Socializing with gay people

[Alexei]

I recently joined my campus's GLBT organization, because I wanted to connect with other Trans people. Unfortunately, and statistically not surprising, the group is almost entirely gay. It is even called the Gay Alliance. This means that if I want to visit the GLBT center, then I am surrounded by gay men. Their conversations are mainly the same as any other group of college students, but they occasionally hit some topics that are a little uncomfortable for me.

My question to the forum is, how do you feel about being the only non-gay person in a group? Obviously this question only applies to people that are not gay themselves, though I would be interested in the opinions of anyone that is alone in an otherwise uniform group; gay, bi, GG, whatever.

As for my own views, I see gay people the same way I see any group with a motivation I don't share: To each his own, do what you want. I just feel a little out of place when the people I'm with start comparing flavors of the small round things in wrappers left there by an AIDS awareness group (guess). I'm already feeling different as a crossdresser, I really don't need to add another layer of difference.



side note: I don't mean to insult anyone, I apologize if this is taken the wrong way. The post feels clear enough to me.

[Barbara Jo]

I'm already feeling different as a crossdresser, I really don't need to add another layer of difference.

Even though I have absolutly nothing against gays, I have to agree with that statement and if you feel that way, I would not make associating with gays a regular thing just for your own well being.

Also, I have found though the years that even though gays will tolorate CDs, most gays really do not understand us anyway.

[Jessy]

I think I mentioned it before, I have a bit of the same problem in my own area. Although the LGBT communities seem certainly more accepting to me, and they are nice people, I just don't feel like I belong there because 99% is homosexual, and I am heterosexual myself. Homosexuality is definitely a different topic than CD, so I don't really feel like they are the people for me to talk about this subject.

[karen68]

Hi Alexei. I think I would have to leave the group, not that I have a problem with gays, but it would really be a one sided group and probably have nothing in common with us girls that only like to dress and be fem, and as most gays aren't really interested in girls, there wouldn't really be anything for me. I would want to be with other girls that have the same things in common with me. Thats just my :2c:

[GypsyKaren]

If everyone treated them like "people" instead of "gay people", there wouldn't be any problems.

Karen :g1:

[kellycan27]

Perhaps you should try to find a group that you are more tolerant of.

[sterling12]

Well, I don't think you want to leave The Group. I think it can be very lonely on Campus without some folks to talk with. No Social Life can really Suck!

Simplest Answer? Just accept what they have to say, and then move on to some other subject. You'll know The Appropriate time. Nobody says you have to be gay, nobody says you have to participate in a conversation that makes you uncomfortable.

You do understand that they probably believe you are also Gay. There's just as much ignorance about us in The Gay Community, as one would experience in The Straight World.

To avoid being ostracized, I wouldn't be making a large deal out of your heterosexuality! And, you can probably make a case for your NOT being heterosexual. If you feel that there is a "Woman Within," and you like Girls/Women? Hey, congratulations! That would probably make you a lesbian. See, you do have people you can hang out with. You just have to get with The Right Ones. By the way, don't be trying for GF's of Transmen....that could cause you some trouble!

Peace and Love, Joanie

[MiraM]

If everyone treated them like "people" instead of "gay people", there wouldn't be any problems.

Karen :g1:

Well said. I know I don't refer to the people I work with and am around all day as the "Straight People" or the "Breeders". They are people, plain and simple...my friends and my co-workers.

And there is plenty to talk about other than the fact I am Gay and Cross-dress and they aren't/don't. We talk about work, current trends in the Culinary world, the state of the country, computers, the list goes on. The only thing I don't talk to them about is sports, as I do not watch sports. There is plenty to talk about with people that are different than you, if you only try.

[Lorileah]

Those little round things with flavors are used by straight people also (they should be used by straight people in college more than most other groups). So basically you are looking for a group college age who doesn't discuss any sexual practices, is there a cloister somewhere?

OK so now to answer the question at hand. I socialize with gays the same way I socialize with anyone. They treat me like a friend and rarely make any advances. Sort of like going out with your class mates.

