Things were going great - until..........

[jayme357]

My sweetheart left this morning for a week to help care for her ailing sister. After years of hesitancy and inspired by so many of you that have related story after story of the joy of shopping I decided to take the plunge and venture out into the world of wonderful women. I planned, visualized, looked at options and finally had things pretty much laid out. Selected three potential shopping areas at least 50 miles away (although 50 miles in Central Pennsylvania is sort of just around the corner). Even went out with my SO and bought a great pair of skinny jeans that looked great with 4 inch shiny black open toe heels. My SO, as a bit of a gift before she left did my toe nails in a lovely mauve and they looked great with the shoes.

Well, when she called tonight I asked her which of the shopping areas I had selected she thought would be the most appropriate for my adventure. She has been so incredibly supportive that I was a bit surprised with her response. She said that if I did run into anyone that I knew that I would be recognized, and that was okay if I was willing to have friends and family become aware of this aspect of my life. I guess its the age old issue - when we look into the mirror we tend to see what it is we want to see. That's why a photo seems to be a much more accurate reflection of the reality. I guess being 8-10 on the bottom and XL on the top doesn't help. She did say that perhaps New York might be a better choice.

So, here I sit vicariously continuing to live life through the courage of my TG sisters. Sorry for being such a wuss.

[sandra-leigh]

So she's okay with you going out and okay with you being recognized and known to be a cross-dresser, and leaving it up to you as to whether you feel comfortable with that possibility. If she meant it, then that's a big jump over where my wife was at the same relative point -- my wife was acutely concerned about us being seen together by someone she knows and then "What am I supposed to say?!" She was, in other words, setting boundaries based not upon her own feelings, but rather upon what others might say to her and her then having to react.

So, at least the way you've told it, the only downside that I can see is that she effectively told you that when you are dressed, you are still recognizable as being "Bob Smith III" or whom-ever, by those who have seen you before. And although that might be a bit of a let-down compared to your mental image of yourself as looking "female" when dressed, it should by no means be a deal-breaker.

Just go out and enjoy yourself. Go 100 miles, or 150 miles if you would feel more comfortable starting out that way.

I, Dressed, get recognized as the guy quite easily, even by people who have seldom seen me before, for brief periods, in bad light, and the second time they see me I'm dressed completely differently (including possibly a very different wig.) I haven't yet had anyone put me down about it: on the contrary, the people who recognize me often make a point to come over and say hello and to tell me that I look good, and to spend some time talking to me when there are a lot of other people around they could be talking to.

You are a cross-dresser. If you continue to cross-dress and start going out in public, there will come a time when you start to "own" your cross-dressing, to walk proudly and unconcerned about being "read". You have to decide: do you cross-dress for you (and if someone else doesn't like it, then that's their problem to deal with) -- or do you cross-dress for the reaction you get from people, for the compliments about how beautiful and feminine you look? If you cross-dress for you, then... Take that shopping trip!!

[Melinda G]

I don't even recognize women I know sometimes. They're like chamelions. New hair do, different hair color, different outfits.:D

[Midnight Skye]

- pouts - but you didn't go! Sorry ever since I started going out I haven't looked back much. I really do hope you eventually go out, especially since it sounds like you have your wife's support. But everyone's situation is different and having family and friends knowing can be rough and quite difficult. Only half of my family knows (the half in the state I live in), but it's been a slow process of people finding out. Again I hope you whip up the courage later. While misadventures do occur... its so very freeing getting to go out and be yourself.

[Rachel_Red]

You are a cross-dresser. If you continue to cross-dress and start going out in public, there will come a time when you start to "own" your cross-dressing, to walk proudly and unconcerned about being "read". You have to decide: do you cross-dress for you (and if someone else doesn't like it, then that's their problem to deal with) -- or do you cross-dress for the reaction you get from people, for the compliments about how beautiful and feminine you look? If you cross-dress for you, then... Take that shopping trip!!

This is so true... it is your life, to our knowledge you only have one (unless you believe otherwise... that however is a differnt topic for a differnt forum lol) and you need to be happy in it. I could throw out a bunch of topics... why is it ok for women to wear pants but not ok for men to wear dresses? However to get to the heart of your issue you must chose for yourself... are you ok being spotted because its always a possability?

From what you told us it seems as though your wife is just preparing you for a possible outcome. Now if you were spotted you could deny the whole thing... say: "I don't know who you are!" if they get to chummy with you. In my mind though it'd be hard to be spotted unless the town you're in only has like 500 people in it. I live in Southern California just north of LA. Its easy to blend in here. I've been living in high populated areas my whole life and I've never "spotted" a CDer. I've seen people I think "could" be CDers but I'd never walk up to them and confront them about it... I doubt anyone realy would.

