Why?

[adrienner99]

Anyone care to offer their thoughts on we men spend a fortune on dresses, makeup, wigs and high heels, and often go to great lengths to hide our compulsion to dress up like girls from everyone, even our closest friends?

In short, why do you crossdress?

Every theory I've read was written by a psychologist--who does not dress. Scientists can study us all they want, but I prefer simply to ask other CDs.

"It makes me feel good," is a common answer. But I think it goes deeper than that.

Why do you? What drives this obsession for you?

[AmberLynn]

first draw a 40 ft circle and a single grain of sand. now throw the grain into the circle,you did that...great there's one of a hundred million answer's, im not being snoody there's litterly millions of answer's. Here is mine

Why do I dress,I dress because deep down I feel out of place. I feel a deep set of emotion's that i can not explain being drab. When im dressed i feel a deep communication with my true self, My fem self. I know that before my mom become pregnant with me she miscarried "a boy" I was somehow conceived 2 weeks after the miscarry. I have at time's wondered if that since she became pregnant with me so quickly that her body did not have time to set up the right x/y genies causing me to be a boy physically and a girl mentally. cause even though i am heavy set i have larger peck's/breast then the average male. that is my reason,i hope you get a lot of good answer's and i hope i did not come off as a :Angry3: with my circle joke :hugs:

[ellenwannabe]

I have CDed for over 50 years to one degree or another and feel it is a part of me - every day I dress from the waist down in womens clothes that are not too feminine, that is say I wear womens socks and sneaks and short shorts and bikini panties in the warm weather and pantyhose with my sweetheart jeans in the cooler weather - I have only shopped in the womens dept. for the past 30 years and wouldn't know what male sizes to buy anymore - I love tight fittting clothing - I just feel so natural in womens clothing and I just love it everyday - just me - Elen

[jenna_woods]

I just feel so natural in womens clothing , its hard to imagaine not buying women's things to wear,

[Staci G]

Why not! Just kidding. When I am dressed I feel complete. I believe I should have been a girl with all my heart. I have no interest in men I just have the feminine ways. It has been this way all my life and I have no Idea why it is so. I only know that when I am dressed (and I don't mean underdressed or just partly dressed) complete with makeup wig, the works I feel like this is who I am and I feel liberated. When I go without dressing I get depressed like I am being stifled or imprisoned. So to answer your question in a few words "it feels right". When I was young I thought it was sexual but as I got older I realized EVERYTHING was sexual when I was younger.

[Fohaley]

I've got a few girl friends that I go out with and talk to about it. We'll go out to the mall and look at clothes and have fun. When I go out with them I feel like I can relax and say whatever I want because it's who I am. I like the pretty colors and different patterns. Every single time I express something even remotely girly I get a weird reaction from a lot of people who I'd call friends. I know the majority of the population wouldn't understand.

You can explain it in terms of the way people dress that don't cross dress I guess. Why do some people to prefer to wear polos, suits, or button down shirts when other prefer to wear t-shirts, tank tops, and shorts. It's just what they feel more expresses themselves more and it makes them feel more comfortable. I feel like I am more myself when I dress. I have more "fem" thoughts than the regular guy as most of the people here could probably attest to and things like that are just not culturally acceptable. I commonly wish I was a chick and that it'd be a lot easier for me to be a chick but that's never going to happen so I do what I can. If there were a button to change me into a 100% chick then I'd do it in a heart beat but the fact remains that I'm a guy and because of this I hide the fact that I dress from the majority of the people I know because it is a non-cultural thing in this day and age.

[lavistaa62]

I went to buy new pants the other day- male dress pants as it happens. So I'm poking through the pile when a SA comes over to ask what size I'm looking for and I answered reflexively- 14R. Do you have any? Took me a moment to catch myself...

[Melinda G]

It turns me on!

It's fun to become someone else for a day.

It takes my breath away, to look in the mirror, and see a good looking woman, showing lots of leg.

It turns me on to dress the way women used to dress, before the Ellen Degenerate look became acceptable.

It feels great.

Womens clothes are thinner and lighter than mens clothes. Same for the shoes.

Dressing up gives me more variety and enjoyment than having a girlfriend.

So many reasons, so little time.:D

[Tina B.]

I've been dressing for around 60 years, as a small child when most boys think girls are icky, I preferred to play with girls, Coloring, playing house, and especially dress up, not in girls clothes necessarily, but old costumes of all kinds. And if I could create a story line that worked, maybe a skirt now and then. I loved hop Scotch, and four square ( a game played with a square on the ground, and a large ball that you had to put in one of the squares) that was played mostly by the girls. Even when I got older and all the men where watching sports on TV, I would wind up in the dining room or kitchen, where the women where gathered talking.
As others have said, dressing does not make me happy, it makes me feel complete, and feeling complete, now that makes me happy.
That's why I dress. Now if you ask why I started, or why I am this way, then I will have to admit after all this years, I still have no idea, and no longer care, I just know thats the way I am.
Tina B.

[RADER]

Dressing relaxes me, I feal content. Like today, It's my birthady, Well there
will people comming over etc. Lots of hugg's all in good fath, But I have to
go bra-less today. Can't risk the grandaughter fealing a strap on the back.
And you know a 15 year old would notice that. :o
So today I will be not compleatly underdressed. :sad: Rader

[Ruth]

It's easy to be flippant and say: "It's just because I like it"; or "Because it feels good."... but basically when you try to dig deeper there isn't really any answer that works better than those first two.
And when you get into individual motivations for why something feels good, then you end up with one unique explanation for each individual CDer, and then you aren't any further on, are you.
So, just enjoy it if you do.

[BRANDYJ]

Among many other theories about why I cross dress... Part of it is to emulate what I have a deep admiration and respect for. To for a time, look and act like what I admire. To feel what it must be like.
The simple answer is, I'm compelled to do it and have for many years.

[DAVIDA]

I have no idea why.
It has just always been.

[suzy1]

A very good question that. I have given it a lot of thought over the years, like most of us I guess. I think that part of it, for me is that I love women so much that being with women is not enough, I wont to get inside there skin, to be one in other words. I have always thought that I am a lesbian trapped in a mans body. But then, what the heck! I just enjoy my life and that’s all that counts for me.