Unfortunately there aren't usually enough CD's who are out to make your own club. The L&G community has at the very least accepted us into their fold so we can have at least a small voice and some social interaction. The male gays understand that 1) the majority of CD's aren't gay and 2) they are not looking for "girls" in any form so you are treated like someone they will be friends with. This was shown when they felt comfortable enough to discuss sexual things around you. Quit looking at them as if they are something different and start looking at them as people who you can hang with and have fun. It is college for heaven's sake, you are supposed to make friends and have good times.

[Alexei]

I'm afraid I was misinterpreted here. I have no problem with gay people, I just can't personally relate to them.




If everyone treated them like "people" instead of "gay people", there wouldn't be any problems.

In general, that is a good way of thinking, but in this scenario the label is entirely accurate. I noticed a few people at the meeting that were in my classes, and I had no idea they were gay. It doesn't change the way I see them; In my mind they are still "those people in my class" and not "those gays in my class". But the fact remains that "those people in my class" are gay and if we they are taken out of context of class and in context of the GLBT organization, then they are "those gay people"


There is plenty to talk about with people that are different than you, if you only try.

That's true. I'm generally pretty quiet but I contributed to conversation when I could. Needless to say there were some topics I had nothing to add.



Edit: Lorlieah, they may be used by straight people also, but I can't tell from personal experience what they taste like.

Also Edit: Rereading my post, I notice my habit of arguing is coming out again. Sorry about that.

[Ericka2]

Not sure if this will help but I had two different encuonters with gay guys and they weren't pleasant ones, they kind of made remarks like I wasn't a real girl and that was uncall for, they seem to think that we are from another planet and respectfully I treat them the same.

Just my opinion.

Love ERicka:hugs:

[5150 Girl]

Like any new situation, there will be an adjustment period. Soon you will think nothing of it.
But as for beeing in a minority, as a CD in any mainstream place, aren't you already a minority?

[AllieSF]

Alexei,

I understood where you were coming from in your first post. I don't see anything wrong with what you have written. One thing that I specifically like about your post is that a while back I recommended to a new member here, who is an international student at a US university and was looking for friends, to look up specifically the university's LGBT group, if one existed, as a means to meet someone and be able to be out completely to someone her age.

So, you have joined a group as a means to find someone who is into your life style and it turned out that they are not. However, on the upside you are accepted there and you can participate when you can in their conversations. You now at least have a safe zone social group with some people who may just turn out to be friends with whom you may be able to share some of your inner thoughts about where you are and where you might be going with this lifestyle. So, I wouldn't give up on them yet. That being said, if your specific needs are not being met within this group, then by all means move on and look elsewhere. I would recommend that you tell your group why you are moving on as a matter of respect for the group's members and the group's organizers. Your comments might assist them to be more pro-active to broaden the existing mix of the group.

Thanks for starting this interesting thread, which has been helpful to me.

[Stephenie S]

This post, IMHO, with it's discussion of "those people" is treading on shaky ground.

I know you all accept and are tolerant of homosexuals, but the really proper way to discuss this is just the way you would want others to talk about you (crossdressers), as just normal everyday PEOPLE.

Karen has said this already.

Stephenie

[Lynn Marie]

Maybe a few slightly hidden agendas here? Alexei is ablsolutely correct in what she has ascertained. She went to a meeting and she was the only CD there. She really wanted to meet with other folks with similar interests. I don't know about Alexei, but I'd be talking about clothes, lingerie, heels, stockings, wigs and makeup. If none of those topics of conversation were being discussed and hopefully from a CD point of view, then I'd feel a little out of place and uncomfortable. Same as I would feel at a meeting of quilters or coin collectors.

I go to gay clubs because I'm are accepted. Not necessarily with open arms, but I don't have to worry about being assaulted by over-compensating knuckle-dragging apes. I appreciate the welcome that I do get and I have great respect for the gay culture. Like CD'ers, they've had to accept some pretty scary stuff about themselves, they've faced it, and are no longer afraid. That's pretty amazing in my book.

[Hope]

If everyone treated them like "people" instead of "gay people", there wouldn't be any problems.

No kidding.

