A very stunned girl here

[Brandi Wyne]

Recently I felt the need to try to come out to those in my family. For some months my older daughter, age 41, who is living with us knew about my cross dressing. In fact, she had initially caught me in the process. I was caught but she assured me that she was fine with it. In fact, she wanted to have makeup sessions together. Then, it was wanting to go out together and we did that a few times. Through all of this I felt very uncomfortable as she was exerting some power over me due to the fact that we both had a "secret". I finally realized that it would be better to tell others than either have her control me like some sort of blackmail or have the others find out from her.

So, I began telling others, esp. my wife. My reception on this was mosty ok. I finally worked up the nerve to tell my wife. I told my daughter that and she became quite agitated. My wife initially reacted with questions and some concerns but was dealing with it. Then, I had a support meeting to attend and told my wife that I'd be going. She was sort of ok with it but not thrilled. I reminded her of the meeting and made sure she knew that I'd dress in femme to go to the meeting. She became very upset and said she didn't want to see anything. The day of the meeting she had errands to run so I made hast to dress before she returned. Wouldn't you know, she walked in about the time I was leaving. She went balistic and fled the room and wouldn't even listen to me. I went to the meeting and when I came home, the whole world had changed. Now I am facing divorce and have left the house and the area for a while. ALL of those in my immediate family have now turned on me and will not even talk, answer emails or anything.

I have myself to blame I guess but I now know that my daughter has lied about what we did together and played herself up as a victim of some sort of abuse. I am still totally blown away by it all and there is nowhere to turn.

Thanks for listening,

[Andy66]

Why in the world would a daughter, let alone a 40 year old grown woman, behave like that? Is there something I'm missing here?

Anyhow, sorry to hear you're going through tough times.

[Jenny Aurora]

I'm so sorry hun, you have all my best wishes. Has all this been quite recent? I wonder if any of them would need time before they would talk?

Sad to say but it all seems quite childish?

[Alice Torn]

Ouch! This is hurts to read it! I hope you have a place to stay. It sounds like you honestly opened up to them. As hard it is , separation, and divorce, may be the better thing, now. I wonder if the wife would try seeing this site, the spouse section. It sounds like she cannot handle your dressing, and going outside the house, was the straw that broke the camel's back. Maybe both see a counsellor, if affordable? Maybe talk with her, compromise somehow? Maybe if neither will compromise, sadly, divorce may be best. I am sorry the daughter turned on you like that. She won't see, admit deceiving you! I suppose if you quit cding, they might forgive and have you back? But, that is not all that easy. Maybe seperation for a while, while tempers cool. I am sorry for this crises.

[Jessy]

Wow, that's really hard. Are you sure about your daughter lying about things or is that just a suspicion?
I wish you all the strength that you might need in a difficult time.

[Alice Torn]

I don't know if you are a praying person, but I would cover all the bases, after laying low for a few days. I am in a heavy crises with my family, too at this time.

[JustWendy]

Brandi -
It seems that things have only gotten worse since your original post. I'm so sorry. I don't know if any of us holds the answer to what you should do next, but as a community, I hope we can offer you an emotional shelter from the storm during a time when you have to be feeling an incredible lonliness.

Hugs, Wendy.

[sherri52]

Brandi I have gone through two divorces and dressing was a pert of both. I'm sorry that your daughter has turned against you and hope that at least some of your family relations are returned. If you would like a friend to talk to give me a pm or email. My computer is on 18 hrs a day or longer and I'm always near.:hugs:

[docrobbysherry]

However, folks only understand what THEY WANT TO!:doh:

And, a man CDing may NOT be what they want to hear!:brolleyes:

I believe posts like this, r GOOD REMINDERS for us closet CDs! I resolve to re-read your post, and/or hit myself on the head with a hammer, any time I think telling someone I CD is a good idea!:eek:

[Jessy]

I believe posts like this, r GOOD REMINDERS for us closet CDs! I resolve to re-read your post, and/or hit myself on the head with a hammer, any time I think telling someone I CD is a good idea!:eek:
That depends how you look at it. I want to come out for one reason: for myself. I hate having to keep secrets from people that I have a trusted bond with, and I hate having to watch my back all the time when dressed. So for me, it's about feeling more comfortable myself, being who I am.

[Satrana]

Brandi

If everyone knows your secret then you may as well take the opportunity of setting the record straight. Send them all an email/letter explaining yourself and the events that took place. Even if your friends and relatives are avoiding you, for sure they will read your comments and hopefully the more reasonable ones will realize that they did not know the whole story and begin talking to you again. Gossip is a destructive force and the longer your side of the story is not heard the more the gossip will build you up as a monster.

And send a second private letter to your wife telling her what she means to you, asking for her forgiveness and understanding then give her space to think things over.:hugs:

[tricia_uktv]

I'm very sorry to hear it but ..... Give it time! I had an awful year when I first told my daughters but now they are up for it and right behind me!

Keep going. You have just broken the ice and have shocked people. But if they love you they will get used to the idea.

I promise.

[Natalia]

Now I'm confused...here is your first post about this -

A couple of weeks ago I sat my wife down and told her about my being a life-long CD and how important it is to me to express my femme side, too. I also told her I joined a CD support group and would be going to my first meeting soon. So far so good. The next several days were good for us both - I thought.

