Anyone decide to 'take up' cding later in life....

[kathy gg]

Sorry trying to figure out how to word this to get the right people to give me a proper response....

What I am interested in hearing from or talking to are cd's who never had a feeling/need/desire or thought to crossdress until later in life...say over 50.

I know so many cd's seem to have this feeling or sexual urge either early childhood or sometime during their teens years and that is when it hits. Don't need to hear from those guys. I know there are also many who had a want to crossdress but never acted on it till later, those I don't need to hear from either. I understand that the feeling to do this was thier, just not the opportunity or know how to even begin. Do not need to hear from you.

I want to hear from cd's who actually 'took up' cding in later life and never prior had a need or want or thought even given to something like this till much later in life. There had to have been some catalyst to get the ball rolling if you went from not knowing such a thing even exsisted to wanting to dress as a woman.

I mean as a young person whose sexual idiniety and feelings are so new I think it seems pretty understandable to have the experimentation happen. Also having a kinky girlfriend suggest it and it leaving a last impression, that makes sense. or being a small child and feelling an afinity to females, that makes sense too.

But waking up one morning as a grown adult and having never felt any need/desire/ or thought and think "today I am going to try on my wifes bra".....well can someone explain that? I need to know why someone who is not a cd decide to do this when there is no real 'need'?

ANyone on here like that?

hugs
kathy in canada

[JayeEdgar]

I do not know if I am the type of person you are trying to contact or not. Let me quote what I wrote in another thread, begun on 07-29-05 by me:

From the profiles and comments I have read, I gather that most crossdressers begin about puberty or before.

My experience is somewhat different: After a glorious week of trying on everything I could squeeze into in my mother's closet while housesitting for her when I was 38, I did not dress again until I was 55, at which time I took it up in earnest.

Are there any other late bloomers out there?

Jaye

Why are you interested in contacting such people? Are you perhaps trying to understand a late-blooming "significant other?"

JayeEdgar

[kathy gg]

Hi jay,

I should have said this in my post...sorry...I run a suport group for wives. And we just had a new gg join whose husband has told her he has 'taken' up the hobby of crossdressing. Of course given that crossdressing is not normally the sort of hobby one takes up she is freaking out trying to understand. And as you can imagine most cd's like to say that this is something they are born with or have the predisposition to do , some as early as age three or four. So I am curious to find out why a person with no prior interest, knowledge, or desire or inert need would 'take up' cding. It seems like there are many more hobbies one could indulge in that would not cause trouble with a spouse. When it starts sounding more 'choice-like" some So's become confused once they have already bought into the idea of this being a part of ones core idenity......I jsut want to learn more...


Although you are younger than this ladys husband when your interest began if you don't mind talking about this I would like to....if there are any questions that you don't feel okay I understand.

You say age 38, that is fairly young. It sounds like your interest was sparked by a situation. Were you single at the time? POssibly loney for need of real female companionship? I am sure housesitting can be a bit boring, was it like "hmm nothing on the tv....let's see about trying on womens clothing" Please don't think any of my questions mean in any way. I am probably one of the most insanely supportive and enthused partners you could even meet. But it does seem rare to find someone like yourself. Obviosuly once the seed does get planted it sticks there and like you said even though there was a large dry spell you are back. And my personal feelings are even just visitng message baords/cd sites ect still consittude as a real interest. So you now have a real interest and need. DO you have any wonders about what if you had never had that oportunity at your moms which led to pandoras box being opened?? If that fateful moment had not been available would you be a crossdresser right now?

Thanks in advance..

I know ultiatmly this woman I am trying to help needs to ask her own hubbys these quetsions, but for my own education I am very curious to learn more

sincerely
kathy in canada




I do not know if I am the type of person you are trying to contact or not. Let me quote what I wrote in another thread, begun on 07-29-05 by me:

From the profiles and comments I have read, I gather that most crossdressers begin about puberty or before.

My experience is somewhat different: After a glorious week of trying on everything I could squeeze into in my mother's closet while housesitting for her when I was 38, I did not dress again until I was 55, at which time I took it up in earnest.

Are there any other late bloomers out there?

Jaye

Why are you interested in contacting such people? Are you perhaps trying to understand a late-blooming "significant other?"

JayeEdgar

[Natalie x]

Kathy, I rather think I may fit the bill for your enquiry, but I am trepidatious about approaching this. I think I would be more comfortable sharing any information with you through PMs.

I was 60 last year. My marriage ended at the beginning of this year and I now live alone, but have female friends who know about my crossdressing. I have been married twice and have two grown up children. I started crossdressing in April this year. Prior to this I had not given any thought to crossdressing.

[CharleneCD]

Kathy,
While I am not over 50, Starting dressing at 37/38 I think qualifies me as a late bloomer. At least it does when compared to starting at 4-9.

While I did not dress until late, I know the potential was always there. This potential was held back by sexual identity issues. I have never been a mans man, or fit in with the boys. At a young age I was subject to taunts of girly or homo by my peers. Being that gays were not very accepted yet at the time, I was horrified and did everything I could, not to do anything that could make me seem that way. I still never fit in but did my best to maintain the image. So basicly I repressed my feminine side without ever knowing she was there. If I think about it I can see little signs of her throughout my life. Not fitting in and repressing a part of myself caused me many problems including drug and alcohol abuse, and depression.

So basicly homophobia caused me to repress my feminine side. I am also not proud to say that I would openly talk bad about them. But going through life as I came to feel more confident in my heterosexuality, I got to know many gay people. I found many of them to be wonderfull individuals and did not mind associating with them. I am more than willing to call one a friend today.

I learned in drug/alcohol recovery that god only gives you what you can handle together with him. So with better public, and my own, acceptance of gays I became ready. All it took was my wife having me try on clothes for a halloween costume to start the ball rolling. As Ive posted before, I liked that tight little skort she put me in, and put it on several times later. After telling her about it she took me shopping for fun and bought me some panties and stuff. While trying on and modeling all the clothes I felt sexy and being dressed that way felt right. Being confident in my sexualitiy and no longer being homophobic allowed me to accept that.

So for me the need was always there, I just didnt know what it was. And yes all it took was that event that opened up pandoras box. Am I unhappy that it happened. NO. Today am able to let my whole self grow rather than only part of me. Bunny says she see,s that I am more happy and content, and I have seen how i deal with other people is improving. I am realy enjoying life not having to put up a front for others. I can be who I am, whether in male or female mode.

[eleventhdr]

Yu see with me it was not a matter of just taking it up later in life in my 30's i was still fighting and was very angry and all of that it was not until then and even later that i did finally come to the realization that i was this kind of person inside a girl who wanted to be let out. And just wanted to dress and even had thoughts of becoming as female as possible. You see. and i still feel that way. So it very probaly was always there but was confined and lost for all of that time really. But should have been female to begin with. Oh well!. Suzy!.

[kathy gg]

Thnaks Charlene and Eleventh(?)

Umm..still sounds to melike even though the dressing did not actually 'happen' till later, there was a feeling of not being right with something, like you said not fitting in. So even though you did not have the words to express your feelings ..i.e. a crossdressers/transgedner there was that underlying part of yourself all along.

So even then Charlene this question does not aply.

What i am trying get info on is someonw who literally had none of those feelings before. Becuase for these guys it literally had no basis or start.

Like you said you have a pretty good notion that there was always that 'girl' there you just did not know she was a girl. So even in retrosept this was a part of your core being, even back then. And that still seems easier to understand..

anyone else..?

kathy in canada

[CharleneCD]

I just wanted to add that I dont think the gentleman you are refering to understands his so called hobby. He may be calling it that until he comes to grip with it. I know there are people who do, but most will not start doing something that has the potential to make you a social pariah, lose you your job, kill your marriage, and estrange your family and friends just for kicks. like me the need might have always been there, he is just now discovering it.

Another thought is that he may have been dressing for a long time, or long ago, and is using the new hobby thing to avoid the issue of dealing with the hiding betrayal aspects that can come up when coming out to a spouse.

[kathy gg]

Hi natalie

thanks for posting and yes feel free to private message me.

Like I hope I hae made clear, I am not here to judge, condeme or make any one feel wrong or bad. I just want to understand becuase of my position on the list I help moderate for gg's alot of women look to me for answers (of course I dont have them all) but my practical experience in the community make me seem like I know some things. so...yes pm please

sincerely
kathy in canada


Kathy, I rather think I may fit the bill for your enquiry, but I am trepidatious about approaching this. I think I would be more comfortable sharing any information with you through PMs.

I was 60 last year. My marriage ended at the beginning of this year and I now live alone, but have female friends who know about my crossdressing. I have been married twice and have two grown up children. I started crossdressing in April this year. Prior to this I had not given any thought to crossdressing.

[CharleneCD]

Kathy, you got your last post in before I finished my addition. But IMHO that need has to always be there through life and not just pop up. The trick is knowing how to look back at your life and find it. If it is absolutely not there then the person is seeking attention for some kind of problem with themselves and using the dressing to gain attention.

[kathy gg]

Hi Charlene,

I too have told the lady in question that ultimatly only her guy will have the answers that she seeks.

Maybe you are right, I have only talked to one person who said they never had any feelings, not even repressed unspoken ones. Even then, it still seems hard to explain to an SO. I mean even you,right? can say now it was probably always there, always a part of who you were even if you could not ptu a name to it...

kathy


I just wanted to add that I dont think the gentleman you are refering to understands his so called hobby. He may be calling it that until he comes to grip with it. I know there are people who do, but most will not start doing something that has the potential to make you a social pariah, lose you your job, kill your marriage, and estrange your family and friends just for kicks. like me the need might have always been there, he is just now discovering it.

