SusanLCD
03-29-2010, 04:51 AM
Outside…. In the world…. Wow! So much to share that this is a long post. Please accept my apologies and feel free to leave it when you get bored.
A few days ago (I still haven’t gotten over it), Susan got her chance to experience the world beyond her car. And, it was great!
Up until then, I had been mostly closeted and only ventured out en femme at night in my car (truly, it’s a pickup truck) a few times. On those few occasions, I’ve driven around a lot, but, only stopped to fill up with fuel. While it was an exhilarating feeling to be standing under the lighted awning of the fuel station, it was too brief and limited. As I’m sure all of you girls will understand, it left me wanting more.
Sometimes, I have tried to leave the confines of the car to enter a store and purchase something (anything, really!) In each case, I sat in the dark parking lot for some minutes mustering my courage. I reasoned that sitting there (with the doors locked), anyone observing me would think that I was waiting for someone to come out of the store. I would listen to the radio and pretend to adjust the settings. But, ultimately, I couldn’t bring myself to go in. Eventually, I would start the vehicle and resume my driving excursion.
I find it a little humorous to think that I’m in the closet, but, my closet is expanding. From the closet to the bedroom. From the bedroom to the house. From the house to the car. At least now, my closet has wheels and an ever-changing view out the window. :D
So it is that I found myself with a free afternoon and evening last Wednesday. I had decided that I wanted to force myself out of my “closet” during the daytime. This might be the opportunity.
So, I set to work preparing myself. I felt that, if I spent the time to do a good job of preparing my makeup and hair, I might have sufficient confidence to step out of my rolling closet. I had the time. There would be no excuses, today.
As you can imagine, NASA spends less time prepping the Space Shuttle than I did getting my face ready for the world to see it. Handling volatile rocket fuel and filling tanks with liquid hydrogen have nothing on shaving VERY closely, plucking eyebrows, applying foundation, and cross-checking to ensure adequate coverage. I have developed a much better appreciation for the time my wife spent getting ready whenever we would go out for an evening.
When preparations were completed, <drum roll> I finally, and nervously, left the house. It was 5:00 PM and the sun was still high in the sky. This was the very first time I had been out “in the world” during the daytime. (Thank goodness for daylight savings time or I would have missed my goal. <g>) It was exciting to know that, as I drove, any other drivers who looked at me saw Susan. During my prior drives at night, it’s unlikely anyone would have been able to see me, at all.
I drove to a shopping mall in another town where it’s unlikely I would encounter anyone I know. I carefully parked my car, took a deep breath, ensured that I had my car keys (don’t lock them in the car), got out of the car, and locked it. I turned toward the mall entrance and started walking, hoping to not encounter anyone who might be overly curious.
There was no one who was overly curious. In fact, as all of you have pointed out, no one even noticed. A few people glanced in my direction while passing (mostly girls or couples) and continued on with their conversations. Many didn’t even give me a glance.
I spent some time walking the length of the mall and back, glancing into store windows, being conscious of my presentation, and looking around to see what stores were located there. I didn’t interface directly with any other people (my confidence isn’t that strong) beyond passing glances. I did wonder whether those whose glances were longer than others were questioning what they saw. But, no one seemed to conclude I was any more than another window shopper strolling down the mall.
After being there for some time with no negative incident, I felt emboldened enough to venture into Macy’s and spend some time in their clothing aisles. Here I realized that I need more experience. I’m “plus sized” and discovered that Macy’s clothing aisles don’t have much for me to consider. Although their on-line shopping accommodates me, the store didn’t seem to have much inventory in those sizes. Just as well, I wouldn’t have had the courage to try it on or buy it there, anyway.
So, after a little under 2 hours of window shopping, I did not buy any “windows.” Just the same, I’m still carrying a bad case of “pink fog.”
I’m sorry that I don’t have any photos to share. It was such a significant undertaking for me that taking photos would have complicated the experience.
BTW: For those of you that have shared photos of your outings, how have you managed to take them when you are alone? A tripod seems too obtrusive. Even the camera alone seems that it would attract undo attention. I would appreciate your suggestions so I can share when I do this next (and I will.)
