Posting When Your SO is on the forum

[ReneeT]

I am gradually working towards introducing my wife to this site so that she may benefit from the support of other SO's. For those of you whose SO visits here, has that altered the content of your posts?

[NathalieX66]

Cool.
it's not an easy thing for her, I'm sure, but I hope she gets a better grasp of CD'ers and TG by doing so.
You love her, and that's what's most important.

[Starling]

Hi Renee,

I haven't been able to persuade my wife to come here. When the issue first came up--she had known about my dressing since before we wed, but last year she came home unexpectedly one day and found me fully dressed and wigged--I urged her to read about crossdressing, but she must have stumbled on the wrong kinds of posts. I should have guided her to the stuff that expresses what I'm about, rather than the horror stories and sexploits that abound. Anyway, from then on she has refused to read or talk about it.

As far as altering my posts, Renee, I suppose I've said some things I'd rather she didn't read, but I've always emphasized my love for her and my commitment to our marriage. Nonethless, I have been very candid at times, and I don't doubt she might feel embarrassed or ashamed for me. But what would be the point of putting my thoughts and experiences out there if I wasn't being honest?

Frankly, nothing I've said here could possibly make her feel worse, more fearful, than she already does, and it might even help her to feel a little sympathy, or even admiration for my managing not to destroy myself out of shame or frustration. Not that I want a prize or anything, but I wouldn't mind if even for a few hours she could put herself in my shoes, as I've put myself in hers. (They're too small, actually.) My goal is mutual love and respect.

But just as a sensible precaution, Renee, I would suggest posting your darker thoughts in the GM Forum, which your SO would not be able to access, just as we can't access the Private F.A.B. Forum.

Best of luck, whatever happens.

:) Lallie

[PretzelGirl]

I developed my dressing with my wife by my side the whole way. So I never really had to have "the big discussion" at any point. She is on here but is an infrequent visitor. I don't think I alter my posts in any way unless something is happening subconciously (you never know). I love and respect her so I look at that as the greatest reason why my posts would be the same whether she is here or not.

My daughter is also now a member of the forum. I didn't hesistate to help her sign in here. If I was to post something that would embarass me in front of her, then I probably shouldn't have posted it.

[Sooty]

I developed my dressing with my wife by my side the whole way. So I never really had to have "the big discussion" at any point. She is on here but is an infrequent visitor. I don't think I alter my posts in any way unless something is happening subconciously (you never know). I love and respect her so I look at that as the greatest reason why my posts would be the same whether she is here or not.


Ditto.

In fact, much better than I'd have said it

[erickka]

My wife is so dead set against "it" that I don't dare even mention a thing about crossdressing. She still thinks it is sick, disgusting an perverted. I tried many years ago to open her up, but with NO luck. It is now a taboo area of our relationship. As long as she never sees any clothes, etc. or sees me dressed, it is o.k., but If I get "caught" again, the big "D" is inevitable, even after 27 years! Even after all of this , we still love and cherish each other as much as we did when we first married. My respect for her keeps Erickka in check, and also seems to help with the balance of both worlds.

[Engendered]

I think there's a little bit of a situation here whereby any "CD whose SO visits the forum" wouldn't be able to answer "yes, that has changed the content of my posts", without their SO seeing it. :)

If I had a SO and I decided to introduce them here, I think it would only be natural for it to have an effect on what I say. You're no longer just talking to a group of semi-anonymous people, but now you have to take into consideration "What will my SO think if I say *this*?". And that thought will happen whether what you're posting is important or trivial.

This is not necessarily a bad thing of course, especially if you and your partner are on the same page, and you're generally very open with your thoughts, and you can always use the GM forum as someone has already mentioned. (Do people use that? I don't think I've even seen that yet)

[Tomara]

Hi Renee
My girlfriend does come here from time to time.
We have a very honest and caring relationship and are able to talk about everything , even the tough stuff.
So no I don't change what I post here because I don't post anything that I wouldn't share with her anyway.
I hope this helps you and I hope you wife will join us soon.
Tomara

[Sarah_GG]

As far as altering my posts, Renee, I suppose I've said some things I'd rather she didn't read, but I've always emphasized my love for her and my commitment to our marriage. Nonethless, I have been very candid at times, and I don't doubt she might feel embarrassed or ashamed for me. But what would be the point of putting my thoughts and experiences out there if I wasn't being honest?

