Hi, everyone!

[Melissa A.]

I'm baaaaaaack, and armed with a lovely new laptop. I missed all of you very much. Hope everyone is happy and healthy. In the last couple of months, My roomie and I have moved into a very nice new place, Spring came(yippee!), and I have gotten to the point at work where I am all but out. Some of you know where I work-a freight rail yard-possibley the most macho workplace one can imagine. I live as me everywhere else, and when it comes to the world at large, I just don't give a darn. But work has always been different, somehow. I had alot of anxiety over it for a long time. Well, I take the subway to work. And I get very dirty working. My work clothes, which are the only male clothes I own(jeans and t-shirts), are perpetually greasy and dirty looking, even right out of the dryer. A few months ago, I decided I was tired of looking like a homeless person on my way to and from work. And it was wearing on me, not being who I am, all the time. I started out pretty subtle, women's jeans, a girls t-shirt, but not too girlie looking, and a pair of converse all-stars. After a while, the jeans got skinnier and skinnier, and the cuffs got higher and higher, as the t-shirts got more and more feminine. I'm now at the point where there's really nothing left to wonder about-Wednsday I wore a pair of very skinny jeans cuffed all the way up the calf, a cute v-neck t-shirt(and a bra, which I started wearing to work a few weeks ago, and makes the girls even bigger) a pair of black sandals with little rhinestones, a little foundation, blush, and lots of mascara. And of course, my hair, which has been looking anything but male for quite a while. Two weeks ago, I told my supervisors. they were fine, said they would help me however they can. the company has known for well over a year, and while they say they are supportive, I don't feel like I'm getting alot of hands on help, and that I'm pretty much on my own, as far as officially coming out. The company I work for(CSX) is gigantic, and based in Jacksonville, Fla. Oak point yard, in the Bronx, is kind of small and out of the way, and there really is no HR presence here. I kind of feel like I have been left to my own devices, as far as how to approach this. I certainly dont trust my boss to explain it to anyone, so an open letter is most likely the best way to go.

But as I said, my appearance pretty much speaks for itself, now. Who can say if I did the right thing, doing it this way? did I put the cart before the horse? Or was getting them used to it before I officially came out the right thing to do? I can tell you that no one really says anything(they really can't, anyway), and I am so far, treated the same. I genuinely like the guys I work with. I have no desire to make them uncomfortable, but now, I think I may have them kinda confused! I did tell one guy, months ago, and he is on my side, and will speak up for me, when he can. Anyway, I will be drafting a letter soon, and I guess the big thing at this point, for the guys, will be my name change. I will keep you all updated. It's good to be back!

Hugs,

Melissa:)

[Stephenie S]

Hon, why say anything at all? You say your appearance speaks for itself. What more will you gain?

[Karen564]

Do you really have to write a formal letter?
Just thinking of when you get your crew all together, like maybe at lunch time? and in an informal way tell them that you would like to let them all now what's going on in your life now...and what your doing to change it for the better....but be prepared for the waterworks as your telling them...so bring lots of tissues...(for you that is)..
It's just an idea of the way I would handle it in this case..
I'll wish you the best no matter what either way..:hugs:

PS, yes, CSX is freakin huge!, their long trains are always passing through my town all the time..

[pamela_a]

Glad to have you back Melissa :hugs:
I transitioned at work in a very similar manner. I changed my appearance and attire first. After a while I spoke with my HR dept, picked a date, and sent out an email explaining what was happening and telling everyone my new name (and pronouns). A word of advice if you do the letter, don't be too detailed. If you think it might be helpful I'll forward it to you.
I'm glad to hear you've already got someone on your side there, that helps.

My best to you girl. Just don't start trashing your prettier clothes now. :)

:love:

[Melissa A.]

You both make a good point, and i have thought about just letting things "ride", and perhaps just telling a few that I'm close to, and letting the human telephone line do it's work. I haven't decided yet. One issue is respect. Part of me feels like I owe the guys something official, an explanation, of sorts. I have told my boss that I need to start using the ladies room upstairs soon to change and go to the bathroom. So I guess that may have to be explained. Right now, I use a stall in the big mensroom down by the crewroom to change, and I am getting quite weary of it. Also, everyone where I work uses the computer to see who's working where, what jobs they can hold. When I change my first name, the "M" instead of the "D" next to my last name will be quite noticable. I understand that all of these are mostly logistical issues. Once I change my name, I will be officially "out" everywhere and soon after, eligable for GRS. I dunno, It's always just been a given that I would "come out" at work, eventually. But I have been thinking about doing it a little differently. I cedrtainly have to this point. Thanks for the encouragement, girls. i appreciate it. :)

Karen, I used to work Albany-to-Boston when I was on the road, so I may have been on one of those big trains you saw!

