Is my wife happy that Joanne has gone away

[joanne anderson]

Last year I posted a thread about a discussion that my wife and I had regards her worries about her C/Dressing husband was dressing more and that my feminine side was replacing her husband masculine side.
As I wrote then, I was quite shocked to hear this and a few days after this made my mind up to cease dressing, I even started growing a beard which I had not done in the past 15 years. I did not go to the length of purging as some of you have as I knew that eventualy most starts up a new collection.
Its now four months since I last dressed and in that time my wife has never spoken about Joanne or why she has not been around or that I never mention this forum any more.
My question today is, does this mean althought she was quite accepting of Joanne and even went shopping with her when she first found out, now she is just happy that I have vanished and not asking will avoid getting an answer WHY.
I don't think I can continue this self imposed exile much longer and wonder how I should broach the subject with her.
What do you think I should do and how to.



Love Jaonne

[Ruth]

Since your abstention from CDing is obviously bothering you, it makes sense to talk to your wife about it. It sounds like there may be a way for you to negotiate at least some CDing, if she could tolerate it to some degree in the past.

[Sarah_GG]

Why don't you ask her?

Your wife expressed a concern and instead of attempting to reach a compromise or asking her what she would be happy with, you chose to completely deny that side of yourself.

Now you seem to want your wife to ask "what's wrong, why are you so unhappy?" so that you can extract an instruction to dress. Your dressing (or rather not dressing) is not important to your wife so why should she bring the subject up.

Does your wife come to this forum? It may well be that she is wondering why you're not dressing but because of your sensitivity (after all, the last time she mentioned it you stopped dressing altogether) doesn't know the best way to approach it.

Perhaps it's up to you to open the dialogue?

Good luck :)

[Joanne f]

Since your wife knows about your dressing then i think it would be a good idea to have a chat with her and explain that you are finding it difficult to cope without having some time to dress and ask her what you think would be the best thing to do about it .

[girlygirl152]

Im no expert on this but i guess it would be best to just be honest with her. i really hope everything works out ok. Good Luck!

[coolspdx]

Being a girl who has an understanding other I would tell you to keep it on the down low.Dont ask her anything about dressing,dont talk to her about it.Keep it all at a minimum,so you dont loose your significant other.It obviously bothered her ,so dont push the issue!If you dress in private then keep it that way.This way you get to be the man for her and the woman you like to be....Just my 2 cents.Hope it all works out .
karen-

[Di]

Please I do not understand....why are you not talking to her and why when she was giving her concerns did you not compromise....see where you both could be happy. By doing a 360 and going the complete other way.....she might be confused or maybe relieved but once again she is being kept in the dark about your true feelings.
I guess since she already knows I would start out saying....I tried keeping Jonne out of my life because I thought that might be what you would want, but I am finding she is part of me and lets figure out what can work for both of us.

[Holly]

Joanne, we don't live with you... your wife does. Hers is really the only opinion that matters. Our wonderful ladies often express themselves verbally... kind of like thinking out loud. When your wife said she was worried about her husband dressing more, she wasn't necessarily saying she wanted you to stop. The concerns could have been anything from wanting to spend more time with you as a male, to concerns that this could be leading to something more permanent and hundreds of destinations in between. What she was saying was, "Talk to me." It should come as no surprise to you that men and women process information differently. They communicate their needs differently. You putting Joanne away for several months has compounded the communication issue between the two of you. Talk to her. Please. If she doesn't want to discuss it, she will let you know in no uncertain terms. However at this point, it's a pretty good bet that she is really confused... you were dressing and then all of a sudden, nothing. And no mention of it either. If your wife abruptly changed a behavior, wouldn't you be puzzled, too? Please talk to her.

[sherri52]

As long as your keeping it under control I don't think your wife will mind too much. She was concerned about you doing it too often. She most likely doesn't care if Joanne comes back or not.

[msniki48]

Why don't you ask her?

Your wife expressed a concern and instead of attempting to reach a compromise or asking her what she would be happy with, you chose to completely deny that side of yourself.

Now you seem to want your wife to ask "what's wrong, why are you so unhappy?" so that you can extract an instruction to dress. Your dressing (or rather not dressing) is not important to your wife so why should she bring the subject up.

Does your wife come to this forum? It may well be that she is wondering why you're not dressing but because of your sensitivity (after all, the last time she mentioned it you stopped dressing altogether) doesn't know the best way to approach it.

Perhaps it's up to you to open the dialogue?

Good luck :)


SARA!

100% right wow:battingeyelashes:

God I just went through this. this past summer! ok ok it wasn't my wife, but rather my family...but right down to the shaving, or lack there of...its a blog in my web page. if you care see below joanne...you are not alone.

hugs

[ReineD]

....she might be confused or maybe relieved but once again she is being kept in the dark about your true feelings.

I guess since she already knows I would start out saying....I tried keeping Jonne out of my life because I thought that might be what you would want, but I am finding she is part of me and lets figure out what can work for both of us.

Echo Di. You wife did voice some concerns about the frequency, so why did you stop entirely?
:hugs:

[danielle.cd]

alot of time there not so much outright to say to you damn why do you always have to dress like that why cant we just go out and do stuff normal and with my man not joanne or enfemm, women are more thoughtful than man for some reason and they say stuff like im lossing my man its her way of letting you know to much man i want to spend quaility time with you also not joanne without hurting your feelings about dressing. did you want her to say no more, or stop altogether,or i cant do it no more. shes not ganna ask why you havent cause she knows why you havent dressed just this time dont go overboard with it and dont always include her in your enfemm time. im pretty sure she wouldnt mind it alittle but sometimes we can get out of hand with it.

[suchacutie]

It seems that when the discussion was at hand, nothing was settled. You settled it your way, temporarily. She had opened the discussion to you. She is worried about losing her man. One of the agreements with my wife is that she will never lose her man (heck, I like being her man!). At that point you needed to find out what she meant, what her feelings are, and what her emotional needs are. In all honesty, you still don't know.

Reopen the conversation. Admit you were silly not to continue the conversation she so well started. Tell her you want to know what it takes to make her comfortable. If she says, No Joanne, you will have to tell her that never seems to not be possible, so can we work out a situation where you are completely comfortable that I am your man, but Joanne can still exist.

Best of luck!

tina

[joanne anderson]

Hi there everyone, I have just read all of your replies and as I expected you have all given me such clear and sensible advice and I wish to thanks Di and especialy Niki whose web site I have read with great interest.
As I look at what you have said, it does'nt take a blind man to see how selfish I have behaved and such a cowardly way to go about solving the problem.
I will move towards talking to my SO soon to clear up her concerns and see where we can move forward so Joanne can be once more.
I will let you know how it works out and once again thank you all for replying so quickly.


LOL Joanne

[Kerigirl2009]

Communication is the key. Talk to your wife and tell her that you have been doing your best to cut your fem side to a minimum but that you are in need of some dressing time and just don't want to shock her by letting her out for a visit so to speak. Good luck!

[eluuzion]

Its now four months since I last dressed and in that time my wife has never spoken about Joanne or why she has not been around or that I never mention this forum any more.
My question today is, does this mean althought she was quite accepting of Joanne and even went shopping with her when she first found out, now she is just happy that I vanished and not asking will avoid getting an answer WHY. I don't think I can continue this self imposed exile much longer and wonder how I should broach the subject with her.
What do you think I should do and how to.

Love Jaonne

I have a personal rule to never give "advice". I can however offer a glimpse at what I would do if I was in similar circumstances...

I saw these statements someplace on the net, can't recall where...so I am quoting somebody else, and I am sure I probably replaced a few words with substitutes...personal pronouns and such....

Okey doughkey...I would ask my SO to sit down with me at a non-stressful time and discuss something that is unresolved and I feel we need to find a joint resolution before it festers into anything that could strain on our bond. (something sappy like that...).

then I would say this...:

Its now four months since I last dressed and in that time you have never spoken about Joanne or why she has not been around or that I never mention this forum any more.
My question today is, does this mean althought you were quite accepting of Joanne and even went shopping with her when you first found out, now you are just happy that she has vanished and not asking will avoid you getting an answer WHY?
I don't think I can continue this self imposed exile much longer and wonder how I should broach the subject with you. I love you and do not want anything to come between us.
What do you think I should do and how do I ask for your help without upsetting you?


Best I can do off the top of (your)head. I could not do a better job than whoever I stole this from.

Good Luck

Doing anything is better than doing nothing. always