SUZY

[eileendover]

I've always wanted to see what it was like in the "Girls Only" club of clothing and makeup and hair and all the other activities that girls get to do, and that guys are trained to think are just plain silly.

Plus, in addition to the obvious biological differences between males and females, a large part of the attraction that guys have towards girls is based on these extra cultural ingredients. So CDing gives me the chance to explore and experiment with these additional gender cues, and to see if I can learn how to apply these to myself. I'm creating my twin sister.

[PatriciaT]

[QUOTE=Staci G;2094215]Why not! Just kidding. When I am dressed I feel complete. I believe I should have been a girl with all my heart. I have no interest in men I just have the feminine ways. It has been this way all my life and I have no Idea why it is so. I only know that when I am dressed (and I don't mean underdressed or just partly dressed) complete with makeup wig, the works I feel like this is who I am and I feel liberated. When I go without dressing I get depressed like I am being stifled or imprisoned. So to answer your question in a few words "it feels right".

Right on! This is one of the closests descriptions I have come across to express why I crossdress. I could add that I feel like a dork when I am in drab and am very uncomfortable.

[Imogen_Mann]

Why do I dress ?

Why do I do anything ? For fun ? For money ? for the sheer hell of it ? Probably all of those and a hundred other reasons, but I can't tell you why exactly. I'd need to know why I work where I do, why I listen to Radio 2, why I drive my particular car and why I do anything that I do... It's me, it's who I am, it's who I've become over the last 40 years.
Every decision, every experience, every thought, emotion or distress has led me to being the person that stands before you now (so to speak).

Maybe there is a common factor, one decisive turning point for us all, but you'd be looking for very small fish in a very BIG ocean if you tried to find out what it was.

[Sarah_GG]

Speaking on behalf of my SO (once again!)...

When my SO was a baby his mother suffered postnatal depression. Consequently she was not 'there' for him, didn't make eye contact and, he believes, found it difficult to bond (as much as she absolutely loved him). Through therapy he finally arrived at an explanation that he could relate to... that he created his own 'mother'.

SO also remembers being dressed up in an apron and mobcap at about three years old and getting lots of attention from an aunt and his mother as he pretended to be 'the maid'.

Learning to keep the feelings of femininity secret came when (he believes) his father probably chastised his mother for "mollycoddling the boy" when he was around the same age and was finally having some much longed-for attention from his (by now recovered) mother.

I don't know if that's the sort of 'why' you were looking for?

ps I think (as Jayme has said above) that he does for the same reason that he is right-handed, brown-eyed, likes sailing... he just does!

[Laura Evans]

If and when you get your answer please let me know in the mean time I am getting dressed and going shopping:)

[TxKimberly]

Simple - I'm Nucking Futs! As long as I'm reasonably happy being Nucking Futs, I don't figure it's a problem.
Now that that's settled, anyone know where I left my marbles?

[minalost]

It’s definitely one of the hardest questions to answer. I think that’s because as we move on in life the answer changes.

When I first got the urge (grade school) I’m sure I didn’t have an answer. It was something I needed/wanted to do, no thought required.

As a young adult (I’m talking teens and 20s here) I’m sure it was a fetish thing; definite sexual component. In my 30s and early 40s it was almost more of a habit than anything else: this is something I’ve always done, I enjoy it, and I’m going to continue. I’m sure that’s one reason I was able to stop dressing for most of my 40s. I couldn’t think of a good reason to continue, and I had a lot of reasons not to.

Now in my 50s I’ve made a conscious decision to start dressing again and I’ve actually thought about why and here are my answers (there are more than one): its fun. It makes me feel good. I like the look and feel of women’s clothing much more than men’s. It let’s me escape (in my own mind anyway) from the traditional male role, a role I’ve never liked. Finally, it’s a compulsion that I don’t have a lot of control over. Oh, I’ve proven to myself that I can resist the urge, but I’ve also proven that the compulsion doesn’t go away, and that I am a less happy person if I don’t “give in” every once in a while.

In the 7 years I didn’t crossdress I felt something was missing from my life, something I’ve always enjoyed, in spite of all the anxiety and possible pitfalls that go along with doing something so unaccepted by mainstream society. The fact is that a day didn’t go by that I didn’t think about crossdressing. The fact that I didn’t crossdress once in 7 years is truly amazing to me. What’s equally amazing is that I didn’t go nuts!

The bottom line: I still don't really know!

Wow, sorry for the long winded answer, but I wanted my response to be as complete as possible.
:hugs:

[StaceyJane]

I crossdress because I've always wanted to be a girl.
Not only does it make me feel good, since I've come to accept myself more, it really is a lot of fun.

[suchacutie]

For 55 years I was a guy, I thought. Then we found that a part of me is feminine. How can I not find out who she is? What is clear is that she has always been a part of me and if I don't find out what that means I'm denying part of myself.

So, even though it is incredibly difficult, time consuming, scary, and socially unacceptable, my wife is teaching Tina what it takes to be a girl, and we are letting Tina figure out how to use/process/present that information. It's fascinating to find out a part of yourself you never understood!

tina

[t-girlxsophie]

Been asked this question so many times,and I dont think iv'e answered it the same way twice.

I guess in the early days it was a comfort to me,I was bullied when younger,but as I grew older I was just attracted to the pretty colours,fabrics etc and I love the feeling of wearing nice clothes,I feel much Calmer too when dressed,and my wife says that I am much more attentive and caring when Sophie

I just love everything about this side of me and couldn't envisige my life without it.It is by far the biggest part of me

[Stacy L]

.




The truth is, :doh: I really don't have the slightest idea why I dress or want to dress in womens clothes. :o
If anyone ever figures it out please tell me.:)



.

[Joanne f]

I am 3G so i can`t cross dress. :doh::)

[Sharon B.]

I feel more at ease in woman's clothes, wish I was passable if I was I would come out to everybody but for now I will stay in the closet.

[Mistybtm]

Dressing relaxes me, I feel content no othere reason than that.:battingeyelashes:

[Wen4cd]

I know why.

Come closer, I'll whisper it in your ear. :D

The big question is really "how." How do you keep your crossdressing from destroying your marriage? How far do you want to go? How do the symbols and energies work in your unconscious? How do you integrate and unify your personality? How do you paint your nails to make them lusciously shiny?

'Why' is often like looking at an infinitely complex diagram of the universe and finding your place in it, or trying to find a needle in a haystack, which itself is made of false needles.

[Leelou]

Fun thread. My answers are similar to others', but it's interesting to hear the diversity in responses. It's not an easy question, but one we've obviously spent some time thinking about. Here's my best stab at it, and I'll try to prioritize top-to-bottom:

1. I feel like I have a definite feminine side to my personality.
2. I love the look and feel of women's clothing.
3. I love women and like to share this part of the female experience.
4. Men's clothing is boring by comparison.
5 .I've always been a bit of a pretty boy--I remember early in childhood a female friend of my mom's kept saying how I would have been such a pretty girl. Don't know if that got me thinking, but I still remember that.
6. I love being a crossdresser. (maybe that should be number 1 :o)

[Joann Smith]

mens clothes are freakin boring ....

Joann

[Lainie]

at first it was a naughty thrill, then a narcissistic thrill, then a secret-identity thrill. It still comes and goes. Lots of times it's just nice clothes!

[Sheren Kelly]

Ok, here is my personal story/insight.
As a child, I was sufficiently awkward and troubled that I felt I was a failure at being a boy. I would then escape these feelings by daydreaming I were a girl. Eventually this led to secretly crossdressing and a world where my troubles went away while I was in "girl land". Advance to today, where I have the facility to maintain my own feminine wardrobe. The fantasy has moved into reality when I choose to accept this part of myself and live my life free of others judgements.

Either that, or it's just plain fun....

[Cary]

I love how I look and feel in women's clothes.

[NathalieX66]

The entire fashion industry bases itself on what makes $, £, and € for them so they can sell clothing. Fashion is subjective.

Humans are not animals. We have collective memories and imagination, which separates us from the animal kingdom. And, unlike animals, we wear clothes. Somewhere along the line came the notion that clothing should be gender specific.

We, as individuals, define ourselves.
I know what I l like. Period . End of story.

[Rachel Morley]

Woah! .... that's two difficult questions. :) Why do we "... often go to great lengths to hide our compulsion to dress up like girls from everyone, even our closest friends" is an answer that could be different for everyone, and so I can see why most people have opted to answer the easier and more pronounced question "In short, why do you crossdress?" :D

My viewpoint is ... oh my gosh, it's so hard to describe, but I'd say it's more serious than a hobby but not quite an obsession. It effects me emotionally and I'd have to say that for me it's an integral part of who I am. I know I can't be happy without incorporating it at least somewhat into my everyday life. It makes me very happy, and and there is nothing wrong if it's you yourself that makes you happy, even if it involves doing something that most people don't understand.

My dressing has helped me tap into a side of myself that has helped me become a nicer person, I'm happier with my life, and I've accepted myself as transgendered. I'm also more at peace with my place in the world, and the world itself.

[jenifer m.]

i really dont know for sure but i do know when i wear womens things no matter what it is it feels right.i think its a way for me to express to myself my feminine feelings,and i like how i look in most girly things.for example i happen to have very feminine shaped feet,and my feet fit into womans shoes better than mens i have a narrow in step with long slender toes. so certain things just fit me better when they are womans.

[IwishIwasTracy]

Because my life just wasn't complicated enough. I figured hey what the heck lets through something else in there that will stir the pot up and add a little excitement.

Or maybe because I didn't get enough attention from my dad,

Or maybe because I have a bunch of sisters.

Or maybe I have no idea.


Tracy

[CamilleLeon]

Why is "because I enjoy it" not good enough? Can you really answer why you enjoy anything deeper than that?

I can't adequately explain why I enjoy crossdressing anymore than why I like certain kinds of music, colors, or cars.

EDIT: Why do we have to justify crossdressing? Simply because it's less socially acceptable than enjoying other things?

[donnatracey]

One of the great mysteries of (my) life........:battingeyelashes:

[Danielle76]

I believe I know exactly why I do it. The easy explanation, it's a huge turn on for me.

The deeper explanation, though....

I once heard a man speak at my old church. He was a former homosexual, now a heterosexual. He said that the reason he became gay was because of the absence of his father. Can't remember if he had no father at all, or if his father was just neglectful, but the result was the same. He craved affection, approval, and the love of his father. Having only been raised by his mother, he never knew the affection of a father, so this desire translated into something else. He said that at one point he found himself watching sports as a kid, and he developed a crush on his favorite football player. It wasn't sexual at first, he said that he really just wanted to be close to him, to be on his lap and be held by him. Again, not sexual at all, it was a primal desire to really just be loved by this football player the same way he wanted to be loved by his father. However, it wasn't that long, as I remember, until those desires for closeness and intimacy with a man DID turn into something sexual.

What I learned from that day was this: I grew up not knowing how the hell to talk to girls. Always loved them, never doubted my sexuality or anything like that, but I was just scared as hell and had a massive fear of rejection. As a result, I admired, desired, and lusted after women from afar. My biggest and really only exposure to women until the age of 18 was just through porn. Naturally, women in porn are usually ridiculously beautiful. Many images that got to me the most were those of women in lingerie, as lingerie was the epitome of femininity...something I had no closeness to. My arousal translated from ...actually, I shouldn't say that...it EXPANDED to include women's clothing and lingerie, as well as the women themselves. This was when lingerie, stockings, and heels started turning me on just as much as a sexy woman. So when I dressed up, the sexiness I equated with lingerie and women's clothing is what turned me on, because I had those physical manifestations of sex, eroticism and femininity on my very body. I guess that since I felt that I couldn't have a woman, emulating one by wearing her clothes was the next best thing.

I'm kinda coming out of a year long constant pink fog right now... dressing a lot less these days. However, I still have VERY fond memories of all the hot times I've had for the last...geez...17 or 18 years of dressing up.

Does this explanation strike a chord with anyone?

Hope this helps.

-Danielle

[RachelPortugal]

Why? I have often wondered why, how did it really begin, was there a trigger? I can never put my finger on it and quite frankly I have come to realise that I really enjoy crossdressing so who cares why I do it, as long as nobody is harmed.

Rachael

[ringedjohn]

I crossdress - and for me it is underdressing only - just because it gives me a sexual thrill. But I have no idea why it does.

[SusieK]

A variety of reasons...

