Why can't it just be a little easier?

[Daniela76]

Okay, I know the answer to that. It's life, of course it's not going to be easier. I just had to say it!

Things are just going very hard for me the past few weeks. I have had a harder time with friends accepting me & also with my church.
My friends had an "intervention" since they feel what I am doing is un-biblical & they even threatened to tell our pastor. So I told the pastor & he feels the same way & took me off of playing drums at church. Church is 25 minutes away and there is nobody there single that is close to my age. The drumming is the only reason I have stayed there so long. The church is good & so are the people there, but I don't want to stay there anymore. Their reasons are acceptable, but just not to me right now.
My friends also keep trying to get me to stay a boy. It just hurts me too much to be that way anymore.

So I'm stuck in the middle. I can't & don't want to go back to being a boy since I know I want to become female. Unfortunately I'm not having much luck finding women to be friends with. All the girls say they'll be friends & want to do stuff, but they never are available. Just the same feelings of loneliness & abandonment.

I'm actually doing really well for the most part, but the loneliness is the hardest. I have a great time at work being a woman. Everyone is very accepting there & I feel perfect when I am there. Even the gym I go to is good. My mom is getting better about this which is helping me.

So I'm stuck in the middle. I really need to find an accepting church. Hopefully I can get up & go to the local MCC church. I don't feel weird about going there, it's just that I've been feeling physically weak & exhausted lately & another day of getting up & ready is so much work. Shaving is especially tiring for me.

Transitioning sure is a lonely road to travel, isn't it?

[Veronica_Jean]

Daniela,

We have an MCC church here where I live (Our TG group meets there). They are a really great group of people and are quite accepting of all of us.

I do not attend church and I considered going to this one but in the end I did not. I did write a paper for a religion class I was taking and part of that was attending a service.

The service was wonderful (very diverse group) and being a Christian I participated in communion as well. IT was clear there were many committed couples there and some single folks as well. Not that I am looking for anyone.

The type of loneliness and rejection so many of us face was well understood by this group and the sermon made me cry. They were talking about family and how the members were more of a family to each other than the one they were born into. So many seem to lose that and they found a different family there within the membership. That was both sad and heartwarming (both which brought tears to my eyes).

It is a shame that for some religious sects they feel compelled to try and save us from ourselves because they feel parts of the Bible can be interpreted but other parts cannot. I know other members have been subjected to that as well.
My long winded point is that the MCC church I attended seemed very warm, welcoming, and accepting (yes I went as a woman). So perhaps you should simply go check it out and see if the one in your area is as nice.

Veronica

[Karenmarie]

Daniela

Go to and Google "TRI-ESS" There is alot of info at Tri-ess
with chapters around the country and "friendly churches" that
are TG CD friendly.

Also, again Google "CROSSDRESSER HEAVEN" and this site
is also very "Chritian oriented" and you will find an e-mail
address for VANESSA who can possibly give you some info
on TG-CD friendly churches in your area.

Lots of love and good luck

Karenmarie

[luvSophia]

The Metropolitan Community Church as a denomination is very accepting and welcoming to anyone who wants to come in and worship. Individual congregations will probably vary, but in general you should feel comfortable going there. Just a note though, while they may accept you as a someone who has a gender variant expression, be it as a transsexual, transgender or genderqueer individual, it is not likely that they will accept you just as a woman, no adjectives included.

[AKAMichelle]

Life's ups and downs build the character which allows you to handle more responsiblity and challenges. If this journey was easy, what would you learn from the experience? What if you transitioned and then had regrets? Use this time to mold yourself into the person you want to be.

Also Remember: GOD never makes you go through more than you can stand. GOD is there with you to help you along the way. Let him help when others refuse.

[Diane Elizabeth]

Wise words Michelle. I tend to forget that during my journey at times. Daniela, be patient and you will find those worthy of being your friends. You already have those here to start.

[Faith_G]

You are going to lose pretty much all the friends you had and it's lonely while you try to make new friends. :hugs:

I'm another MCC girl. :happy: Worship styles vary widely between MCC churches, it all depends on what that congregation likes to do. I guess what I'm saying is that if you don't like your local MCC, don't feel like you have nowhere else to turn. MCC is not the only option out there, UCC churches are often Welcoming and Affirming churches, and there is also a group of Baptist churches called the Association of Welcoming and Affirming Baptists.

I'm glad you came back. :hugs:

[Karen564]

Transitioning sure is a lonely road to travel, isn't it?

Yes, it sure can be.....but doesn't have to be....that's totally up to you...

Friends come, they go, and you make new friends..,,it's part of life..


At 1st, I took the lonely route, but only because I chose to...because I needed that time to gather my thoughts without any outside influences and needed it to self reflect on where I've been, where I am and where I'm going...
Now that I thought through all that, I'm now starting to allow outsiders into my life again..

That time alone made me a stronger woman today that knows what she wants...

But I wont lie, it been one very bumpy road, especially at 1st, but as time passes, it's smoothing out finally..

And like all good things in life, you need to pay for it one way or another, all of which nothing ever came easy during my whole life, since I was never blessed with good luck or fortune, so I didn't expect anything different or easy to come in that regard when I took this path...but for myself personally, this is the best thing I ever did for myself & has been well worth the hardships & effort.
But I'm still a work in progress, so I'm not done yet...

:hugs:

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I hate that razor..i hear you..

a church that doesnt stick by you , like friends that don't, will only hold you back ..

as Karen pointed out, sometimes its good to be alone..
you don't HAVE to find a new church, you don't HAVE to find new girlfriends///but you HAVE to make yourself right...

then you can look for a new church, new friends, reconnect with folks, etc...and it will work out because you will feel good about yourself....its OTHERS that have been causing you the problem all along, you can't count on OTHERS to make things easier...they wont....and if you let them, they will push you back, right back to square one...

[Solarhawk]

The shunning of TGs by the Christian church (or community) is based on what people -think- is wrong, and not based on what the Bible actually says. I'm not going to quote passages because there are other religions out there, and I believe the forum rules say no religious debates, so I'll just say this: even if you end up leaving your current church, please talk to your pastor about what the Bible actually says on the topic. There are MANY web resources available out there on the topic, including http://www.susans.org/, which goes into spirituality on many religions regarding being Transgendered. I'd recommend reading the info there, specifically at http://www.susans.org/Spirituality/Christian/, and even if you don't talk to your pastor again in person, you can email him, send a letter in writing, etc. The choice is yours, and know that you're loved.

Jesse

P.S. Also some of the verses can be taken as condemning, unless you understand the context they were written in, based on Jewish traditions of the current time.

[Hope]

The shunning of TGs by the Christian church (or community) is based on what people -think- is wrong, and not based on what the Bible actually says.

Absolutely, positively, and shamefully, yes. But this is equally true of non-Christians. Lots of people have all sorts of justifications for their bad behavior, but it is particularly shameful that far too many Christians (and non-Christians) insist on using the scripture to justify their hatred.


even if you end up leaving your current church, please talk to your pastor about what the Bible actually says on the topic.

Don't do this. Unless your goal is to simply unload both barrels on him and tell him what a bigoted SOB he is, and you are doing it for your own selfish, therapeutic, reasons - going to talk to your pastor about "what the bible really says" will be a colossal waist of your time, energy, and emotional resources. I have a masters degree in church, I read biblical Greek and Hebrew, I live and breath this stuff - and there is no way I would do this - much less advocate for a lay person doing it. Your pastor "knows" what the scripture says, going and educating him is a fools errand. The guy knows the scripture, inside and out - upside and down, chances are VERY slim that you will be able to show him the error of his ways. Not only does he do this all day every day, and is confident in his interpretation of scripture - but he is not going to be influenced by the "sinful pervert."

And it is disrespectful. There is little I love about my gig more than when a parishioner comes to my office to discus and debate theology or scripture - it is a delight - in fact I regularly hold office hours and coffee hours to encourage just that sort of thing. But there is almost nothing I hate more than when a parishioner comes to my office and beats on my desk and tries to set me strait. They seem to honestly think I didn't learn anything in seminary, and that I don't spend my days doing this "professional theologian" gig. They just assume that they are right and I am wrong; and they seemingly can't be reasoned with. They are a lot like a stand-up comedian's heckler - and I typically have the same sort of reaction (at least inside my head) "Hey, I don't come down to the plant and show you how to empty the trash cans do I?"

And it is dangerous. The sort of pastor who will curtail your involvement in the church because he thinks that you are a sinful person is a master manipulator. Chances are very good that any conversation you have with a guy like that would only serve to make you feel worse - about God, the church, and especially yourself. All in the name of "helping" you of course. You may think that you are up to protecting yourself from this sort of thing - but again - this guy is a professional. You may think that he wouldn't do that sort of thing (he is such a nice guy after all) but he already has. He has used his control over the one thing you enjoy about your worshiping community as a tool to influence your behavior. That is manipulation.

Don't do this. It is a BAD idea. Dangerous, and a waist of time.

If you are ready to leave your church (and I can't imagine why you wouldn't be) just disappear; you don't owe them a phone call or an explanation - they crapped on you. Then find an MCC church in the area (They are ALL open and welcoming, designed from the beginning to be GLBT friendly - and will welcome non-GLBT folks too), or if you are not comfortable with (or just don't like) the MCC in your area, you could also check out a UCC church. The UCC is really hit or miss, some congregations are very progressive/liberal and some are very conservative - it just depends on the congregation. The down side of the UCC is that they tend to be pretty light theologically. A better option would be to find a liberal Episcopal church (not hard to do most of them are pretty liberal - having ordained gay priests for decades now, and they even have multiple gay bishops) particularly if you like liturgy and good worship is important to you - you can't go wrong with the Episcopalians. On the other hand if you don't mind schlocky worship a liberal ELCA lutheran church might be right for you - they tend to be theologically very sound, though their worship tends to be pretty atrocious. The other potential downside to the ELCA is that they seem to be going through something of an upheaval right now - they have only recently decided that they will ordain "non-celibate" gay pastors and it seems to be causing some grief in the denomination - so even a liberal pastor might view you as a liability at a bad time in the denomination's history. Again - if you look into the ELCA you would want to make sure you find a liberal congregation - just like with the UCC, or the Episcopalians.

[luvSophia]

...Don't do this. Unless your goal is to simply unload both barrels on him and tell him what a bigoted SOB he is, and you are doing it for your own selfish, therapeutic, reasons - going to talk to your pastor about "what the bible really says" will be a colossal waist of your time, energy, and emotional resources...Don't do this. It is a BAD idea. Dangerous, and a waist of time.

I agree with Hope on this wholeheartedly. Except I don't even think it would even be especially therapeutic. The path to change with regard to religious bigotry is not going to come through argument with an individual zealot. It will occur because the parishioners themselves see that we are not evil incarnate through exposure in the rest of the world. And eventually change in the churches will come from within.

Just leave, write the experience off as a loss and find a different path to spiritual happiness.

[Stephenie S]

Hope is absolutely correct on this issue. Heed her advice. DON'T try to debate your pastor on this subject. You will come out holding the short end of the stick.

The problem with the Old Testament is that it's OLD. It was written a LONG time ago. It's been translated to death by every group that has any interest in it at all. It's OLD dear.

If you are a Christian, which I assume from your post, I suggest you read the New Testament. Also old, but not quite so. Jesus CHRIST, who, I think, had something to do with Christianity, said nothing about crossdressing. He DID say a lot about love and respect and acceptance, things your pastor seems to be lacking a bit.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[MJ]

Transitioning sure is a lonely road to travel, isn't it?

you said it sister, and i hear you. been there done that got the bumper sticker.

i had to find a new church and new friends... and yes thats life :hugs:

think of it as starting over from scratch. because you don't know who your true friends are

take hope's advice

[lavistaa62]

Not sure where you are located but at least here in New England the UU (Unitarian Universalist) churches are one of the better options for religious transgendered persons. They have an office specifically oriented towards the community (http://www.uua.org/aboutus/professionalstaff/identity-basedministries/bisexualgay/index.php). UU are not "christian" per se as they accept people of all religions- the one in my town for instance is led by an ordained lesbian Rabbi but lots of people who believe in Jesus go to the church. There's a place to find a parish in your neighborhood on the main page of uua.org.

[sherri52]

The church isn't right with God. God tells us to go out and spread his word and to accept all that enter. If we listen to some churches We will go to hell if we don't dress like them. We will go if we have long hair, or if we have been divorced. Oh my word, if we don't give the church 10% of everything we'll go down there as well. If your church is like this, your in the wrong place anyway. God loves us all and the ones that go to heaven are the ones that accept God as thier Lord and Savior. He will lead the way and we are his sheep and shall follow.
John 3:16
For God so loved the world, that he gavs his onloy begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

Should you ever travel past the church again, remind them of the most famous of all passages

[Kimberly Marie Kelly]

The host was talking with a person who's life was turned upside down and the guy went thru hell because of what a pastor once told him. The radio host commented that ministers, pastors and priests should be careful what they say, because many times they cause people much harm by what they say. He further commented that all people need to do is "love one another", people do remarkable harm to others in the name of God, in the mistaken belief they are helping them by telling them what they are doing wrong and saying you are going to hell. I fully believe if you love the other person unconditionally the Holy Spirit will convict the person, we as people don't have the right to be the Judge and executioner. We Just love one another. Kimberly Marie Kelly :battingeyelashes:

PS, I go to an MCC Church in Allentown area, they have been most accepting and I'm going to make many new friends there. If the church your in isn't accepting move on.

[Daniela76]

Well I did go to the MCC church on Sunday. Made it to 2nd service. Enjoyed it pretty well. Definitely want to go back next week. I just have to force myself to get up & get ready through the pain. (Some physical thing I'm going through that I don't have a clue what it is yet.)
I already did have a talk with my pastor. That was when he took the drumming away & said I need to "really get on my knees & seek God out." And of course he automatically jumped to the conclusion that I want to be with men (even though I told him I don't).
Even though I don't like it, I do have to say my church friends are intelligent enough to not use OT verses against me. Only the NT verses, mainly Romans 1. And when I speak of God's love, they say God still loves, but I am sinning. And when I bring up Christ reaching everyone, they say that is just salvation, we need to not sin.
They seem to want me to be stuck in Evil-Dan mode forever. Or just not Dani.

I'm starting to realize that I am now starting to do what Christ commanded in saying, "cast off your old self & follow me." For some reason I couldn't do that as a man, but I'm pretty sure I can as a woman.
Can't wait until I am ready to be baptized!! I was as a baby, but never as an actual Christian.

[Solarhawk]

I didn't mean it like that Hope, and I most DEFINITELY did not mean a debate theologically with the pastor. I entirely understand where you're coming from and agree. I only meant during the times pastors do have set aside for the office hours etc, and have a friendly conversation to see what the bible says on it, and his interpretation. Obviously if he's shunning then forget it and just leave, but that's what I meant, not a debate.

Thank you for taking it the way you did Hope, I guess I didn't make my intentions terribly clear.

Jesse

[Arianna Aine]

Also Remember: GOD never makes you go through more than you can stand. GOD is there with you to help you along the way. Let him help when others refuse.

i dunno....personally i always find it incredibly annoying whenever someone says stuff like this. i know i feel i was given much worse than i can deal with. me trying to deal with my issues not only turned me away from christianity (pagan now), but my mother as well (which i feel just terrible about...)

that being said, it is probably better for you to only associate with those people who can accept you. if they see this one thing as dominant, and refuse to see past it, i feel they don't deserve to know you :hugs:

[Bree-asaurus]

i dunno....personally i always find it incredibly annoying whenever someone says stuff like this. i know i feel i was given much worse than i can deal with. me trying to deal with my issues not only turned me away from christianity (pagan now), but my mother as well (which i feel just terrible about...)

I'm not religious and I agree... people saying things like that don't help me. But many people do believe in god and it does help them. Instead of letting it bother you, realize that no one is forcing their beliefs on you and you are free to take the advice that helps and ignore the rest :)