Wife told my son I cross dress

[urban gypsy]

Need advice my wife who understands has told my 15 year old son i cross dress to day now i dont know how to handle this situation.

[Katie Lynn]

Not cool, sounds like she really overstepped there. Thats something you should do in your own time. Sounds like its about time to sit down your son and have a talk though. He's a teen and will come to his own conclusions unless you say something to him about it...

[Wendy me]

well now that he knows i would say let him know if he has questions or wants to talk
you are there .....and let him know you are there for him when ever and for what ever reason he might need you....

[LouiseCassell]

A few options spring to my mind

1. wait for him to approach you about it.

2. Go and approach him and speak to him.

You and your wife sit down with him for a chat



I would bet no answer will be the right one for everyone. You know your son better than any of us here so you will need to give it some thought and make your informed choice.

My wife (when going through dvorce) told my daughter when she was six so I have an idea of what you may br going through. Good luck, let us know how you get on.

[Julie]

Well you and your wife at least should have talked together first about telling your son after all you are both his parents, not her alone.

I assume she though thought it was the right time to tell him, hasn't she said how your son reacted to this news as it would help in deciding your next step.

Julie

[urban gypsy]

thanks for the advice more welcome as i am going to have to decide very quickley what to do before it effects the relationship i have with my son

[Rachael Warren]

Hi, I have also a young son and daughter, he is 14, and his sister is 16.

I came out to them at christmas and have had little negative response from either of them. This has proved to be a turning point in my life.

You need to see this as an oportunity to have a talk to him about the situation, in your own time, you may be very supprised at the outcome, especialy if you have a good bond with him.

Trust your wife, if she feels he is ready to know, then respect that, mum's always right!

If it helps, I had a much easier time explaining myself to my kids than I did doing the same to my wife twelve plus years earlier.

Take a deep breath, and calm down, you havn't done anything wrong, and you will soon not need to hide from those you love.

His questions will likely come later, rather than now, so take your time and don't panic!

I wouldn't be supprised if he didn't say anything more than "Hi Dad" when you next meet!

Feel free to PM me if you have any questions.

Regards, Rachael.

[urban gypsy]

thanks rachel i will definately take on board what you have said, but will probaly sent a pm for more advice

[DonnaT]

Sit him down and explain CDing.

Make sure he knows not to tell anyone else.

Some useful info might be found here: http://www.geocities.com/senorita_cd/menu.htm

[Phoebe Reece]

Joanna,

Be prepared to explain crossdressing - what it is and what it isn't.
You might want to read and maybe even print out the info in the link that Emmi posted under the thread "The real truth about crossdressing".

Whatever you say to your son, avoid imparting any sense of shame over your crossdressing. He will likely mirror your attitude about it. If you're cool with it, he probably will be too. If you project a sense that this is a shameful thing you feel compelled to do, he won't come away with good feelings either.

[urban gypsy]

thanks to all,
the advice has been great, and i think i need to be postive, honest and open, I also need to be there when any questions arise. cause its better for all to know first hand rather than from myths.
thanks again for all the help, but i am still willing to accept any further advice
lots of love, joanna

[DonnaT]

thanks again for all the help, but i am still willing to accept any further advice

Not trying to delay the inevitable are you? :D

[ChloeJDav]

Hi Joanna,

I have recently come out to my son in the last 9 mths when he was 17 yrs old. He said that he didn't have problem with it, but when he saw me dressed he became upset and subdued. When ever he would catch me dressed after that I would hide in a seperate room or run upstairs and get changed. Gradually however he has seen more and more of me dressed to the point where he now has no problem at all and is completely comfortable with it, even asking me to drive him places en fem. All I'm trying to say, is give your son time, he may find it really hard at first but with the right approach may eventually be completely accepting. Really hope it all works out well for you,

Chloe

[LaceLuvr]

best wishes to you in this situation but i agree I personally think it's something you and your wife should have decided together but since it's over and done already then I would say best thing you can do is just talk to your son about it more than likely he will be ok even if it takes a little time. I would just say maybe make sure he knows that you love him and are there for him and maybe this could be a good thing because he will no you are open enough to be understanding with him if he ever needs to talk to you.

[racquel]

I don't have kids so appropriately I have no advice.
Will offer my best wishes and a hug. ;)

[crispy]

Sit him down and explain CDing.

Make sure he knows not to tell anyone else.

Some useful info might be found here: http://www.geocities.com/senorita_cd/menu.htm
? explain ?

I can't explain it to myself, let alone anyone else !! :confused:

[Shelly Preston]

Hi
I think a lot will depends on how your wife told him.
Your son may have discovered something which required an explanation.not knowing the next step is difficult, until you know his reaction when your wife told him.
Good luck however you decide to proceed

[Julie]

Sorry to be blunt, but your wife was way out of line doing this without consulting you. She forced you to respond to a situation you were not prepared to handle. I'd go to her and ask her how she thinks this should be handled. She's the one who created this; she should shoulder the brunt of finding a solution.

I'd also ask her what her intent was when she told him. What were her plans on where to go next after she told him? Why did she tell him?

This should not be your sole burden. You didn't ask to be a crossdresser, you were born that way. But your wife made a conscious choice so she owes you an explanation and a game plan on what to do next.

[Holly]

Joanna,

I do understand your situation as I have just recently come out to my daughter, also not by choice. All I can tell you is what worked for me... I made arrangements to be with her one on one and asked her if she had any questions. There was some hesitency at first, but within a few minutes, the questions began... why, how long, where, when, etc. I was candid and totally honest with her. Within a half an hour we were sharing deep, intimate feelings with one another like we had NEVER done in the past. Now I will grant you that things may be different with a son, but trust yoiur instincts. How you have raised him and the values that you have instilled within him will be put to the test. If you've done your job as a parent right, you'll both pass with flying colors! And please let us know how it goes. No matter what, we'll be here for you.

Oh, and has a few of the others have eluded to, what was your wife's motive for discosing this information to your son? Was it a well intentioned error in her judgement or was there another motive behind it? You know how curious us girls can be! :D

[urban gypsy]

after all the good advice , i decided to sit down and ask my wife why see told my son about my dressing,she told me that he had discovered my shoes and out fits and thought that i might be gay. so felt it was neccessary to explain that i was not gay and iwas still his same dad but by dressing enabled me to show my more caring side and that as the as a family we had tried not to have any secrets and this secret was only kept from him until we felt he was old enough to understand.
the only thjing thast he has asked up to now is that i dont dress fem in front of his friends but any other time will be ok.
what a great understanding family i have next stop the parents.

joanna :nerves: :hugs:

[kathy gg]

Hi Joanna.

I am really glad that she did not 'tell' without you and her discussing this prior and being both present and also having that 'united front'. She did what she had to do at the moment and I think she did pretty good considering the urgency to get the 'right' message out. Give her a big hug and kiss and let her know you appreaciate her support and love!!!!!!

Okay, now for the son knowing. Making it 'no big deal' and just another thing dad does is the way to go. Keep answers simple and not wordy. If they beleive it is not a problem for you and your wife then they will believe it is not a problem for them.

We are raising our daughter with her knowing and no matter what anyone has told me and Amanda abotu all the bad stuff...I have talked to enough people to know that being honest and simple is what kids will apprecaite in the long run. But this helps that our child will never be able to use cding as a wedge between us because I am completely supportive and enthused regarding the dressing. We don't have any strife in that catagory so with a 'united front' our child will see this as just another aspect of her parents.

best of luck and get your wonderful wife out to a nice dinner or something for being so on the ball as a parent!

hugs
kathy in canada


after all the good advice , i decided to sit down and ask my wife why see told my son about my dressing,she told me that he had discovered my shoes and out fits and thought that i might be gay. so felt it was neccessary to explain that i was not gay and iwas still his same dad but by dressing enabled me to show my more caring side and that as the as a family we had tried not to have any secrets and this secret was only kept from him until we felt he was old enough to understand.
the only thjing thast he has asked up to now is that i dont dress fem in front of his friends but any other time will be ok.
what a great understanding family i have next stop the parents.

joanna :nerves: :hugs:

[Rachael Warren]

I'm glad it worked out for you Joanna, hope that you found our little chat usefull.

Kindest regards, and best wishes, Rachael.

[Shelly Preston]

hi Joanna
Glad evrrything has worked out ok with your son.
The next step you spoke of. this may not be as easy.
your son has being younger may be more open minded, as for the older generation well only you can tell if they will accept it.
I know that secrets can cause problems but revelations can too.
I would not go telling them just so they know all about what happened.

Good Luck

[urban gypsy]

our chats made it so much easier to deal with this.
thanks so so much you just dont know how much i needed them.
racheal you were wonderful wiith your advice.
this obbstacle i feel has given me more confidence need to come back to realtity not everyone will accept this as easy as my wife and son,

[Rachael Warren]

Hi Joanna, please dont get to exited, take your time and get comfie with the arrangment at home, DON'T go beyond your imediate family just yet!

Your parents may not accept this as easily!

Lots of love Rachael.

[malecynthia]

What I'd like to know is how your son feels about having TWO Essex girls as parents? :eek: Just joking. :) I'm pleased things seem to be working out all right. It makes a big difference not to have secrets from your loved ones.
Cynthia.

[LaceLuvr]

after all the good advice , i decided to sit down and ask my wife why see told my son about my dressing,she told me that he had discovered my shoes and out fits and thought that i might be gay. so felt it was neccessary to explain that i was not gay and iwas still his same dad but by dressing enabled me to show my more caring side and that as the as a family we had tried not to have any secrets and this secret was only kept from him until we felt he was old enough to understand.
the only thjing thast he has asked up to now is that i dont dress fem in front of his friends but any other time will be ok.
what a great understanding family i have next stop the parents.

joanna :nerves: :hugs:


ok i would always say it's better if she had talked to you first but i can understand a little more of why she told him and i'm so happy for you that things seem to have worked out... sounds like you definetly have a great son and a good man in the making very glad to hear it :clap:

[urban gypsy]

What I'd like to know is how your son feels about having TWO Essex girls as parents? :eek: Just joking. :) I'm pleased things seem to be working out all right. It makes a big difference not to have secrets from your loved ones.
Cynthia.

the white stillettos handbags in the middle of the dance floor , and getting drunk on vodka, didsn't go as far as the tracie 4 joanna sunstriped on the car,
do you think us essex girls are stereotyped. :lol:

[Holly]

Joanna,

You DO have a wonderful family! It must be very reassuring to you, knowing that your wife has your best interests at heart and your son is tolerant of your activities as a CD.