1) Partly sexual - wearing sexy lingerie and heels is a turn on.
2) Partly just sometimes feels right - it just feels so pure and innocent:battingeyelashes:. To some degree a contradiction to reason 1.
3) Control - being able to dress in a way that doesn't conform to the societal norm allows me to be in control of an aspect of my life, for example at times of stress.
4) Discarding of inhibitions. Kind of the opposite of 3, I'm normally very reserved as a guy, and dressing (in private) allows me to let loose and just go with the feeling.
5) Obsession - when the urge is there, then ignoring it makes me feel bad.
6) I like being different and seem to need a certain level of weird in my life (hey, I'm so different I'm posting on a forum full of fellow CDers:doh:)
7) It's fun:)

Susie

[sherri52]

I feel better in womens clothing than I do in mens. The fit is better, the length on the jeans always fit. I love the way the dresses flow around my legs and how having breasts makes me think that I'm part woman at least for a short time. I like being the man but feeling like a woman is a large part of who I am. I have gained more sensitivity as I dress as a woman

[TerriM]

I have asked myself that question 1000,s of times over my life, One day I came to the decision to stop asking. I realized that even if I found the answer, what would it change? When I realized that it gave me a lot of inner peace.
Yours Terri

[Gabrielle]

I believe that for me, it's mainly

-Artistic expression

I love the look of clothes, shoes, accessories etc.

Why do I prefer (what is classified as) women's clothes?

- There is more variety. (I do love/hate the look of some "male" clothes as I do love/hate the look of some "female" clothes. There just happens to be lots more to love in the feminin line.)

Skirts and heels happen to be my faves.

I find that people all too often want things to be black or white.
But I find there are so many shades of gray (and shades of pink for that matter. Only, approx. 50% of the population are too scared to admit they see the pink shades.).

[Lynn Marie]

I just love the feel. Sometimes when I'm dressed I'll stop and work my way down my body in my mind and feel every item that I'm wearing. It's very erotic. I also really like the way I look now that I have a wig and do makeup. I just sort of turn myself on!

The very things worn by the women of the 50's are the very things that turn me on, and I attempt to emulate that look and what I imagine as that feel too. That's about it. At this point in my life I'm a pretty sucessful male also. I like both sides of me equally.

[ReineD]

It was interesting reading through this thread, but I am no more enlightened as I was in the beginning. Lol. If you gals can't agree on why you do this, can you imagine how hard it is for your SO's to understand? :D :hugs:

The common explanations are: it makes me feel complete, it enables me to tap into my softer side, I love women so much I want to be one, I couldn't get a girlfriend so I made up my own, it feels good, I love the clothes, being a guy is boring, it is partly or all sexual for me, I'm making up for a lack of mothering or fathering, I grew up in a family of sisters ... and I'm sure I missed some. :)

This is what I don't get:

+? Once you do give yourselves permission to express the femininity that you so badly need to express, then why isn't it ever enough? +?

Why the constant need for more clothes, more shoes, more jewelry? Is it a preoccupation with beauty, more than femininity? How many of you are not satisfied with being a girl and instead you want to be a beautiful girl? I mean, we are all born with the attributes that we have and we can't change those. I can't change my chin, the shape of my nose, etc. It's as if you are after an impossible (not meaning to be insulting) ideal ... an ideal that many GGs would enjoy as well, only we don't go after it with nearly the same amount of gusto as you do? Most of us GGs do come to terms with how we look.

So again, once you do give yourselves permission to be your inner femme (of course, after a time of experimenting to learn how), why isn't this enough?

:hugs:

[karennjcd]

A little algebra: If x = the number of CD's on this site, then you could potentially get x number of different responses here. We all have our own reasons.

I think part of it for me is that while I love looking at attractive women (meaning genetic females), I don't have that person in my life since my divorce, so I try to be that person myself. Would I stop were I to meet somebody who fits the bill? Probably not; as we all know it's difficult to purge the wardrobe and the desires to CD. But so far I haven't put myself in the position to meet anyone. Why ruin a good thing if perhaps the person I meet isn't tolerant of my interests?

Karen :)

[kellycan27]

It was interesting reading through this thread, but I am no more enlightened as I was in the beginning. Lol. If you gals can't agree on why you do this, can you imagine how hard it is for your SO's to understand? :D :hugs:

The common explanations are: it makes me feel complete, it enables me to tap into my softer side, I love women so much I want to be one, I couldn't get a girlfriend so I made up my own, it feels good, I love the clothes, being a guy is boring, it is partly or all sexual for me, I'm making up for a lack of mothering or fathering, I grew up in a family of sisters ... and I'm sure I missed some. :)

This is what I don't get:

+? Once you do give yourselves permission to express the femininity that you so badly need to express, then why isn't it ever enough? +?

Why the constant need for more clothes, more shoes, more jewelry? Is it a preoccupation with beauty, more than femininity? How many of you are not satisfied with being a girl and instead you want to be a beautiful girl? I mean, we are all born with the attributes that we have and we can't change those. I can't change my chin, the shape of my nose, etc. It's as if you are after an impossible (not meaning to be insulting) ideal ... an ideal that many GGs would enjoy as well, only we don't go after it with nearly the same amount of gusto as you do? Most of us GGs do come to terms with how we look.

So again, once you do give yourselves permission to be your inner femme (of course, after a time of experimenting to learn how), why isn't this enough?

:hugs:

Nothing wrong with you nose or your chin. I think you're lovely Reine.

Kel

[Lynn Marie]

It's sort of like a hobby too. There's a desire to get better at it and to excel if at all possible. The ultimate would be the confidence and the looks to pass pretty much under the radar anytime we wanted. So we can be out as males and females. That's a pretty cool ambition and a great hobby. I have other hobbies too in male mode. Now I need a hobby for female mode!

[Rachel2000]

Why do we crossdress? Because I believe we were hardwired that way at birth and nothing can change it.

Why do we hide it? Because generally speaking, society views it as unacceptable, shameful behavior and hiding it is often far easier than bearing the brunt of ridicule.

Just my 2 cents worth....

[Sweeterica]

Why? thats not easy to answer is it,like many of you say it just seems so right,i find it relaxing after a stressful day,its not because i want to become a woman physically if you know what i mean cos im very happy being a man,but for me it just seems a nice thing to transform into. Like a new world.

[DAVIDA]

If you gals can't agree on why you do this, can you imagine how hard it is for your SO's to understand?

Hi Reine!
Love you, BTW!