Another thought is that he may have been dressing for a long time, or long ago, and is using the new hobby thing to avoid the issue of dealing with the hiding betrayal aspects that can come up when coming out to a spouse.

[Natalie x]

Kathy, much of what Charlene has posted fits me too, except that my childhood was not as traumatic. I have never been a "man's man", I hate football, I hate confrontation, I cannot see what many men enjoy about standing in a pub all night trying to see who can drink the most lager, I would rather talk to a bunch of girls about their problems (or mine), I cry at movies, I love animals and fairies. But I have always fitted the role of husband/father, I have a good masculine build and I find women sexually attractive.

I can look back and see the hidden clues in my character (sensitive, artistic, caring) but I would never have given a second thought to any suggestion that I should start to wear womens' clothes, and even less that I would want to become more and more feminine.
I think that Charlene has also raised some very good points about the nature of crossdressing as it applies to her, me and your lady's husband.

[gennee]

Kathy GG:

I started cding a month ago. I just turned 57 (8/4). Had no desire until I created a blog site about people being one thing and wanting to be someone else. I woke up a few mornings later, desiring to be a woman. I tried on my spouse's clothing, (even wore panties under my jeans), window shopped in women's clothing stores, and read about cding and the people that do it.I guess it was dormant inside and i didn't know it. When i came out as a cd, I felt liberated. It doesn't matter if others label me, but i look at myself as a cd and apart of the transgender community. I haven't told my family or friends but I'm content knowing that I'm a happy cder.


Gennee :) :) :)

[JayeEdgar]

My early experience was like most of the others who have responded. I started school a year before most of my classmates and so I was always the youngest in my class. Because I was younger, and left-handed, I was physically awkward at sports and games, always being the last one chosen (and often offered to the other team at that point). So I never truly felt like I fit in.

The one early thought I remember having was being envious of the girls because they could wear pretty, vibrant colors when they dressed up while we boys were stuck with black, brown, grey, and navy blue.

At the time I housesat for my mother, a few states away from home, I was married and had a family. And yes, it was sort of a "there is nothing on TV, so what will I do to amuse myself" thing. I was curious as to what it felt like to wear a dress, nylons and heels, so I that first evening in, I tried some things on. I found that it felt wonderful. So for the rest of the week, I was in drab during the day (while I had workmen fixing a broken pipe and repairing the roof--the reason I housesat while my mother was on a cruise), and dressed at nighttime--each day going further in my experimentation.

I believe that there is something in my psyche--though I am not sure what--which is satisfied by my crossdressing, and so I suppose, the crossdressing would have eventually surfaced.

As far as the lady's husband is concerned, I suspect he is being less than completely candid--even with himself. Self-acceptance in situations like these takes time, and it takes time to feel comfortable talking about it to others (except, I think, on a forum like this--given the anonymity and presumed acceptance). My housemate has known for years, and accepts this as part of me--though he does not want to see me dressed--and yet, I still feel uncomfortable discussing it with him. How much more uneasy and nervous must a man feel discussing it with him wife after so short a time?

If there are any more questions, please ask.

Best wishes to you and the couple involved.

Jaye Edgar

[eleventhdr]

As i think i have maybe stated before when i ws very young there was a distinction that there was something there. Because i got the feeling watching the girls back then that they were unquiqe in someway and that i was suppose to have been one of them. But then it all got lost as i went along and was told and taught to act in the sex i was in and then it took forever to finally realize that this was all wrong and that there was this girl inside who was who i was suppose to havc been all along. And now even if i can not change myself to the sex i should be i can at the very least live it as much as i can which still seems to be hampered . I really just want to escape into as much more as i can. And then who knows. Oh well!. Suzy!.

[petticoat07]

Hi Kathy, I started to Crossdress after my wife died, she had been a very feminine lady and always dressed to please me in soft petticoats and nighties etc. I have had a fetish or passion if you like, with see thru nylon ever since childhood but never thought about wearing it myself.
After I lost Jennifer I started to sleep with her soft petticoats and slips etc and now, three years on I have become well into the CD scene, although only at home on my own. I think if I was to find another lady who would wear the same things for me, I would still want to wear female clothing as I have really enjoyed it, it is both sensual and sexual for me. I doubt whether I would have done so had circumstances not changed.

[subny]

it just comes in "gusts". for long periods seems like something i'd never do, then there i am looking for a place to buy a garter belt. can't figure out why. going to a shrink about it. just know it suddenly feels not just good but like a compulsion.subjay3@yahoo.com