Elizabeth 66
04-08-2010, 08:55 AM
When I was young I used to act like a girl and play with girls all the time, but as I got older my dad wanted to make me into a man, he would stop me playing with my sisters and her friends, so really for a long time I really had no friends at all, at school I was like an outcast, because I wasn’t interested in being friends with the lads because I found it hard to relate to them, and I still do. Also when I whenever I got the chance I used to sneak and dress in my sisters clothes, But my dad was serious about making me into a man, I remember when I was about six or seven he made me dress in my sisters night dress as I was acting like a girl, I enjoyed the feeling of wearing it until he invited one of the few friends I had into the house to see me, they made me feel so ashamed.
Over the next few years I tried to act like a man, when I was around eight I got a girlfriend, we were more like best friends really, we never kissed once but did everything together till we moved when I was eleven, I went to high school and my friends were all girls, although I had only one or two, instead of woodwork and metal work I did Home economics and needlework, My mum and dad sent me to see a child psychiatrist when I was young, I’m not sure of my age, but I do know I was sent away to boarding school because they said that it wasn’t good for me to be in such a female environment. And I was too close to my mum. So at the age of 13 I was packed away, made to do boys stuff such as rugby and cricket, but still my best friend was a girl.
When I left school I went to secretarial school for a year, I was the only lad in the class, then I went into catering, I was very happy, and although wasn’t wearing female clothes, I was very effeminate, and always had fresh flowers which I bought myself and arraigned in my flat, and loved to make it look nice.
When I was 20 I had to move back home, and my dad decided he would have another go at making me into a real man, after all he had been in the SAS so you couldn’t get more of a man, he got me a job in a painting company with all men, I hated it, and left after two weeks, and got a job in a supermarket, her I was ok, I had female friends again.
I had my first girlfriend at the age of 21 and got married at 25, sex was never good for me, I have never like woman to do thing for me, having my genitals played with, well I find it boring, I does nothing, I was married for ten years and had three beautiful daughters. I was a single dad since they were 10 and took them shopping for clothes and make-up, it was like having dolls of my own, yes I used to play with my sisters dolls too.
I have been on and off medication for depression for most of my life, and have never felt happy with my body, I don't hate it, just there always been something not quite right about it, I have never looked at a man and wished I had a body like his, but I often see woman I and wished I had a body like there's.
But here I am now, confused! and why, because I don't find most men attractive, and I say most because I have found some feminine men attractive, also I have never shown this side of myself for years, although have been asked if I was gay a few times because I have some female mannerisms ( if that is the correct word ) I know I have jumped about on this post, and it is long, but I am trying to find myself, and decide a direction for my life, as my girls have recently left home.
Really any help and advice would help; this has been hard for me because there is a lot here I have never told to another soul. Feel free to ask any questions, and I will try to answer them.
Over the next few years I tried to act like a man, when I was around eight I got a girlfriend, we were more like best friends really, we never kissed once but did everything together till we moved when I was eleven, I went to high school and my friends were all girls, although I had only one or two, instead of woodwork and metal work I did Home economics and needlework, My mum and dad sent me to see a child psychiatrist when I was young, I’m not sure of my age, but I do know I was sent away to boarding school because they said that it wasn’t good for me to be in such a female environment. And I was too close to my mum. So at the age of 13 I was packed away, made to do boys stuff such as rugby and cricket, but still my best friend was a girl.
When I left school I went to secretarial school for a year, I was the only lad in the class, then I went into catering, I was very happy, and although wasn’t wearing female clothes, I was very effeminate, and always had fresh flowers which I bought myself and arraigned in my flat, and loved to make it look nice.
When I was 20 I had to move back home, and my dad decided he would have another go at making me into a real man, after all he had been in the SAS so you couldn’t get more of a man, he got me a job in a painting company with all men, I hated it, and left after two weeks, and got a job in a supermarket, her I was ok, I had female friends again.
I had my first girlfriend at the age of 21 and got married at 25, sex was never good for me, I have never like woman to do thing for me, having my genitals played with, well I find it boring, I does nothing, I was married for ten years and had three beautiful daughters. I was a single dad since they were 10 and took them shopping for clothes and make-up, it was like having dolls of my own, yes I used to play with my sisters dolls too.
I have been on and off medication for depression for most of my life, and have never felt happy with my body, I don't hate it, just there always been something not quite right about it, I have never looked at a man and wished I had a body like his, but I often see woman I and wished I had a body like there's.
But here I am now, confused! and why, because I don't find most men attractive, and I say most because I have found some feminine men attractive, also I have never shown this side of myself for years, although have been asked if I was gay a few times because I have some female mannerisms ( if that is the correct word ) I know I have jumped about on this post, and it is long, but I am trying to find myself, and decide a direction for my life, as my girls have recently left home.
Really any help and advice would help; this has been hard for me because there is a lot here I have never told to another soul. Feel free to ask any questions, and I will try to answer them.