If it were not for Jean, I would still be very apprehensive about my dressing!
She is the one that helped me see that there is nothing wrong with me. I am who I am because of what I am.:thumbsup:

Thanks for your participation and insite!:hugs:

[kellycan27]

Why do we crossdress? Because I believe we were hardwired that way at birth and nothing can change it.

Why do we hide it? Because generally speaking, society views it as unacceptable, shameful behavior and hiding it is often far easier than bearing the brunt of ridicule.

Just my 2 cents worth....

I sort of have the notion that some of us feel that it's unacceptable,shameful ,and that it should be hidden from others, more so than society. :heehee:

[aggi123]

I crossdress because I like to :)

I hide it less and less every day.

[Lexine]

This might be a cop out, but I posted this on the introduction I wrote today:

"Ever since I graduated high school I always thought that the boundaries between gender would be blurred even more when the internet arrived into the scene. People are able to pretend to be someone they're not and get away with it in multitudes of ways, with the question of identity often asked to be verified online. So I created a little sociological experiment where I created another me, represented by a photo of a long forgotten MTV VJ (Idalis DeLeon, if anyone's keeping tabs) and pretended I was her. The idea of blurring identity and gender fascinated me, not because I was consciously out to fool someone, but I was interested in the sociological impact it had. Mind you, this was more than a decade ago.

Fast-forward to today, I've begun experimenting on bringing this persona offline and into the real world and have already gotten some rather surprising mix of results. This cockamamie idea of putting on a new identity turned into me making my face completely feminine while changing the clothes that I usually wear to make myself more androgynous, all of this with the help of a close lady friend. I can't say that I will be trying to pass as a female 100%, though the idea intrigues me, and most of the time I'm quite comfortable with dressing up as a male, but would like to learn from people who have done much more than I."

My Cliff Notes answer is: I do this because I want to break people's perception of gender. That reason doesn't sound fun, but making people take a second look at me just to reassess their attitude is... to me at least!

[TxKimberly]

I sort of have the notion that some of us feel that it's unacceptable,shameful ,and that it should be hidden from others, more so than society. :heehee:

Yeah, what she said!

[RachelZ]

I crossdress because it makes me feel good about myself. It makes me feel like the person I want to be instead of who I have to be. Dressing got me through some rough times in my life. When I'm in girl mode, I feel like I'm free.

[Rachel2000]

Why do we crossdress? Because I believe we were hardwired that way at birth and nothing can change it.

Why do we hide it? Because generally speaking, society views it as unacceptable, shameful behavior and hiding it is often far easier than bearing the brunt of ridicule.

Just my 2 cents worth....


I sort of have the notion that some of us feel that it's unacceptable,shameful ,and that it should be hidden from others, more so than society. :heehee:

I can go with that as well.

[Soriya]

It started for me because my mother would dress me up and put makeup on my face, mainly because she always wanted a little girl but didn't get one. Part of it was an identity crisis of acceptance for me as I developed a lack of acceptance as a boy with her. She showed a different side of acceptance about me when she dressed me which I liked however that also did not last leaving with a feeling of lack of acceptance from everyone. When I started to dress years later, there were lots of personal gratifications I got out of it so now I am trying to find that out about me. Is it all related to an acceptance thing or do I really enjoy it for me? :)

[PretzelGirl]

Okay, I'll be the oddball. I want to do it, but can I explain the underlying feeling? I don't tend to think about why with things in life. It is part of my sanity to just accept and not question.

When I was explaining to my daughter where I felt I was on the transgender spectrum, I couldn't give her a real good answer. Why? Because I don't really think about it. I am happy. Isn't that enough?

[Samantha_Smile]

What drives me to crossdress?
To feel sexy and pretty, ofcourse. I think everyone deserves to feel that they look good and men don't get sexy/pretty clothes unless they are highly fashionable or (sorry to stereotype) gay.
Im a hetero fella, so I wear the old jeans/t-shirt combo nearly every day of my life.
So every now and again, (or a few times a week when the pink fog is lingering) I want to get dolled up, put on a little makeup, some heels and wear knickers, bra with forms and a cute dress. I like to smell pretty too, so I generally pinch a little of my girrlfriend's which I think is highly feminine smelling (Britney Spears Fantasy- if you want to know).

Catching myself in a mirror and taking pics is quite exciting knowing that 'its me in there'.

I can't explain it any further than that, it's just the feminine feeling I achieve from being dressed I guess... that's my drive.

[EnglishRose]

Why? To present in some token way how I feel. In some intervening period between puberty and now, I started getting turned on by dressing. That completely went away once I accepted the deeper reasons for dressing, and I started to accept that I'm somewhere close to the TS end of the scale. Working out what do do about it? that's the hard part.

[inhiding]

Im new to this board and new to even thinking about why, its just been impulsive for so long. Its a huge turn on for me for whatever weird reason. I have never been fully dressed up with make-up and a wig, Just recently got the courage to get heels. I love them by the way. Im very confused about why right now because its always been sexually impulsive and a fantasy. I would love to dress up with someone someday and do the full makup and hair thing but just not ready. Maybe then i will have some answers. This board is really opening my thought process though.

Thanks.

[Amanda Stubbs]

I'm approching 50 years this year since the earliest memory of dressing. I enjoyed it then and have done ever since, I still dont know why and after all those years I don't care why, I do it because I have to and want to I suppose.

[Abbey Lane]

I love to cross dress it releases the pressure of my work.I work better when I am fully dressed. Being at home I get that opportunity. I love the feel of silky panties. I love stockings and just getting dressed up. I just started to experience wigs and makeup and those two have really aroused me. But I enjoy it and this has been going on for many many years since age of 7-8 that I can remember.

[diannecourtney]

Loved Minalost's answer. I certainly don't have the history that she has but I absolutely love the few outfits I have and the household chores I carryout so I can wear them. As always missing the make-up and the wigs I wish I had.:):)

[TGMarla]

Much of the way I feel about the whole thing was expressed by Rachel Morley. And that list that Reine put up? I feel elements of many (not all) of those as well. There is no one reason for this. It' really complicated even to us. And even when we have not landed on any conclusions as to why we do this, we are still compelled to to this, and we have to try and accept it in ourselves, lest it drive us crazy.

And to answer the question about why it seems it's never enough, I think it's the Imelda Marcos syndrome with me. A new dress is always such a thrill and a treat for me, and I have a difficult time not window shopping. Every new dress (or shoes, or whatever) is a new experience. For many crossdressers, the act of crossdressing brings with it a euphoria not often felt when not dressed. So naturally, one is drawn back to it over and over again.

And finally, I guess I could say that it's been so long a part of my life, I cannot really much remember ever not being a crossdresser. And now I don't know how to not be one, either. Now it's just a part of who and what I am.

[Freddy12]

I have been thinking about this a bunch today. I wish I could come up with a definitive answer. I can't. Some of the possibilities include:

1) I enjoy the feel of women's clothes - well, at least the ones that are significantly different from men's clothes. A pair of jeans feels like a pair of jeans, but panties - ah, how wonderful

2) I want to better know how it feels to be a woman. I wish I could be a woman.

3) To express who I am.

4) (and I'm not sure about this one) To be seen as pretty.

It's probably a mix of all these, and maybe some more.

[Karinsamatha]

For me it is because of a compulsion that occurred 5 or 6 years ago - involving a bra and other articles of clothing. That is when the floodgates opened and Karin emerged. Since that happening and when my head Finlay stopped spinning that I started to become a whole person. For many years prior to the event people have made comments that I was gay and didn't know it!! Little did any of us know there was a repressed woman in there. :)
I have become comfortable and happy with who I am now. :D

[Sharon michelle]

You're probably a crossdresser. Hah, never could figure it out so in order to learn more about it, I'll need another outfit. That's it, I quit. Okay, I don't mean it, maybe if I get some new shoes, the answer will come. Hmmmm, a new handbag to match and since we're thinking so hard, spring is here and you know what that means, new fashions!
Honestly, I gave up trying to understand it, and pretty much follow my heart. The shrinks have some goofy ideas that only confuse my little brain.
Shari

[Lucy_Bella]

I'll take a stab at it, although others may not agree this is how it works for me.

It's getting off easy by just saying it feels good, I think to get into it deeper the correct answer should be it makes you feel better. For those who struggle,fight it or simply just live in denial, when you finally give in , and we all do, you just feel good.. So yes it feels good to crossdress.

wHY i CROSSDRESS? I wish I knew for sure , there are many theories but none can be proven because so many of us live in the closet. Butthe biggest reason for all, is to get in touch with that Femme side many where denied in their youth . Some studies have been done but most were through open and Gay people who's desire were to become female and not so much on straight people due to the fact most are in the closet . Just something I read and that within it's self draws more confussion to the closet xdressing males for those who judge us.

Good post thanks .

[Lucy_Bella]

It was interesting reading through this thread, but I am no more enlightened as I was in the beginning. Lol. If you gals can't agree on why you do this, can you imagine how hard it is for your SO's to understand? :D :hugs:

The common explanations are: it makes me feel complete, it enables me to tap into my softer side, I love women so much I want to be one, I couldn't get a girlfriend so I made up my own, it feels good, I love the clothes, being a guy is boring, it is partly or all sexual for me, I'm making up for a lack of mothering or fathering, I grew up in a family of sisters ... and I'm sure I missed some. :)

This is what I don't get:

+? Once you do give yourselves permission to express the femininity that you so badly need to express, then why isn't it ever enough? +?

Why the constant need for more clothes, more shoes, more jewelry? Is it a preoccupation with beauty, more than femininity? How many of you are not satisfied with being a girl and instead you want to be a beautiful girl? I mean, we are all born with the attributes that we have and we can't change those. I can't change my chin, the shape of my nose, etc. It's as if you are after an impossible (not meaning to be insulting) ideal ... an ideal that many GGs would enjoy as well, only we don't go after it with nearly the same amount of gusto as you do? Most of us GGs do come to terms with how we look.

So again, once you do give yourselves permission to be your inner femme (of course, after a time of experimenting to learn how), why isn't this enough?

:hugs:
Reine,
You are very correct in your assumption, many just do not understand the selfish attitude that so many of us get labled from our own reactions.

I sometimes ask myself , would I be a different person if I lost my eye sight or if I was bound to a wheel chair..? The point is some of us have other peoplein our lives that have even less understanding about what we ddo than ourselves , but support us more than we do ourselves...

The sad part of that last sentence is we don't get it until the door gets slammed shut on us.. We take and take and take but never think twice about what we are taking feeding our desires to complete the never ending and changing inner person that we claim we have.

It;s like living with a Ghost sometimes because for me this Ghost I feed all this attention to is nothing more than just that .. A ham a new toy every time it comes around and nothing going on in my life is more important...

Well that was how I use to be...I woke up...I hope others do before it's too late,,

[Blaire]

+? Once you do give yourselves permission to express the femininity that you so badly need to express, then why isn't it ever enough? +?

Why the constant need for more clothes, more shoes, more jewelry? Is it a preoccupation with beauty, more than femininity? How many of you are not satisfied with being a girl and instead you want to be a beautiful girl? I mean, we are all born with the attributes that we have and we can't change those. I can't change my chin, the shape of my nose, etc. It's as if you are after an impossible (not meaning to be insulting) ideal ... an ideal that many GGs would enjoy as well, only we don't go after it with nearly the same amount of gusto as you do? Most of us GGs do come to terms with how we look.

So again, once you do give yourselves permission to be your inner femme (of course, after a time of experimenting to learn how), why isn't this enough?

:hugs:

The thing with GG's, is they've only got one self-acceptance to go through - of who/what she is. CD's will have 2 to get through - first for the birthright (for more or less what it's worth), and then for the combination.

Perhaps it's a lack of a second or third self acceptance? We go through so much of life not accepting the presence of the other self that once we finally do, there's still the need to accept who/what she is. Until that's done, every look you see is a look you want to emulate - in a city of 1 million, that's a potential 250 thousand looks. 250 thousand "I could look like that if I had those"-es. This is exacerbated by not having a childhood learning what cuts, styles, colours, etc, will work for you. Combine having disposable income with not knowing what "X" will look like when you wear it with not wanting to try it on in store, and suddenly you have 300 pairs of shoes in your basement.

IMHO, an emulation driven CD is much more image concious as a rule - the whole thing is about appearances, which causes a little obsessive behaviour, maybe due to not having that third self-acceptance. GG's aren't immune - think of plastic surgery addicts - I would compare the "typical" emulation-CD obsession with that minority more so the general populace.

Maybe it's the shopping instinct - trying to get a lifetimes worth of mall trips in a few remaining years.

Sexually driven CDers and CDers that do it for the non-conformity thrill may need constant influx of new things to keep it fresh. Suddenly there's 300 pairs of panties floating around.

Like the reasons for CDing in the first place - the manifestation is equally varied. I don't think any answers will be available in our lifetimes.

[ReineD]

Reine,
You are very correct in your assumption, many just do not understand the selfish attitude that so many of us get labled from our own reactions.

Well that was how I use to be...I woke up...I hope others do before it's too late,,

I'm sorry for whatever happened in your life to make you regret you past actions, Lucy. :sad: :hugs:

I'd like to clarify that I don't consider the constant need for more "things" to be selfishness. It might be selfish if a CD should forego her other financial obligations but I don't sense this happening very much. If the CD should put her looks well above caring how her wife looks, then I suppose it could be debated as being selfishness, but this is a topic for another thread. Lots of CDs here aren't in relationships.

At any rate, I do understand the quest for an ideal that seemingly cannot be reached, since TGs have male bodies as their building blocks and the goal is to equal GGs in their femininity. This is difficult to achieve without HRT and major surgery, and even then, there are some male traits that cannot be completely made to disappear. I understand how difficult and frustrating this must be. But I was just wondering, once a CD has perfected her look (as far as she can without major body surgery) and once she has learned to minimize her male traits, whether she believes that acquiring more clothes will allow her to be more feminine, as if these things will alter her looks somehow.

Then I wondered if perhaps the goal over time becomes more than achieving femininity, since this is accomplished fairly early along a CD's learning curve with the forms, having learned about makeup and hair, etc. If the goal then becomes all about achieving an ideal of the runway type beauty, which is something that very few of us can achieve, since we are all born with the features and body types that we have. In other words, do more clothes and jewelry (after a CD has learned how to use them effectively) transform her even further along her ideal?

If I apply the same question to myself, I have to admit that no amount of clothes or jewelry will make me look like a runway model. There is value in keeping current with the styles, but a few new items of clothing per season does accomplish this.

I do not mean for my question to come off as criticism. I honestly wonder why there is such an obsession with the clothes, once the CD has perfected her look as much as she possibly can.

:hugs:

EDIT
Blaire, I just saw your post. Thanks for the response! I think you've hit on something .. the idea that it may well have everything to do with self-acceptance. Not about being a CD, but coming to terms with the the way she looks, the way her features are formed. Maybe it is more than gender dysphoria, but an unhappiness with not having features like the runway models? Just wondering.

... but I do want to set the record straight about GGs growing up having learned how to perfect their looks. Some do I suppose, but I'm guessing that most are like me. My learning was not a priority and it came slowly as I matured and discovered who I was. Most of my adult life was spent raising children when there really was not much thought and effort spent in trying to look beautiful. Presentable, yes, but that's as far as it went for most of my life. I'm just leaning how to wear eye makeup now. Lol. You must admit that most of the GGs you see in your day to day life don't look as if they spend hours on themselves every morning, right? I mean, the ones you notice are likely the GGs who are endowed with good looks to begin with and they just stand out because they look so good? You know, the type of GG who could wear a potato sack and still look gorgeous? :) And if this particular GG has learned early in life that she is treated well because of her looks, so she does prioritize spending time on her appearance and wearing stylish clothing, I can see where you might get the impression that we all know how, or are inclined to do this.

[BRANDYJ]

ReineD wrote:

If I apply the same question to myself, I have to admit that no amount of clothes or jewelry will make me look like a runway model. There is value in keeping current with the styles, but a few new items of clothing per season does accomplish this.

With all due respect Reine, I looked at your pictures, IMO you could easily be a runway model. You are very attractive, feminine and pretty. My compliments!

[Angiemead12]

Well I can say that Im out to my girl, my closest friends and my immediate family. I still am in hiding with the rest of society. Im happy to come out here in our forum. I have put a recent hold to my shopping for women's things till I use them more, meaning out of the house.

I crossdress because I feel more natural in women's things, Im free to express myself. I love feeling pretty and attractive. Im just sexier and more passionate too.

And yes, mens clothes and styles are very boring! Not to mention limited!

[BRANDYJ]

Asking WHY is a good question. For me, I think I have a good handle on how and why I am a CD. Some think it is in us due to hormones, genes or other scientific stuff that is beyond my comprehension. But I won't discount that maybe there is some hard wiring that I had no control over at birth. But these are the things that I think started me on the road to being a CD years ago.
1. age 4/5... Kindergarten: Beautiful young teacher put me under her desk as punishment. I remember the lace on the bottom of her slip. the hose, the garter tabs. At that age, I don't know what to call it other then intrigued with this part of a pretty lady.

2. age 11/12... I remember when a friend of mine found his daddy's stash of girlie or porn magazines. For whatever reason, the only picture I remember to this day was a black and white picture or what looked like 3 women sitting on a blanket at the beach nude. They had full breasts and to what must have been a shock to me, they also had penises!

3. age 11/12... Found my mother's nylon white full slip hanging on a hook in the bathroom. I don't know why or how, but the slip ended up wrapped around my excited boyhood. That produced my first ever orgasm.

4. age 11/12... Found a box of old clothes in the vacant garage apartment at the house we were renting. It had some girls clothes in it. I was compelled to try a skirt on. Don't remember what other clothes were there, But I got excited and same results as with my mom's slip. Repeated this several times when alone.

So for me, I think it was conditioning around puberty and my interest in females and sex just budding. Dressing remained mostly dormant and a rare on and off thing for the next 6 to 7 years. Then when I shared this interest with my second wife ( first wife never knew and it was rare that I indulged) She helped me explore it more. It grew from there.

I suspect many have a very similar story to mine. So maybe it is just conditioning from our earliest sexual experiences for many of us. Today the sexual aspect takes a back seat to other reasons. I just like to be, look, and act like what I admire so much...that is everything female. It feels good.

[Natalie_393]

I dress up Because I love the feeling I get everytime when I have fun with my feminine side, maybe us crossdressers are more intune with are feminine sides than other men. I say if It feels right go for it, I crossdress also because I don't think it's a harmful thing to give into

[Jenniferpl]

Why do I dress, becasue my wife said I can. The real reason is all of the above. It relaxes me. It feel right. Nothing better than wearing satin and silk. It allows me to escape into a another realm. Nothing better than looking down and seeing breast and my toes painted in a bright color.

If I understood the real reason I desire to wear woman's clothing, I would be rich.

[sometimes_miss]

Why....the eternal question. O.K., here you go, bearing in mind that for each person the reason can be different, and of course, these are all only theories. For me, the short version, is conditioning during childhood development, with several types of reinforcement, that made me believe I was supposed to be a girl. Because of the stages of development that my mind was in at those ages, that feeling wound up being permanent; stress, especially from loneliness, triggers me to want to be the girl I thought I was supposed to be, which makes me want to dress and act as that girl. The long version is in my bio in the link by my sig. Any questions, feel free to email or message me.

[CherryZips]

I wish there was some decent science on the subject. Does anyone know of any?

My last therapist wanted to blame my Dad for some Freudian reason. If it was that simple it would be self evident by now.

I reckon like homosexuality its genetic. We are born like this. It occurs across cultures in common amounts but appears in different ways.

No known cure. Best just get on with it. Be the best [insert label] you can be without upsetting anyone else too much.

[lauraabdl]

I have no real idea why, it just happens and I feel right inside. Can't say why, it just is and I truely love exploring my femme side.

[Nicola2876]

I dress to make myself feel feminine. I've always felt I should be female and dressing gets me a step closer to that. I like the way I look in feminine clothes and simply prefer to wear them. There used to be a sexual side to dressing and through my teens did it to make myself more aroused. Now it's more of a "matching the outside to the inside" thing. I love to look in the mirror and see "me" looking back. I can still remember that uncontrollable urge to wear that first pair of tights when I was 11 years old and a vague memory of wearing white cotton knickers at my auntie's house. I HAD to wear them. It felt exciting then but feels natural now. My feelings run deeper than just the clothes but that's where it started. Before puberty, before sexual excitement. I just knew I should've been born a girl.

[Blaire]

You must admit that most of the GGs you see in your day to day life don't look as if they spend hours on themselves every morning, right? I mean, the ones you notice are likely the GGs who are endowed with good looks to begin with and they just stand out because they look so good? You know, the type of GG who could wear a potato sack and still look gorgeous?

Reine, in some of the regions around where I live, I see just that. It's not out of the ordinary to see a woman who's only real function in the world is to look good. Full makeup is applied - expertly - every day, for just a quick jaunt down the mall. Clothing choices come from designer houses. Casual shoes that cost more than my outfits are on every third pair of feet. Wouldn't be caught dead walking near a Toyota. And, these women ARE wearing something that could be thought of as a potato sack! Image is everything. Arm-candy is a sought after state.

Back home, it's totally different - and I have to agree with your viewpoint. It's a different world. But any way you cut it, a GG has more experience dealing with herself as herself than a CD does, and is a step ahead. I'll wager that it would be a truism that the typical GG is more inclined to accentuate what she has, and the typical CD is more inclined to cover or replace what she has. It's an advantage of sorts to the CD in that she starts with artifice, and may be more willing to use more of "this and that" to achieve a goal of image.

Oh, lest I forget... What you call presentable, many CDs would call an impossible aspiration...

Perhaps another possible answer to your question is simply to make a point. If owning 2 pairs of heels makes you a little girly... then 200 makes you a lot girly. The CD garners a better self image or self worth upon opening an overflowing closet. A contest of sorts - both internal and external. We've seen some of that in the "more CD than thou" types of responses that have been displayed on the board.

Maybe it's just an extreme take on the "never be seen in the same dress at two parties" concept? Maybe she feels that she got clocked too easily in this outfit, so the first response is to get something else to wear?

More possibilities than you can shake a stick at... give up before you get a splinter :D

[Christie ann]

Occasionally my wife and I will work on a particularly dirty project together (like fixing fence...not what you are thinking) and when done, she showers, puts a dress on and says she feels girly. I just want to have that same opportunity.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

+? Once you do give yourselves permission to express the femininity that you so badly need to express, then why isn't it ever enough? +?

Why the constant need for more clothes, more shoes, more jewelry? Is it a preoccupation with beauty, more than femininity? How many of you are not satisfied with being a girl and instead you want to be a beautiful girl?

:hugs:

Hi Reine...my opinion on this is that the actual buying..the shopping, the looking, considering a color etcetc is a vital part of the crossdressing experience...

and its also the EASIEST...when you buy that pair of panties, or those new shoes, you are emulating/being/thinking of (takeyour pick) the female side of you...and you don't have to look in the mirror and risk disappointment...you can just look at the shoes online and imagine how pretty they are on you...and that click is its own reward...

chadwicks, speigel, dsw, VS...these are all cd playgrounds where you are safe to feel like yourself..

if i had a nickel for everything i bought online and then felt crushed when i put it on....

[charlie]

Hello Adreinner!
This is the question of the century. Why do all of us do this? I have since I was about 10. As a child I always had dreams about being a girl. When I dressed as a girl it always used to be sexual, and the dressing did not last long. Then, I started dressing to be me as a pretty woman. I got great satisfaction and pleasure from it. I would go out and be told that I was pretty, had a nice outfit, looked great....I loved it. I felt complete, good and right. That is why I dress now. It feels right. And I love shopping for the right clothes and shoes!

[Lucy_Bella]

I'm sorry for whatever happened in your life to make you regret you past actions, Lucy. :sad: :hugs:



Reine,
Thanks and everything in a CDrs life has gone wrong when you live it the way I do. By that I mean fighting it and wishing it to go away. I wish I was what soceity would call normal , but if you think about it, everyone has skeletons in their closets.

I respect, or have grown to respect those who choose to live their lives as they feel it fit without any requards to friends , family and even strangers opinions.

I havn't learned that yet but I am compromising a small path toward that direction by letting certain people I trust and believe they are on a need to know , like those I date for a long amount of time .

To say I am SELFISH is a true statement I am .. I say that because I hide this part of me , I do not share this with just anyone and it's a crying shame to know that the real me would be rejected by those I have known for a lifetime. I would trust some with my life valubles and children but I would never trust them with my secret.

Thanks Reine:hugs::love:

[JOJO44]

When you find out, please let me know!
It just feels "right", at least for me.
Jo