"I went and hung out with some gay guys and they started talking about icky condoms, so I don't want to go back..." I am absolutely certain that they did not spend an hour talking about condom flavors ("those round things" are called condoms). They may have brought it up to see how squeamish you were, to see if you really were a part of the group, but more likely they were exchanging information relevant to their lives and having a good laugh at the same time. You are in college now, it's time to grow up and learn that not every conversation has to center around you and your interests. If you can't handle sitting with a group of gay men when they start discussing condom flavors - how can you expect to sit with a group of women when they start discussing vibrators, or much more often, menstruation?

How do I feel about being the only non-gay person in a group? It doesn't faze me at all, in fact I much prefer it. But then seeing as my wife and I both have masters degrees and we don't have children, we generally have more in common with gay people, and prefer to hang out with them than with the breeders. You have never experienced mind-numbing agony until you have sat through a conversation about a bloody "diaper genie" or about little Chads karate prowess, or had to reschedule a dinner because Bladen "made it to the finals!," or had to coo and ogle over poorly taken photos (or worse yet professionally taken photos) of someone's "gran-baby."

[GypsyKaren]

Since you feel uncomfortable in a group that's only gays and no CD'ers, then just don't go anymore, simple as that, problem solved.

Anyone who has any kind of problem with gays should just avoid them altogether, but don't you dare ever ask anyone else to accept you for who you are!

BTW, I'm a post-op woman who's married to another woman, and we're both proud to say that we're gay.

KS

[AmandaM]

Geez, she reaches out and is attacked. She didn't even say anything negative about gays. She was just trying to deal with it.

[karen68]

Geez, she reaches out and is attacked. She didn't even say anything negative about gays. She was just trying to deal with it.

I agree:doh: she only really wants to connect with other cd girls

[Tessa_Green]

Their conversations are mainly the same as any other group of college students, but they occasionally hit some topics that are a little uncomfortable for me.

I'm having trouble understanding the problem here. Uncomfortable topics do come up in conversation from time to time. If being gay makes this so, perhaps there are some underlying issues at hand...If its unbearable, then you've always the option to leave. To each their own.
I like to think that we all can learn quite a bit from "uncomfortable" situations. Give it a chance, you might learn something and better yet form some meaningful friendships :)

[Jilmac]

I have a very close friendship with several gay people, male and female. Two of the males are life partners and none of them use social networking groups. I have attended LGBT functions (Pridefest) with my gay friends (dressed of course) and have never felt the least bit uncomfortable touring the various booths and displays. I know there is a lot of AIDS awareness at any LGBT function, and discussions about the things you mentioned but I mostly listen and won't add to the conversation.

You didn't say whether you attend your campus group dressed or not. You also might want to try associating with some women in the group to get a different perspective. Do the others know you're straight? Perhaps there's an assumption on thier part, that you're gay too. Try attending several functions dressed and in a mixed crowd you might be received differently. Good luck.

[Misty is Kindafem]

Geez, she reaches out and is attacked. She didn't even say anything negative about gays. She was just trying to deal with it.

She's not being "attacked". She's just being confronted on the overall tone of what I would call a silly post. I'm not surprised by the typical mild revulsion towards gays on this board but I have to admit that I was a little surprised to see a college kid having phobic issues with his own peers.

It's no big deal though, hets don't understand gays. So what.

I just think it's kinda funny that the OP described the meeting like a Saturday Night Live skit. I could imagine the terrified straight kid trying to participate in awkward conversations about hot guys and (gasp!) flavored condoms. Then Will Ferell walks out in tight shorts and a half shirt holding a large tub of Crisco.

Face it ladies, we're not gonna find acceptance at the Home Depot so if you wanna find people you can relax and party with then you're just gonna have to get used to gay people.

I would also wager $100 that at least one of those gay dudes likes to play dress up every now and then.

...oh, but he knows how those flavored condoms taste, how could I ever relate to a guy like that!! GROSS

Gosh I hope nobody thinks I'm gay,

-Misty

[Fab Karen]

Those little round things with flavors are used by straight people also (they should be used by straight people in college more than most other groups). So basically you are looking for a group college age who doesn't discuss any sexual practices, is there a cloister somewhere?

