Down and out

[Jenny Aurora]

So here I am stuck at work, but I feel like I just want to cry. It's a pretty boring day nothing to do really either so that does not help much with distracting myself with work.
For the whole of yesterday and today, there is just no energy. It's like I just wish I could crawl into my bed and forget the world. Of course I should not let myself lull over thoughts such as those since it makes this whole thing harder. its a horrible thing because it pushes everything back and since I'm trying to walk through all this confusion and mess, its like taking one step forwards and two back. Maybe some people are just meant to stay the way they are.

I was not even sure if I should write this, but when your feeling alone you have to reach out to someone?

Maybe if I just close my eyes and pretend I'm not here. Just hope that no one looks. But don't worry, its ok to ignore this post.

~Jen - Not really here (feeling like a idiot)

[Renee_E]

We all have days like that especially when we are stuck at work when there is nothing to do but think about what we would rather be doing. I am what I am at the moment and I later I might be different. Some days I detest the person I am because I just don't fit with the rest of the group and other days I love being me because I am different and able to appreciate more of the world then the rest of the poor drab souls.

[Tracey Corset]

Jenny don't be like that, what is happening, what is troubling you ?, why the lack of energy, tell us more and we can help

[Chari]

Jenny, We all have some of those bad days in life, but there are many great things we have experienced in the past that will bring a smile or a laugh re-living it again! Make a plan in your mind to do something extra special - just for you - maybe tomarrow, this weekend, or next month, then DO IT!! Please keep in touch. We at this forum want to help!

[Jessy]

Jenny, we all have our bad days. And a boring day at work just sitting and having nothing to do, can be really irritating because the time just doesn't pass.

I've been there too. And I've been depressed some times in life when I felt like going back more with each step I tried to go forward. People always said to me that it was up to me to change it. I didn't believe them, because I tried so hard and kept slipping back. But now I do believe them. It's all about feeling good and looking forward, and building up some confidence. I don't say it's all great for me, but at least I'm not feeling like going backwards anymore. So there is progress.


Make a plan in your mind to do something extra special - just for you - maybe tomarrow, this weekend, or next month, then DO IT!!
You remember my PMs, Jenny. Does the quote above sound familiar with what I told you about my plans for this year? Maybe you really need something like that too, just to relax and take some time for yourself.

[Rianna Humble]

So here I am stuck at work, but I feel like I just want to cry. It's a pretty boring day nothing to do really either so that does not help much with distracting myself with work.

For the whole of yesterday and today, there is just no energy. It's like I just wish I could crawl into my bed and forget the world. Of course I should not let myself lull over thoughts such as those since it makes this whole thing harder. its a horrible thing because it pushes everything back and since I'm trying to walk through all this confusion and mess, its like taking one step forwards and two back. Maybe some people are just meant to stay the way they are.

Sounds like you're having a pretty rough time at the moment, and being bored at work doesn't help - I know, I wrote the book on being bored at work ;)

Please remember you are a valuable part of our family and we want to be there for you. If you tell us a bit more about what is going on in your life, maybe some of us can help or at least offer you our support.


I was not even sure if I should write this, but when your feeling alone you have to reach out to someone?

You absolutely should write this. These forums are about sharing our experiences good and bad and about being able to ask for help from people who love you.


Maybe if I just close my eyes and pretend I'm not here. Just hope that no one looks. But don't worry, its ok to ignore this post.

Sorry, you got that last bit wrong, it is NOT OK to ignore your post. You are having a tough time and we want to offer you our support.

[kimdl93]

So here I am stuck at work, but I feel like I just want to cry. It's a pretty boring day nothing to do really either so that does not help much with distracting myself with work.
For the whole of yesterday and today, there is just no energy. It's like I just wish I could crawl into my bed and forget the world. Of course I should not let myself lull over thoughts such as those since it makes this whole thing harder. its a horrible thing because it pushes everything back and since I'm trying to walk through all this confusion and mess, its like taking one step forwards and two back. Maybe some people are just meant to stay the way they are.

I was not even sure if I should write this, but when your feeling alone you have to reach out to someone?

Maybe if I just close my eyes and pretend I'm not here. Just hope that no one looks. But don't worry, its ok to ignore this post.

~Jen - Not really here (feeling like a idiot)

Jen, have you ever sought help from a clinical psychologist - it sounds as though - at least in this moment - you're depressed. Depression can be a physical disorder or instigated by circumstances emotional factors. But, take it from one who has dealt with it personally, depression is a real problem and it can get better with competent help.

best of luck,

Kim

[lavistaa62]

The gym my wife joined gave her a card for a sunbed session. She didnt' want it so I figured what the heck. It's been rainy and cold for weeks now and work, as for you, drags on- maybe a sunbed would be fun.