Thank you.
A few days ago (I still haven’t gotten over it), Susan got her chance to experience the world beyond her car. And, it was great!
Up until then, I had been mostly closeted and only ventured out en femme at night in my car (truly, it’s a pickup truck) a few times. On those few occasions, I’ve driven around a lot, but, only stopped to fill up with fuel. While it was an exhilarating feeling to be standing under the lighted awning of the fuel station, it was too brief and limited. As I’m sure all of you girls will understand, it left me wanting more.
Sometimes, I have tried to leave the confines of the car to enter a store and purchase something (anything, really!) In each case, I sat in the dark parking lot for some minutes mustering my courage. I reasoned that sitting there (with the doors locked), anyone observing me would think that I was waiting for someone to come out of the store. I would listen to the radio and pretend to adjust the settings. But, ultimately, I couldn’t bring myself to go in. Eventually, I would start the vehicle and resume my driving excursion.
I find it a little humorous to think that I’m in the closet, but, my closet is expanding. From the closet to the bedroom. From the bedroom to the house. From the house to the car. At least now, my closet has wheels and an ever-changing view out the window. :D
So it is that I found myself with a free afternoon and evening last Wednesday. I had decided that I wanted to force myself out of my “closet” during the daytime. This might be the opportunity.
So, I set to work preparing myself. I felt that, if I spent the time to do a good job of preparing my makeup and hair, I might have sufficient confidence to step out of my rolling closet. I had the time. There would be no excuses, today.
As you can imagine, NASA spends less time prepping the Space Shuttle than I did getting my face ready for the world to see it. Handling volatile rocket fuel and filling tanks with liquid hydrogen have nothing on shaving VERY closely, plucking eyebrows, applying foundation, and cross-checking to ensure adequate coverage. I have developed a much better appreciation for the time my wife spent getting ready whenever we would go out for an evening.
When preparations were completed, <drum roll> I finally, and nervously, left the house. It was 5:00 PM and the sun was still high in the sky. This was the very first time I had been out “in the world” during the daytime. (Thank goodness for daylight savings time or I would have missed my goal. <g>) It was exciting to know that, as I drove, any other drivers who looked at me saw Susan. During my prior drives at night, it’s unlikely anyone would have been able to see me, at all.
I drove to a shopping mall in another town where it’s unlikely I would encounter anyone I know. I carefully parked my car, took a deep breath, ensured that I had my car keys (don’t lock them in the car), got out of the car, and locked it. I turned toward the mall entrance and started walking, hoping to not encounter anyone who might be overly curious.
There was no one who was overly curious. In fact, as all of you have pointed out, no one even noticed. A few people glanced in my direction while passing (mostly girls or couples) and continued on with their conversations. Many didn’t even give me a glance.
I spent some time walking the length of the mall and back, glancing into store windows, being conscious of my presentation, and looking around to see what stores were located there. I didn’t interface directly with any other people (my confidence isn’t that strong) beyond passing glances. I did wonder whether those whose glances were longer than others were questioning what they saw. But, no one seemed to conclude I was any more than another window shopper strolling down the mall.
After being there for some time with no negative incident, I felt emboldened enough to venture into Macy’s and spend some time in their clothing aisles. Here I realized that I need more experience. I’m “plus sized” and discovered that Macy’s clothing aisles don’t have much for me to consider. Although their on-line shopping accommodates me, the store didn’t seem to have much inventory in those sizes. Just as well, I wouldn’t have had the courage to try it on or buy it there, anyway.
So, after a little under 2 hours of window shopping, I did not buy any “windows.” Just the same, I’m still carrying a bad case of “pink fog.”
I’m sorry that I don’t have any photos to share. It was such a significant undertaking for me that taking photos would have complicated the experience.
BTW: For those of you that have shared photos of your outings, how have you managed to take them when you are alone? A tripod seems too obtrusive. Even the camera alone seems that it would attract undo attention. I would appreciate your suggestions so I can share when I do this next (and I will.)
Thank you.