Frankly, nothing I've said here could possibly make her feel worse, more fearful, than she already does, and it might even help her to feel a little sympathy, or even admiration for my managing not to destroy myself out of shame or frustration. Not that I want a prize or anything, but I wouldn't mind if even for a few hours she could put herself in my shoes, as I've put myself in hers. (They're too small, actually.) My goal is mutual love and respect.

But just as a sensible precaution, Renee, I would suggest posting your darker thoughts in the GM Forum, which your SO would not be able to access, just as we can't access the Private F.A.B. Forum.

Best of luck, whatever happens.

:) Lallie

I like this approach. And you're absolutely right imho. That's why there are Private forums (such as FAB) so that we can air issues, questions, worries and concerns confidently and without fear of offending or upsetting anyone. It's not necessarily that they're "darker thoughts" (well, not in the FAB forum anyway! :D) just more personally related.

I think it's really important for newly knowing GGs to be able to come here. I was a little freaked out when I first arrived and started reading stuff, but after coming and going and allowing things to settle, I was also able to separate the wheat from the chaff and, knowing my SO, was able to disassociate what didn't apply. Just like in any other area of life.

I do think it's healthy to have discussions that everyone can engage in, should they so desire, that address the real issues.

[aprilgirl]

I don't feel it has changed anything regarding content after my gf (now wife) joined here. I do admit to going back through the archives of my posts to see if there was anything that could be misinterpreted or being asked to explain.

The one thing that did concern me, that Sarah GG touched upon, was content from others. I was a little apprehensive of her researching and taking anothers own experience or fantasy and applying it as fact. That worry was soon alleviated as she is wise and grasped the broad spectrum of things.

I suggested she join here and I'm grateful she did. It provided her an outlet to address concerns in the Private F.A.B. Forum to those who can empathize. It also sparked conversations between us that has led to a better understanding for both her and I. It has been nothing but a positive venture and if you choose to introduce your wife here Renee, I hope you find the same.

[Rogina B]

Well,we know what the most viewed post seems to be.Unfortunately,for the skeptical or ill informed,or curious,A DAMAGING conclusion could be drawn from it's popularity here. Not good support if in a shaky situation,already!:2c:

[Sheila]

Rogina

I agree, that damaging conclusions could be drawn from it, but also it does help to underline that not all CDER's or GG's think the same (just as in any other walk of life peoples views and ideas will differ), it helped when I first became a member here (and on other sites) to remember that not everything I read here will pertain to my relationship, and that helped. I don't believe that hiding things away helps anything, and unless we can "talk" about them in the open without taking offence if we have differing viewpoints nobody will learn anything .......... unfortunately regional let alone international language does not always transfer well on the net :sad:.

I would hope that Debs would not alter her posts because I am member here, I most certainly have not ever, that does not mean that I have not taking certain things into FAB to discuss with the other SO's, but rarely before having discussed them with Debs, and we have always discussed them afterwards (without disclosing what was said in the FAB forum) .......... I am/we are lucky, in that we have made half a dozen close friends on the forum, with whom we can and do discuss various aspect of out TG life, but life in general, 3 of them came to our wedding last Oct one traveling over 450 miles to do so, the other 2 traveling nearly 300 miles each way .......

I am glad that there are certain areas of the forum where we can all go to work out our fears, gain a different view on how we see things without it them getting lost in a crowd of voices, but nothing can beat actually "talking" and "listening " to each other with open hearts and minds :)

Renee, I do hope your wife decides to join us all, and to join the FAB forum, we may not all be able to alter things much if at all for the both of you, but you know we will do our best for you both as a couple and as individuals :)

[Mackenzie]

Even before Ms Susie (GG wife) joined the forum, I never posted anything that I would not be comfortable with her seeing. If we love our wives the way we ought to, we will not be any different on the forum that we are in her presence.

