Similarly Sailing the Stormy Seas (Thanks Suzanne for the imagery!)

[EnglishRose]

It's kind of like white-water rafting really, isn't it?

I thought that it was only fair I tell my wife that I've been questioning my gender lately. What an idiot! I've undermined six years of marriage for something that may never happen. Now I've made her think that I won't be able to stay with her, and she expressed that she can't see herself being with a woman though she has bi-curiosity (and has never acted on it). We also have a two and a half year old, and a new house to think about. I can't bear to think of a life without my wife, son, and other kids we're thinking about. My life was nothing but alcoholic quasi-student existence before we got married.

Anyway our Talk last night has sent her into a flurry of research on TG related issues today, and as if she didn't have worries enough, we're not sleeping very well. Good job, me!

[ubokvt]

Its normal to question, you do it all the time in everything, its how we decide what we we want, who we are. It is a sign that we are healthy, and alive, and not stuck in a rut. The fact you shared it with her points to the strengh of the relationship, and that you wanted her help in exploring your feelings. Tell her that you are questioning, wondering about where this is going and you need her help in finding a little clarity in you life. Also tell her , if it is true, that you have questioned your orientation many times before in you life and probably will again, and you would appreciate her insights and support because you need and trust her.

[Eileen]

Christina UBOK is right, we are always questioning ourselves. This is normal and as you said you wife is doing the same about her life. Be loving and nurturing to each other. Your search for answers just many bring the two of you even closer!

Eileen

[EnglishRose]

You're both right. I felt very comfortable opening up to my wife shortly after I met her, and we are soul mates. I needed to be able to share this with her and I'm still glad in a way that I did. We'll weather it as a partnership as in all things. :)

[EnglishRose]

Maybe it's my self-destructive ego. Sees all that's good and tries to wreck it "just for fun". I can't stop thinking about this bloody issue even though I've never thought I could possibly be TS until this year. My idiot consciousness, though, won't accept this as proof I'm not, even when my wife has told me she can't be with me if I did change, and that she's having trouble trusting that I would change my mind not to, later.

My therapist is out until tuesday, sorry to dump :)

[Jennifer in CO]

dump dear...
thats what friends are for

Jenn etal

[CharleneT]

Hey, you know, an important thing to remember here is that the shock to your wife is huge. Regardless of what you have felt, it is a wave that goes right over her head. Patience, space and compassion are the things to keep fore-front right now. Do your best to keep communication going - it will help, even if it seems negative.

[Karen564]

I'm a bit confused by all this...
You say you have a Therapist, so am I to assume that the Therapist knew beforehand that you were going to disclose all this to your spouse?
A good Therapist will offer help in these matters asking you bring the spouse into a session rather than go at it all alone..
And why don't you have your Therapist cell phone number?
Just sounds like all this was not very well planned in advance...concidering what's at stake here for everyones well being...
I just don't get any of this...:drink:

[EnglishRose]

Well, I mentioned the therapist because the best person to talk to right now would be her, normally. However she's my general therapist and I have not gone to see a gender therapist per se.

You're right, however, in pointing out that this is not very well planned; in fact, that's putting it incredibly mildly.

The reason I disclosed how I was feeling to my wife was because I felt like I needed to share with her why I've been moody lately, which was and is unfair on her. When she asked me flat out if I had any interest at all in becoming a woman, it pretty much ballooned from there as I couldn't boldly faced flat-out deny it 100%. I am just very, very confused right now, and hurting the ones I love was not something I ever wanted to do.

[Karen564]

I understand,
When put under pressure like that, it's hard to say the right thing...and of course after you say it, you wish you could take it all back..
I do know the feeling well..and being truthful on the spot has proven to me not always the best policy..so sometimes it's best for everyone to avoid answering with complete honestly all at once, but not lie either if that makes any sense, only because it can be too much for a loved one to handle all that at once..

But what's done is done, so all you can do at this point is damage control the best you can..
But don't beat yourself up over it, because that really won't help anyone or yourself...so right now you need to keep yourself together..

Hopefully, you can discuss all this with your therapist and get everyone on the same page again soon..
Best of luck & hope all turns out well...:hugs:

[SuzanneBender]

Christina my heart goes out to you and as a fellow navigator of these waters ahoy!

First thing you must realize in this process is what ever will be will be. Second you must understand our wives are more confused by this than us and we owe them enough time to find acceptance as it took ourselves to find acceptance for this situation.


Maybe it's my self-destructive ego. Sees all that's good and tries to wreck it "just for fun". I can't stop thinking about this bloody issue even though I've never thought I could possibly be TS until this year. My idiot consciousness, though, won't accept this as proof I'm not, even when my wife has told me she can't be with me if I did change, and that she's having trouble trusting that I would change my mind not to, later.

I don't see that you are trying to wreck anything. Open lines of communication are key to a marriage. If you were feeling that you could be a TS you owed it to her to tell her. From there all you can do is give her your love and not pressure her.

Our situations are similar except I told mine what I definately know. Since then it has been an emotional roller coaster with good days and bad days. I am realizing that I can not internalize her feelings. She has to work through them and they can't drive me. If she ultimately rejects me as a spouse then I love her from afar and go on with the job of being a parent and me. If she accepts me then our marriage will be stronger than ever. I know how I want it to turn out, but if it doesn't it will be the sad end to a chapter and a nervous beginning to a new chapter. Its tough going but ultimately its for the best no matter the outcome.

I hope this helps. I know it looks dark. Some moments I feel so down I can't even raise my head, but you know what girl we are strong and it will all work out in the long run.

Hugs

Suzanne

[EnglishRose]

It's as if she was moving through stages of grief, and I understand that's very common with SOs of people who DO transition. It seems she's already reached acceptance (unless I'm misreading bargaining).

So basically she can see staying together if I need to. And I'm in no way saying I do. Just exploring at this point, and that's going to take a very long time. Just to know though that she understands means so much to me.

Thanks for the support as ever! :)