Interaction with my Wife

[Danielle Gee]

Hi Girls:
While private messaging on of my girlfriends this AM, She made (what I thought was) a curious comment. I don’t have the exact quote, but it was along s the lines of……”My wife doesn’t relate to me as a woman, even when I’m dressed”. This got me to thinking,

Neither does mine!!!!

As those of you who’ve read my post know, My Sweetie has been very accepting and helpful to me for many years. But after reading my friends PM, I realized…

She never calls me Danielle, only Dani (which is a play on my real name)

She always interacts with me in the same way, no matter if I’m in Drag or Drab

I know it’s only a couple of points, but what do you suppose it all means (if anything)?

I probably just being insecure, because she’s always supported and even encouraged my CD’ing

I’d love to hear some of you others ladies opinion.

Love Daniellle:love:

[tinalynn]

My wife is the same way, she doesn't ever call me Tina, doesn't want to see the wig and makeup, and always says that I'm not a girl. Yet she accepts the dressing (and knows I go out despite that she doesn't want me to). And I have to agree with her - I am not a girl. Nor do I feel very feminine overall. I like dressing for the way I look and the way the clothes feel. I like going out and pulling off the trickery, the feeling of knowing that I'm fooling the world. But I'm not a woman and don't identify myself as one.

I suspect your wife feels the same - they married a man. They accept the dressing, after all its only clothes. But they know we are not women and don't really like the thought of being married to a woman. I'd love to have married a girl that would go out with me dressed, but I didn't. So I'm perfectly happy to be able to dress at home whenever I want (mostly). A lot of CD's don't have what we have, so I'll be okay with it...

[AllieSF]

I think that she just accepts Dani as Dani, which is great and the way that most of us would want it to be. I would just be happy for what you fortunately have got and do not let this bit of insecurity, or whatever it is, get in the way of a very good situation. Good luck in taming your doubts.

[PretzelGirl]

To me, a big part of it may be how you feel within this world. I am Sue here and at get togethers with people from here; but that is it. I don't really change the way I interact when I dress. I am who I am. The only changes may be feminine mannerisms.

So because I set that stage that it isn't a metamorphisis, she probably doesn't see it that way either. So is there a significant change in your behaviour that would signal to her that you might expect to be treated differently?

[mklinden2010]

>>”My wife doesn’t relate to me as a woman, even when I’m dressed”



First, you're not actually physically a woman. How can she relate to what isn't? This isn't a bad thing, really. It's just a fact. But, she does interact with YOU. That's a good thing, right? Take the good for what it is... Good.

Second, as a collection of atoms and electrical impulses, your body exists to house "you" - your thoughts and memories, hopes and fears - if it's for anything beyond the basic seven life functions. So, whatever "soul" or "existence" "YOU" have, it's largely separate and apart from whatever body you happen to be in.

I don't think there's any such thing as a "woman's soul" or a "mans soul." We have existences that are influenced by hormones, hunger, biological chores, and so forth. But, we're not "men" or "women" beyond some physical/metaphysical point: we're just souls: a unique self-recognizing and other recognizing awareness. Perhaps eternal, perhaps not...

So, she can't relate to you as a woman. Just work on her relating to the woman you think yourself to be and be glad, in any case, that she relates positively to you at all.

"Everybody likes to be with somebody."

Be generous in accepting that...

There's love there.


"metaphysical - Of or pertaining to metaphysics; Immaterial, supersensual, not physical (more properly, "beyond" that which is physical)"

[Veronica Lacey]

I would think that your wife simply accepts that it is still her husband under those frillies and she is okay with it. Perhaps it is not what you want to hear if you actually want to be a woman but I would think it was great if I were treated likewaise by my own wife.

I think it's a good sign :)

[Carol A]

We have been happly married 47 years and hon we have done it all, my wife doesn't think a thing about it but I have to say she never calls me Carol only hon.:love:

[Sherry Lynn]

My wife accepts me either way and uses my name acording to the way I'm dressed. We go out together and it doesn't bother her in the least. We've been together 42 years now and have had lots of fun together.

[Being Paige]

I don't think my wife even knows my femme name :brolleyes: Don't believe she would even be interested.

[jillleanne]

At home my wife calls me 'hon', but in public she will call me 'Jill' or 'Hon'. She does not call my clothing as Jill's, but rather, 'hers'. Interestingly, in public, she has no issues with the name 'Jill' and we are out together regularly.
In so far as her treating me as a genetic woman, I do not expect that from her and never will; I'm not. But she does respectfully treat me as a fem person with no regard to gender. As a person, she simplytreats me as the same person, albeit, with a different name in public. Works for me.

[Diane Elizabeth]

My wife doesn't call me anything except (male name), regardless of what I wear. I figure maybe it is her way of maintaining the husband she expects me to be. We've never gone out together when I was dressed. Though, one time after work I met her at a Perkins Restaurant and I was m'am ed. I think she was bothered a little by that though she said she wasn't.

[Andrea Reynolds]

At least she is supportive.My wife knows I like to dress. Today I was talking about a nice pair of 2" everyday heels I saw at the store, and her response was " Are we going throught this again". . Needless to say, my heart sank a great deal. I'll go back in the closet and content myself with what little I can get away with, but when the man comes out, she is going to be wondering what happened to her (femme) friend. Her Loss.
I hope your wife starts to go along with you. Ask her why she doesn't recognize Danielle, perhaps it something the two of you could talk out. Good luck with it. Andrea Reynolds.

[Madilyn A.]

Danielle, Very interesting !!......Madilyn:hugs:

[Cathytg]

Your relationship sounds very much like mine. Is your wife short, late 50s and living in Arizona? Probably not.

Anyway, I have reached a point where I have decided that she does not relate to me as a woman because she knows, without any doubt, that no matter what I am wearing, I am man. It's just that simple.

[Tina B.]

My wife is about as supportive as they come, for a closet CD, She gives me gifts, of womens things for holidays, when out shopping if she sees something she thinks I would like she will bring it home to surprise me, She even has bought me a large collection of movies that have transgendered themes, or cross dressing, for some other excuse. I get Birthday, Valentines, and even Anniversary cards, for Tina, that are sweet and very girl. But she never calls me Tina, at least not in the first person, although she will speak of Tina in the third person. She is also uncomfortable when I try to change the way I sound. But over all I would say what I have is so great, I think I can forgive her thinking of me as a guy, and even as a husband, more than a girl friend.
Tina B.

Enjoy what you have, instead of worrying about what you don't have, life is just to darn short.

[Angie G]

Funy thing I don't think my wife has ever called me Angie when I'm dressed.I'll havta talk to her about that.:hugs:
Angie

[jenifer m.]

my wife does the same thing to me,i think its a coping mechinism for them cuz when they met,and fell in love with us we were most likly in our male mode so thats who they relate to.even though we are dressed like woman they still see us as their men so thats how they relate to us.the only time i get anything else is when my wife sometimes calls me "girl"or might say "you go girl"something like that,but ive never had her call me jenifer,and dont think she ever will.

[BRANDYJ]

At home my wife calls me 'hon', but in public she will call me 'Jill' or 'Hon'. She does not call my clothing as Jill's, but rather, 'hers'. Interestingly, in public, she has no issues with the name 'Jill' and we are out together regularly.
In so far as her treating me as a genetic woman, I do not expect that from her and never will; I'm not. But she does respectfully treat me as a fem person with no regard to gender. As a person, she simplytreats me as the same person, albeit, with a different name in public. Works for me.

I could not have written this better for the way my SO treats me and the use of my fem name. I will only add that one time she slipped up while we were out with me in male mode and called me Brandy in front of some of our friends. That was funny and even funnier how she covered it up.

She sees me as the same person. She appreciates the softer more fem side of me regardless of the mode of dress. Yet she also respects and likes the more masculine side of me too.

[SuzanneBender]

I am on the road and asked my wife when we talked on the phone this morning about her feelings on this thread. Her answer, "You wife married Dani not Danielle" She went on to explain that your situation sounded a like like ours. However, I turned ours upside down a few weeks ago by explaining to her that crossdressing for me is only an outword expression of the woman inside.

Dani your wife like most wives that know about our love of the feminine accept it out of love for our male selves not the female image that invades their lives on a part time basis. You are a male and have no desire to be a woman. You know that. She does not know that. Deep down I can gurantee that she has the fear that one day she will walk in the living room and will be met by Danielle saying, "Dani isnt going to be coming back again"

It sounds like you have a very strong and committed wife that loves you and accepts this side of you. She is sacrificing her perfect vision of a hubby so you can be you. So what if she doesn't want a girlfriend named Danielle. Give her a big hug, a passionate kiss, maybe even a dozen roses just because and tell her that you appreciate her acceptance as it is.

[Brandi Wyne]

All very interesting comments. I have just come out to my wife and so far she as been amiable about some of my femme traits, like having my toe nails frenched like hers and I keep my finger nails painted and shaped. We talk about and have started to share leg shaving time and tips, moisureizing and some eye makeup tips. She as NOT seen me dressed en femme yet and that will be a huge deal for both of us. As for her referring to my femme name, well she hasn't heard it yet. It should be intersting though. We just celebrated our anniversary and she was at me like a cougar but I'm not sure if it was to reassure her about my male side or liking the femme side, too. We'll see if it goes any further.

[kimdl93]

I like to think that I am "me" regardless of how I'm dressed, and so my wife treats me the same. Of course, she married me knowing that this was a big part of who I am, and my name is Kim. Consequently, its not as though there are two identities in me, or that somehow the person she married disappears when I'm dressed.

[withasmile]

This is not to offend anyone. You might feel as if you 'have a girl inside.' And perhaps you do have feminine traits that your wife appreciates. But overall, you may not come across as a girl, despite clothes, etc. Day to day life probably brings out those traits and speak the truth.

An example, typical party at my in-laws yesterday. Where are the men when the sisters and sister-in-laws are cleaning the kitchen? Not that my husband doesn't clean mind you, he does. But typical of many men, he's watching TV with the other guys while the girls bond over dishes.

Being a girl is much more than dresses, shopping and cosmetics. Frankly, I don't have much patience for them. I HATED dresses growing up. I did go through a phase where I wouldn't be seen without makeup, but then I realized I needed to get a life.

My husband is sweet and I adore him, but in NO WAY can I talk to him about things the way girls do. He'd quickly lose interest.

I can support him in many ways, but I will NEVER see him as a girl. And as far as names go, I could call him whatever he wants, and say whatever makes him happy. I don't buy it, but I'll do it happily, because it makes him happy and I love him.

[genney]

My wife always calls to her girlfriend me, do won't to go to bingo love