Balance?

[Tanya83]

How can you determine how much or how often is too much? I'm talking about cross dressing.
If you are given the ok and lead to believe that the act was completely acceptable, how do you determine in your mind what would be considered "Constant" and not "Fun" any more?
This is a part of my life I can not control and when given opportunities, I will dress in woman's clothes.
How can someone say they don't have any problems with it only to turn around and start to. Is this the beginning of becoming un-accepting?

[eluuzion]

How can someone say they don't have any problems with it only to turn around and start to. Is this the beginning of becoming un-accepting?

Ok, I was driving at night with lights off for a minute, but I think I have correct interpretation... Your SO said she would accept CD, and now seems to be changing her mind?
I have been married a few times, and SO changing directions in mid-stream is what you should expect when you get married. At least it seemed that way to me...lol

Hey we were all born with a mind, we might as well use them. If you cannot change your mind, why have one? :battingeyelashes:

As far as how much is too much? Whenever I am wondering what another person is thinking...I just ask them. The longer questions and answers are ignored, the greater the distance between you.

[ReineD]

I can venture a guess.

Does the "OK" come from your wife, and is the idea of balance something that she believes you are striving to achieve? She may believe that you do enjoy being your guy self as well as being Tanya.

Does she know that you much prefer to be Tanya? Then the idea of balance does not exist. You need to be honest with her.

If you hold yourself back from being Tanya in order to pretend to your wife that you are achieving balance then it won't work in the long run. You will grow to resent this, she will sense your resentment, and it will erode your relationship. This may even be happening now. Perhaps the reason your wife is beginning to question the CDing is because she realizes you are no longer interested in being your guy self. Perhaps the nature and the depth of your femme identity has progressed since you first told your wife and she is not ready or willing to be in a romantic relationship with another woman.

If this is the case, I am sorry for both of you. :hugs:

[Joanne f]

Balance is in a way linked to expectations , if you expect to much you will never have balance , to have balance you not only have to look at your expectations but you have to look at others as well unless you wish to live alone .

[Kaitlyn Michele]

what you can't control are your feelings and needs
(as we all know!):o

but it goes both ways...if you take the position that you cannot control your behaviour, they so can she...an unaccepting spouse isnt a bad person, she can't control her feelings or needs any better than you can..

Even if you disagree with this,
if you tell your SO that you can't control yourself, then she is likely to hear it as "i don't care enough about you to try to control this need of mine"

substitute playing golf for dressing...lots of guys love golf, play at EVERY opportunity, and their wives hate it...

and as Reine said, if your needs to feel female are overwhelmming your ability to be a man, then perhaps you need to be considering what is the root cause of your feelings..

[Danielle Gee]

Tanya: This can become a sore spot 'tween my Sweetie and I also.

Surprisingly enough thinking and planning about about CDing iis almost as enjoyable to me a actually doing it.

Several times we've had a spat thaat begins with her saying somthing along the lines of "Just once I'd like to go shopping without hearing what you'd like to have, or what would look good on Danielle....You're starting to sound Obsessive-Compulsive"

When it comes to the actual dressing, I'd bet I don't average once a week over a years time. So I think that some wives go along with CDing like some wives go along with Golf, bowling, ar whatever.

They do however have their "Lines in the Sand" drawn and most won't hesitate to let one know when they've been crossed. It's what you do with this info that determines what the future willl bring.

I hope this helps:
Danielle:hugs:

[Mackenzie]

Tanya,
I would suggest that you and your wife talk this out. Find out what is acceptable for her. By the way, you can control this. If it controls you, it is slavery.

Let me ask, what is more important, your marriage and loving and serving your wife, or your desire to dress as a woman? I would hope that you love your wife more than you love yourself. If so, you will do whatever it takes to make a happy and fullfilling marriage for both of you.

Maybe you can come to an arrangement where she helps decide when you get to CD. She can set out a little card, maybe it's green for "go" and that let's you know that she is in the mood to see you in your femme side.

Anyway, love your wife! Control yourself. If it is getting this out of hand, you might need some professional help.

Mackenzie

[Angie G]

Ask when I got the go ahead I started dressing eveeryday. It was a bit much for my wife she asked me to give her the weekends as her husband. I did and it's working out fine.We all need some guidelines. She gave now give some back girl.:hugs:
Angie

[sherri52]

Usually when Our SO's say they don't have a problem with it, they mean once in awhile. You can dress two or three times a week but they still want some time with the man they met and love.

[Cassandra Lynn]

I wish i would have had the knowledge from these discussions years ago with my first wife. I came out to her just before we got married and she was excited with the idea, and we had lots of fun with it. She was closeted bi-sexual or bi-curious (erotic dreams with women) and so she admitted that's what made it fun for her. But i was just mainly wearing lingerie with her and when i thought it was all green lights and full steam ahead, i asked her to help me with make-up and to get me a wig. She did an abrupt turn around on me and said it was to stop right then. Shocking to say the least, and it eventually wore at us both, even though i did stop. So, that said, you both need to find where the other is coming from and reach a consensus. Good luck. mj (Cassie)

[karennjcd]

Well in answer to the original question of how much is too much, I have to admit that this is an expensive compulsion, just as is somebody who drinks, smokes, does drugs, collects pornography, etc. But you know what, CD'ing is good, harmless fun that physically hurts nobody. Emotionally, yes it might be tough for a partner to handle. But getting back to the expense, I think that one needs to weigh the need to purchase our female wardrobes along with the broader scope of our other expenses. I have to put a child through college soon, and obviously have had to cut back on discretionary expsenses. It's hard to do. If I see a pair of heels I must have, eventually I'll get them. (The general feeling surely is, "Aw come on, what's one more little purchase?"). But what we spend does add up, and I would be very ill if I did add up all that I've spent on my CD'ing. It would probably pay those college expenses for my child for at least a semester.

An eye opener, but something that definitely needs to be considered every time money is spent on this interest!

Karen :battingeyelashes:

[jenifer m.]

tanya im inclined to agree with what REINED said i think she is pretty close to what id say.but i think all the girls gave great answers to your question.its a tough one just be patient with your wife.also see the e mail.

[deniseh]

Agree with everyone else, both you and SO, need to open the lines of communcation. Tell her how you feel, discuss expectations, let her voice hers as well. Reassure her, back your words with action, and last but not least establish boundaries that are acceptable to both and respect them. In time you may find as the acceptance grows the limits may expand. Remember the only thing you have total control over is your reaction to situations.