Well I am not planning on developing a March tan but just those 30min with my eyes closed relaxing made all the difference. Despite the cold rain in my face the walk back out the car was as enjoyable as digging my toes into the summer sand of a beach. That little life stayed with me for days and even now it perks me up to reconsider.

Depending on how long you've felt like this maybe someone you can talk to professionally- so you don't feel like you're burdening a personal relationship- might be helpful. If it's just a fleeting thing through maybe try something different and luxurious- a massage, a makeover, a short sunbed session. Whatever floats your boat. We all care and want you to be happy.

[sherri52]

Hi Jenny: First off, you have to find something to do. Clean out your desk, talk to the person in the closest area to you, make copies, plan your next week. Anything is better than boredom. Having nothing to do always seems to bring us down and that reflects on life after work as well. Get busy, meet people, start a new hobby (with others). Having outside activities will brighten up your day and even give you something to look forward to. I don't do much during the day, you can email me and we can start an intercontinental email group. Talking or being with others keeps up your spirits and it seems you could need some of that. :hugs:

[Andy66]

There will be better days... but if you feel depressed a lot you might feel better if you talk to someone.

When I get bored at work I look for something new to learn. I don!t know if that's possible where you work. If it is, give it a try.

:hugs:

[Jenny Aurora]

Thanks for the kind words everyone, it helps a lot. I'm sorry about dumping this on everyone, sounds silly but I've usually been quite good at keeping it to me or a very select few people. So in a way, this is quite a big new to me..and scary.

In some ways, I have always been like this. Not to the same degree. It could be just feeling content like when I was out with my friends at the time, but when I would drive home these strong feelings would just wash over me and in some ways it is just like everything feeling wrong. It's not as bad if I keep myself active with something, but its hard to ignore those thoughts because all you need is a split second and I would feel a complete fool for doing what I was doing or thinking of doing at the time. I guess there are things that I know I could work on changing that would probably make things better, but I don't know..something just feels odd about it. I guess everything I can blame on myself though and I know that people can only help, the change has to come from within. But that just leads to thinking of how incapable I would be of that. I know of all the things, about how you should try to be less pessestmic about yourself and try to find the positives in life, even if so small..small baby steps. I try to tell myself it all the time..

And I don't know, it always feels like when I start trying to talk to people about something that I am feeling, it all gets murky and seems like I'm not really talking about what I wanted..its really weird! I could go on forever though really, one night I was meant to write something to a friend to try and explain things and I ended up writing 10 pages and so had to keep it to myself, it all seemed a bit crazy.


Jen, have you ever sought help from a clinical psychologist - it sounds as though - at least in this moment - you're depressed. Depression can be a physical disorder or instigated by circumstances emotional factors. But, take it from one who has dealt with it personally, depression is a real problem and it can get better with competent help.


I've thought about this quite a bit, even played out so many different scenarios of it in my mind. Its something I have never done and I go through my phases of thinking I should and then finding all the reasons in the world why i should not. Most of the positive things in life have happened when someone has dragged me into them anyway. In the end I end up thinking its something that would not be good. You see people all the time who have had such bad luck in life, who have had things really hard and you see the soul and spirit they have. You see their strength and even though they are not perfect (which some how just makes it even better) and they pull through. They carry on living, they have their own problems and could be unhappy with their own demons but I look at them in envy because, I feel like thats not me. I've not really had any of that so in a sense, I am ruining what could of been a good thing. Wasting a life that could of meant so much. I have such a strong feeling of time running out and each day passing, each week, month (one reason why I hate summer). Yet if thats why, why am I doing this!

I don't know how bad this would sound, but I prefer feeling sad and crying then the others. It seems to be the only one where you really feel like a person and have an emotion that can be expressed. It also seems to be when I can most cloest to people. It's much better than the other times, when you feel numb or empty. Disconnected from the world and your emotions. Even feeling like you want to scream and shout but looking just like a statue.
I guess I have a habit of saying so much, yet so little.

(weird little thing, when I was editing my post, the save button read 'vote now' instead of save)

[kimdl93]

Jenny, "preferring to feel sad & cry" isn't the way anyone should live thier life. I really urgre you to look for a competent therapist - in my opinion, one who practices cognitive therapy. Google it - I'm sure you'll find a better explanation of the process than I can offer. But, I've done it - I know it works, and the preponderance of clinical studies suggest that properly implemented cognitive therapy can be very effective in treating depression.

Best of luck, Jen