OK so now to answer the question at hand. I socialize with gays the same way I socialize with anyone. They treat me like a friend and rarely make any advances. Sort of like going out with your class mates.

Unfortunately there aren't usually enough CD's who are out to make your own club. The L&G community has at the very least accepted us into their fold so we can have at least a small voice and some social interaction. The male gays understand that 1) the majority of CD's aren't gay and 2) they are not looking for "girls" in any form so you are treated like someone they will be friends with. This was shown when they felt comfortable enough to discuss sexual things around you. Quit looking at them as if they are something different and start looking at them as people who you can hang with and have fun. It is college for heaven's sake, you are supposed to make friends and have good times.
To expand on what Lori said, all gay people aren't alike, all black people aren't alike, all white people aren't alike, all TS's/CD's aren't alike.
Two of my closest friends are teachers; sometimes they "talk shop" which I don't have much if anything to add to, so I have to be patient & just mostly listen( I understand they're being supportive of each other), and other subjects can be brought up eventually.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Alexia...you are getting some flak because u asked a specific question..."how do you feel being the only nongay person in a group"...that was your question...that's what you said..
and you made comments about condoms with the inference being that discussions of the taste made you uncomfortable...which sounds a bit like you are disgusted by men talking about oral sex...

they are not the most horrible things to say, but its not a very tolerant way of saying it...

there is alot of homophobia on these boards...
and there are lots of gay, lesbian and bi people including me, and your post registered abit on my homophobia meter...

if you had said, how do you feel being the only non trans person in an LGBT support group(or any support group), I felt uncomfortable and didnt share anything in common, then you would not get some of the answers..

:2c:

[MWCMDarlene]

Alexei, it seems to me that you might want to try going to your campus' Dean of Students, or even someone in the Psycology Department and see if there are any groups more to your liking than the LGBT on campus. If not, then maybe you could start your own support group for student/campus staff crossdressers. In that case, I would certainly use the Psychology Departments or student/campus avisors as a resource to weed out those who aren't serious about such a group. If you are a state funded school, I would assume that the campus heads would have to allow for such a group to have access to campus facilities.

[Di]

If everyone treated them like "people" instead of "gay people", there wouldn't be any problems.

Karen :g1:

Seriously......totally agree with Karen......Sometimes I just do not get IT....we all want to be treated as people...
Guess ,maybe you should quit going as you feel out of place....sad really.

[KimberlyJo]

But then seeing as my wife and I both have masters degrees and we don't have children, we generally have more in common with gay people, and prefer to hang out with them than with the breeders.

Because people who have kids don't have educations?


You have never experienced mind-numbing agony until you have sat through a conversation about a bloody "diaper genie" or about little Chads karate prowess, or had to reschedule a dinner because Bladen "made it to the finals!," or had to coo and ogle over poorly taken photos (or worse yet professionally taken photos) of someone's "gran-baby."

Or having to sit through some "educated" person's particular pretentious view of everything economic, political, theological or sociological. Yawn, wake me up when desert gets here...kthxbye.

What you have done here is illustrate the OP's point exactly though. It can be uncomfortable or down-right annoying when the topic of conversation veers in a direction that you can't relate to.


I could imagine the terrified straight kid trying to participate in awkward conversations about hot guys and (gasp!) flavored condoms. Then Will Ferell walks out in tight shorts and a half shirt holding a large tub of Crisco.


I disagree with your assessment of the OP but I have to admit, this made me lol.

[AmandaM]

She's not being "attacked". She's just being confronted on the overall tone of what I would call a silly post. I'm not surprised by the typical mild revulsion towards gays on this board but I have to admit that I was a little surprised to see a college kid having phobic issues with his own peers.


Maybe in her view sexual discussion is something you don't do in "polite company". Some people are raised that way. And there is a large element of gay's here. Many of whom take offense at the slightest hint of disagreement or non-acceptance by the non-gay people here. And then they go on the attack. This is not a gay board. It's a transgendered board. If she has issues dealing with the gays in this group, she should be able to come here for advice. Instead, she is belittled. This is totally unfair. If she has issues with gays, then maybe help her see the light?

[jenifer m.]

years ago i used to be real homophobic but within the last 5or6 years ive come to get to know a few and they are actually real cool people.i guess i was being judgemental beacause of my own insecurities,and look at me ha ha who am i to judge any body.now i will have no problem being around gays.

[Alexei]

I didn't want to stir up all this, to rephrase what I said in the first post; I didn't mean to insult anyone.

I'm going to try and explain things better. Many things have been said, so I'll try and respond to as many as I can.




you are getting some flak because u asked a specific question..."how do you feel being the only nongay person in a group"...that was your question...that's what you said..

if you had said, how do you feel being the only non trans person in an LGBT support group

I didn't specifically reach out for support with a problem. I detailed a situation was in, and asked if anyone else had an opinion or personal experience to share. I went through a few variations on the question before posting because I wanted it as generalized as possible while still keeping it's meaning. The sentence I placed right after the question is the one to note here:"I would be interested in the opinions of anyone that is alone in an otherwise uniform group"


I have to admit that I was a little surprised to see a college kid having phobic issues with his own peers.

If its unbearable, then you've always the option to leave.

comments about condoms with the inference being that discussions of the taste made you uncomfortable

I never said I was uncomfortable in the group. I said there were some topics that were uncomfortable, and that I sat out of those, and I said that I felt out of place. Just out of place, nothing else. I'm also a lazy computer nerd, I would have felt just as out of place among jocks talking football.


I just think it's kinda funny that the OP described the meeting like a Saturday Night Live skit.

I used a euphemism for condoms in my post because I wasn't completely certain about forum rules and didn't know if I could say the word, so I chose better safe than sorry.


I would also wager $100 that at least one of those gay dudes likes to play dress up every now and then.

Why yes, there are. Just yesterday they put on a drag show to raise money. The host was a student I met at the center. His myspace page lists his occupation as Female Impersonator.


Gosh I hope nobody thinks I'm gay,

It's been four days since I first went to one of the meetings, and I haven't made mention of not being gay to anyone there, except the leader in private as part of a question about other trans people. Mainly because I don't care what people think about me. I don't even plan on bringing it up unless someone asks me directly. Before someone here tries to call me on that, I don't care what people think of me, but I'm defending myself here because I do care when someone is unfairly accused.


You didn't say whether you attend your campus group dressed or not.

My female wardrobe is fairly small right now, so all the weather permitted me to wear was an obviously female shirt with my otherwise male appearance. So at least a few people there know that I dress, if not my motivation.


You also might want to try associating with some women in the group to get a different perspective.

I go to a tech school that is predominantly male, the percentage breakdown extends to GLBT's also, so there are very few lesbians.


see if there are any groups more to your liking than the LGBT on campus. If not, then maybe you could start your own support group

There is only one group on campus, and only one semi-active group in the nearby city, which is unfortunately out of my age range. Though I am still looking in to it. Starting a new group is definitely a workable idea though.



If everyone treated them like "people" instead of "gay people", there wouldn't be any problemsSeriously......totally agree with Karen......Sometimes I just do not get IT....we all want to be treated as people...

I'm not trying to diminish a group of people. Just using a grammatically correct term to get my point accross. "those people" referring to a group that I am not a member of, and because the common characteristic is that they are gay, I said that as well. I could have tried to be PC about it and never made mention of anyone's orientation, but that would defeat the purpose.



There, I tried to get the big ones. I hope this helps. Perhaps next time I unitentionally start a war I'll stick around to keep it under control.

[Nicole Erin]

Geez, she reaches out and is attacked. She didn't even say anything negative about gays. She was just trying to deal with it.

Oh come on, you know that is common around here. Kind of bites.

But yeah, TG and gay/les are two different groups. Er TG relate better with other TG cause we have a gender thing going, where gay/les have a same sex partner thing going.

Me personally, It doesn't bother me whatever someone's preference is. I prefer women myself, well that and other TG.

