Op ed

[Lorileah]

They say that history is written by the victors. The history of Crossdressing has been written and not by the crossdressers themselves. This site allows us the opportunity to get our story out (at least to help disseminate it within the community and pass on the "TRUTH" as we see it).

It is time for us to become victors. Stand up and be proud of who you are. Once again there have been the myriad of posts about how one had to hide or how one almost got caught or how one made up a terrific lie to avoid getting caught (I didn't know this was a trophy sport, after you are caught do you get mounted on a wall somewhere? Is it catch and release? "Yeah Bubba, I got that one with a flashy bracelet as a lure. Put up a hell of a fight until her hose ran and she couldn't get away. Decided to mount her in a sequins of early fall plumage). Why do you see lying as a better alternative to just owning what you do? When you sneak around, lie and act like what you are doing is wrong, it looks wrong. It is not illegal. It is not wrong. It does not make anyone a bad person. It doesn't even make you a slightly bad person. Let me check something here...nope no coveting neighbor's wife, no taking name in vain, yep still honoring mother and father. I just can't find where it says hide and feel guilty. Maybe it is that old country song "You can feel bad if it makes you feel better". Is the point to feel like you are getting away with something? If it wasn't for the rush would you quit? (Golly no Lori, if you have read my posts I just feel so good when I dress up, I am really who I am , I am more relaxed...wait did you hear a door? Well as I was saying, these clothes make me who I am....did you see that cop drive by?)

Another old adage is "to the victor goes the spoils". The spoils in this case enjoying who you are and what you are. If for some reason you lived in a world where everyone had pig's noses and you didn't. But you were happy with your nose and you knew that not having a pig's nose wasn't a bad thing, would you hide it? (sorry Rod Serling, totally stole that). They say you should own something if you want it. Own this. In 100 years, no one will care anyway if you don't write your own history.

Wait, did I just hear your wife pull up?

[Persephone]

An excellent post, Lorileah! Thanks for providing an inspiring "thought for the day!"

[MJ]

Wait, did I just hear your wife pull up?

and thats the big problem to tell or not to tell to end up in divorce court lose everything or gain acceptance from the one you love only one person who will in the end be shut in the closet with you... is it worth risking everything

why not just tell the whole world... what possibly could go wrong :straightface:

[Laura Evans]

Great post, Lori! Thanks for sharing those thoughts with the girls. A "shiny bracelet", and "sequins" WHERE? Did I miss them?:battingeyelashes:

[Cassandra Lynn]

If it wasn't so :lol2: it would make me want to:Pullhair:, , but it was so well written and spot on that all i can say is :notworthy: and.......OH YEA :cheer:!!!! I'm sure there are some of you thinking WTF is she talking about, she's always raining on the parade, but that's not entirely true. I have taken a different viewpoint on certain aspects of this life of ours but let me assure you i'm :daydreaming: of a better life and :Pray:ing for lot's and lot's of :^5: and a great bigg :yahoo: for us all.

:love: mj (Cassie) :love:

[Slim Jim]

It is time for us to become victors
victors of what?
who's keeping you from cd-ing?

[Alexei]

When you sneak around, lie and act like what you are doing is wrong, it looks wrong. It is not illegal. It is not wrong. It does not make anyone a bad person. It doesn't even make you a slightly bad person.

To quote my Social Psychology professor:


Social Psychology is the scientific study of the way in which people's thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are influenced by the real or imagined presence of other people.

Basically it means that we are influenced by society, and that interpretations of facts are more important than actual facts. Whether crossdressing is wrong or not is irrelevant. Society generally frowns upon it, therefore we try to hide it for fear of retribution. What you say about appearances is also true, though. On a small scale, if we act as if something is bad, than the people we have immediate reactions with will also assume it's bad, as a reverse of the first point. Society says crossdressers are bad people, so crossdressers hide it and non-crossdressers don't like it.

The only way to remove the shame is to change society's view, which is far easier to say than do. As you said, Rod Serling covered that one (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Eye_of_the_Beholder) pretty well.


That being said, I just want to say that I am in the process of slowly telling people I know, just so I don't have to hide anything anymore. Not everyone is an adrenaline junky that gets off on almost being caught.

[Lorileah]

victors of what?
who's keeping you from cd-ing?
Ah! a newbie :) Welcome.

When you get to know me you will know that the weather might be the only thing that will stop me ;)

The analogy to the victors is thus. When you read a history book, the Roman's looked dang good until the Visigoths showed up. You didn't get to hear about the Greeks or other peoples that the Romans over ran. Thus the history you are familiar with is the Roman side of the story. You sure don't hear about how sometimes the legions got their butts kicked. But the Visigoths did win and thus the new history was written. Let's twist that a bit. The crossdresser is told that what they do is socially unacceptable. But who gets to say that? The people who believe they are in charge. So if we, as a group, and group that is deserving of every right that any human should have, decide to start telling our side of the story, then maybe we will get better press. Quit hiding, as it were, in the closet and lying (yes lying) to their SO's and, here is the key, right now (and even better long BEFORE your SO has invested a lot of time and care in the relationship) just say, this is who I am. I am NOT a bad person, I am NOT a criminal. I am a loving caring person, the same person you have known forever, nothing is different. But you have to own it. You have to say this is who I am. You have to write the history.

Here is a "what if".

Which would be better. You die. You didn't tell anyone about your crossdressing, now they find out. People say "Too bad we didn't know that before. It is so sad that he felt he had to keep that secret. Now it is too late to tell him we love him no matter what he wears." OR you tell people what you do (It isn't everyone because frankly it doesn't change anything for 99.99% of the world what you do). You tell the people who you care about and who care about you. You do this when you are still breathing and when you can enjoy the "Hey that's OK. We love you and we always will."

I'll take scene 2. Take time and read the thousands of posts about how someone told someone. Most are very positive. But scampering and hiding and allowing others who don't know you to write your history won't get you the recognition you deserve.

What interests me here is that there are many who would rather have people think they are having an affair over telling their SO they wear panties (sorry Tamara it was going to come out sooner or later).

[AKAMichelle]

Hiding is for the other guy. The only people I now hide this from are clients. That is partially a must in my business.

The rest of the world is being told. Most of the women, I have told in a similar way. This is a part of me have accepted except for my wife. Oh well, at least I had more accept than not.

[SuzanneS]

why not just tell the whole world... what possibly could go wrong :straightface:
Where I come from, we call those "Famous Last Words"!:nailbiting:

Right now, I'm pretty sure I'm not gonna be telling anyone that isn't very close to me....I'm pretty sure that if anyone talks to me when I go out in public dressed that I'm gonna melt right there! I am scared to meet anyone in public dressed.

[charlie]

Hello Lori!
It has been a long journey fraught with guilt, hiding and lying to come to the position that you are now stating. We are who we are. No use sulking about. I'm now feeling like me dressed or not dressed.

[sherri52]

I've already stopped hiding it. I don't tell everyone but I'm getting close

[Rogina B]

I agree with Lori..in my own way. If dressing is so important to you than you can't survive it.Eventually all the guilt and secrecy as well as the anxiety will cause a meltdown. Life is a one way trip,there is no replay.More unhappy closeted dressers need to face the music..If they really love you,they will hang in there! If not,"oh well".:2c:

[pamela_a]

Great post Lorileah. I couldn't agree more.

I've often wondered why people give so much control over their life to others, many of whom they may see or interact with once and never again. It's your life and it's the only one you get. Why are you letting everyone else live it for you?

As Lori said, why do so many people think being a CD is bad or wrong? It's because so many CDs act that way. It's not bad and it's not illegal. IMO it's bad enough lying to your SO, family, and friends; lying to yourself is worse.

[LACD]

Lori I couldn't agree with you more.....but. I have been fully out to my Dear Wife for about 4 years now. We have been married over 36 yrs. and she supports me fully. I am working on a job near New Orleans and one would think I would be able to go out dressed to the nines. Nope, to many people I work with live in the city. I don't lie to my Dear Wife now nor do I lie to co-workers. I need my job and I like my job. My only hope is I don't work forever and I can retire and really enjoy my life as I want to. Lori I do agree with you and I really respect you. I know what you are saying but everyone has their own story. Lloce and hugs dear.:2c:

[Lynn Marie]

Great post Lori, I'm one of your fans. What comes to mind though is the very fact that victor or victim, we are the kind of people that red necks like to beat up just because we're different and they can. Who's going to defend us? Therefore I'll chose to be careful to whom I reveal myself. There's plenty of hairy assed apes out there just looking for a victim. It's hard enough avoiding those idiots in drab let alone in strappy heels!

[Slim Jim]

Ah! a newbie :) Welcome.

When you get to know me you will know that the weather might be the only thing that will stop me ;)

The analogy to the victors is thus. When you read a history book, the Roman's looked dang good until the Visigoths showed up. You didn't get to hear about the Greeks or other peoples that the Romans over ran. Thus the history you are familiar with is the Roman side of the story. You sure don't hear about how sometimes the legions got their butts kicked. But the Visigoths did win and thus the new history was written. Let's twist that a bit. The crossdresser is told that what they do is socially unacceptable. But who gets to say that? The people who believe they are in charge. So if we, as a group, and group that is deserving of every right that any human should have, decide to start telling our side of the story, then maybe we will get better press. Quit hiding, as it were, in the closet and lying (yes lying) to their SO's and, here is the key, right now (and even better long BEFORE your SO has invested a lot of time and care in the relationship) just say, this is who I am. I am NOT a bad person, I am NOT a criminal. I am a loving caring person, the same person you have known forever, nothing is different. But you have to own it. You have to say this is who I am. You have to write the history.

Here is a "what if".

Which would be better. You die. You didn't tell anyone about your crossdressing, now they find out. People say "Too bad we didn't know that before. It is so sad that he felt he had to keep that secret. Now it is too late to tell him we love him no matter what he wears." OR you tell people what you do (It isn't everyone because frankly it doesn't change anything for 99.99% of the world what you do). You tell the people who you care about and who care about you. You do this when you are still breathing and when you can enjoy the "Hey that's OK. We love you and we always will."

I'll take scene 2. Take time and read the thousands of posts about how someone told someone. Most are very positive. But scampering and hiding and allowing others who don't know you to write your history won't get you the recognition you deserve.

What interests me here is that there are many who would rather have people think they are having an affair over telling their SO they wear panties (sorry Tamara it was going to come out sooner or later).

ah, so you're a crusader.
well, good luck with that.

[Lorileah]

What comes to mind though is the very fact that victor or victim, we are the kind of people that red necks like to beat up just because we're different and they can. Who's going to defend us?

Thanks Lynn. The thing is that those people will seek anyone who they can dominate. The stereotypic "redneck" taht looks for trouble will seek out someone to harm no matter what you wear. One would hope that the same people who will defend a person at risk (aged, infirm whatever) will also defend you but you don't become weak getting dressed, you still have the same muscles and moves. This argument has been around for years and has been used mostly to keep people who are "different" down



ah, so you're a crusader.
well, good luck with that.

You remind me of someone...hmmm.

Let's see, Caesar Chavez was a crusader. Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Susan B Anthony, Harvey Milk, some guy named George Washington (and a man named Lincoln, another called Nathan Hale...shall I go on?). Some woman named Joan D'Arc. Another Luther and more than a few religious founders. That puts me a pretty good company.

Thank you very much

A rabbi once said "If not me, who? If not now, when?" You can sit in the back seat and watch but you can't control where you are going. If you hide then you can't complain about how you are being (mis)treated.

[Sarah Doepner]

Yep. And we don't have to take out full page ads and tell everyone right this minute. We can do this in steps. Grow your confidence, understand your motivation, know who will be most receptive and supportive. It's clear that there are folks who may have to be the very last to know this one thing. There are in-laws between me and some of my grandchildren who just wouldn't accept this just yet. They can wait to know. And my wife's parents in their mid-80's can probably live without ever knowing their favorite son-in-law is a crossdresser.

My biggest concern these days isn't the telling, but the timing. I want to make sure I can win the day so I'm the one writing the history. I also want to make sure that all my planning isn't really a fancy way of procrastinating. "Advancing rapidly to the rear, Ma'am! I'll be back in the closet at this rate in no time at all."

[Jessy]

I respect the way you think, and I agree. The road to victory isn't always an easy road, but sometimes battles are lost, and we learn from it and gain strength to win the war later.

However when looking at my own situation, actually doing it seems much harder. I have a fear about not being accepted, being an outsider, and unfortunately that's something I experienced a lot in my life already.
There are people in my life that mean a lot to me, and I don't know what they will think of it. But I don't want to loose them, I lost so many people in life already.
Still, I do know that some day, when I do feel ready, I want to come out. When? I don't know. For now I'm just very happy to have found this community, because for the first time I feel like not being alone. Being here is a huge support to me and I know that you girls will definitely have a role in helping me through.

[Misty is Kindafem]

victors of what?
who's keeping you from cd-ing?

Jim,

Take care not to wander over to the deep end unless you're ready to swim. ;-)

-Misty

[Billijo49504]

Lorileah, I agree with you 95%, I think my 93 year old father couldn't take it. But for the rest of the world. If I want to go out dressed, I go. My wife said what are you going to do, now that we got new neighbors.? I told her I live here and own the house, they are just renters. If they don't like it, move!..BJ

[Miranda09]

A great thread Lori...as always. A very thoughtful subject, one which I can fully understand, but not quite ready to act on yet. I know, I know...get out there girl and be who you are. For me, it's not that easy, but I sure respect and admire those who do...especially you! You're a great role model. :)

[vetobob9]

The bible only says to Dress appropriately for the culture you live in. Unfortunately, in the US, we many, many cultures. Who has any right to say theirs is any better than the others.
If someone says that’s against the Bible, a nice reply would be that the bible thumping is not the only valid culture in America.