me from simply being me.

[mklinden2010]

I lost the hassle of having to work around other people's possible reactions.

On the plus side, I can do what I like, as I like, because I like what I'm doing and when I can do it.

All changes for the better.

I never got any thrill or excitement out of "sneaking around."

What I lacked, and much prefer, is just getting on with MY life.

[katies27]

[QUOTE=JanetHarper;2069407] I used to like the secretive side, the anticipation of being able to dress when an opportunity was coming up in a few days, the sheer thrill of the 'naughtiness' of being a man wearing womens clothes. Now they're just my clothes.

Anyone else felt this?

Again, another one of many threads that I can relate to.

I have just spent two days home alone, the first since I came out to my SO.
I have unlimited access to her wardrobe and shoes, and she has helped me stock my own substantial drag-bag with wigs, shapers and forms.
I still however went out and bought stuff last week that I probably didn’t actually need, but it was a thrill and added to the anticipation. Also I did not declare these to the SO, which I think also added to the experience.
When the time came, I dressed, doing everything that I could think of, tried on various outfits and looks, then, ended up taking it all off. Over the two days, I did the full works three times.
I still felt great, but there was something missing.
When the SO came home, I told her what I had been up to.... she apologised and asked if I would have preferred she did not know about Katie.
Well, I still had a good time, lots of new things to try, but yes something had changed.
I guess I will just have to push the envelope a little further, and get that excitement back.
With the support of the SO of course.

Katie

[Vicki-Z]

I believe my husband feels this way. It seems like he got more out of CDing when doing it alone and thinking I didn't like it. Not sure how to feel about this. :sad:

SouthernBelle don't feel sad about this. Talk to your husband and ask him how he feels. Yes some men feel this way they get excitment out of the naughtiness or sexual side of this, but a lot of us always really wanted to be real girls. Myself I always wanted to be a real girl. I love my wife more than anything and I just wished she could be supportive like you sound to be. Your husband is really lucky to have a wife who understands about this side of him. My wife knows about Vicki but she basically ignores her. To me having my wife to help me and be "girlsfriends" with Vicki would be a dream come true. So as I suggested before ask him how he feels.


Vicki :hugs:

[StaceyJane]

I feel so much better now that I'm out. I really enjoy being able to hang my clothes up in the closet and I have my own girl underware drawer.

I used to worry so much about being caught, now I can just be me.

[Sally-May]

The secretiveness is the part that hurts me the most that no one can see me being happy. Tried talking about it with doctors but just came out wrong and I got sectioned that was about 7 years ago. It's hard to deal with when every fibre of your being want to scream "I want to be a girl". The stress has cost me two college courses and a good job. :sad:

[dawnmarrie1961]

I lost everything but I also gained everything. So it kind of balances itself out again over time.


Be safe. Be smart.

Dawn Marrie

[Frédérique]

I used to like the secretive side, the anticipation of being able to dress when an opportunity was coming up in a few days, the sheer thrill of the 'naughtiness' of being a man wearing womens clothes. Now they're just my clothes.

This is the very reason why I choose to remain secretive – I don’t want to spoil the fun or lose the magic of it all. Every time I’ve “come out” in some way during my life, I’ve learned to regret it. Since this is primarily a case of gender integration, or a platonic relationship between the two, I feel justified to keep my secrets just that – SECRET. I use the power of secrecy, and, at the end of the day, I’m responsible for my own psychological well-being. It’s enough comfort to be here among others like me, where I can safely stand in the open without feeling vulnerable…:eek:

I don’t feel “naughty” when I dress, quite the opposite as a matter of fact. I feel infused with a sense of decorum; I feel more proper, delicate, and “together” in a positive way few may be able to relate to. I wouldn’t begrudge your take on things, though, since crossdressing is a seemingly vague term for all sorts of cross-gender exploration involving outer layers and inner desires…:battingeyelashes:

[SouthernBelle.GG]

SouthernBelle don't feel sad about this. Talk to your husband and ask him how he feels.
I've brought this up to him and he says it's not 'totally' true. I think he's trying to figure out what's changed. Or maybe he knows and doesn't want to hurt my feelings? I'll just wait patiently until he tells me or i get it out of him. :heehee:


Yes some men feel this way they get excitment out of the naughtiness or sexual side of this, but a lot of us always really wanted to be real girls. Myself I always wanted to be a real girl.
Hubby has assured me that he's never wanted to be a real girl - he likes being a guy too much. It's all about the clothes for him. As for the naughtiness and sexual side? I really don't think he feels that way either. It's more about him needing to accept his femme side and understand it's okay and I won't ever turn on him. Breaking down walls and such...


I love my wife more than anything and I just wished she could be supportive like you sound to be. Your husband is really lucky to have a wife who understands about this side of him. My wife knows about Vicki but she basically ignores her. To me having my wife to help me and be "girlsfriends" with Vicki would be a dream come true. So as I suggested before ask him how he feels.
I'd like to be girlfriends with hubby's femme side too, so I can empathize with you there. Maybe one day...for us both. :hugs:

[Sherry-Stephanie]

Southern Belle...

Some of us are getting together Wednesday in Nashville if your interested drop me a PM and we'll go from there...it should be interesting plus give you and hubby a chance to meet some of the "neighbors"....

Stephanie

[Alice B]

Yes. Fear!

[Rachel Morley]

I can't help feeling some of the fun seems to have gone out of CDing .... the sheer thrill of the 'naughtiness' of being a man wearing womens clothes.
Believe me, I totally get where you're coming from. For me, it's not so much "the thrill has gone" because I still love dressing and presenting as female in public but I used to literally shake (I mean my hands used to actually tremble as I put my underwear on) with anticipation when I was getting ready to go outside dressed and that never happens any more :sad: The heightened buzz is now more of a gentle, but still very pleasurable humm :)

[Michelle-Leigh]

Lost What ??? Lost nothing but inconvenience and bondage ! I've gained freedom, an extensive wardrobe, and extreme bliss by coming out of the closet !!

[docrobbysherry]

Reality, vs, fantasy?

The grass is always greener?

Loss of anti--------cipation?

Possible ordeal of HAVING to dress?

Pretending to be a woman, vs, BEING one?

Adrenaline rush disappearing?

Finally, as a kid, I thot I could NEVER eat too much ice cream! :brolleyes: I KNOW better now!:doh:

After reading my own list, I'm STAYING in the closet!:D

[jenifer m.]

i still enjoy dressing very much,but i know what you mean about it becomming just a normal thing to do.mine hang in my closet as well.putting on womans clothing is just part of my daily routeen now.i really dont think about it i just do it.its as normal now as it was putting on my man clothes.

[Loni]

been "out" of the closet for some time now...not "out" side very much, but loose something....no never, you just gain even more.

now if i could just loose the 10 - 20 pounds...it just keeps finding me. :eek:

.

[Jenniferpl]

It changed my relationship with my wife. Some ways better. Some ways worse. Although she was to get me to accept the fact that am a crossdresser, I still have a hard time talking to her about it. It has been a lot more fun out in the open though.

[AriannaVillota]

Each progressive step made i.e. dressing up in private, telling your secret to someone, shopping for clothes, going out in public, I think lessens the 'oh wow I'm really doing this' feeling, but it also creates a sense of 'this is how things are supposed to be'.

I can't deny that the first time I went out, I was extremely stressed. I only drove and I made 3 wrong turns in 5 minutes. But I'd rather have the feeling that what I'm doing is right and exactly what I'm supposed to be doing. It's a fair trade for me. :)

[Satrana]

I believe my husband feels this way. It seems like he got more out of CDing when doing it alone and thinking I didn't like it. Not sure how to feel about this. :sad:Many CDs are not really that transgendered and don't want to be girls. They just want a feminine adventure once in a while to refill their tank. There is no feminine personality inside but rather their dressing is a learned technique to titillate their senses and explore fantasies. It is more like scratching an itch than anything else.

Some CDs do get hooked on the excitement of anticipation of a feminine adventure. This is because opportunities are usually limited so the experience has heightened expectations. When the dressing becomes routine the anticipation vanishes and the experience becomes mundane. The desire to CD diminishes significantly since the feelings it generates no longer releases the adrenalin and endorphins that previously made it addictive.

I think it is wise to relate that each CD has his own level of feminine exposure and too much will "drown" out the experience. CDs have no way of knowing where they stand in the gender spectrum until they have had the opportunity to freely explore their dressing needs. Many would probably be surprised to find that complete freedom actually ruins their enjoyment and they would have to reframe their understanding of femininity to continue to want to dress.

[SouthernBelle.GG]

Satrana, that actually makes a lot of sense for our situation. Thank you for your thoughts.

[kimdl93]

I've been "out" to both my ex and my current spouse...but didn't live on a daily basis as a cross dresser until I remarried. Honestly, I prefer the latter. I didn't enjoy limiting my dressing to the bedroom...which was the only place my ex accepted it.

[Brandi Wyne]

Perhaps, like all living things, he is suffering from a case of "diminishing returns". What started out as unique and special has become routine and ordinary. Spice it up and make it special again, like any other thing we do or say as people interacting with other people.

[Brandi Wyne]

I agree with those that say we left fear and anxiety when we walked out of the closet. I don't want to be something I'm not but I want to be all of what I am. And, yes, it's nice not to have the dresses wrinkled and intimates hard to find.:heehee: