Cycles

[LisaMallon]

How many of you have gone through cycles?

Start (the early experiences), later try a bit, purge*, fantasize, try again, stop, purge, .. repeat this loop until you are sick and tired of it and finally come out (at least in a limited way).

Me? My cycles ranged from years to months, the longest being about 10 years. The shortest a few weeks.

Curious, why does this happen?

* I tended in later life not to purge, just put things in storage for so long they rotted. In hindsight it would have been cheaper to purge:battingeyelashes:

[prene]

I get more and more into being feminine.

[Jocelyn Quivers]

I've been on a continous cycle since day 1. In the past I might have lasted a week or 2 without dressing, but it was always on my mind.

[gabimartini]

Yep, one constant cycle for me! Just wish I'd find some peace, but it never stops! I'm learning to get used to it.

[Staci G]

Wish I had all the stuff i purged ofver the years. It is a cycle most of us go through so don't feel alone. I have made a promise to myself and my daughter to never purge again and if I think about it to give the things to her to hold for me. I think it's a guilt thing maybe I am not sure.

[Roberta Young]

Lisa i think going thru cycles is common amongest us crossdressers, guilt,fear,right,wrong
the only thing that i have noticed is as we mature the feelings only get amplified.acceptance. luv Roberta

[minalost]

This is a really common thing in our community. I've felt the urge come and go many times. Right now I'm on an upswing!
:hugs:

[Angie G]

I've taken a brake now and then but never stoped. I have purged before my wife knew.
Now I have no need to hide it.:hugs:
Angie

[Toni_Lynn]

Let see ---

lather, rinse, repeat :)

Yes --- I've gone through cycles of purges and self-hates

As a teen -- these were inflicted by my mother. She left me feeling like I was covered in sh*t, and even today, when I get down on myself, I feel this way. That wound just won't heal.

I had two major purges in my life -- once right after the first time I ever went out and was read by some snotty girl at the food court in the mall. That one lasted over a year.

The second was when I married my first wife -- odd -- both events here (the purge and the marriage) were done out of fear. Thank God we divorced after 18 months

Now -- the cycle doesn't include purging, but there is an alternating of this evil voice (a hold over from my mum and my teenage years) telling me that I'm ugly, I'll never look like the girl I want to look like, and that at 52, my time has gone by. Then the voice of my wife comes through, my partner for life and best friend, telling me how cute I am, to crossdress more often, how much it turns her on sexually, as well as when we are shopping and she says "go ahead, buy yourself some new panties or a new bra -- you'll feel better"

There is a nirvana -- a high in that cycle that I haven't reached yet. But I know that I will.

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

[KayleeDahl]

yup, i think that it is probably one of the most common threads through our community.

it would be interesting to do a study on this forum, and analyze posting frequency over time, tieing the cycles that we go through to our posting frequency!

Hugs
Kaylee

[siantv2003]

OH YES !! Been through that a couple of times - what really breaks my heart is all those shoes I got rid of. Have never been ale to replace that pair of black suede Bally courts!! Beautiful 3' heel, so comfortable too :sad:

But guess for my part, have learnt thats part of who we are! As Sian has grown and matured and she and my male persona understand each other better and some, the cycles have slowed down. Might also have something to do with getting married and starting a family .. but life is good

[Andria]

I thought I was alone in this. ;)

I've gone through the cycles since I was a teen, and I've also purged (I learned a new word. Yay! lol ) a few times so far from clothes I've made myself, or purchased. But I don't see myself purging anything anymore. I believe this forum has helped in my accepting my truly fem side. :)

Thank you :love:

[suchacutie]

Life interferes with all of our well-laid plans. Hence, what you described as cycles, for all parts of our lives, are inevitable. I can't imagine why living as our femme selves is any different (unless we go 24/7).

:)

tina

[thechic]

HI

Yes that me alright,done that so many times and now nearly 3/4 of the way out of the closet.:drink::drink::drink:

[sherri52]

My cycles stopped many years ago. I seem to tell almost everyone now. Afterall they see me mostly enfemme

[LisaMallon]

Yeh, this seems to be a common theme with us.

What is interesting (talking to others) is that for some people the cycles shorten as you get older (I'm in that group). And given the opportunity they move to, well not quite 24/7, but pretty often.

Coming to terms with yourself? Testesterone dropping? Greater financial independence?

Who knows ... any ideas folks?

Note that all of us in that group envy the younger ones who have come to terms with themselves at a much earlier age. Oh to not having lines on my face:sad:

[jasmine57]

I agree, if only I had been as active when I was younger, I would have been much happier much longer. Plus the fact that the "Cycles" wouldn't have been so expensive. I've finally given up trying to deny who I am and have been happier about me than ever. I purged everything in November of '08 and still haven't gotten over it. I'm just glad I finally realized it was a total waste of time and money to deny who I am.