I would say at least stay in touch with the group though cause sooner or later, other TG will drift in. Maybe not many but if gay and TG can at least stick together, we can definately break some barriers and stand on semi-common ground

[joyce483]

maybe your next post will be about the honest politican that you know!!!

[Kara Connor]

Hi Alexei,

From your post I think that perhaps you are approaching the meetings the wrong way. For example, you say that you had nothing to add to some of the subjects of conversation. That's fine :) If people are talking about something that I have little knowledge, or no direct experience of, I try and listen to what they are saying. When I was at younger, at university, I was definitely more into expressing my opinion than listening to others. I sometimes still am, but I have learned that occasionally it is good to just take in what other people are saying - it is fascinating seeing another world open up, and you are getting an inside view. I appreciate that you could not relate to some things, but at least you will get a better understanding. You always have this forum for discussing CD-specific issues.

And yes, as a father, I can also admit that us "breeders" do have a tendency to think that anything our kids do is fascinating to other people :) Of course, my kids really are very interesting; only just the other day one of them said ... (OK, OK, I'll stop).

Best regards from

Kara

[Alexei]

maybe your next post will be about the honest politican that you know!!!

That's probably my cue to abandon this as a lost cause. I'll apologize again for stirring the pot, hopefully we can move on and go back to being civil.

[Bree-asaurus]

That's probably my cue to abandon this as a lost cause. I'll apologize again for stirring the pot, hopefully we can move on and go back to being civil.

I think there's just a bit of misunderstanding going on. I can kind of understand both sides here. I accidentally came out as being gay as an effort to hide my CD (now I know is TS) side... and lately I've been unable to relate as well to gay people... (again, because I'm a woman that likes men, not a man that likes men) but every gay guy I've dated and that I am friends with are all awesome and the first guy I dated is now my gay BFF! I dunno... everything is just so f-ed up and there is more grey than black and white, I get tired of people getting worked up over "certain types of people" and wish everyone could just get along.

[Vickie_CDTV]

That's probably my cue to abandon this as a lost cause. I'll apologize again for stirring the pot, hopefully we can move on and go back to being civil.

There is no need to apologize. I was once in a similar situation when I was your age (about 10 years back.) I went to a college with a gay/lesbian support group and I considered getting involved. I checked first to see if there were any TG folks there. I found out there were no TS members, much less crossdressers, and not being gay myself I decided against it. It would not have been reasonable to expect them to have an understanding of heterosexual transvestism. It is just a different animal compared to being gay. Not better or worse, just different.

I was fortunate to find a TG support group in a town about an hour away, where I was able to find the support I needed back then.

[Karen564]

To be honest, after reading all the replies....I had Totally forgot what the orginal post or question was.....:lol:


This is a good time for EVERYONE to have one big group hug .......:gh:

:love:

[Sarah_GG]

Perhaps you should try to find a group that you are more tolerant of.

Yes. That. :straightface:

[karen68]

This is a good time for EVERYONE to have one big group hug .......:gh:



I agree Karen:hugs:

[Veronica Nowakowski]

Hi Alexei. I think I would have to leave the group, not that I have a problem with gays, but it would really be a one sided group and probably have nothing in common with us girls that only like to dress and be fem, and as most gays aren't really interested in girls, there wouldn't really be anything for me. I would want to be with other girls that have the same things in common with me. Thats just my :2c:

Actually, half are very interested in women, they're called lesbians. Well, even that isn't true, because there's bisexuals which take up some of the very interested, but increases those interested past 50%.

[Annie D]

How would you feel if you were the only male in a group of females?
How would you feel if you were the only female in a group of males?
How would you feel if you were the only white in a group of blacks?
How would you feel if you were the only black in a group of whites?

You get the picture. The most important thing for each of us is to feel comfortable in your surroundings and if the group you are spending time with accept you, then you can't ask for anything more. To become comfortable with being the only one who is a crossdresser is something you will have to deal with on a personal level. I think that most of us find ourselves in the same boat every time we go out as our female self.

Good luck!

[karen68]

Actually, half are very interested in women, they're called lesbians. Well, even that isn't true, because there's bisexuals which take up some of the very interested, but increases those interested past 50%.

:strugglin:surrender

[Veronica Nowakowski]

I'm thinking... we should look at how homsexual men and women originally got together. I imagine that they originally met in separate groups and then when sufficiently large joined together to be more of a force. Perhaps there being a lack of sufficiently large transgender groups may have something to do with the issues when joining a LGBTQI (Q is for Queer and I is for intersex, who are also considered a part) group. Perhaps the formation of transgender only groups would be the proper start to prevent isolation.

[msginaadoll]

Wow we certainly are all human! We each color our posts with our prejudices beliefs, opinions, etc. I think in our humaness we like being with others that have similar interests. Some people may think thats wrong. I guess what the original poster was saying was that they were trying to find a group to meet their needs, one that they had a commonality with. Maybe the group is not right for them. That doesnt make them a bad person. That is of course unless I judge them to be and I of course am always right:brolleyes:

[Veronica Nowakowski]

They were most certainly saying that the group didn't meet their needs. The support wasn't really going towards transgenderism but towards homosexual feelings. That's why I think a group of transgendered people may be a good idea, then when it has some sway it can merge into a standard LGBTQI group to ensure that it's more welcoming for transgendered people.

[Hope]

Because people who have kids don't have educations?

Lets everyone sing the "Conjunction Junction" song!


Or having to sit through some "educated" person's particular pretentious view of everything economic, political, theological or sociological. Yawn, wake me up when desert gets here...kthxbye.

What you have done here is illustrate the OP's point exactly though. It can be uncomfortable or down-right annoying when the topic of conversation veers in a direction that you can't relate to.

I have never understood some folks fear of education, but - whatever. The point (which you obviously missed) is that adult human beings with social skills recognize that in many social situations, not every conversation will revolve around themselves, or their particular interests. There might even be times where people talk about things that interest some members of a group, but not every individual in that group. Those who are adults, and able to behave accordingly in public, politely listen, sometimes even feigning interest so that everyone, even the boring educated people, feel involved in at least some part of a conversation, instead of say, squirming out of their seats to go take nappies until they can be lured back with a promise of yummies! K? Next week we work on colors.

[kellycan27]

I still don't understand why someone who obviously has a problem with gays would join a group that is mainly about gay people. And then to complain about about being uncomfortable with the topic of conversation.

[Ms. Emily]

I don't get why we get lumped in with the gay community regardless of how many are gay. We are two different groups as far as I see. Regardless of why we are put together if you don't like the subject matter I just wouldn't attend. I can't see why everyone is attacking her for this though. What did she say that was so horrible ?? She mentions a conversation she was uncomfortable about and you all assume she's a bigot. It's not like she jumped up and started screaming that they were all disgusting and stormed out. If I started spouting off all my different fetishes and joking about them. You may not like it either. Does that make you a bigot ??

[JulieK1980]

Maybe its because I'm bi-sexual, but I really don't get why we group people based solely on sexual orientation, ultimately we all are people, and yes, some conversations a bunch of homosexuals will have, won't be able to be related from the perspective of a heterosexual, but why would it bother you? If I'm at a social function and a conversation that I have nothing to add to comes up, I ether a. try to change the topic, or b. decide its a good time for a restroom break. But I'm sure a lot of the homosexuals would be just as without input if you talked about dressing.

I think what I'm trying to say is, its better to see the group as people, instead of "gays"

[Satrana]

Alexei

If you are not connecting with the gays in the group, that is OK since they are after all there for their sexual preferences and not their gender preferences. These are 2 different things which many people including gays have difficulty in separating.

So what you learned is that joining groups who have faced society's prejudices does not necessarily mean that you share common personal interests. If what you really want is to talk and share girly things then you should be targeting groups that attract girly GGs.

[Danielle Gee]

There are not a lot of openly Gay folks in Southern Ohio. I fact I can only think of five that are in my circle of friends. I’m not sure it they’re indicative of all Gays, but I find them to be witty, worldly and well read people.

That being said different group form with the purpose of being with other of the same interests. This could be seen in groups ranging from Gays to NASCAR aficionados. Therefore they tend to be kind of “Clannish” and suspicious of what they consider to be outsiders.

I suspect the “T” in LGBT is considered by most Gays and Lesbians as “Transgender” ( as opposed to Transvestite). So I guess you could stay in the group and try to educate them about us, Or find a group that more closely matches your interests.

Danielle:2c:

[Veronica Nowakowski]

Uh, the T is for Transgender. Basically it covers more than just Transvestites (such as transsexuals) and has a much more positive vibe.

[JamieG]

Two of my wife's closest friends from college are gay. Once, we had them, their partners, and another pair of breeders spend the weekend at our house. Back when I was in college I was homophobic (not in a tease and beat up sense, but in I don't want to associate with them sense) due to ignorance. After having met a number of gay and lesbians, I now realize they come in all shapes, sizes and personalities. Some rub me the wrong way, but most are interesting and fun people to be around. I currently have a colleague who's openly gay and a friend who's bi. Three years ago I went through ally training at my campus, and a year later I joined the Faculty/Staff LGBT group as an "ally" (I'm not out on campus). Since then, my wife and I've hosted a gathering at our house for the group, and it was one of the most entertaining and intellectually stimulating dinner parties we've had in a while. I've also met a number of the LGBT students, and they're all great kids. As far as I know, they're are no open "T's" in the group, but that's in part because its hard to be the first one. Yes, we might not be exactly like lesbians and gays, but they have a better chance of understanding our concerns and issues than many straight people.

[Veronica Nowakowski]

I don't think the point of the author was that she disliked homosexuals, only that she didn't feel that they understood what she was going through at all. It's about lumping our support in with generic LBGTQI issues when it's our personal issues; they generally don't understand them. It is not about homophobia or heterosexism. Politically, they'll stand up for us before anyone else, and we should reciprocate. However, personally, they may not understand.

[Maria in heels]

Alexei...I think that you truly have a valid question, its just the way that you posed it to us that seems to cause everything from defending you to actually almost "attacking" you on your view of things. As most of us are understanding of trying to allow our femine side to be seen, sometimes it is a hard thing to do, and when looking for help in expressing our thoughts or ideas or wants, it just gets worse and worse.

Maybe its the group that you have tried to associate with...plesae try to keep an open mind and remember that they are "allowing" you into their group. Yes, they must if you push it, but if you are pushing it, you really are not part of the group then, are you?

I think that the "shock value" that many "gays" have learned to do, in order to "get back" at the hetro or homophobic males of the world starts at a very young age. Just the description of you discussing "the topic of flavored condoms" is definately a "shock value" and it seems that they are "practicing" for the full show in front of the homophobics. Shock valuve has a great deal of weight as far I can see when it comes to the gay/lesbian population...

I actually have both gay males and females as customers/consumers at my job. I have not had a problem with any, except for one GG Lesbian, who just overall is "nasty" and rude with just about everyone...(no wonder why she still "runs" to her dad when she has a problem and needs money to pay at 44 years old!) What I mean is that the male gays are normally either very quiet and try to blend into the shadows out of fear of being ostrichized (sic) by the hetro community, or they are just outright flamboyant and showey (my word) and want everyone around to know that they are gay. I have several male couples, and they are always a pleasure and actually fun to deal with. I have one GG couple who actually have the same hair style, and share an adopted daughter as a family unit.

I think that thruout life, they have many problems because of their choice...but that is their choice. I actually have an "uncle" who is definately gay, and have been taught by my father that his best friend was always there, gay or not, and that we should always look at others who are different with open eyes. Little did he realize when he found out about my dressing did he become very quiet, undestanding, but wanted to push me back into the closet....guess that goes along with his gay friend, who is like family to all of us...but he is gay as my father points out with his companions.

It takes a lot to "come out" as far as i know as "gay" in the community, so I truly hope that you realize how lucky you are...especially at your age...

[NathalieX66]

I lost track where this question is going.

I have quite a few gay & lesbian friends where I have outed myself as a hetero cd'er .....they seem cool but indifferent. Somehow my crossdressing means little to them. I thought I was on par with what they experienced in life but being a cd'er seems not much interest to them, as I get the feelling that what they are & crave is something else.