Mackenzie

[KayC]

I am gradually working towards introducing my wife to this site so that she may benefit from the support of other SO's. For those of you whose SO visits here, has that altered the content of your posts?

This is a good point to bring up. I hope that you are able to freely share with your wife here as you were before. My SO reads and doesn't post so it hasn't made any difference to us...I'm not as likely to look up something he writes as he would look up something I write...not because he's any more curious than me but because he has more time than I do. I don't think it's any different than anything else we share, we are pretty open about our emails, etc. but we also afford each other privacy, kind of a good balance of openness vs. privacy.


Well,we know what the most viewed post seems to be.Unfortunately,for the skeptical or ill informed,or curious,A DAMAGING conclusion could be drawn from it's popularity here. Not good support if in a shaky situation,already!:2c:

No, rogina, I don't know what the most viewed post seems to be. What do ;you mean by this?

[Rogina B]

Views and post count are on the right!! A lot of people have stopped to view...guess they are "just curious"...

[mklinden2010]

If you do introduce her to this site, I hope you talk about it beforehand.

Some of the posts here "I" disagree with, strongly, but I have the perspective, perhaps, of a fifth grader noting the "incompetence" of a first grader. I do trust, I should note, that most people will eventually get past first grade thinking and into the upper grades given enough time and experience. Patience...

Meanwhile, I would not recommend this site to anyone as a place to learn anything without priming them first of the broad range of opinions and the good and bad "facts" that will pop up day to day. My SO, for instance, wears underwear and is mostly concerned that it is clean and fits well. She does NOT get sexually excited by her panties, or, either of her feet, or, the utility bills. Duh. Get a life, but get a good one.

My SO and I talk about most my posts before I post them. So, I read here first, then tell her about the things I thought were on the mark and those which seem to be way off base. She gets from that, I think, my view of this world as well as my own personal agenda. There are many questions then that she doesn't even have to ask about, "Are you like this? Do you want to do THAT?" and so forth. She also gets to see me as someone who is grounded at all times as the same person, not someone who looses track of over-all reality over a dress or blouse. And, beyond that, she gets to pick sides an engage in the larger conversation about "things" instead of having to figure things out on her own, talk to strangers or compromise friendships, or, have to deal with me fumbling about for both of us.

Generally, I think bringing your wife to this forum is a good idea. But, I think you'd do well to filter things "as you see them" as you go along. Don't leave your business to random chance... That's mostly what I'm saying...

[Presh GG]

We're all here Renee, I hope your wife will join us.

It's fear of the unknown that does the most damage in a relationship. Our imagination can be a dark place! That and isolation can hurt a gg more than any truth.

I feel so bad both for the scared GGs and the CDs that need the space to be who they are.
Yes, still after 35 years, I still find I need a friend to HEAR me. The FAB is that friend.

All the best to you, and slow is the way to go
Presh GG
[ Sorry, gosh ,it's early! ]

[suchacutie]

My wife and I have shared everything about Tina, including this website. I have no idea if she has an account here, or if she lurks on occassion or often. It hasn't come up since there isn't anything I don't share, so if she is here reading my posts, it's likely she's heard it all before anyway!

If one's post change in view of the presence or absence of a spouse, maybe it's time to rethink?

tina

[RachelZ]

My gf got an account here a few weeks ago. There havn't been any negatives yet, only a few more questions from her, most of which are reasonable. I think its really cool that she joined. Good luck with getting yours to join

[Starling]

I would just hope that any member here would not let the SO see the private areas without her joining up. There is a degree of mutual trust involved.

