AmberLynn
03-31-2010, 11:58 PM
warning,long rambling story ahead. do not operate lip stick tube's or mascara brushes while attempting to read this post
After ranting on a little in a previous post i Decided a good way to work this out would be on paper "so to speak"
After giving being full time male 30 year's off and on and trying hard to find balance for both my male side and my fem side to co habitat I stand at 21 days and 30 min's on a dead line i set when I was 8 and merely a child. I remember the thought clearly "I hope that I become normal by the time im 30 or cross-dressing becomes excepted" It further more went on to making a agreement with myself
If I cant find happiness being a boy,i would become a girl. that was when i was 8.
I know many of you girl's here have followed your heart's and did what you set out to do. You are living your life's as you wanted. I have dreamed of these closing days since i was in my early 20's realizing that not only had i not changed but become more in tune with my fem side. But things I did not expect then have come around including but not limited to,being married to an excepting gg. She knows of my wanting to live as a girl and i have told her i dont plan on any surgery. One of the big's that i have mentioned before is my family moving to the same place i live and them not being the most excepting of change. And the biggest,Is the time frame i set unrealistic?
Granted the change will not occur over night,I guess im just scared to be happy. it's an emotion i have rarely felt in my short life. Amber is more then clothing and makeup to me,she is a real person that i care about. I know there are people here that have been in this place and have found guidance from others here. I love the fact the world is so full of color,but at time's i really wish part's could be black and white just for a split second.
Thanks for being here,if it was not for finding this forum a few months ago,i would be an emotional wreak crearing for the wall. I do feel a lot better putting this out where i can read thru it and process each part as im typing it out.
After ranting on a little in a previous post i Decided a good way to work this out would be on paper "so to speak"
After giving being full time male 30 year's off and on and trying hard to find balance for both my male side and my fem side to co habitat I stand at 21 days and 30 min's on a dead line i set when I was 8 and merely a child. I remember the thought clearly "I hope that I become normal by the time im 30 or cross-dressing becomes excepted" It further more went on to making a agreement with myself
If I cant find happiness being a boy,i would become a girl. that was when i was 8.
I know many of you girl's here have followed your heart's and did what you set out to do. You are living your life's as you wanted. I have dreamed of these closing days since i was in my early 20's realizing that not only had i not changed but become more in tune with my fem side. But things I did not expect then have come around including but not limited to,being married to an excepting gg. She knows of my wanting to live as a girl and i have told her i dont plan on any surgery. One of the big's that i have mentioned before is my family moving to the same place i live and them not being the most excepting of change. And the biggest,Is the time frame i set unrealistic?
Granted the change will not occur over night,I guess im just scared to be happy. it's an emotion i have rarely felt in my short life. Amber is more then clothing and makeup to me,she is a real person that i care about. I know there are people here that have been in this place and have found guidance from others here. I love the fact the world is so full of color,but at time's i really wish part's could be black and white just for a split second.
Thanks for being here,if it was not for finding this forum a few months ago,i would be an emotional wreak crearing for the wall. I do feel a lot better putting this out where i can read thru it and process each part as im typing it out.