Outed After Death

[NV Susan]

This thread is mostly for our girls who are partly or all the way in the closet.
I had a friend die suddenly this week with no warning. It got me to thinking about us who are not "out" with all friends and family. Have you ever thought about what would happen if you should pass away suddenly? You know friends or family would find those cloths you have stanched, maybe you were en femme or underdressed at the time.
My question is, would finding you secret hurt someone? Do you care, as you would no longer be walking this earth?

As for me I don't think it would hurt anyone, but would sure raise an eyebrow or two......

[IMkrystal]

As for me I don't think it would hurt anyone, but would sure raise an eyebrow or two......


People will remember what they want to remember about you, good or bad. The only eyebrows that concerns me are God's!:o

[StaceyJane]

I used to worry about being found out after I died. I kept telling myself that I should put my stuff in a place no one would ever find it.

Now that I'm out I guess I can die not worrying about it. Or maybe when I die I will try to think of a nice dress to be buried in.

[Karen564]

I'm sure many thousands over the years were outed after a sudden death..but those secrets seem to stay secret no matter who cleaned the closet out..

There was a time when I worried very much about that happening before I came out...but needless to say now, I don't anymore..:)

[TxKimberly]

When I was very young (2 or 3) we had an uncle who died. I was far too young and don't have a single memory of him. My older brother and sister would tear up any time you mentioned him - clearly they loved him very much. The funny thing is, I couldn't help but notice that although my brother and sister, and all of the other kids loved this guy, my Grandmother got an odd look on her face every time his name was mentioned. Well, just a couple of years ago my mother let it slip when we were talking about me. It seems that on the day he died of a brain aneurysm, my grandmother and mother were called over by his wife to help get the womens undergarments off of him before the ambulance showed up. As far as I know, I am the only one in my family that is left that knows this now and I have no intention of telling my brother and sister. I had thought about it as a way to say "hey, look what exalted company I am in" but then decided I owed it to the uncle I never knew, who was apparently a kindred spirit, to keep his secret.

[kristinacd55]

Well, my wife knows so as long as she's around she'll take care of it. If not, then surprise, surprise & lookee here!! :heehee:

[Andrea Reynolds]

This is why I do not dress or underdress when I am riding my motorscooter. I don't worry about myself, but if ther should be an accident, When the hospital staff would hand my wife a bag of womens clothing, she would go on about it for weeks. And yet, she has allowed me to go out wearing lingerie, including stuffed bra, Chic jeans, ladies top, socks and shoes, And says at least it still makes me look like a guy (????). Go figure. Andrea in Baltimore

[Laura Evans]

This thought has crossed my mind often over the years but the thought that I might pass away while en femme did not (surprise -surprise). I use to hide my stash in places I felt no one would look but in reality I think that was naive of me as well, now all my clothing are in the open in my closet and or dresser. I worry less now about being found out after death since my GF knows Laura and approves, I did leave her instructions to remove everthing if the inevitable occurs but that was some time ago and now it does not really matter to me. She can explain to those who may have many questions and I have left a book about Transgedered Children in a prominent location. So far the only family members that do not know are my brothers and my children. Each year I feel closer to telling them but I have not had the courage so far.

[Michelle-Leigh]

I fervently hope to, by some provident circumstance, make the entire MTF transition and die a woman !

[Nicole Erin]

People will remember what they want to remember about you, good or bad. The only eyebrows that concerns me are God's!:o

Well said sister.
One's maker is the only judge one needs to concern themselves with.

And remember what they want? True, cause look at when some really creepy person like Mitch Johnson* passes and the media makes them out to be a hero.

And aside, death really is an invasion of one's privacy.

*Name changed to protect the guilty

[Alice Torn]

More than dying, the thought of getting injured, seriously ill, being alive, when all the surprises are found! And, as earlier said, about God's eyebrows! I only hope God also takes into account, that i tried for 40 yrs to find a wife, but was denied.