Thanks again, girls.

Hugs,

Melissa:)


My best to you girl. Just don't start trashing your prettier clothes now.

Thank you, Pamlea. :hugs:

Heck, no! I change as soon as I get there. My nice clothes go right in my locker!

Hugs,

Melissa:)

[Traci Elizabeth]

I would have to agree with the others that what you have done seems the best route and not sure if a formal letter will to anything more for you or might be even taken wrongly by some folks at your work (such as bringing too much attention to yourself at work).

Is this a union yard? If so that has it's own issues.

But I am proud of you and your dedication to be "you" 24/7. Go Girl!

[Faith_G]

Welcome back! :hugs:

[Karen564]

Karen, I used to work Albany-to-Boston when I was on the road, so I may have been on one of those big trains you saw!



That's possible, depending on your route...Did you go though the large train yard in West Springfield? then go on from there to Worcester, then onto Boston, if you did, then you passed through my little town along a small river on the way to Worcester..
:hugs:

[Melissa A.]

That's possible, depending on your route...Did you go though the large train yard in West Springfield? then go on from there to Worcester, then onto Boston, if you did, then you passed through my little town along a small river on the way to Worcester..
:hugs:

Yep, that's the one, the old B&A, been there for well over a hundred years.

Hugs,

Melissa:)

[Karen564]

Well, that's so cool then..those are some very well traveled tracks for sure....and some very long trains..

Theres's another small switching station (don't know if that's the right term) ...in Palmer that you may have stopped at ..and I'm just up the tracks from there heading NE.

:hugs:

[Melissa A.]

Oh yes, been in Palmer yard many times to drop off or pick up. New England central intersects with us there, and the Amtrack does a switch there. Pretty little village.

Hugs,

Melissa:)

[Karen564]

That's truly amasing.....it really is small world :eek:....but I take it that your not doing those runs anymore?

[Melissa A.]

No, I moved from upstate(Saratoga) to NYC last summer, and I'm now a yardie. No more hotels and being away from home half the time, but the work is much more physical, and I'm out in the elements, always. But I'm happy to be back in my hometown, after over 30 years away. Life is full of trade-offs. Another plus is the physical work is helping me lose a few pounds. a minus is that I now officially despise winter.

Hugs,

Melissa:)

[GypsyKaren]

Nice to have you back...:hugs:

Karen :g1:

[Kaitlyn Michele]

hmmm...now i have heard of 4 girls that work in the rails/train world...

i'm glad to hear how youa re doing ....you are doing it your way and that's always the "right" way...

i am in a more corporate world, and its macho in a totally different way...respect and credibility are important....i told everyone by phone or personally...now i was on an extended leave and i ended up leaving the company, but folks are friendly and helpful, and i go into the office for outplacement and meet my colleagues...i'm sure your crowd is more rough and tumble but i have to wonder if sending them all a note is the way to go..

one thing that may help you alot is to plan out as best you can one or two people that you think will be most supportive...and talk to them privately...you will need them to step up for you when you are not around (no guarantee you can find such a good friend)...if you can find those folks it will make your life so much easier...

:hugs:
Kate

[morgan51]

Glad you're back Melissa. I wish you an easy transition to presenting female at work , I am doing the same at work changing things steadly and slowly. As long as you can do your job no one should say anything negative to you. Best of luck to you! I'm with you, beginning to detest winter. Spring is a welcome sight!

[Rianna Humble]

Hi Melissa, you've already had pretty good advice from the girls here. For what it's worth I think you are doing just fine.

I would echo the advice to find one or two co-workers you trust who can be advocates for you when you are not around and tell them first.

The formal letter could be a good step after that, but as has already been said, don't make it too deep and involved.

I really admire your courage in taking this on with so little practical help. The very best of luck to you.