When SO openly bashes you in front of children you haven't told

[Ashley Allen]

My wife just tolerates my dressing, but I don't know what she'd do if our son found out. I wish she could be more accepting. I feel like I live in fear of the day that she can no longer tolerate it.

I wanted to start a new thread based off of the thoughts that came up fro have you been caught, I decided to start a new thread out of respect for teh other topic:

I recently was caught and have been trying to be more open with my SO since then; however, she sees this as a moral sickness that has to stop, and that I am treading into a really really sick world. So that's her stance and only important as to understand the kinds of things she says with no regard for whom amy be listening.

While I was gone on a week business trip, apparently my7 yo son put on his moms heels, more like platform boots, and played WII. Then another insident was that he came into her room while she and our 21yo daughter were talking... he put on a nightie that was on the floor and started walking out of the room.

Well when I got home she was very serious and asked me if I had been dressing in front of him, and she told me that if I tought her son to dress up she would never forgive me.

Well the truth was really obvious to me, as she has been yelling at me for the past several months about my dressing up. And that may not really be it at all, because my son is the youngest of 7 and until last year had had a houseful of siblings, things change and this year he spends way too much time by himself. I travel for work and can't do much about that unless I quit. But his mother will get a phone call or have a girl friend over and dissappear for hours at a time, just locked in the room. If he comes in the room he gets shoed out, if one of her daughters comes to visit they sit in teh room together chatting GG stuff, leaving my son all alone.

He wants attention and if doing the same things his mom and sisters do together is how he will get it... well seems like psychology 101 to me.

I have felt maybe this is what triggered my latest adventure with my partly open feminine personality, so if I feel this way why wouldn't her son. Wish I was a GG not a CD, they get to do whatever they want with whomever they want and they don't get called "a sicko" for enjoying being feminine.

Am I way off base here?

[kimdl93]

not off base, but there's a lot going on there. It seems that you really need to reach some sort of understanding with your wife. Not with the intent of persuading her or changing her mind, but getting to understand her concerns fully.

You do need to reassure her that you haven't been dressing around your son and that his behavior is perfectly normal kid stuff. She's probably hyper-sensitive to the subject right now, so her reaction to your son isn't unexpected...just misdirected.

If you value the relationship with your wife and your family as I am sure you do, then try to think of them first. Your needs are legitimate, but your priority must be with your family. Good luck!

[Katie Moore]

is the key here. Try to reassure her that you're still the same person who loves her and the kids very much. Good luck.

:love:

Katie

[Sarah_GG]

First of all, is there any way you can direct your SO towards this site so she can communicate with other GGs in the same situation? It sounds as if she might need to get a greater understanding of what's going on for you.

Regarding your son - it's not unusual for CDing fathers to have CDing sons (I don't know what the facts are regarding this, but it has come up on this site before). It's also not unusual for young boys to experiment with girls clothes. It sounds like your wife needs guidance in understanding this. If your son is a CDer... well, you certainly don't want him to spend a lifetime feeling guilty about something he can do nothing about.

It does sound like there are several issues that need to be addressed by your SO and you and the only way to do that is calm communication and greater understanding.

Good luck.

[sherri52]

Katie has already said it. Communication. This works both ways, in your dressing and in her neglecting your son while she has company. There are many ladies here that dress and do not bring it into the relationship in order to keep thier marriage sound

[Kiera79]

I say have a meaningful conversation with her and show her the site and let her read the wonderful information that is here. Take into consideration her feelings as well. It isn't easy for some GG's to understand what we do. My 3 kids have seen me dressed and my oldest 9yo girl has asked questions and I have been honest with her. Just do what needs to be done and go with your true feelings but also respect her feelings as well. Hope this helps.

[Joanne f]

Children are very good at learning how to get attention but this does not necessarily mean that they are lacking it so it may or may not be an issue and he is a bit to young to say that he is doing it because he wants to cross dress he is just experimenting with things that he sees lying around , he will no doubt do the same thing with your male stuff but no one will take much notice because it will seam normal, your wife is starting off with the answer 4 then finding the 2 and 2 which she believes makes that 4.

[Maria in heels]

I'm sorry that you are having problems trying to make your wife understand who you are, but I am lucky in that my wife does know about Maria and allows Maria to dress in private as she needs to.

With the boys, I can tell you that one of my sons, on numerous occassions would wear my wife's shoes that were by the front door. My littlest one, who was 2 years old this past Christmas, actually even took my stepmother's black high heels and tried walking in them at my sister's house when everyone was around. I was laughing with my wife, and she smiled to me....my other sons also have done this over the years, so it is very normal...guess that the boys associate with mommy at times...The litle one does this on and off, and will sometimes walk in "mommas shoes" as he says..grabbing a pair of heels...I think that they actually stay on little feet better than my sneakers ...

You need to remain calm, understand that your wife is still possibly "freaking out" and does not know who to handle everything that is going on. Your little son is only 7, and he would be mimicking your wife, and take her boots to wear. My oldest sons now just pre-teens, can no longer fit my wife's boots, as they had no problems going outside in her Uggs, or worse, her Dr "sholls" white sandals that I hate so much!

I hope that this helps you...

[girlygirl152]

I think you are in the right here obviously you werent doing this in front of you son but he feels left out. Good luck girl

[DonniDarkness]

We have 2 children and my cding will remain hushed untill questions arise from one of them.

My wifey and i have a WRITTEN "crossdressing contract"....
Let me elaborate;

I wrote down the things that i already enjoy about cding
and why in the form of a list, including things that i have not done and still want to experiment with.

I then gave the list to her and had her write a number down next to each thing that creeped her out, starting with what creeped her out the most starting with the number one

I asked her to be fair but honest, because it hurts my feelings when she gives me that "god your weird" look. so i wanted to know where my boundaries stood from her perspective.

she only marked a few things off the list
Wigs
Breastforms
and shaving legs and chest

that was it, and i was surprised on how many things she was truly ok with

She then added to the list that daily underdressing was ok, but to tell her i was going "all out" in femme, so that way she could mentally prepare for not giving me the "look" and hurting my feelings. and also that "HER" clothes were off limits as they are "HER CLOTHES" and that i was expected to shop for my own.

So far this has been great for us working thru our marrige and my cding

So all in all Ashley, we wrote down our boundaries and desires to work out a comprimise that worked for us both
----------------------------------------------------------
"A Successful Married life is all about Comprimise
and
We must Communicate to find Comprimise"
My Dad
-----------------------------------------------------
Hugs and Kisses
-Donni-

[krisinpink]

Miss Donni,

Thanks for sharing your description of the 'CDing Contract' you and your wife share; my GF and I have been considering how best to establish boundries for Krissy, and this seems like a great thing.

(sorry to jump off-topic in this thread)

Krissy

[Ashley Allen]

Thanks for all the feedback. I do think someone used the word neglect in referencing my wife's need to isolate to her room. That would be a strong word, as I do not see her being neglectful... if that is neglect than I am neglectful whenever I get into a movie.

My point, which I think everyone got was that kids crave attention and this whole thing is common and normal and not because of my influence.

My SO is a wonderful person, and she is hurting now because she is finding out that she didn't know me very well at all. Of course last night she confessed that in hint sight this new information makes sense of certain character traits.

I happen to believe that the qualities she likes about me are the real me, not the man facade, of course seperating my character traits for the most part are hard to do, because I am me, there is not 2 of me.

Thank you all. :hugs:

[t-girlxsophie]

In my humble opinion I think your CDing is being used as an excuse by your SO,and perhaps she is using scare tactics to frighten you into stopping (have been through similar situation b4)

I think you have a more realistic understanding of the situation regarding your Son and any issues he may (or may not)have.

I know your heart must be torn,but I hope that things will work out for the best for you,your SO and your Son

[Sheila]

Ashley I hope the two of you can work things through calmly, and yes kids do ~"dress up" sometimes it turns out to be the start of lifelong CDing, other times it is no more than fun.

As Sarah suggests perhaps you could get your wife to join up here and then join the FAB forum where she could talk to GG's who are just starting out in this lifestyle, to those who are happily married to TS girls ........ :hugs:

[Daintre]

After all that has been said here parental yelling matches with children around do those kids great harm. It turns their safe home into a battle zone. You two may be at odds and hopefully you two can get professional help. Kids are affected by parents fighting. I know my mom and dad fought every Friday night and called a truce Monday morning. Made me a very emotional kid, always had a fear in my gut, worrying if my home and family would survive...It is not just between you and your wife, it impacts the kids as well.

[Ashley Allen]

After all that has been said here parental yelling matches with children around do those kids great harm.


Yelling matches rarley happen in our home. Regardless when there is tension the kids do pick up on it. My SO/GG doesn't really ever raise her voice, unless the kids are hurting each other or way over the edge. It's the lil inuendos and judgements meant to show her disapproval that really hurt. Don't tell me you love me and then in the same sentence tell me you can't accept me.

It's hard cause she has a hard time accepting that my emotional skin is not thick, she treats me like a hard unemotional man and I have never been able to make her see that I have never been like that.

[jenifer m.]

its almost imposable to get my wife to fully understand i dont think she or i will ever fully understand why i do what i do.so i know what you feel.i have written her letters,sat down,and talked,ive cried to her,ive tried every thing but she just tolerates me she is ok with my dressing but in no way encourages it,and really wants me to tone down the really fem stuff out side the house. i think i have been through similer thing as you.like when i told her befor that she hurt my feelings she just says to me you dont have any feelings.beacause im a guy im not supposed to feel emotional pain.so she can say whatever is on her mind but i just gotta buck up and take it.seems like an emotional double standard we are both going through huh?

[Jessy]

I'm sorry to hear about these complications with your family, Ashley. Optimistic as I am, I'd say communication is the key, as said many times before. So definitely worth a try, when you're alone with your wife and both have some time for it.

When being realistic, I know life can sometimes be hard, and some people will never understand. I wouldn't be lying if I said I don't even fully understand it all myself. But I did learn to always respect other people, no matter who or what they are, and how odd they may seem. Calling it mental illness is in my opinion pretty short sighted. But where's the border between something being odd but accepted, or being sick? And I'm afraid that's something everybody must judge for themselves.

You can only hope for the best, and again, communicating about it is your best chance. And sometimes sacrifices have to be made, from both sides. But if you trust each other, and love each other, there is always hope to improve the situation.

[Shananigans]

I think that she might be trying to manipulate you a bit into getting you to not dress. I think it's important that you tell her that this is an aspect of your personality and always has been... you're still the same man that she fell in love with. Furthermore, I am with everyone else on this thread in that kids just like to dress up. It's terribly ironic that your little boy dresses in women's clothes...probably didn't help with the whole thing too much, but I am sure that at the end of the day she knows it's harmless. This may seem "drastic", but have you considered a counselor? (And, by "counselor," I mean someone who is skilled with gender issues and not just someone with a degree).

AND, might I humbly add that GG's cannot get away with everything! If we could wear what we want, we wouldn't be told we are "too fat" to be wearing That...or, if we are trying to hide belly, our clothes look "frumpy" and then we are automatically lesbians. :2c:

But, back to topic...I completely agree with everyone that communication is the key...but, you may need some outside help via a counselor to talk constructively and to avoid manipulation tactics that just chip at your sanity.

[christinek]

My 16 year old son told me he loves me no matter what (he fully knows about Christine) We shop openly and do not hide a thing. My wife has realized the things she loves about me are the things Christine is too. I am not the typical beer drinking hanging with the guys watching sports kinda guy at all. You find ESPN on the tube in my house and the TV is broken!

So I get some wife's bash and some in front of the kids to put a wedge there too. I guess I hit the lottery on that one.

You see this tactic played in divorce too.