How to know if your doing the right thing?

[Neutral Fire]

Hi ladies hope everyone is having a great Saturday and all has been good for you. Me I will be honest latly I have been having my ups and downs more downs but I need some guidance so I figured I would come here. So a recap for anyone that dosn't know me I have been out to my wife for 3 months now things are going much better then I thought they would she allows me to dress up pretty much when ever I want shave my body hair and wear makeup. I try to take things slow and above all else respect her feelings. Now some of the things that make this harder and also probably lead to me telling her is I also found out recently that I suffer for sever panic attacks/anxiety disorder and a bad case of self esteem issues and a whole bunch of other issues that may have lead to those 2 that I am not ready to deal with lets just say my life has been bumpy/colorful at the very least.

So heres my question I think we both have kinda been putting the cross dressing thing on the back burner once again I think. We both have pretty much stopped reading these forums I wont go near the make up anymore and I am very uncomfortable dressed in front of her so I try not to do it. Its almost like before when I would hide it from her which is weird because she knows all about it. On her side of the fence she once again dosn't read the forums when I bring the topic up she gets very uncomfortable how do I know come on you could tell a mile away she doesn't like that topic. Also a lot of things she said where okay in the beginning like growing your hair out and she doesn't really mind all that much you can go to sleep like that have changed to no way can you do that or I don't like it which its okay for someones feelings to change just with something I am so fragile about if she would take some time to figure out if she liked it first then say yes or no would help. because now I don't know what to believe when she says things because most likely it will change. Now all that mixed with her heavy work load makes me feel I should not bring up any of my feelings cross dressing or otherwise because I don't want to burden her with anymore stress she is already having a hard enough time dealing with my issues at the moment. Now because this could just become a giant rant which I don't want I will try to sum it up cross dressing or anything related to it has kinda changed for me not that it feels wrong but it defiantly doesn't feel right it feels more numb if anything when I do it. The excitement is gone the thrill is gone and I would be lieing if I didn't say there is defiantly a lot of self conciseness about it and with all that it is hard for me to make decisions related to cross dressing. So what if any of you have been there should I do I love my wife and she is the most important thing in my life I don't want to rush this and hence make it bad but I can't help but feel when are shooing cross dressing away how do I get more comfortable with cross dressing myself plainly whats the right thing to do I am just torn and not to sure whats best thanks for the time sorry if it all sounds to long or confusing but really it just is that confusing.

[Joanne f]

I think sometimes there is a tendency to think that once we have started cross dressing then it must continue or we will lose the desire in some way and losing that desire can sometimes be more important that actually wanting to dress which can lead to a sort of self forced dressing .
Now how do you know if you are doing the right thing or not , well unfortunately it is just a matter of choice, if you do something and it works out then you have done the right thing and if it does not work out then it was the wrong thing and no one knows the real answer until they have tried it that is the beauty of life, sometimes it is just trial and error
As to your wife not wanting to read the posts on here i can understand as it can work in two ways , it can (and i am sure that it does) give a lot of information for wife`s/SO in helping them to understand about TG related things but i would imagine it could also frighten some with seeing what it could mean to some TGs before they really understand their partners particular version of it .

[gabimartini]

Though it's difficult to dispense meaningful advice without knowing you, your wife, and the situation you guys are in, I'll share a few thoughts that may be worth something to you.

First of all, avoiding to dress or to talk about dressing won't make it go away. It won't make the pain and confusion generated by it go away either. I hope you both are aware of that by now.

Also, some CDers seem to think that refraining from dressing is a statement of love and commitment to their SOs. It's not. It's meaningless and painful self-sacrifice.

Guess it's time for you two to bite the bullet and sit down to talk about all this. You need to figure out together what role your CDing plays in your lives. There's not recipe, just honest and direct communication. Tell her what you expect from her and what you are willing to offer to make the relationship work, and be ready to listen to her as well. What does she expect and what is she willing to offer?

Consider hiring a counselor if you can't pull this off on your own. No matter how you do it, prolonging the silence will continue to add pain and confusion, and may contribute to make you guys drift apart from each other.

Hope some of this helps. Good luck!

[Renee_E]

You speak of your love for your wife and mention she is stresed out about work. She probably doesn't have the mental time to deal with your crossdressing and the stress that causes her.

You also state you have lost the desire to crossdress. The desire to crossdress may be down temporily but may come back. It may be because it is hard to enjoy dressing up when you are stressed out about the most important person in your life.

[RADER]

NEUTRAL FIRE;
It might be a good time to take a break from crossdressing, And if you
can, take a vacation. It does not have to be a big deal, Just a weekend
someplace different. Go find a Bed & Breakfast a couple hours drive
away. You both need a time out, get to know each other. I bet you come
back all smiles. It works for my wife and me. We even look fordward
to such little get aways. Good luck Rader:)

[Glenda]

You must realize that just because someone says they are okay with something, that doesn't mean they won't have some reservations. You both seem to be dealing with a lot of issues. In your particular case, maybe it would be best to schedule your crossdressing time that you share with your wife. Tell her that it is important to you so why not have crossdressing Wednesday's or Friday's. Dress every week on that day whether you feel like it or not. Perhaps she wouldn't feel over-burderned with your needs and you can learn to just be comfortable around each other and see what happens from there.