[Mitzi]

I used to worry about this often. Fortunately my wife, and now my three adult children and my sister, know of my dressing. So I'm sure they would dispose of any evidence of my CDing.

What is a bit worrisome...some of the stuff I have around the house is, should I say, deliciously age inappropriate.:o

But should it be discovered by others, my guess is that they would be surprised and titillated, but would remember me for who they knew, with a bit of a grin on their faces.

Mitzi

[jenifer m.]

my thought is that you cant be embarrased about dressing if your dead.right?

[Hope]

I think that if you are dead, you are going to have bigger problems to sort out than who is going to find your clothes. Like being dead.

[Loni]

not to worried about sudden death, it has almost happened a couple times in my life.
when i am dead i will not worry about what others think, if they think good or bad about me...just as long as they remember me.
not sure if the state will dress me as i want before burning up the body.
i have no estate, or cash in the bank, as corps or the state has taken just about all i have so they get the body after i am dead.:eek:


.

[eluuzion]

I actually have a statement in my will requesting my epitaph to read "I told you I was sick". I always liked that one.

When I die, the people who are left to deal with whatever is involved in closing my estate and me will know me well enough that nothing will surprise them, just as they learned to expect when I was alive.

Matter of fact, I already have some novelty surprises in place now, for them to discover after I die.

But logically speaking, unless you are some celebrity with monetary reward value in the exposure of such secrets, those close to us tend to "protect" the integrity of those we love who die, even if "covering up" some details is required.

Hey, when we die, we all get the satisfaction of knowing we finally, and unquestionably, succeeded in "passing".

:tongueout

[Alice Torn]

I like that! When we die, we have passed!!!!!!:o

[Emme]

PLEASE remember ladies....there are many, many more of us than we think!

[TerryTerri]

At this point too many know, even though I am not 'out', and I wouldn't be too worried. In a chuckling way I sort of think if some people discovered this about me after my death, they'd probably go "Oh, well umm, yea, that makes sense now, always though the guy was awfully girlie anyway." Or some other such remark.
However, about 10 years ago I had a confidant and she had a key to my apartment and the key to the 'special' drawer and instructions to get rid of the stuff if something did happen to me. lol.

[Sarah811]

With me I am a completely closet CDer, so my stash is normally kept in the car. I keep meaning to leave a letter for my wife and family to open in the even of my death, explaining what I am and why those things are there. Of more concern to me is what happens if I am seriosuly injured and unable to hide the stuff in the car, purge the computer etc!:D

[Shelly Preston]

A lot will depend on the circumstances of your death

The emergency services had seen it all before and they will be sensitive to the next of kin
I am sure they will look for clues to see if your relatives know similar to the letter mentioned earlier

[marlacd]

A couple of years ago, I thought about that one. With that, I wrote a rather detailed note about what I was, for what reasons I did it, how I felt, and so on. If it would answer any questions about me, and if it would be understood by my loved ones depends on their point of view. Bottom line- I'm dead, and I won't care. They will just have to decide if I was a good person for themselves.

[julie w]

it is a concern but you can't put your life on hold just in case, I have asked my SO if something happens to me
to get rid of my clothes , she doesn't approve but knows where my clothes
are

[Tina B.]

My wife knows everything about me, and she knows where every things at. As for the rest of the world, they will just shake their heads, and say "Well that answers a lot of questions"
Tina B.

[Jason+]

With the exception of my two kids from my first marriage the people I really would worry about finding out already know. Most people that know me would be more worried that I was gone rather than what I was wearing at the time.

[Cindi Johnson]

Other than my wife, who passed away some years back, neither my son nor my relatives have ever been told about my TG side. But come on!..., if it would surprise them then they are really, really blind. I think, for most of us, those who know us well might think something like "hum..., that doesn't surprise me at all."

When I was a young man stationed at a small air force base, an airman died unexpectedly and his clothing stash became a whispered topic by all in the mess hall. But I heard nobody say anything bad about him because of it. The circumstances suggested suicide, and I was left wondering to myself, why???

Maybe, just maybe,were we more open during our lives, more "out", the social stigma would be less and thus fewer of our younger sisters would choose suicide. But instead, we fret about being outed even after our death. In my opinion, that's tragic.

Cindi Johnson

[Cathytg]

I have thought about that. Fortunately, I have a loving and supportive wife who would deal with my left-overs.

But, before I was married, I had this same concern regarding my two kids. They would have had the job of cleaning out my house and I wondered what they would have thought and felt as they went though my fem stuff. They both knew but only in the abstract sense. I have never thought of myself as an island and the social web extends beyond the grave.

[Sally24]

I actually have a statement in my will requesting my epitaph to read "I told you I was sick". I always liked that one.

When I die, the people who are left to deal with whatever is involved in closing my estate..........I already have some novelty surprises in place now, for them to discover after I die.
Aren't we the devilish one!:devil: I love it!!

[Missy]

if i was to go every one would miss me but would not be shocked about my clothing or lifestyl for they already know along time ago they did not know when i got in a car wreak was wearing girl jeans panties and a bra undrer a sweetshirt was taking by ems to hospital and they cut shirt off then my bra i now know that if my wife did not know about me she would be hurt big time when she came to hospital she was very happy that i was not gone if she did not know she would be so shocked and by what the staff looking at her i do not keep anything for her i love her

[Frédérique]

Have you ever thought about what would happen if you should pass away suddenly? You know friends or family would find those cloths you have stanched, maybe you were en femme or underdressed at the time.
My question is, would finding you secret hurt someone? Do you care, as you would no longer be walking this earth?

When I’m gone, I won’t care, but I often think about what someone’s reaction will be when they find my stash of femme clothes, shoes, and makeup, not to mention my folders full of writings (neatly typed up and legible, from here and other places). My images are also vulnerable to discovery by unsympathetic eyes – they are guaranteed to arch a few eyebrows! :eek: If I know the end is near, and I have the time and the energy, I’ll remove the evidence. But, since I have no legacy to spoil, few family members to shock, and nothing to lose, I may just leave everything in place and go "out" with a smile on my face…:heehee:

[sherri52]

I have already given my instructions at my funeral to dress me in a wedding gown. It is in my will and the dress in my closet. The only one I would hurt is my father who is in rough shape as we speak.

[Mitzi]

An acquaintance died of AIDS a few years back. He was married, I don't know whether he had any children.

His family insisted he acquired the HIV virus through a blood transfusion. Which very easily could have been the case, but of course people wondered.

So, even if it won't matter to us after our demise, our families will have to cope with the embarrassment of having our secret life outed.

Mitzi

[Aubrey Green]

Consider me selfish, but I'll be gone. It won't matter any more.

[Lorileah]

They will probably be saying "I told her that you can't text, put on pantyhose drink a latte and drive. At least the penguin in the passenger side survived"

I have thought about this. I don't believe in viewings and all that anyway but I would want everyone involved to say "hey she went out happy. Did you see the last photo shoot?" I would rather they tell me now than to whisper it later. I want to go out like Jan Murray said he would, the same way I came in, broke naked and with a nice lady

[Susieboots]

I've also thought about it a few times, I have no wish to upset my lovely wife who doesn't really know, though I do have a feeling she suspects and hasn't said anything, so in answer to another question I said to sell all my stuff and get some money. I'm sure my "small" collection of boots can get something on fleabay. She might even keep a pair or two, she's already had 2 pairs from me!:cry:

Susie xx

[kimdl93]

its not an issue if I am survived by my wife - she's fully supportive. I've always hoped I'd outlive my friends and siblings - because I hate the thought of them talking about me after my death!!!!

[hot_leah]

thankfully my wife would cover that up

[Sarah_GG]

The last time this subject came up, someone wrote that they'd got all their stash boxed up and with a note on each one stating 'This box is the property of ........' (insert name of lifelong enemy)!

Well, it made me laugh! :devil:

[Jocelyn Quivers]

First and foremost I would not worry too much because I would be dead.

However this thread reminds me I need to tell my wife what to do with all of my clothes, pictures, and Intellectual Properties pertaining to "Jocelyn Quivers".

Just in case something unfortunate were to happen to me all of a sudden.

[Charleen]

Nah, ain't worried about it.

[Katesback]

Some people think I am a bit edgy. Some people think I am worse....not my problem. I am however no nonsense.

Part of the reason I dont listen to dreamers and whiners for long is because of my past, what I have lived, and the simple fact is you either live your dream or dont. If you dont you might fall into the story below!

Here is a link http://www.flickr.com/photos/27063499@N04/2832566087/ to a picture of me sitting at a funeral for Dave. Dave was a man I never met.....but I did know the girl named Katie. Apparently she fell down her stairs and broke her neck and was found dead..........though I KNEW Katie. She was a casualty so many trans people fall to!!

In the picture I was crying because I realized that at the funeral Katies existance was totally denied. The girl NEVER will ever go down in any history except for a few peoples memories. She NEVER existed!!!!!!!! To honor the families wishes we didnt mention anything about Katie.

Dave or Katie was the sort of person with a ton of dreams but for 1000 reason or excuses she did not make the decision to live her dream.

I cant tell you how terrible it was to go to this funeral. It was one of the saddest things I have ever done! Perhaps now you have a unique insight as to why I am so outspoken and no nonsense.

LIVE YOUR DREAM and I MEAN IT.

[Melinda G]

Most healthy people have various sexual interests besides just simple procreation. Most adults probably are hiding something. If you go into any adult sex shop, and look at all the "toys", whips, chains, restraints, paddles, gags, books, videos, etc, someone is buying that stuff, or the stores would soon be out of business. There are a lot worse things to be found by the next of kin, than womens clothes.:D

In my own case, after 30 years of being single, the kids might think one of my girlfriends left the stuff. Naaahh. Too much stuff. No woman would leave all this stuff behind.:eek:

[t-girlxsophie]

Have had many a Discussion with my Wife on this subject,We have thought of me being buried as Sophie,then totally backtracking.

My Son,Parents and some close family know I dress,but not to what extent,or even know I have Life as Sophie.So would think that Seeing me at rest dressed up may be too much of a shock.

Thinking that maybe being Underdressed,or putting my favourite outfit in with me could be a compromise,either way I feel that Sophie MUST be with me in some shape or form.

[AmberLynn]

I like many have given thought to this. I plan to be buried as amber and further more have a video will explaining why I'm being buried as amber,what my life was on both side's of the ball so to speak and ask that they honer my wishes. though that is only if i decied to not fully come out to my freinds and family before i die.

[Carly D.]

I wanted to have something in my tote box (stash) of clothes to explain both in case I died suddenly and in case my clothes were found by accident.. I had a "manifest" type of thing and it was huge.. Maybe fifty pages front and back.. I got stuff from all over the web, explaining everyones take on cross dressing (felt like Dr. Phil meets Jerry Springer and anything in between). I was just sure it was perfect.. Then one day I sat down to read it and got bored before the first page.. I thought what garbage.. And shreded most of it.. Then a few weeks later shreded the rest.. So my answer to do I care what anyone will think if I die suddenly is hopefully it will explain a lot.. without any words.. I might try to leave my myspace address, because it is exactly like a diary.. I explain how I feel from every aspect and while I don't try to explain why I do this...

[NathalieX66]

I wanted to have something in my tote box (stash) of clothes to explain both in case I died suddenly and in case my clothes were found by accident.. I had a "manifest" type of thing and it was huge.. Maybe fifty pages front and back.. ..

I was thinking of doing the same thing.....but no 50-page manifesto, though.....just something simple like "Suprise, I'm a crossdresser:wave:.....have questions? here's a website.....Please donate my breast forms to the Susan Komen fund.

[Tranny Tee]

I came out to my Methodist minister brother for this very reason. It was fun watching his reaction, much more fun than having him find out after my demise.