Jenny J
04-03-2010, 01:39 PM
My daughter relocated to another city recently and I was fortunate to be able to help her in the move. As is the case when you move into new digs you find that you need all those little things that you threw away prior to the move and are now needed. So I head to Walmart or Home Depot to pick up the missing items and hoping that not too many of these trips have to be taken.
On about my 100th trip to Walmart and alone this time I happened to stop in the Women’s department, something I’ve notice I do regularly now, and started looking at tops that would go with some of my skirts. I like Walmart for one important reason. They usually have a self checkout so I don’t have to deal with sales people that much.
While I’m there admiring one particular top I get a text from my best friend Sophie asking the simple question, “Why do we do this?” Wow Sophie, you got a direct link to the security camera or something?
The quick answer is ‘I don’t know!’ But this question stuck with me and has brought into question not only why but where am I going with this?
However, I can tell you I do love it so.
I get a thrill out of dressing as a woman and enjoy shopping for clothes and shoes, having a makeover and generally getting pretty. My inner self has always wanted this and for years I’ve suppressed not only the feelings but the actual dressing.
Finally my senses returned to me and I realize I have to take this to a new level. I wanted to get out in public, dress and interact as a woman. There are many great places to go on the internet, various forums and sites that offer suggestions and helpful hints. Most importantly was advice that I test the waters at a support group
Now, I need bring up the fact that I am a social animal. I love meeting new people, talking to them, sharing experiences and getting help with ideas and pointed in the right direction. At first the groups offered this and I met some really great people. The groups I joined were helpful in getting a better understanding as to who I am and show me that I’m not alone in this little proclivity I have. There are a lot of guys out there that really like to be girls! I am one of them!
In fact, I can say that I’ve met some fantastic people that come from all walks of life. After meeting some of them, how great they look and present themselves, I don’t think there’s hope for me. I’m out of my league in the beauty department but I try to do the best I can.
I not only went to the meetings, I even participated in social gatherings at local places of business, en femme, during business hours with the general public at hand. I was a man dressed as a woman out in the real world! It was great and most of my apprehension disappeared when I realized most people didn’t give a damn how I was dressed. It was definitely fun.
But I have found that I’ve somewhat grown out of the support group thing and would love to just venture out with a small group of girls or maybe even go solo.
With all that being said, the thing that disturbs me the most and has given me the most heart ache is that I am having an extremely difficult time fitting in to the CD/TG community itself. I try to be gregarious and engaging. Attentive and outgoing, but when I meet new people I really get the impression they are just paying lip service to me and the interest in connecting with me is just a passing thought. I don’t know how many times I’ve exchanged e-mails and had pictures taken with promises that ‘they’ll send it to me right away’ or ‘we’ll stay in touch.’ I’ve even taken the first step and sent a quick note thanking them for an enjoyable visit. Yet, I rarely hear back from any of them and I wonder if it’s a futile effort.
Some of it has to do with the complexities of our lives and the fact this little thing we do is far beyond the norm and quite controversial. I certainly would be guarded with the individuals I connect in any aspect of life but when you are standing there wearing a dress and heels, talking to another man in a dress and similar shoes, some of that guard has to come down. So I wonder why anyone even engages in a conversation with me.
I am not trying to steal money, cars or a significant others from anyone. Nor am I trying to rape, pillage or burn someone’s house down. Many of my friends mentioned they had such an epiphany at last month’s Keystone Conference. I had a great time and learned a whole lot about myself and that I’m not who I thought I was the past 60 years. I found within me a whole new person. I am someone that enjoys the femme side of life and how much I want to dress, get out a lot more with understanding and caring people.
But I feel that I am the big ugly step sister that everyone tolerates and try’s to include in activates. I am constantly asking myself if I fit in and ask if I even belong here. I have serious doubts.
It’s something that I really don’t want to do but I’ve got two giant boxes in the basement. I think if I get two more I can easily put Jenny away for awhile and cope with some other issues in life right now.
