Don't ask don't tell

[goofus]

Okay, so tonight I'm over at my mom's house using her computer, she's in the other room watching TV. I didn't hear her come in to say good night, and I was looking at this very website. She had to have seen what website I was viewing 'cause I couldn't close the window/switch tabs, etc. fast enough since I had a pop up message. She just says good night to me and kisses me, doesn't say a word about what website I'm visiting. The whole thing gave me a huge panic attack. She knows I'm a CD but it's not discussed...she doesn't ask about it, I don't talk about it. Same deal with my sister. It's not so much the fact that she "caught" me on this website that's frustrating, it's the fact that she didn't say anything and didn't talk about it. I don't know if she's accepting or not, since it's something that isn't talked about. Does anyone else have this sort of maddening don't ask/don't tell relationship with family members? What, if anything, can I, or should I, do about it?

[TxKimberly]

Your mother kissed you and bid you good night - nothing else matters. Seriously - nothing else about this is worth worrying about. The woman that gave you life, fixed your boo boos, walked the floor with you at night when you were sick even though she was so tired she could only just stay awake - that woman gave you a kiss and told you she loves you and good night.

Wanna a piece of advice from an old fart? Back away from the PC for a minute or two and go give your mother a hug and you tell her that you love her.

[goofus]

Your mother kissed you and bid you good night - nothing else matters. Seriously - nothing else about this is worth worrying about. The woman that gave you life, fixed your boo boos, walked the floor with you at night when you were sick even though she was so tired she could only just stay awake - that woman gave you a kiss and told you she loves you and good night.

Wanna a piece of advice from an old fart? Back away from the PC for a minute or two and go give your mother a hug and you tell her that you love her.

I see what you're saying, Kimberly, but jeez, what about the 500 pound gorilla in the room??

[Michelia]

Unless you have this deep need to be accepted by them and are willing to risk the consequences, why push it. I know people like that and they are just obviously not comfortable with it and do not want to know about it. So not forcing the issue may be better choice all around.

How do you think they would react if one day you came out and walked around in a skirt and heels and all made up and just acted normally? Could they ignore it then? That could be one day to at least get them to talk about it if that is what you really want.

Still, remember dont ask dont tell is still better than a lot of us have with their families.


Your mother kissed you and bid you good night - nothing else matters. Seriously - nothing else about this is worth worrying about. The woman that gave you life, fixed your boo boos, walked the floor with you at night when you were sick even though she was so tired she could only just stay awake - that woman gave you a kiss and told you she loves you and good night.

Wanna a piece of advice from an old fart? Back away from the PC for a minute or two and go give your mother a hug and you tell her that you love her.

Kimberly,

Sometimes you are like so... perfect.

It has happened sometimes. I post something and then I read your post and I think to myself "why could I not have written that?"

[Sheila]

Maybe a "mom I love you" for no reason other than you do, next time you see her would be good.

I don't know how old your mum is, maybe she doesn't know how to talk about it, if that makes sense, or maybe she is afraid to say the wrong thing and upset you !!! your sister nay be the same, but accept that they love you "warts n all"

They are loads of members here who have the same don't ask, don't tell relationship with their relatives :straightface:

[VikkiVixen7188]

Shes waiting till YOUR ready to talk about it.

[marlacd]

She may not have paid any attencion to what you had up and viewing. Before you say anything about yourself to your mom, it worthwhile to consider if she would accept it. And what may change in your life when it happens. In my case, when I decided to confront my wife about dressing, and accepting me as me, she had a considerable amount of time to think about the ramifications of having a CD husband, because we had a "I know you are dressing up, but lets not talk about it policy," for a long time. My wife had to decide that there far worse things that husbands do, than crossdressing. The end results have brought us closer together, however.

A sidebar to all of my CDing is that my wife found out that shopping became more fun for her because I will go anywhere she wishes, and I'm able to pick out, and find more things that look good on her. And she likes to pick out stuff for me to wear! :D

[Jocelyn Quivers]

I would just let it go. Me and my mother (whom I love very dearly) also have a basicly don't ask don't tell. I know she would be willing to talk about it if I wanted but our relationship is good enough as it is and doesn't need to complicated any further.

[ellenwannabe]

pretty much the same scenario with me - my family certainly must notice that I wear conservative female clothes every day and that is especially noticeable with my short shorts in the warm weather but no one ever seems to mention it and as the only male item of clothing I wear is a male shirt of some kind maybe that keeps them from commenting - I really don't care anymore what anyone thinks about my choice of clothing - my wife accepts it but does not encourage it but did give me a pair of her shorts the other day - just enjoy who you are - Ellen

[TxKimberly]

I see what you're saying, Kimberly, but jeez, what about the 500 pound gorilla in the room??

That gorilla can go find it's own mother, this one is yours . . .

All kidding aside, I'd leave it alone if I were you. It's entirely possible that she wasn't reading over your shoulder and doesn't know what site you were on. If she did see, it seems to me that she would have brought it up had she wanted to chat about it.

[Cathytg]

I had that same relationship with my parents and my former wife. It's called "There is no elephant standing there in my living room if I ignore it."

My parents are dead and my wife is out of my life. I can look back and say that I was not very smart. It was much easier to take the short term safe route and ignore it all but it was a long term loser. It always is. My current wife of four years knows about me and we discuss it often. I cannot tell how much better this is. It is so much healthier to have CD on the table for ease of access in any conversation.

I told both my adult children several years ago. We have not mentioned since then. I wonder what, if anything, I have truly learned.

[Rachel Morley]

Next time you're in this situation press the windows key+d and every window, pop ups included, that is open is minimized to the task bar in the speed it takes to press these keys, and if you do them together with your thumb and index finger that's like less than one second. Press the same keys again to bring them all back. It's like and on off switch.

I had something similar to this happen to me but it was with my step son not my mother, so I understand a little bit of what you mean. I agree with the others, she's your mom. She most likely doesn't want you to feel uncomfortable so she probably never mentions it in case that's how you'd feel. If she already knows you are a cder then don't worry. Either mention it so that its out there and there"s nothing more to hide (that's what I did with my step son) or just calmly close all windows like I suggested next time and say nothing ... hopefully with no panic attack.

[Michelia]

Next time you're in this situation press the windows key+d and every window, pop ups included, that is open is minimized to the task bar in the speed it takes to press these keys, and if you do them together with your thumb and index finger that's like less than one second. Press the same keys again to bring them all back. It's like and on off switch.


Thanks

[goofus]

Thanks for your input, all. I got over feeling weird about it pretty quickly... I don't know, maybe someday I'lll bring up the subject with her...

[Debutante]

Yes, tell your mother you love her... and gather yourself up. There is notjing wrong with you.
When the time is right, and you are collected and centered, try to have a conversation with her about this. I am sure she will be more supportive than you think...

[sherri52]

Leave it alone. If she wanted to talk to you about it she would have said something. She loves you enough not to have to say something and to let you live your life. Your much better off with nothing said. If you bring it up you could end up in a conversation that you don't want.

[SuzanneBender]

Next time you're in this situation press the windows key+d and every window, pop ups included, that is open is minimized to the task bar in the speed it takes to press these keys, and if you do them together with your thumb and index finger that's like less than one second. Press the same keys again to bring them all back. It's like and on off switch.

Thats an awesome hint! I never knew that. Now I am going to have to figure out how to remove all of the windows and D keys from my employee's keyboards at work:heehee:

Kimberly,

Sometimes you are like so... perfect.

It has happened sometimes. I post something and then I read your post and I think to myself "why could I not have written that?"
My thoughts exactly Michelia. Kimberly always has a way of hitting the nail on the head and finding just the right words. :hugs:

I see what you're saying, Kimberly, but jeez, what about the 500 pound gorilla in the room??

OMG there is a 500 pound gorilla in the room cross dressed. I bet she has a tough time finding heels in her size!

Dear it sounds like you are looking for acceptance but you don't want to ask for it. You said that your Mom and Sister both know, but none of you talk about it. My own experience tells me that this whole TG thing goes much better when you talk about it and share each others feelings concerning it. Warning, if you do this be prepared to hear some comments that may not be what you want to hear initially, but with time, love and patience true acceptance will come.

Then you can kick that cross dressed gorilla out of the house and share the thoughts that you post on here with those that you love. Trust me. It makes it all the better. :hugs:

[mklinden2010]

**Does anyone else have this sort of maddening don't ask/don't tell relationship with family members?


I'm sure there are people who do, but I don't because I did something about it. And, it worked out fine.

Look, your mom will always be your mom. She probably gets it that she only gets to raise you - she can't hover over you your entire life as it you who has to live your life.

So, this is your issue to deal with and you're now aware you probably need to do something about it other than duck it.

So, I agree that she's probably waiting to see what you want to say when you're ready to say it.

Since you almost got outright busted, and getting "jumped" bothers bothers you, start floating that boat and begin discussing this or related issues until you have a working dialog going.

The rest will probably come naturally.

What's not natural, or, smart, is thinking things are going to be any different if you don't do something different.

Live well and be happy.

PS

SuzanneBender said it better. And, sooner. Soooo, like she said.

[Angiemead12]

funny my real mom who lives in the USA wants me to fly over and live a week as my femme self with her and her new family, I declined it though coz I thought it was a bit weird, i dint grow up with her!

[goofus]

funny my real mom who lives in the USA wants me to fly over and live a week as my femme self with her and her new family, I declined it though coz I thought it was a bit weird, i dint grow up with her!

You should do it, sounds like fun!