From your avatar it looks like you would pass if I were looking at you, if I saw you walking down the street or in the mall I probably would be so busy with my own life and my own issues that I wouldn't realy give it a second thought... (that wasn't ment to be a bad statement but rather a good one :D)

I say go for it, if you see someone you think will spot you or you begin to feel eyes on you then leave the shop or area and move on to another. You should be fine. :D

[Phyliss]

My sweetheart left this morning for a week... I decided to take the plunge and venture out... I planned, visualized, looked at options and finally had things pretty much laid out. Selected three potential shopping areas at least 50 miles away... Even went out with my SO and bought a great pair of skinny jeans that looked great with 4 inch shiny black open toe heels. My SO, as a bit of a gift before she left did my toe nails in a lovely mauve and they looked great ... She has been so incredibly supportive that I was a bit surprised with her response. She said that if I did run into anyone that I knew that I would be recognized, and that was okay if I was willing to have friends and family become aware of this aspect of my life....
So, here I sit vicariously continuing to live life through the courage of my TG sisters. Sorry for being such a wuss.


Key words in your post ... IF you run into anyone, ... You fell for the oldest female trick in the book. Got set up for fun and then had a guilt trip laid on you, that kept you in seclusion.
Biggest mistake was asking where to go. You're a grown up girl, go where you want to. You'd done all the planning, follow through and, as the commercial says, "JUST DO IT"

[serinalynn]

Key words in your post ... IF you run into anyone, ... You fell for the oldest female trick in the book. Got set up for fun and then had a guilt trip laid on you, that kept you in seclusion.
Biggest mistake was asking where to go. You're a grown up girl, go where you want to. You'd done all the planning, follow through and, as the commercial says, "JUST DO IT"


When you want to go shopping JUST GO Get all dressed in your female clothes and go and stop asking your wife where to go!! You already know where you want to go JUST GO and have fun while your out.

[Di]

Key words in your post ... IF you run into anyone, ... You fell for the oldest female trick in the book. Got set up for fun and then had a guilt trip laid on you, that kept you in seclusion.
Biggest mistake was asking where to go. You're a grown up girl, go where you want to. You'd done all the planning, follow through and, as the commercial says, "JUST DO IT"

I TOTALLY DISAGREE....I think she loves you enough to tell you the truth.....many just say like many here...you pass....just go out because they do not want to hurt you and you might not be ready or want to come out to everyone ( she even said it would be ok if you came out...its your decision)It isn't a race do what you feel best in your life I think the idea going away is a good one to build your confidence up.

[Shelly Preston]

Being recognised is always a possibility

However think about it how many times have you seen someone walking down the street and you think oh there's Joe Bloggs only to find out you were wrong

Others may see you and think there is something familliar but wont be able to figure out what

Unless you actually run into them I would say the probability is low

You are doing the right thing by choosing to go some distance from where you live

Just remember anyone who sees you will be looking at a Lady not someone they think they know

[Kaitlyn Michele]

You are doing it to yourself....but that's ok....:hugs:

regardless of her motivation.
I think your wife was very honest...

first time out? no confidence?...you are going to have to go thru it or you'll never get out there...and if you are not ready to do it, dont feel bad...you're just not ready...i used to sit in a hotel room by myself all nite just wishing i could open the door and walk to my car..

as a "tactical matter" 50 miles is plenty far away and the chance of seeing someone you know, and that they know you is close to zero..the other stuff is much more important, you want this to be a good thing

[Island Kathy]

Well, first of all, congratulations on being lucky enough to have a spouse who is so supportive. Don't do anything that would upset that applecart. That being said, I do believe she was advising you to use caution and had your best interests at heart. She gave you the ability to make your own decision and let you know the ramifications or consequences of your actions if you are recognized and outed to friends, relatives, co-workers, etc. Then, she said you should go to New York if you really feel the need to go out-n-about. Hell's bells girl, live it up - - New York, here I come! I hear the "Best City in the World" is a great TG/CD/TV place to visit. Go for it - - -

Kathy

[Mackenzie]

Jayme,
You are one beautiful and lovely girl! Ladies come in all shapes and sizes. Don't let your size be a problem. I am 6'2", 200 lbs. I wear an XL on top and in ladies jeans I wear a 14 (33-34" waist).

I asked my precious wife yesterday morning, that if she did not know that I was a male, when I am dressed up and acting feminine would she think I was a man or woman. She said that she thinks I pass very well as a woman. She is very supportive and helpful to me.

So, get dressed up, put on your makeup, let your toes show, and go have fun!! You look lovely!!

I began going out by taking small steps early in the morning, where I would have the least interraction with people. I went to a self-serve gas station, early morning run to Walmart, etc. I got over some fears by doing this. It has worked!!! Yesterday morning I went to a St. Louis Bread Company to pick up bagels. I had to talk to the person waiting on me and I think it went very well and it helped me too.