:) Lallie

[sherri52]

I don't have an SO at the moment but I feel in my heart that I would not change anything that I say. My questions or responces to threads rely on the truth. I want the truth given to me and I give the truth or my honest opinion when I post. How could not give everyone the same consideration. Let your wife see the truth, the whole truth. I learned a long time ago to stop lying. I can always remember the truth, I can't always remember the lies. That is if I can remember at all at my age.

[Nigella]

I would just hope that any member here would not let the SO see the private areas without her joining up. There is a degree of mutual trust involved.

:) Lallie

The private areas are just that, there should be no discussion of what goes on in private forums with anyone that is not a member of the private forum. FULL STOP.

Just look at the home page without logging in and you can see what is actually public domain.

[Starling]

Thanks for the definitive statement, Nigella.

:) Lallie

[ReneeT]

Gosh - everyone's responses, GG's and CD's alike, are really insightful and very helpful. Thank you.

I guess I am a bit fearful that my wife may draw the wrong conclusions from some threads and posts that do not reflect my lifestyle or perspective. I agree that the FAB forum would be very helpful. I hope I can get her there...

Renee

[TxKimberly]

Personally I always take the tact that someday someone I love may read what I write. With that thought in mind, I already wont post anything that I would be worried or ashamed about if someone I care for were to read it.

[Karan49]

I think I'm missing something. Can you please be more explicit about what you concerns are about these threads you sort of mention. Yes, I do see some threads, especially the sticky threads that have a high count of people looking at. What is the problem with people being curious? Which ones of these threads should I be avoiding? Why should I be fearful of a SO seeing these threads? Should we censor these threads. I'm really perplexed by your post. Please clarify what you mean. Thank you. Karan

[PretzelGirl]

I guess I am a bit fearful that my wife may draw the wrong conclusions from some threads and posts that do not reflect my lifestyle or perspective. I agree that the FAB forum would be very helpful. I hope I can get her there...

Renee

For this very reason, I always recommend that there is a full discussion before this forum is presented to someone else. There is a broad base of people and their interests here. Obviously everything cannot be applied to any one person. But if you set someone free here thinking this will be a great learning tool without establishing "who you are", then you are just setting them up to let their minds run wild. Then it becomes real hard to reel the thoughts back in.

[Rogina B]

In case you haven't noticed the popularity or curiousity draw..351 posts and 21,253 looks at the subject. So,from such a straight crowd,there sure is interest in knowing more. Rather than support someone's sexual indentity as hetero,it makes many of us wonder why so much interest.A thinking SO may come to that same conclusion as well.. Oh,and the "people slow down all the time to look at car wrecks" doesn't hold water on this either! :2c:

[CamilleLeon]

My SO almost spends more time on here than I do. We're really open about crossdressing and she's been really supportive, so I don't think I've censored myself in any way since she's joined.

[ReineD]

Gosh - everyone's responses, GG's and CD's alike, are really insightful and very helpful. Thank you.

I guess I am a bit fearful that my wife may draw the wrong conclusions from some threads and posts that do not reflect my lifestyle or perspective. I agree that the FAB forum would be very helpful. I hope I can get her there...

Renee

Your wife will need to feel as if you are open to her questions. It is even better if she feels that you welcome them. She will read threads here that will concern her, and some of them might touch close to home. You might even sense that she will not like your answers. But if after a while you become reluctant to discuss certain things, or if you become defensive, or even if you feel you are being repetitive in your answers and you become impatient at times, she will fill in the blanks by herself, no matter how much she may know that doing this is counter productive. And then you risk having other white elephants in your relatonship.

But if you encourage her to discuss everything that might frighten her, no matter how difficult the topic, I cannot help but think that her trust in you will strengthen.

Also, be prepared for her acceptance levels (even if it is mere tolerance in the beginning) to waiver at times. It has happened to me. There is much more to being TG than what first meets the eye and although as a TG person everything makes perfect sense to you (mostly), :) it is a stretch for us GGs to make sense of your motives and desires.

Good luck, and I sincerely hope I will get to meet your wife in FAB.
:hugs: