The Reasons for Crossdressing - A Theory

[Koka]

There are lots and lots of theories about the reason and sexual connection for cross-dressing. After many months of experimenting dressing, sexual pleasuring while dressed and satisfaction for being able to be, feel and act as a girl, I am tempted to come to the following conclusion regarding this:

Deep inside us cross dressers, we want peace and freedom - thus the good feeling that we obtained while being a girl in a calm and subtle way while dressed. Other feelings such as erotic ones, lust and exaggeration is inherited by our higher level of testosterone, which by default is part of our genes and most commonly higher in quantity than in women. Now, I am talking from a straight cross dresser’s point of view, however; it’s these inherited genes that make us feel and therefore think that we crossdressers sometimes want to be embraced in a man’s arms and love and feel loved like a woman. That in my opinion is a result of testosterone.

To sum it up - I think the only way to get rid of these feelings (feelings such as erotic ones, lust and exaggeration) which sometimes ruins the whole experience is by educating our mind and body and by let them or allow them experiment the true female feelings by being present while dressed, be it at home or outside home. It is working for me - every Friday I am out and I am totally immersed in my female persona and I love it so much that the sexual urge diminishes and it is taken or overwhelmed by these other female sensations such as sweetness, delicacy, softness, compassion, girly behavior and love of colors, styles and all female trends. At these moments, if we feel sexual desire, it is not our female side, it is our male side that it is being blinded by the lust and desire to literally sexually take over the girl in you.

What is you experience?

Koka:daydreaming:

[wishing2bali]

I too, am a stright male. I pretty much feel the same way you do on this. When I first get dressed up, I am quite aroused at the thought and feeling of being in women's clothing, along with looking like one. As such, like you after the initial dressing up, I start to feel, act, behave, as if I were a female, and any sexual thoughts, or impulses are purely from the male part of me wanting to satisfy the woman in me. If that makes sense lol

[docrobbysherry]

There must be something to it, too. I don't relate to a "female side" at all.
But, I DO the "testosterone" part! Invariably, when I see that hotie in the mirror, I get EXCITED!:D

Combine that with the sexy tactile feeling of the; hose, corset, and/or girdle, heels, forms, etc.
And, the erotic thot the she is ME, and,------ well------:o!

[Frédérique]

I am totally immersed in my female persona and I love it so much that the sexual urge diminishes and it is taken or overwhelmed by these other female sensations such as sweetness, delicacy, softness, compassion, girly behavior and love of colors, styles and all female trends. At these moments, if we feel sexual desire, it is not our female side, it is our male side that it is being blinded by the lust and desire to literally sexually take over the girl in you.

It’s different for everyone, I think. I never had any direct sexual connection to my crossdressing – that world exists over in another compartment of my mind. Thus, education was not necessary. Indeed, I cannot dress up if I have any sexual thoughts dominating my mind – perhaps I’m alone in not wanting to “spoil” the feelings that I cherish, based on my own definitions of “feminine,” by introducing male desires. Imagine protecting yourself from yourself – I do that all the time! :eek:

Of course, the sweetness, delicacy, softness, and compassion you talk about are there whether I’m in drab or en femme, it’s just that there’s a special “uniform” I wear to get more in touch with these lovely intangibles. In many ways I use crossdressing to keep debilitating lust at bay so I can get things done around here – it doesn’t take much to get in touch with useful feelings and evaporate any counter-productive male feelings I may be infected with at the time. I must say I never entertain any sexual thought while I’m dressed – to do so would be an insult to the entire enterprise. I choose to enter and remain in my chosen state, which resembles a form of relaxing meditation – a meditation on the true “self,” perhaps…:battingeyelashes:

[Ashley Allen]

I don't want to say too much as anything I say will only take away from your well stated insight. I can relate very much to what you had to say and thus I must say thank you for sharing.

[Michelle-Leigh]

It is working for me - every Friday I am out and I am totally immersed in my female persona and I love it so much that the sexual urge diminishes and it is taken or overwhelmed by these other female sensations such as sweetness, delicacy, softness, compassion, girly behavior and love of colors, styles and all female trends. At these moments, if we feel sexual desire, it is not our female side, it is our male side that it is being blinded by the lust and desire to literally sexually take over the girl in you.

What you said ! My feelings precisely; dressing does not turn me on, just gives me an incredible special feeling.... but as I mentioned in another post, the sight of Michelle all made up in the mirror can sometimes wake up the tiger in my male half !

[darla_g]

I liked what you wrote Koka. I do think there can be different motivations for dressing.

I know when i dress now the goal is to be the best looking natural woman i can. Not overly ****ty or anything just natural.

It is fun having someone who can share the entire sexual side of all this.

[Sandy Banks]

An interesting hypothesis.............next we have to gather data.....that could be an awesome task however...........:2c:

[Eva]

Thinking about all that you're saying and I have to agree with you.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

the important part is to really understand and feel good about how you think of yourself...regardless of why, how or how much you fantasize, crossdress or transition, and my favorite? all of the above:heehee:


i like what you said in the OP simply because it seems you feel really good about it..

[Megan70]

Imagine if all our mirrors wre broken and smashed! Goodness, what would we do, what would we do?

[Gina_C]

A fantastic breakthrough theory Koka.

Every great postulation requires a corollary-

Gina's Corollary to Koka's Theory

"As the subject enters middle-age the sexual desire is progressively overwelmed by the inate drive to experience female sensations such as sweetness, delicacy, softness, compassion, girly behavior and love of colors, styles and all female trends."

[Imogen_Mann]

While I agree that in some cases you might be correct, I feel that you generalize somewhat with the assumption that we all want or desire the same things (peace and freedom, or any particularly heightened erotic feelings).

I do agree strongly however that the best way to change ourselves it through self education. It's the best starting block for any life change... Learn about your feelings towards something, be that the need for a strong protective man, the need for a cigarette or the need for GRS... Discover why you feel a particular way, and then you can find ways to moderate or, as you say, exaggerate or behavior in any way we want, and so, when it comes to crunch time, You have done your research, and you can make balanced and well thought out decisions that improve your life and make the first date, the last cigarette or the first gender clinic appointment that important little bit easier to cope with.

That's my opinion, I don't say its fact... Just opinion.

[gabimartini]

Although most theories are valid, very few apply all across the board. Considering all replies so far, my experience is similar to Freddy's:


I never had any direct sexual connection to my crossdressing

I don't ever get aroused by my dressing. Never did. CDing brings me an intense felling of peace, femininity, self-expression, happiness. It's much more about expressing part of me and my feelings, than seeking sexual pleasure.

[Maria in heels]

[QUOTE=Koka;2073726]There are lots and lots of theories about the reason and sexual connection for cross-dressing. After many months of experimenting dressing, sexual pleasuring while dressed and satisfaction for being able to be, feel and act as a girl, I am tempted to come to the following conclusion regarding this:

Deep inside us cross dressers, we want peace and freedom - thus the good feeling that we obtained while being a girl in a calm and subtle way while dressed. Other feelings such as erotic ones, lust and exaggeration is inherited by our higher level of testosterone, which by default is part of our genes and most commonly higher in quantity than in women. Now, I am talking from a straight cross dresser’s point of view, however; it’s these inherited genes that make us feel and therefore think that we crossdressers sometimes want to be embraced in a man’s arms and love and feel loved like a woman. That in my opinion is a result of testosterone.



Koka...indeed we had part of this conversation the other day, and I am so glad that I am able to agree with you in many ways. I think that inside of each and every male, there is a percentage of female persona, but it is up the person to either let her out, incorporate her into everyday life, or to just push her away and keep her hidden. It is as simple as watching those in a movie theatre...many times have I watched my wife cry during certain scenes as the producers want them to, and I can feel the tears swell up in myself as well. In the past, I, like friends who were ashamed to admit, would try to quell these feelings and "toughen up" instead of allowing the true feelings to show. Over the years, there is no issue anymore, and she in fact laughs when she see's my eyes get watery ... My wife does understand that Maria is an integral part of me, and is definitely the part of my true persona, and how and why I do the things that I do, as well as my decision making process

Part of this is the stereotype that we are all brought up with...we can't be colorful, we must not wonder about girly things, just roll in the mud and "be tough" and "walk it off" when we get hurt. Women on the other hand, are praised for being so sensitive, kind, caring of others, and it seems that in the family life, that is actually taught. If we try to incorporate our female persona into daily life, we are sometimes looked upon negatively, or made fun of, even as far back as Elementary School, so we are naturally taught to react and hide, instead of learning to incorporate our other feelings into everyday life.

There is a very feminine side to myself, and it took time for Maria to intertwine with my male self and present, together, the final project, which is a combination of both of us. I have dressed for many years...yes, some out of the "excitement" that you talk about, but also for the comfort of being able to "let my guard down" and just relax a little...I do not have to fully dress, and something as simple as wearing a pair of my heels, can put me into the relaxed state of peace and freedom that you mention.

:hugs:

[Shari]

Wow Koka, you really got the wheels moving inside my brain this morning.

I never really looked at it in that manner before, but now that you've brought this to light, I do believe that subconsciously I am somehow lusting for and ultimately ravishing that woman inside me.

You've hit on something that until now was buried inside the dark recesses.
I have much to ponder, and that's a good thing. I love trying to figure out what motivates me to do certain things.

I also have a bondage fetish which is heightened dramatically when I'm en femme.
It's now exclusive to when I am dressed.
Have I captured her to do with as I please?

Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

[Fab Karen]

I'm not heterosexual, and I was in touch with my sexuality before I got in touch with & accepted my desire to dress. The sexuality has no tie to whether or not I'm in femme mode.

Some women ( GG's ) feel desire etc. for men, and in general lust is not unknown to them regardless of their sexuality. Men and women aren't vastly different over-all.

I'd say if someone's fantasies of being held by a man and making love with a man bring sexual arousal( different from having a fantasy & not getting aroused by it), it isn't because the person is crossdressed. The fetishists, who get aroused by lingerie & feel desire is tied to it are a different situation. I suppose for example they could fantasize about doing their taxes & feel arousal if lingerie were tied into it.

[kimdl93]

I am a bit older now - don't know how I might have responded to Koka's hypothesis twenty years ago, but I do think that as young CDs we may tend to associate dressing with sex (seems like everything is associated with sex at 15-24). But I suspect that a some point in life, many of us come realize that the two impulses are not intrinsically connected. We can have sex (gay, bi or hetero) dressed or not, and we can dress and enjoy that experience without having sex.

Koka's suggestion that self eduction can help us separate the two is right on. I think it would help those who think they dress for sexual gratificaion to just try to forego that for a while - and see if they still enjoy dressing. It might help them sort out their motivations.

[eileendover]

It's very interesting and informative to see the deeper reasons that we all end up here. So, to confuse things even more, here's my take on the subject:

I seem to have already done a pretty good job of integrating the feminine and masculine parts of my personality - I've always tried to express my emotional, creative, nurturing side along with my logical and practical side.

But I've always wanted to see what it was like in the "Girls Only" club of clothing and makeup and hair and all the other activities that girls get to do, and that guys are supposed to think are just plain silly.

Plus, in addition to the obvious biological differences between males and females, a large part of the attraction that guys have towards girls is based on these extra cultural ingredients. So CDing gives me the chance to explore and experiment with these additional gender cues, and to see if I can learn how to apply these to myself.

[jenifer m.]

very interesting theory,im streight and i used to get sexually aroused when i dressed but ive been doing it every day for so long now that i very rarely get turned on by it any more.its just part of my every day now.

[windycissy]

Heavy stuff...I used to get aroused by being in the clothes, lately I get aroused by being with guys who dig me in the clothes, don't know where this is going but you've hit on a universal truth: out testosterone is a driving force, and we all adapt in our own way...

[TerryTerri]

This is my spin on CDing for me. My perspective is that I am a transgender (mtf) who has been on hormone therapy for about a year, has no current plan to transition (but kinda thinks somewhere in the future it'll happen). At one point I was only aware of myself as a cross dresser. But, 'things' pushed me to further explore my gender stuff and I uncovered my truth, that I am transsexual (female in male body).

Living with one's mind and body in disagreement on gender has a fracture in one's self. This fractured feeling was often my driving force (I wasn't consiously aware of this at the time) for Cross Dressing. When I would be dressed in femme, I just felt more complete, whole and less fractured. It's hard to describe better than that. I had only known the fractured feeling as my 'normal' for many many years, it was actually an odd feeling to feel internally more whole and less fractured inside.

Anyway, once I started taking hormones wonderful things happened inside me. That fractured feeling has greatly dissipated due to the medicine. My desire to cross dress has diminished significantly, and that is a common reaction.
After one year of meds my general disposition and outlook just gets better and better. I can't remember a time in my life when my mental self and emotions were this good. Considering the things I'm going through that's an incedible thing.
IDK, But, I think it just helps point to the conclusion this is right for me! I still struggle with the internal acceptance issus of being transgendered. But, the fact is undeniable to me. I'm working on it.

I think it important for everyone to explore their motives for doing the things they do. Two people can do the exact same thing. But, due to differing motives, it can be a very damaging thing for one person, but a very positive thing for the other. Motives are of key importance in our lives.

Peace Out All!!!

[RobynBella]

I don't often get aroused by dressing or even seeing myself dressed. Well, the other day, I was out trying things on with a friend, and I did have a bit of a problem with erections in the fitting room. I didn't really attribute that to the dressing though, more the excitement because she has really good taste and all the things she picked out I just couldn't wait to get on. But I do not dress because of any arousal I may feel from time to time. I dress because there's this girl inside me that WANTS THAT DRESS! I love the colors and the frills and flowy things. I want to be a man, but if I could wear women's clothes all the time as a man, I totally would.

[NicoleScott]

There must be something to it, too. I don't relate to a "female side" at all.
But, I DO the "testosterone" part! Invariably, when I see that hotie in the mirror, I get EXCITED!:D

Combine that with the sexy tactile feeling of the; hose, corset, and/or girdle, heels, forms, etc.
And, the erotic thot the she is ME, and,------ well------:o!

My feelings exactly, Doc.

From the many and varied responses, there must be many different reasons we are compelled to crossdress.

[sometimes_miss]

I think that there are always going to be a lot of people who want to believe that there are many, many others who are just like themselves. It's one way of accepting ourselves, feeling that who and what we are is just as normal as the rest of the world, so that we can also believe that the rest of the world will feel that we are normal, and that they will accept and love us just as equally as everyone else. Just don't try to fool yourself that it's true. The only people who even might possibly believe we are normal are other crossdressers, and many of us have our doubts as well. That said, there are surely many different reasons that we crossdress; don't let that stop you from supporting someone who's reasons are different from your own.

[girlygirl152]

I am a straight male and I deffinetly agree with you. i really wish i had the confidence to go out dressed up like you do

[KarenCDFL]

By dressing up, it makes me look on the outside as I feel on the inside.

I am a lifelong CD from early childhood who started wearing mommie's stockings and lipstick as far back as I remember. And I did this because it was what I felt I should be doing.

Since transitioning is not a possible thing for me, I continue to dress for those reason's.

[charlie]

Hello Koka!
A good bit of insight. I too used to get a sexual high out of dressing, but now feel only female when dressed. I think the female part has crossed over however an I'm now a blended individual all the time. It makes for some strange moments, but it is just me. All the stops come out when dressed and out and about though. I've asked why I do this for years, still no real reason except that I can't stop.

[NathalieX66]

A wife of a close & best friend of mine made an innocuoulsy simple quote on facebook yesterday :"mani-pedi does a girl good!"

It's saying things like that that makes me wish I was a girl. I like doing things like that too. There's no sexual motivation for it. I just like it.

[Lindalinda]

a wonderful thread..

this is something I am struggling with. I am gender counseling to work this out right now.. and in a round about way it has been one of the many questions I have asked, one that has been a corner stone to understanding why I dress and why my femininity gets pulled back and forth.

I feel so sexy dressed .. a real hip sexy young woman, curves in the right places, breast in place, (just found the right bra size!) perfect fitting clothes, heals .. these clothes just fit me better and just feel right on.

I want to take on the world like this.. it makes my 'fractured'( I understand this point mentioned in one of the responses) confidence feel, united .. its the natural me.

This is a way to access a more sexual confident person becasue my confidence really imporves dressed, as its a more authentic version of me- more fitting with my inner personality -but there is a different wiring from my balls to my brain that runs in the piping of my body that pulls me out of this femininity when I want to orgasm have sexual evening as or indeed the minute I get aroused and hard... at this moment Im transported into the realm of the guy I am extrenally?! .. the testosterone takes over a pushes a switch in my brain .. lust, rampant, fast ejaculation surounded by a much harder edge takes over... Jekyll and Hide?!

Being dressed also makes me feel more calm, serene, sexy in a more complete way, my natural feminine side that has always been held back and blocked by society because of the negative response I have had about being 'camp' as a guy has always upset me so I try to hide it all the time -dressing though opens the door for my natural responses and interests to just be . Un-ihibated from the masculine costume I have had build up to cover these attrabutes that dont fit in a male body or presentation I have to offer up in the real world.

But I don't get 'aroused' by dressing? - I do though definalty feel a true sense of sexuality in myself turn on .. a more 'global' sense of being sexy - and this Im told is actually the way women feel - I have asked many about this and the response was a real education. They feel total body arousal and sensuality - and maybe this has to be learnt for us genetic males to fulfill of our feminine sides more? - when you still have your testosterone over-riding and surging in you? I agree and believe that dressing - from the sound of everyones responses - is the gateway to experiencing these feelings and emotions.

Im trying to learn all over again how to feel sexual 'aroused' dressed ..it's hard to stay with the effeminate girly soft vibes - with the hormones of a guy - but dressed I want to now learn how to attract sexual attention and then allow a new feeling of senuality to be there instead of the fast testorone ejaculation - trying to introduce a feeling of sexual sensualtiy and intimacy in this experience .... my fear is that I will miss these 'male urges' if i transition .. (another post i feel) .. but somethin has to give in order to find more harmony in all this personally.

Hormones are everything to do with to this I feel .. attraction to female in us and feeling the sexiness of tha female with a mans wiring and urges wow!- they are two very opposite worlds all in one body .... Im gald to hear for some of you that a real good balance has been struck and brings joy and pleasure .. for me it so confusing!!! well for me maybe it's time for estrogen???

[lanasan]

hi koka,
i find for me i didnt have a male role model it was my sister. i was fairly young and she would think nothing of being semi dressed around me. we were very close and at some point i wanted to emulate her and found this very exciting. she was the only person who would pay any attention to me. i watched her get dressed and put on makeup. the first porn i ever read was about crossdressers and was in a basement in nyc. it excited me terribly.

[DaisyG]

I’ve lived and grown through several phases of CD spanning more than 60 years.

Before puberty was a time for exploration and discovery. I learned I could feel pretty wearing girl’s and women’s clothing - - lingerie, dresses and skirts, shoes and hose. The special feeling of lingerie and stockings also grew on me, but the underlying drive was that I could feel pretty in a manner transcending anything possible in boy mode. Looking in the mirror or looking down at the shoes on my feet, the sensation can be summed up in two words. THAT’S ME!

I had the need to look and feel pretty, to be able to proudly say “that’s me!”

Into my teen years and over the following four decades when en femme, the underlying male in me would at times become sexually aroused by my femme veneer.

Twenty years later I no longer get or need sexual arousal from dressing. I still hunger for the special feeling of lingerie, dresses, hose and heels. I absolutely need to feel pretty.

I sleep in nighties that let me sweetly drift off, then awaken to that special feeling “that’s me!”

I do my housework in housedresses with feminine detailing that says “that’s me!”

When I can dress on weekends or in the evening I’ll select a dress, or a skirt with a blouse, shell or sweater; then shoes - - - all to suit my need of the moment to feel pretty. As it all comes together, I know I’ve got it right when I look into that mirror, and the image practically shouts back - - THAT’S ME!

Daisy

[MelanieP]

Koka-

You've hit the nail on the head, at least as it applies to me. I used to get aroused by CDing up until recently. And what happened recently was that I finally came to accept this part of my life and acknowledged and embraced the feminine part inside of me. Since then, I no longer CD for sexual release, but for relaxation and that sense of completeness I only get when I am Melanie. If anything, I shrink away from the thought of my female self arousing my male self, especially if I then feel the need to satisfy those urges. That feels too much like empowerment of my male side to take pleasure from my female side. If anything, CDing is the opportunity I take to let my female self take over and suppress my male self. Does that make any sense?

As Melanie, I like to relax and do things that I enjoy for myself like reading, painting or just watching a movie- chic flicks are so much more enjoyable when you are not inhibited by cultural standards around men and their feelings. Immersing myself in the feminine aspects of my life have become so much more important than letting my male urges find release from the physical transformation into a female exterior.

Melanie

[Taylor186]

It’s different for everyone, I think.


Ditto

[Eva]

I don't often get aroused by dressing or even seeing myself dressed. Well, the other day, I was out trying things on with a friend, and I did have a bit of a problem with erections in the fitting room. I didn't really attribute that to the dressing though, more the excitement because she has really good taste and all the things she picked out I just couldn't wait to get on. But I do not dress because of any arousal I may feel from time to time. I dress because there's this girl inside me that WANTS THAT DRESS! I love the colors and the frills and flowy things. I want to be a man, but if I could wear women's clothes all the time as a man, I totally would.

:daydreaming:From all the reserch I've done, I think this is how most CD's start. We get aroused by dressing or even seeing ourselvs dressed. As time goes on this starts to change. That change depends on the situation you are in. Single and living alone, single and living with someone that cares or dose'nt care, or married (and like most married CD's) to a woman that does not agree with such a thing as CD'ing. The one commen thing to all CD'ers that I've found is that we just like wear women's clothing and do not want to be thought of any different than the guy that does not like wearing them. Hope this makes sence.:o

[wetlook crossdresser]

I agree with the ideal of peace and freedom but for me crossdressing is a comfort and a substitute for that elusive satisfying relationship with a partner. I sometimes feel it is also a personal desire for men's fashion freedom and an attempt to break down dressing to gender stereotypes. I find many traits about women desirable and perhaps some of my behavior could be considered as "feminine" but I am happy as a man and I have been hurt by women and fear more of the same. My fetish of wearing women's clothes protects me from further pain and tends to repel women. It fills in the gap from not having a good relationship with a woman and gives me a taste of their world.

[Meghan]

Wow Koka, you really got the wheels moving inside my brain this morning.

I never really looked at it in that manner before, but now that you've brought this to light, I do believe that subconsciously I am somehow lusting for and ultimately ravishing that woman inside me.

You've hit on something that until now was buried inside the dark recesses.
I have much to ponder, and that's a good thing. I love trying to figure out what motivates me to do certain things.

I also have a bondage fetish which is heightened dramatically when I'm en femme.
It's now exclusive to when I am dressed.
Have I captured her to do with as I please?

Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

Ooooh me too! I have that same bondage fetish, which is so intense when I dress.

When I was younger, I had fantasy after fantasy where someone (usually, a woman) would put permanent makeup on me that couldn't ever be removed.

In terms of the bondage fantasy, I believe the woman inside me is trying to keep me where I really want to be, and own up to it, while the testosterone driven male side is fighting to make me run and put the clothes and makeup away before someone notices.

Meghan