But to answer the big question, ‘why do we do it’. I do it to meet girls, all shapes, sizes and colors. I enjoy their company and enjoy being a girl while doing so.
Jen
:rose2:
On about my 100th trip to Walmart and alone this time I happened to stop in the Women’s department, something I’ve notice I do regularly now, and started looking at tops that would go with some of my skirts. I like Walmart for one important reason. They usually have a self checkout so I don’t have to deal with sales people that much.
While I’m there admiring one particular top I get a text from my best friend Sophie asking the simple question, “Why do we do this?” Wow Sophie, you got a direct link to the security camera or something?
The quick answer is ‘I don’t know!’ But this question stuck with me and has brought into question not only why but where am I going with this?
However, I can tell you I do love it so.
I get a thrill out of dressing as a woman and enjoy shopping for clothes and shoes, having a makeover and generally getting pretty. My inner self has always wanted this and for years I’ve suppressed not only the feelings but the actual dressing.
Finally my senses returned to me and I realize I have to take this to a new level. I wanted to get out in public, dress and interact as a woman. There are many great places to go on the internet, various forums and sites that offer suggestions and helpful hints. Most importantly was advice that I test the waters at a support group
Now, I need bring up the fact that I am a social animal. I love meeting new people, talking to them, sharing experiences and getting help with ideas and pointed in the right direction. At first the groups offered this and I met some really great people. The groups I joined were helpful in getting a better understanding as to who I am and show me that I’m not alone in this little proclivity I have. There are a lot of guys out there that really like to be girls! I am one of them!
In fact, I can say that I’ve met some fantastic people that come from all walks of life. After meeting some of them, how great they look and present themselves, I don’t think there’s hope for me. I’m out of my league in the beauty department but I try to do the best I can.
I not only went to the meetings, I even participated in social gatherings at local places of business, en femme, during business hours with the general public at hand. I was a man dressed as a woman out in the real world! It was great and most of my apprehension disappeared when I realized most people didn’t give a damn how I was dressed. It was definitely fun.
But I have found that I’ve somewhat grown out of the support group thing and would love to just venture out with a small group of girls or maybe even go solo.
With all that being said, the thing that disturbs me the most and has given me the most heart ache is that I am having an extremely difficult time fitting in to the CD/TG community itself. I try to be gregarious and engaging. Attentive and outgoing, but when I meet new people I really get the impression they are just paying lip service to me and the interest in connecting with me is just a passing thought. I don’t know how many times I’ve exchanged e-mails and had pictures taken with promises that ‘they’ll send it to me right away’ or ‘we’ll stay in touch.’ I’ve even taken the first step and sent a quick note thanking them for an enjoyable visit. Yet, I rarely hear back from any of them and I wonder if it’s a futile effort.
Some of it has to do with the complexities of our lives and the fact this little thing we do is far beyond the norm and quite controversial. I certainly would be guarded with the individuals I connect in any aspect of life but when you are standing there wearing a dress and heels, talking to another man in a dress and similar shoes, some of that guard has to come down. So I wonder why anyone even engages in a conversation with me.
I am not trying to steal money, cars or a significant others from anyone. Nor am I trying to rape, pillage or burn someone’s house down. Many of my friends mentioned they had such an epiphany at last month’s Keystone Conference. I had a great time and learned a whole lot about myself and that I’m not who I thought I was the past 60 years. I found within me a whole new person. I am someone that enjoys the femme side of life and how much I want to dress, get out a lot more with understanding and caring people.
But I feel that I am the big ugly step sister that everyone tolerates and try’s to include in activates. I am constantly asking myself if I fit in and ask if I even belong here. I have serious doubts.
It’s something that I really don’t want to do but I’ve got two giant boxes in the basement. I think if I get two more I can easily put Jenny away for awhile and cope with some other issues in life right now.
But to answer the big question, ‘why do we do it’. I do it to meet girls, all shapes, sizes and colors. I enjoy their company and enjoy being a girl while doing so.
Jen
:rose2: