Stop the desire to be a woman

[thechic]

Has any body been able to quell the desire to be a woman

I'm in a situation at the moment the the desire to be a woman is so overwhelming and powerful and a want that is 24/7 so am now seeing a therapist went to see him for the first time on Friday,see him again on the 19th.
When i don't carry out the desire i get so depressed.
I cant seem to shut that female part of me out now ,but funny thing is i use to be able to.
I managed to be just a crossdresser in the Closet.

So my question to everybody, has any body been able to suppress this type of desire, because im married with kids and at a braking point, and only a hand full of people know about me.:sad:

[rayander01]

So far no one has been able to delete the desire. If you find a way please let us all know.Best of luck.

Rey

[Loni]

i have never heard of a way to not be who you are? other than will power, and forces that want to change you into what you are not.

if you do find this "cure" please never let me know about it.

i have no wife, no kids. due to my ex not understanding. or willing to do anything but what she did.

i am who and what i am, good, bad, other, i do not know, i just know i am....Me.

Loni

.

[Lover girl]

Why stop!!! You should express yourself. You should be what you want to be. Some people know that something about them is different from childhood. Some people discover this later in life. To supress your thoughts and or desires can leed down a dark path. I know about this personally. Be proud of what you are and live your life as you see fit. I would add that your photo is HOT!!!!!!! I don't know if this helps you or not but it could be food for thought!!! I wish you well on your journey!!!!!Lover Girl

[joandher]

If anybody does find a cure please don't be telling me as I think that we are unique as we have the best of both worlds, and I for one wouldn't swap it for the world,I enjoy myself too much

:hugs: J-JAY

[AmandaM]

The only way to be sure is to dive in. And there are lots of people who thought they were transsexual, but decided they weren't half-way into transition. Many of them ruined their family lives on the way to this "self-discovery". I prefer to take the long road, and will only transition if all other aspects of my life fall into place first. This means, I can wait until the kids are out of the house. My wife probably will accept it if they are moved out. I have to wait. It's tough, but I don't want to mess up a good thing.

[jenna_woods]

just taalking for my self I have never been able to lose the desire to dress, tried 3 times now i accept it

[Joann Smith]

That desire as you put it... has had me for long as i can remember..and all my attempts to fight it failed miserably..which in turn made me feel like a total piece of crap...So my answer to it was to say the hell with it and just quit fighting against it... and start fighting for it because this desire thing .... is one tough bitch..


Joann

[Sarah Doepner]

I don't know if it goes away, but there may be ways to better manage it for periods of time. Sometimes the only way to get the feeling to go away is to feed it everything it wants and maybe satisfy the urge. The other approach is an attempt to deny or channel the energy into some other type of activity. I've done that as well and been successful, but ended up very crabby until I got a dose of girl time. This is difficult and I understand your concern as you are attempting to reconcile a strong femme desire and the need to support your family.
good luck and stay in touch.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Why stop!!! You should express yourself. You should be what you want to be. Some people know that something about them is different from childhood. Some people discover this later in life. To supress your thoughts and or desires can leed down a dark path. I know about this personally. Be proud of what you are and live your life as you see fit. I would add that your photo is HOT!!!!!!! I don't know if this helps you or not but it could be food for thought!!! I wish you well on your journey!!!!!Lover Girl

Gosh I don't know...losing your job, having your family disown you, spending $100,000 or more to achieve your goals just to name a few...

To the OP...just based on your statement, you are gonna be spending some quality time figuring things out for yourself..

I have never heard of the feeling going away..in fact, for most it gets stronger and stronger...theres no rule that says you have to transition, or even to partially transition, but those are the only ways that i'm aware of that will stop the feeling you say you have..

the faster you take it seriously the better off you will be regardless of how you handle it.."reaching the breaking point" is very common among ts women as we age and get deeper and deeper trapped in the life they thought they should lead, but never really wanted too..


:hugs:
Kate

[flatlander_48]

Wow. Talk about being between a rock and a hard place. Major step, and a very positive one, in deciding to see a therapist. Many people find this very hard to do. It is very difficult to figure this stuff out by ourselves because it is very tough to consider our lives objectively. It would mean that we would have to shut off the B/S, background noise, coping mechanisms, etc.

I agree with the others who have said that it doesn't seem that you can extinguish the impulse if that is truly how you feel. I do think that it is possible to understand yourself better and figure out what's driving how you feel. At that point I think you can begin to make some informed decisions about your future direction. Unfortunately nothing in this life comes free. There are consequences, good and bad, for all of our actions. Sadly, the price of being true to ourselves can be quite high.

Good Luck in sorting this out very soon.

[sherri52]

We are who we are and that really can't be changed. What we feel on the inside will always be there unless some type of movement within ourselves that changes. The desires you feel will stay unless they the desire for something else overpowers the first.

[Karen564]

Has any body been able to quell the desire to be a woman

I'm in a situation at the moment the the desire to be a woman is so overwhelming and powerful and a want that is 24/7 so am now seeing a therapist went to see him for the first time on Friday,see him again on the 19th.
When i don't carry out the desire i get so depressed.
I cant seem to shut that female part of me out now ,but funny thing is i use to be able to.
I managed to be just a crossdresser in the Closet.

So my question to everybody, has any body been able to suppress this type of desire, because im married with kids and at a braking point, and only a hand full of people know about me.:sad:

I'm so sorry Hun, I wish there was a cure & I also understand your pain all too well, because I was once in the same boat your in now by also having a wife & children, in my case, my marriage did come to an end, but I'll never ever lose my children..

I fought my female inner self with all my might all my life, but it got to the point that it reached my breaking point at a later age..Only God knows how hard I fought it...because this is not what I chose to be, and tried so hard to be a man, but it just wasn't meant to be...and dressing became less of an issue & irrelevant at a point, because what I desired went Far Far deeper than just the clothes..

So no, there is no cure, but your on the right path by seeing a therapist..which is what I did long ago now..

My cure if you want to call it that, was to live as a woman, and for me, it was the right path to take and no longer live with overwhelming depression anymore , and now after countless bumps along the way, I've never felt so happy in all my life as I do now!!! It sure wasn't an easy thing to do because of my children & it weighed so heavily on my heart & mind to do this to them, but I realized that there really was no other choice....and now they also realize that too..

Come on over to the TS section, and you will get some more thoughts about it there...

:hugs:

[Soriya]

That is great that you took the step to see a therapist. I personally have not been able to remove the desire completely all though I have gone through many years of not thinking about it at all. Usually, when things are going well, especially in a relationship, it never crosses my mind and only starts to when I feel lonely. Happen a lot when I am in a relationship that is going bad. I believe this is something we all need to figure out ourselves in regard to what is a good balance for us. For me at this time, I am quite comfortable exploring it in private and with a coulpe of friends who are also in the same boat. I was just at a party where there where many good looking women and I enjoy my male side just as much as I checked them all out. Never one did I feel like I would rather be home dressing or somewhere else, but again, that is just me and each of our situations is different. We just need to find out sweet spots with this. :)

I like others have said, I believe we are not the ones who are 'messed up' so to speak. We all have a masculine side and a feminine side and I believe we are more aware of our feminine sides then most men. Yea, society labels us as strange but who says society is right? We live in a world of labels and where most think that difference is a threat rather then an opportunity to learn. Just take one step at a time honey and don't ignore it. Explore and keep talking with your therapist to find out who you really are. What matters first is is you are happy when you look in the mirror, and thatm you can control. :)

XO

Soriya

[Rachel_Red]

I stopped trying to quell it just recently when my fiance said it was ok to go 24/7. Now I try to be the best of both worlds, living out my desires and trying to be the best person I can be. No though I don't think you can just switch it off... you can suppress it but not get rid of it.