Then, a couple of days before the meeting I reminded her of the meeting and that I would, of course, be dressed as would the others there. Silence. Came the day and she was going to a religious meeting about the time I'd be going to my meeting. I decided to get cleaned up and dressed earlier as she was gone on an errand and I could be gone before she came home. Oops!

I was coming out of the bedroom, all dressed and ready to leave when she came into the bedroom. Her reaction was "OH-MY-GOD"! She ran out of the room and would not see me off. After the meeting I got home and she was still gone. Waiting for me was a letter of ultimatum. Basically, "Stop or we split ways." Wow! That was cold but not really unexpected, I guess.

Now I am looking for housing and trying to piece together a new life. Well, that's how it is sometimes, but it does hurt.
__________________
Brandi

Daughter? Secret outings? Other family members? Abuse?


???

[Mackenzie]

Brandi,
Nothing is worth losing your famly over. If it means stopping the CDing, stop. Make amends with your wife and family. You will never regret keeping your marriage and family together. Remember, she is the one you pledged your life to at an altar, before God, many years ago. I often think, what regrets might I have on my deathbed? If I can think of any, I should stop doing whatever it is that I think I would regret.

$ .25 please!!! (just kidding)

Mackenzie

[Sweeterica]

Hi Brandi it saddened me so much to hear your story,i find it so hard to understand why wives,family etc react like this,hell they react as if we molested someone dont they, i truely hope you can work things out ,best wishes to you from england

[suzy1]

In this life one has to be a realist. My hart goes out to you, I’m so sorry for what has happened to you. But you can’t expect anything different. Most people out there would react the same way. We would all like it to be different I know, but that’s how it is. The family come home one day and find there Dad/Husband is wearing women’s clothes. The wife starts to think of what here friends and the people next door are going to say, and the kids are dreading going to school again and getting set upon.
Coming out is a very serious decision to make. I am never coming out for similar reasons.

[minalost]

...why some SOs don't even try to work things out. My wife doesn't like my CDing but she is TRYING to work it out with me. We've talked, set boundries, and, most importantly, are still married! It's not perfect, but we're working on it. We love each other too much, and have commited almost 28 years to our relationship. To throw it away over one thing, with out any attempt to work it out would be crazy!

Brandi, I hope she cools down and you can talk to her. Maybe something can be worked out.

My best wishes to you!
:hugs:

[gigiluv]

Brandi,

Re read Satriana's post. I think that is the best advice

[AmberLynn]

That is a very ruff situation your stuck in. But the girl's are right,she is gonna need time to cool down and think thru thing's for sure. Hold your head up there and muddle thru and if you ever need a sholder to cry on i have 2 very strong understanding shoulder's :hugs: take care of your self

[Cassandra Lynn]

There seems to be two things to consider here? If you are keen to work things out with your wife, then all i can say is good luck. My experiences after getting tossed by 2 exs, say IMHO take your losses and start over. "for better or worse" is not the same as "for better or totally miserable". But i can't help feeling very curious as to what your daughter is up too in all this? Granted it is really none of my business, but you seemed to have mentioned the possibilty that she has claimed abuse? Maybe it's best for you to cut all your losses and move on completely. mj (Cassie)

[MJ]

The Real issue here is your world knows about Brandi Wyne you can't put her away and pretend nothing happened everyone knows and i can guarantee you your news will spread like a wild fire.

the Damage is done now you have to do damage control. get some good links to web information on cding e-mail your friends and talk to them.

Above all never be or say sorry to anyone over who you are. lets face it like it or not your out now. and please don't be afraid to be Brandi around what friend you have left and you will make new friends too..

like you sis I've been there done that got the bumper sticker moved on :hugs:

[Fab Karen]

Brandi

If everyone knows your secret then you may as well take the opportunity of setting the record straight. Send them all an email/letter explaining yourself and the events that took place. Even if your friends and relatives are avoiding you, for sure they will read your comments and hopefully the more reasonable ones will realize that they did not know the whole story and begin talking to you again. Gossip is a destructive force and the longer your side of the story is not heard the more the gossip will build you up as a monster.

That's a good idea, even if they remain bigoted they will know her side and what actually happened.

[jenifer m.]

that sucks!!!!!!! i feel so bad for you.god it seems like us cds never get a god damn break huh?i really hope things can be worked out.best of luck hugs jenifer m.

[Helen_Highwater]

It seems to me that one possibility is that your daughter doesn’t want to admit to her mother that she knew about your cross dressing and was ok with it. Is it because to admit to her mother who’s so against the idea to knowing about your CD’ing and keeping it a secret, would in some way be breaking the bond that exists between mother and daughter.
Rather that risk that your daughter has chosen the safe route of falling in with the crowd, rejecting your “abnormal” behavior. Let’s face it; this is an offspring between a rock and a hard place. Chose a parent to support but don’t forget to fit in with society’s expectations.

[linnea]

I'm very sorry to read about your difficulties.

[t-girlxsophie]

Although the overwhlming feeling is sadness regarding your situation.No offence but I cant help but wonder what the Hell your Daughter is thinking in all of this,Its not as if she is a silly teenager,she Is a grown woman,who isn't helping at all.Every one on here is praying it will work out for the best