Get out and have fun. Oh, and love your precious wife!!!!

Mackenzie

[Andy66]

I'm sorry, maybe it's my "guy" side talking, but I don't understand what the problem is. Your girlfriend didn't say she wished you'd stay home, right? She said it's your choice whether you want to come out, so either prevent it or be prepared for the possibility.

The way I see it, you can either:
a. Go out near home and plan what you'll say if you run into someone.
b. Go somewhere far away.
c. Or stay home and mope around, and blame your girlfriend for it.

Well, what are you going to do? Hmmmm?

p.s. - if you're worried that your body proportions are too masculine, slap on some hip and butt padding. Badda-bing, badda-boom. Problem solved. ;)

[Angie G]

So go up to New York .If your home alone make a trip out of it spend the night and do some shopping. It may be even more enjoyable.:hugs:
Angie

[Lorileah]

the world is full of what "ifs". What if you are recognized? What if you stay home and a meteor crashes into that very spot?

I'll give the people who live in a small town a pass on going out in their own town. You have to live there every day, people talk and in some parts of the US (world) that can make it difficult to function if you don't plan on transitioning (I still think we need to work on changing general perception on who we are but that has been beat to death and when 70% of the people who dress hide, it is hard to convince the world we are"normal"). But you had planned on going 50 miles away. Even in Podunk middle America where large cities are more than 50 miles apart and people plan an all day adventure from the small town to the "big" city the chances you will run into anyone who knows you or who is even looking to know you are small. People have agendas, they have places to go and place to be and they don't, especially in a busy mall, look to see who is there. Most the time you could ask someone who they just passed 3 minutes ago, what was she wearing, did she have blond hair, did she have hair?>?? and they could not tell you.

You can't go back and do it yesterday. Tomorrow never comes. You rarely regret things you did but you often regret those you didn't. Any of those things make sense? When you get together with people do you ever sit around and say "remember when we almost..."? No you say "I remember that time we...."

If you do get recognized don't make up lies (hard to remember what lie you told). Usually a simple greeting will send you on your way. If it gets deeper, just make the best of it. Up them on their heels by asking how they like YOUR heels. Say, "wow you look good, how do you like MY outfit?" or "Nice to see you. You out and about today too? I was just window shopping. Have you seen the sale at Penney's?" As the old saying goes if you can't dazzle them with brilliance baffle them with BS. You always wanted to be an actress, you're on honey. Knock 'em dead

[suchacutie]

But why not Philly? You look terrific in your avatar and anyplace up to 30th street, and from market and south 4 block no one would notice/care/be interested!

Pick a hotel, stay overnight and have a great time! You could shop forever and there are a 1000 places to spend the evening!

tina :)

[Kaitlyn Michele]

if you go towards philly there is place in king of prussia that hold saturday nite trans events...if you google laptop lounge, you will get the link.. maybe your first outings could be there

btw..laptop refers to the laptop mac computer that plays the music...i beleive its every other saturday nite..

sometimes folks wives have attended as well

[Fab Karen]

You're looking for an excuse to chicken out. People who know us well, most of us in girl mode they would never guess it was us if they passed by us. Hair & make-up really transforms the male face, especially to a casual eye- as Lorileah said, describe the people you pass out & about as you're doing errands. You'd likely have trouble remembering. Social experiment tests on this have shown people often get wrong things like hair color, style, clothing, sometimes even the person's race.
Get out there. Breathe. Forget about what you're wearing, focus on what you're doing( shopping, getting coffee, etc.), you do this all the time in boy-mode. People don't stop and stare at you like you're a Martian, they go on about their day.
Just an additional note: Before we're accused once again, we are NOT encouraging people to go out where/when people wouldn't want their wife/GG SO/sister to go. Common sense rules in these matters.

[StaceyJane]

50 miles is nothing, I once ran into somebody I knew when I was at the Narita Airport in Japan.

But really most people do their business in their own town. Going a few towns over should be safe unless something big is going on.

[jayme357]

Wow! What incredibly perceptive, supportive, encouraging, sometimes funny and absolutely wonderful responses. Every one of you has me figured out to a T.

Coming out is not an option for me for a myriad of reasons. Thus the hesitancy. But, as many of you have suggested, it probably isn't that big a thing. The odds are certainly in my favor. So, tonight I will at the very least go for a drive, buy some milk and eggs, fill the tank, and see what happens. After all. I am sitting here dressed to the 9's while working on my typing skills with these lovely French nails. Got to take advantage of all this work!

My thanks to all of you who took the time to write your thoughts and give me such thoughtful and sincere feedback. You gals are wonderful.

Jayme

[boardpuppy]

Anything can happen even seeing someone you know or SO 75 miles away. This literly happened to me over Christman, doing shopping for the Grands. You look good enough that theky would really have to be stairing to tell it was you.

Hugs,
Alice