Assignment for Gender Therapy

[Veronica Nowakowski]

I began gender therapy a little over two weeks ago, at the behest of my mother (who thinks its a sickness), though the therapist is very trans-friendly and certainly doesn't think of it that way.

I'm supposed to think of times that I felt uncomfortable in my male body. I don't think hating the balls sticking against the side of my leg counts, especially since I have no urge to lose that part of me at this time (she-male is more what I'm thinking). I know of many ways I'd prefer to have a female body, but I can't think of any concrete times I've specifically hated being male. I was hoping hearing some answers from those who made the change might help me figure out if I've experienced something similar or not. Any takers?

[Katie1234]

Have you ever just had to dress and not anything else? thats all

[Veronica Nowakowski]

As you only have 10 posts, you may have made a mistake I made months ago. This isn't the crossdresser area, this is the transsexual forum. I'm considering hormone replacement therapy which is why I'm seeing a therapist.

[Arianna Aine]

well, for me, not a second goes by that i don't hate everything physically male about me. but then again, i am also an extremely girly girl, so being male is a bit much to take :eek:

so yeah. basically, the only thing in this world that i do hate is my male body. isn't that fun...?

although i can see someone feeling more like you, more like me, or anywhere in between. its really a personal thing that is gonna vary case by case...

[Alison010274]

Hi Veronica,
I'm about 8 months into HRT. Something I never ever in a million years thought I would be doing a couple years ago (or even a year ago.) After about 8 months in therapy I decided to begin the HRT.
While I never "hated" my male physic, I never quite embraced it (kind of viewed it as a tool..) now that I have accepted who I am and realized I may actually have a true shot at happiness, there is no turning back...
I still don't have any regrets. I was a success at the male persona and will never forget that part of my life, but I can't wait to see what the future holds for Alison!

[Byanca]

I've always hated the body hair. And lot's and lot's of small things. The genitalia is more like a detail, don't really hate it. Except when I have to look at it, I think it doesn't fit. But I can pretend it's someone else's. Thanks for the active imagination. It's more like a sum of male things. I do notice it taxes me more and more. I doubt I'd survive 10 more years with how things are. That I got through my twenties is a miracle beyond belief. It's just one year ago since I had my latest..ehh..crises. These are a bit complicated for me, as I sometimes drink myself beyond consciousness and go out and do things, just to see if I will walk up or not the next morning. I told my doctor this, and he was slightly freaked out about it. 3 times I've voken up on the intensive care.

But still, I won't say I hate myself, just slightly apatic. I lack the energy to do and care about things. But not everything. When I manage to look pretty and sexy, and people are nice to me, sometimes hit on me. I'm happy. It's one of the few times I can become a little emotional. But usually I just feel like one huge repression.

[Veronica_Jean]

Hi Veronica,

I guess for me it was not being uncomfortable as much as not being comfortable. I know it sounds like the same thing but to me it isn't. Rather than have times where I was not comfortable I'm not sure I have had much time (if any) where I was comfortable. Seems I spent most of my time trying to be careful to not seem to feminine in actions and reactions, movements, and such. It is such a shame because had I been male I could have done a lot with this body.

As for genitals, I guess I can't say I dislike them, except when they cause me pain. I do dislike what they have done to my body over the years. I never was particularly fond of using them sexually all that much, but I did enjoy the pleasure I got sometimes.

I have been on HRT for 7 months now and I find this strange subtle peace that I am growing to enjoy. I also find that right after I get my shot I am somewhat more focused and energetic. Not sure if that is the shot or the thought of what getting it is doing.

Certainly moving toward a female body implies permanent changes that in some ways never be reversed. If this is what you need, then it is the correct path. Only you can decide that.

Veronica

[Veronica Nowakowski]

Thanks for the views. I'm in the same boat as two of you and then I'm worried for Byanca. That's some serious body issues. Take care of yourself there, don't wake up in intensive care.

Looking forward to hearing more.

[Midnight Skye]

I haven't transitioned yet... in that funny place but boy do I have a long list of times when I'm overly aware of being male. Oh I'm also thinking of she-male aswell... while I don't care for the extra junk I have downstairs... I'm petrified of surgery and will be happier having none.

But on with the odd but real situations where I get uncomfortable or completely freaked out:
1) Public bathrooms... I never stand and pee anymore... and I get quite nervous around men in the restroom.
2) Hearing "Sir" from others and other male pronouns... I think I actually frown when I hear it now.
3) Male pictures... I HATE getting a male picture taken, it just depresses me. Ironically I LOVE taking photos enfem, it makes me crazy happy and smiley.
4) Going anywhere in male drab... I'm enfem 100% of the time now at home and I get depressed as I head out of the house otherwise.
5) Swimming and showing my bare chest anywhere else... I feel like my chest is a private part now, even around my step sons. Swimming is so painfully awkward now, I'm not sure how I'll fair this summer because of it.
6) Shopping for male clothing... This ones interesting, I hate this SO much I've actually only bought male clothing once or twice on my own in my lifetime. Nearly everything else was bought by someone else or by my wife pointing and saying... you NEED this for work.
7) Chest hair!!! I have sensitive skin so I have red bumps on my chest from all the shaving (sighs).
8) Fear of hairloss... The thought of growing bald is terrifying.
9) Hearing from others I need to clip my nails, shorten my hair, etc. I always misinterpret these things as someone telling me I need to be closer to the male norm.


I'll probably think of some more later!