It's just not FAIR!

[AKAMichelle]

Tonight one of my sons came over to the house and ended up eating with us. She had a really cute top. I can't say anything without being called a pervert.

In stores, I see women with really pretty purses or shoes and I have to keep my mouth shut or be construed as a stalker or a creep.

[Veronica Nowakowski]

She? Is your son also transgendered or did he bring someone with us?

EDIT: However, I do want to relay some wisdom I once got when I was in a class to orient people to careers in Education (I changed majors since). If a woman picks up a small child who hurt itself and comforts it, people think that's touching. If a man does exactly the same, people look at him and think he's a pervert. It's a sad double standard.

[KarenS]

I comment frequently about clothing I like, or a pretty woman, or nice shoes. I don't get any comments that are negative.

As for the double standard, public TV has been showing adverts for years about breast cancer, uterine cancer, femenine hygiene products, bras, etc. But, the public doesn't like seeing adverts about prostate cancer, or erectile dysfunction.
People don't mind seeing pictures of women on teh beach in bikinis but don't want to look at a Hooters girl. I don't think double standards will ever end.

[Veronica Nowakowski]

Actually, prostate cancer kills more than breast cancer as well.

[ReineD]

Tonight one of my sons came over to the house and ended up eating with us. She had a really cute top.

Do you mean one of your son's female friends came over?

I agree it might not be appropriate for you to comment in particular about her top, especially if it shows off her cleavage, given your age difference. If the GG was your age, it wouldn't be as tricky.

I would also feel awkward telling one of my son's male friends how attractive I think he is. It would make him feel uncomfortable due to the age difference. I don't see a double standard here, but I do appreciate how difficult it is for you to see cute clothing and not feel free to be yourself around others.

In terms of feeling frustrated because you don't feel free to tell women you don't know in public how cute their clothes are, I also don't feel comfortable telling a strange man how attractive I feel he is. Or even if he was a friend (not dating), I would not want to cross the line by commenting too enthusiastically about his appearance. :)
:hugs:

[AKAMichelle]

Yes it was one of my sons female friends. She knows nothing of me as far as I know.

The age difference is a huge factor, but I am hestitate to say anything out in public to a woman even my age. Women see men as a potential threat. I don't mean any harm, but they don't know that.

[Veronica Nowakowski]

Well, you have to learn to remain calm. There's no reason to get bent out of shape about it all. It's frustrating, but getting frustrated won't help it; it'll only make it worse.

[Karen564]

I comment frequently about clothing I like, or a pretty woman, or nice shoes. I don't get any comments that are negative.

As for the double standard, public TV has been showing adverts for years about breast cancer, uterine cancer, femenine hygiene products, bras, etc. But, the public doesn't like seeing adverts about prostate cancer, or erectile dysfunction.
People don't mind seeing pictures of women on teh beach in bikinis but don't want to look at a Hooters girl. I don't think double standards will ever end.

Personally, I Never liked seeing TV commercials about Feminine hygiene products or about male erectile dysfunction.....just never thought it was appropriate for TV.....But I'm all for the Cancer awareness ads...should be more of those as far as I'm concerned..

And could care less if I see another perfect girl in a bikini or hooters girls....it just doesn't do a thing for me..other than make me depressed about my own less than perfect bod....lol

[msniki48]

Michele,

This is not an easy one. i have people in my inner circle that i can talk to, and of course if i comment on their clothing, they know it is sincere... but i must check all of my verbage when saying anything to someone not in my circle..it is just protocall. they do not see a female making the coment,[especially if you are in drab] the same word can have two different meanings.

So, Yes you do have to watch, and yes you should not let it take you over the edge. just make believe you are making a comment to a co-worker...in that instance you would watch what you say. treat this the same way.

as for fair??? what in life is fair?:hugs:

[AllieSF]

I think that some of your fear is self created. If I see someone with a neat top, slacks, shoes, male or female, and if the moment is right for me, I do not hesitate to make that compliment. I have never had a negative reply and have met many nice people too that I may not have ever had the chance to meet without that compliment. If I ever get a negative response, I will just write it off to non-friendly sensitive person, forget about it and move on. We do not have to tip toe around this wonderful world that we live in and hide to satisfy others based on what we think they want or do not want. What is wrong with making an honest compliment to someone? I think that a lot of people put restrictions on themselves that they then blame on someone else. Chill out and enjoy life looking for the good points and not the bad ones. Freedom of expression is great.

[Chari]

Learned long ago that most GGs, regardless of age, welcome compliments on their looks (makeup), clothes, jewelry, shoes, etc - so I tell them and haven't gotten any bad replies, just a blush or two and a "thank you"! Consider how long and all the effort it takes some CDers to dress and do makeup. IMO, GGs take as much time, with as much effort as CDers do to get everything just perfect and should be complimented! As for "double standards", a lot of feminine fashion comes from guy items - i.e. slim leg pants, boyfriend jeans, baggy sweaters, business suits, vests, little boy shorts, even some mens jewelry to name a few! And no one says anything about that, but see a guy with a longer hair style, wearing earrings, a dress, skirt, or fancy silk blouse and some of the public wants to stone him & run him out of town!

[Staci G]

More than once I have compemented women on their shoes, or skirt, in public. Most times it is at a grocery store or department store where there is no threat. I have always gottten a smile and thank you from them, but I always make sure I am not too close to them as to appear a threat or be sure to keep on moving after a comment to let them know it was just a passing comment.

[Angie G]

My sons exgirl friend And the mother of hie oldest daughter is a beautiful girl with a awesome body. Witch I never remarked about. There was really no need. Just my outlook.:hugs:
Angie

[Bernadina]

If the time is right I don't see any point in not complimenting someone on what they are wearing. Occasionally I'm in a store and see a woman trying something on. I may comment that I think it works for her if I really believe it does and have had only positive responses.

[ReineD]

I was in a store last Christmas trying on a knit beret, scarf & gloves, so I was in the main section of the store, not in a changing room. A man walked by and made a very positive comment. I was flattered, not at all offended.

I'd like to change my prior opinion to say that I do think it's OK to compliment a woman you don't know under certain circumstances. I'd feel awkward going up to a random guy telling him that I like what he's wearing, but that's just me. And if you do know the woman, I'm sure you'll bring a smile to her lips. But if she is young enough to be your daughter, I'd use caution depending on her relationship with you, her personality, and the circumstances.

[Loni]

i say give a complement, just maybe not too specific.

i have never know a lady who did not approve of being told she is pretty.

Loni

.

[Karren H]

The way I see it... if you don't like the way things are then change them.. Alls fair in love... War... And crossdressing!! Lol.

[Michelia]

I do not know what part of the country you are in or what culture you come from.

But I have yet to go to any part of the world where a woman does not like to hear a nice compliment from a gentleman, regardless of age.

I have a business and when I compliment a customer I mean it. It comes from the heart. And the compliment could be directed at their daughter or their little cute ones with the cute shoes and braids in their hair. Those are the ones I love the most!

Do not think for a minute mothers are not proud of their pretty daughters or the way they comport themselves or the way they look. And do not think a boyfriend is not proud of his beautiful girlfriend and knowing others admire her as well, and I have never found a boyfriend not take kindly to a tasteful compliment to their girlfriend, regardless of their age.

I have never felt like a pervert or felt anyone felt I was being a pervert. Maybe it is the way you say things or the way you see yourself. If you see yourself this way, then you must alter the way you see yourself before people will see you the way you want them to see you.

Don't you like to receive a compliment about the way you look? If I get a compliment about the way I look, from a guy or a girl, it makes my day.

At a place of employment or with your co-workers or your employees or your subordinates, the rules change. The rules are there to protect people from abuse from people in positions of power and to lead to a constructive workplace and they are good rules. But even at the workplace, there is no problem telling someone what a nice pair of shoes they are wearing. Now if you tell them they are sexy shoes or that they make their legs look good, that is another story. I would not tell that to my customers either.

[Veronica Nowakowski]

she's from Denver, CO; a quiet mountain town.

[AKAMichelle]

It's kind of funny that this post has come back to life. After I wrote, the responses caused me to think a great deal. I was at Nordstrom's other day paying my wife's CC bill, when I got to thinking about this post.

Cause right in front of me was this woman wearing a really cute top. Normally I would have kept quiet and gone on. Not that day. I told her how cute the top was on her. She thanked me and we went on with our business. I guess since my wife wasn't there, I felt free to express myself more.

[crossdrezzer1]

i once told my customer,,,a cute young girl-----cute blouse and she thanked me for the comment,,,,wonder if she thought it was weird but honestly it really was a cute blouse and would love to have one like it,,,, it flowed and shimmered and was adorable...wonder how it felt to have on? hummmm,,,,

[crystalann]

The only "fair" I know of? Was State fair. :sad:

[MargaretJ]

This may sound Dirty Old Manish, but I'm always looking at women to see what they are wearing. Recently I have also been noticing hair colour as well. I don't think I could just walk up to a women and say nice whatever, but if I was in a conversation with her, I would make a comment on something I particularly liked. A little compliment costs nothing, but its value is priceless.

[Madeleine StClair]

quiet mountain town.

Quiet mountain town?! You're joking, right? If not, I think you're about due for a visit here!

[Mea GG]

"I have never found a boyfriend not take kindly to a tasteful compliment to their girlfriend, regardless of their age."

There's a good point. You can compliment the young lady indirectly (and I find the term young lady shows a respectful intent) by saying something nice to her boyfriend in her presence or to her in his presence.

I compliment people of either gender if I see a nice outfit or a cute something, make a passing comment, and they always smile and say thanks. Sometimes you can actually see the spring in their step. And the only exception I usually make is men in my age group, where I don't want to be thought of as making a pass.

But all that said, I think girls of the young generation are much more aware and alert for sexual harassment, perverts, etc. so you do have a point there. Respectful is probably the key.
~