[mapletree]

I have tried and trieD to be the person who (society) thinks I ought to be and to be honest I have wondered how I could be. My longest purge has been 5 years with therapy and a loving sexy wife and still with everything ... I some how find mysrlf in a bra, panties and and a dress !!!! some days... so if you know please say how-- I will say this... alot of my life is in identifying as a feminine woman so i am not sure how i will resond --and i still really want to want to know

[Phyliss Hdson]

Wish I could say somthing different, but I dont know of anyone who has been able to just stop for good. I like most girls here was able to supress it a few times for varying lenghts of time, but it only came back stronger. At this point in time about 3 maybe 4 weeks is as long as I can go without dressing and that takes some effort.
Hugs Phyliss

[charlytuna]

Has any body been able to quell the desire to be a woman

I'm in a situation at the moment the the desire to be a woman is so overwhelming and powerful and a want that is 24/7 so am now seeing a therapist went to see him for the first time on Friday,see him again on the 19th.
When i don't carry out the desire i get so depressed.
I cant seem to shut that female part of me out now ,but funny thing is i use to be able to.
I managed to be just a crossdresser in the Closet.

So my question to everybody, has any body been able to suppress this type of desire, because im married with kids and at a braking point, and only a hand full of people know about me.:sad:

It's hard to manage a family and cding but you make the most of any miments you get. I remembering I find time when the wife take the kids out for a bit and I stayed home get dress as soon they are pack in the car. Once they went to church I stayed home to dress they came home a bit earlyier than expected made mad rush to change and put things away and forgot earing still on when my daughter ask what that on your ears? Don't get depress over not dressing enjoy the time you get now for latter you will have the time you need as an emty nester

[Cheryl T]

Has any body been able to quell the desire to be a woman


Not in the 50+ years I've been this way. And I wouldn't want to stop the feeling now if I could. Too much of me is involved and I've given up trying to discover why, I've just accepted the fact that this is who I am.
:daydreaming:

[mklinden2010]

Well, yeah, I could stop any desire to be a woman.

I could just list all the yucky things about being a GG until I don't want to think about it any more. Stopping isn't a problem. And, neither is starting right back up again....

As others have noted, it's just impossible not to be yourself. Your self has these elements in it and these are the cards you have to play with. So, play 'em already.

Seeing a "good" therapist isn't going to get you to stop; it's going to help you to manage your duties, desires, priorities, etc. so you can manage things without any one thing managing you - as in wrecking the rest of your life over it.

So live, learn, and earn your way to a happier you.

Lot's of us have done it - and we all had to work at it.

At least you don't want to be a pro basketball player... Talk about long odds!

Yours are better than that.

Good luck.

PS

No need to assume you know where you're going. Many of us are on similar trips, but we're not all going to wind up at the same exact place. Find YOUR happy place and enjoy it when you get there.

[Nicole Erin]

I have heard it said that often times TS women come to a crossroads where they pretty much need to go on with transition.

Your best thing now is to decide what to do and start transition, realise it will be a hard road but each step will help.

[Annaliese2010]

Has any body been able to quell the desire to be a woman

I'm in a situation at the moment the the desire to be a woman is so overwhelming and powerful and a want that is 24/7 so am now seeing a therapist went to see him for the first time on Friday,see him again on the 19th.
When i don't carry out the desire i get so depressed.
I cant seem to shut that female part of me out now ,but funny thing is i use to be able to.
I managed to be just a crossdresser in the Closet.

So my question to everybody, has any body been able to suppress this type of desire, because im married with kids and at a braking point, and only a hand full of people know about me.:sad:I don't know if this applies to you, but reading your post made me think of myself vs. everybody else wrt reasons. And it came to me in a flash. The emergence and development of a feminine self isn't out of the sort of need you and others seem to feel. She is the sublimation of...something. Something that's too complicated to explain I won't even try here...but a sublimation nonetheless. It's a kind of way of dealing with a long standing outwardly felt though self-imposed way of living - that's become more and more difficult to sustain of late. So, actually becoming more feminine is a process, a solution, a doorway out, an escape, the transference of need, rage, disappointment, regret, self-doubt about self-worth, loneliness, isolation... It only worked for awhile and I can see how it would be a permanent 'solution' if I was inclined to pursue it to the hilt, but I'm not. Wish I did, really. It would make life so simple. And I'm guessing if I did indeed feel so inclined, and committed to such a lifestyle, how it would become a need more like what you now seem to feel...even though you have all that other good stuff going on! See...I don't fcing get that, really. You have everything I want. Its the absence of all that in my life that has resulted in the uprooted feeling I have and the a state of utter and complete drifting away that I can't shake. It is a horrible feeling of meaninglessness; like I am living some kind of purposeless shadow existence, which cannot be reversed no matter the level of success judged by income or the simple possession of things. It has become the reason for my flight....and the driving force to be that which I have become. I have tried SO HARD to do good, be good, do the right thing and yet...find only torment, exile and emptiness. I am, in a word, an outcast. If it wasn't for some measure of worldly success by my hard work, I wouldn't even be able to afford fake friends that sell me answers and the comfort their pretended caring brings, engendering the false belief that this nightmare isn't. So I see your pain, and raise the stakes by this, the dark depths of my life's lack of meaning, as I have just described. What say ye... Is it any wonder why we're scared? If I was a little younger, I wouldnt care: Feeling like these walls are growing stronger. But I don't know if this cage can hold me any longer. I'm not afraid of tomorrow. I'm only scared of myself. Feels like my insides are on fire. And I'm looking through the eyes of someone else...

[Angiemead12]

its always a fantasy to go all the way for me, wish it was easier but its very confusing and scary to go all the way. but i guess its self gratifying.

now I dont want it to stop but I want to know whats enough for me, how far will I go with this fairy tale!

but like many here, i love being a guy, racing cars, and i love fashion as well and being femme! why is it wrong to be in between!

[VikkiVixen7188]

I never had the desire to be a woman at all times that many cd's experience. I just like to present en femme from time to time.

[Midnight Skye]

Hey Geneva,

As the other girls have said. There is no magic pill to make it go away. But at the same time you can sometimes find some balance which doesn't involve going full time. But if you're anything like me... its not that simple. If every time you go out as a male you look at females with envy... you feel out of place in your own skin... there are so many crazy irrational feelings I have when I'm out as a male. The number one though is constantly feeling like I need to present as female... and feeling like transitioning is the only way to have a sane future. If you're feeling things like that... I'm sorry for you because the options just suck when you have a family.

Ultimately you need to talk with your wife about how you feel, about what you need. And you need to see how she feels about it. If you truly love her and you know more femininity needs to be in your life one way or another, you need to make her part of it.

One thing I strongly recommend, is go out and about doing normal things (buying groceries, going to the convince store and buying everyday basics) go to places similar to where you would normally go as a man (alternate town, or if you're in an urban area, just different stores). When you get out in these real world situations presenting as a transgendered woman you can get a good feel of how your life will change. Some get in these situations and find out its not what they expected. Others will go out like this and realize they really need to transition.

As the girls have said, you're going to be spending a lot of personal time figuring out what you need and finding the right balance for you. Just remember what ever you ultimately decide, its not the end of the world. Its just new beginnings and paths opening for you to travel.

[Bernadina]

I'm with those who enjoys being a man and who likes to present being as a woman occasionally. I feel more blended than having any strong desire to be female 24/7.

Nothing needs fixing, curing or to go away as far as I'm concerned.

[VikkiVixen7188]

Amen Berna

[noeleena]

Hi.

A cure. well there is if you accept the fact of it being death ,

I wont speak for others , yet what i hear is many wont to be like & live like women or should i say females ,
we did not have a choise as to how we would be born & what we would have at birth, that only becomes aparant later in life .mind wise , may be from age 4 on & up to 12 . give or take . yet many of us dont even dress as female or much else other than male . yet the underlying detail with us is very much of a woman in the making ,

When that takes place ,will depend on the person & timing & lots of other social back ground .
For me it was allways there . no if s or ?? s even . just there . as i said a woman in the making . now of cause... not... a perfect one body wise or looks .

i came out as a woman 12 years ago . & iv grown as one , i dont ?? why,
i accept the fact of this & this is who i am ,

If i look back & ? why all the time then i would miss out on my life family & things i can do , so i have looked forward to my life as a woman & just get on with being who i am . others have , so to me that really is the cure its called full time life . as who you are ,

& part of that cure is getting to know your self & who you are .
not discounting help along the way .

...noeleena...

[eluuzion]

re:
has any body been able to suppress this type of desire,

Based on my observations, attempts at "suppressing" a powerful and integral part of what you are as a person will just exacerbate the issue.

You have initiated the most constructive action to pull out of your dilemma...seeking help. A good therapist is one you can trust and views their role as helping you to resolve issues on your own. It takes time to feel progress and it requires faith in sticking with it.

If you become uncomfortable, try another therapist. Just avoid any of the choices out there willing to offer you a "cure". They are called "cults", and thrive on people looking for answers and will gladly welcome you into your worst nightmare.

Good Luck,

[Mackenzie]

Balance! I have a precious and accepting wife and I have children and grandchildren. So far, my wife and a couple of others are the only ones who know me and know that I crossdress.

I would never want to go some distance in this that would cause disruption to my marriage and or my family and reputation... it's not worth it to me.

I enjoy expressing my feminine Mackenzie by going en femme. In fact, I often feel very uncomfortable being that "guy side" of me.

Go for balance. Find a way to be the husband and daddy that your wife and children need as well as having fun en femme! I'm not here on this planet to just gratify myself. I committed myself to my wife over 30 years ago and with that, to my children to be a father to them and an example that they could follow. To destroy any of that, I could not bear the thought!!

Thankfully, Ms Susie (GG wife on forum) is very accepting and accomodating. Though my CD-ing is not something "exciting" to her or even a "turn on" but she loves me enough to allow me to express this side of me.

Mackenzie

[Tina B.]

Really, you thought you could find a cure here? I believe if anyone ever did kick the habit, they would not hang around here. If you find the cure I suggest you not hang out with people that are not looking for a cure, and really, really, don't want one.
Those that have done therapy say they have been told there is no cure, but then thats by a therapist that probably have never worn a dress, so they just know about the ones, they have seen. I would guess that would be the ones that are having the hardest time living with it, or forced by family to seek help or else.
If anyone ever did say this is silly, I'm not going to do this anymore, and walked away to a happy life, how would we know? A good therapist is a great way to sort out, just what you need, and how much, until you figure that out, I don't think I would try to make any other big decision about it until then.
Tina B.

[tommi]

No way of stopping just finding ways to control or even it out
My stress levels definetly push mine out of control.

[Chickhe]

the answer. Just accept it and after you do that the obsession goes away. It is like wishing you could be taller or shorter...it is just not possbile to change that easy so focus your energy of changing something else.

[JazmyneCD]

I never had the desire to be a woman at all times that many cd's experience. I just like to present en femme from time to time.

Same with me. Men's clothes are so boring so I love slipping on femme stuff now and then. Full time? Not so sure if it's for me, but more power to the ladies who believe it is ;)

[Jennifer in CO]

Has any body been able to quell the desire to be a woman

I'm in a situation at the moment the the desire to be a woman is so overwhelming and powerful and a want that is 24/7 so am now seeing a therapist went to see him for the first time on Friday,see him again on the 19th.
When i don't carry out the desire i get so depressed.
I cant seem to shut that female part of me out now ,but funny thing is i use to be able to.
I managed to be just a crossdresser in the Closet.

So my question to everybody, has any body been able to suppress this type of desire, because im married with kids and at a braking point, and only a hand full of people know about me.:sad:

As others have said, you have taken the correct first step in seeking professional counseling. So long as they are someone who understands gender related issues, listen to them. Funny, but I'm sure its more than listening to them as they are just listening to you and getting you to say things that are in your mind but not past your lips...yet.
So, listen to yourself.
What part of being a woman is driving you 24/7? To dress as one, to present as one, to live as one, to transition to BE one? Don't say all the above because each is a step unto itself. If you truly feel the need to dress full time that can easily be done. There are enough female clothes out there that have a guy's cut or simple fashion that you can dress 24/7 in womens clothes and never raise an eyebrow from someone. I do it every day. Thats also how I control my 'need' to be and feel feminine all the time. Slacks are slacks...doesn't matter if they came from the ladies or mens dept they pretty much look the same. If I 'need' to feel more feminine one day, I'll wear my side-zip slacks and if I think I need to cover the zipper I'll wear a longer tunic-style top. Winter is even better because a jacket covers all kinds of pretties.
You need to decide for yourself where you are and what your true needs are girl. Talk to your wife. You need to be honest with her but if you feel like the whole truth might scare her, then baby step it with her. Bring her along with you, not drive her away.

Jenn

[kimdl93]

For me the desire to be a woman has always been a driver for my cross dressing. I've been at this for a long time and never been able to stop or deny that desire or the interest in dressing up.

[Staci G]

:rofl: Yeah as if, I'm sorry, but it aint gonna happen. I have tried for 40 plus years, yeah it has deminished some times but I always come back to my true self. I have learned to accept it and live with it as a matter of fact I love it even more than ever before. Staci is the best part of me.

[PhillyGuy2Girl]

Too make a long story short, I CDed with my GG Cousin when we were both 16 but then stopped fearing being caught and dealing with the ramifications.

Had the desire althrough my 20's and 30's but always surpressed it till a couple of years ago with the help of my wife and now I fully embraced my female side.

There is no sense in denying it. I did it for years and regret not letting my female side out sooner.



Felicity :)

[victoriamwilliams1]

I quit trying to quit and yes I have days where I want to go 24/7 and yes when I do dress for 48 hours I do not think about dressing for weeks! But that was a few years back so I am not sure if the results would be the same if I did a 48 hour dress and I came close and I was ready to go for the 24/7 but I have a family I love too much:)

[Being Paige]

As much as I would love to be a woman full time, I also made choices to marry, have children. My wife and children depend on me in alot of ways! I have a responsibility to them that I could never walk away from. They except me for who I am and I'm ok with that. I will live out my life as a CD and enjoy the experiences that comes along my way. I really want to be apart of my families lives as well! I hope this makes sense to everyone.

[Sophie_C]

Honestly, I don't believe there's a cure in terms of having it "go away." The best you can do is find ways to compartmentalize it and manage it. Many of us are in the same boat you are, and just doing the best we can. And, P.S., I do accept it - that doesn't mean I'm happy with having to accept it in present-day society!

[TGMarla]

I can certainly relate. There are times when it's really overwhelming for me. The crossdressing helps abate the desire to some extent, but it comes back after a time to varying degrees. There is seldom a day that goes by when the thought doesn't go through my mind that I should have been, and really wish I was, a woman instead.

If it weren't for my wife, whom I dearly love, and my family, whom I do not wish to hurt, I'd have opted for transition some years ago. But I made my choice then to remain male, and I stand by that decision still. But that decision means the longing gets to gnaw at me every day, and I get to put up with it.

[thechic]

Hi there

Thanks for everybody's reply's
I had an idea there's no easy way out of this so do hopefully seeing the therapist will help,because my urge seams to go more then just dressing up as a woman, everyday i wake up and look in the mirror,i know that's vain, and what i see disgusts me,I just don't feel comfortable so i try to make it prettier , then go off to work,this urge i just cant stop, use to be able to control it though.
trouble with this is now people are noticing me, the wife this disgusts her, work mates they seem to be OK with this and so on.
lucky i have the sister and several friends that know about me
and i can talk about is, they are supportive.:sad::drink:

[prene]

Now the more I dress.
The more I want to be a woman.
It is not all a sexual thing either. I just want to be female.
The more I dress the more I want to be.

[Jenniferpl]

As I have grown older the desire to be feminine has increased. Oh how I wish it would go away. The flip side is I enjoy being feminine. What has worked for me is setting boundaries. They help keep me balanced. The road can get bumpy so strap yourself in, the journey can be amazing at times. If the answers were easy, everyone would be doing it.

There has been some great advice so far from some woman who have evperienced the challanges you are facing.

[Freddy12]

I have not tried. I also only occasionally like to present as a woman, and I have not analyzed why I like it then. The urge comes and goes, but it is not something I try to supress. I know it's part of who I am, and live with it.

[Kate Simmons]

Crossdressing is a process. Like any process it can take on a mind of it's own and become chaotic if not gained control of. It depends on what the person wants to do. It is really an intregal part of one's self and the only real way to "beat" it is to make it a conscious choice rather than a compulsion. To do that the feelings that drive it have to be balanced and integrated. Then one can say: "Nah , don't want to do it today or maybe I'll do it today" and there are no bad feelings or regrets one way or the other. It takes a conscious effort to achieve that though.:)

[Kiera]

I am currenlty seeing a psych for depression and he gave me some pills that did help some in that they reduced the overwhelming desire to be dressed 24/7. Didnt take it away completely but took the urge to dress down a notch. At the very least it helped me put my dressing into a better perspective. Talk to your counselor.
Hugs,
Kiera

[AKAMichelle]

I understand your problem that continuing will cause problems for your family that you wish could be avoided. I have never found a way to stop it, but I have been able to slow it down at times. I was able to stop for a whole year with little problems, but Friday my wife moved out as we are heading for a divorce. Immediately the drive which had been dorminate came back and I am once again thinking about going out dressed.

I hope your therapist is able to help you deal with your situation better. Good luck.

[Jenny Doolittle]

Years ago I thought I wanted to be like everyone else and not have this desire to be Jenny. Now I realize that I am "Special" and that is not a bad thing. So, If that so called cure is found, I don't believe I would like to take that pill.

Wouldn't life be so boring if we all were exactly alike?

[Chickhe]

Break it down in to specific needs and endulge in those. Learn to accept who you are. It seems to me, a lot of the desire has to do with wanting something you can't have...so if you decide you can have it, the desire to get it becomes less ... it is like the concept of the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. You might find once you jump the fence there are just as many weeds as your own lawn. Go and learn and explore so you can really know what to do.

[carolinoakland]

Nope, there is no way to delete it. And, I think that you are doing the right thing for you, seeking help. There are many here who are also married and with kids. I have a daughter as well. You are at a place where you need help asking the questions that you already know the answers to, don't you?

[meri]

I won't say you can completely "eliminate" the desire, but I will say that the more you understand about yourself and your motivation for dressing and wanting -- the more you can moderate the craving.

You will need to take a very deep look at yourself over a long period of time. Watch for things that trigger the feelings, then analyze them. Ask yourself why you feel the way you do, meditate on it (really -- it helps).

As the answers surface and you gain understanding, the fog diminishes and lifts.

In my personal case, I have discovered that root of my feelings are both ego and sexually driven. Ego from the standpoint of "must identify, must classify, be part of". Of course, most of us know that we shouldn't be accepting any labels or definitions of ourselves, we simply need "to be", that is, be whatever it is we are, accept and love ourselves for what we are.

The sexual aspect is that I simply love women, I love their grace, their shape, their physical characteristics. Frankly, I prefer women. Nothing odd about that, however, in my case I also discovered I could manifest some of this in myself by dressing, by becoming. Once I understood this about myself, the fog lifted. While I still enjoy these things and see nothing inherently "wrong" with dressing, I am not "driven" by it, rather, I chose when, where and how often.

CDing offers you an opportunity to learn something important about your own nature. It forces most of us to ask what the heck is going on? Why? Where did this come from. Many of us seem to get completely lost in the pink fog and ignore the questions and the resulting understanding. That's understandable because the desire and the need can be overpowering. At some point, however, you are going to want to know why -- that is when the real growth begins.

Keep asking, keep testing, analyze your feelings, look for the root cause. Once you understand these things, you won't be driven anymore, you can chose...

[Kaitlyn Michele]

word choice is important ...if the OP means literally "desire to be a woman", that is never going away, and is going to eat her alive until she does something about it.

if you are saying you manage your "female side" that is a much better position to be in than many transsexuals, especially the non transitioning ones that basically just suffer....managing your female side implies you have a male side...and so you have options on how to handle your feelings and needs...and you always have the option of deciding to live as a woman if thats what you decide you want.

some cd folks really want to be women at times, but would recoil in horror at the thought of losing their penis, or giving up their male privilege forever...

its not gonna help the ts to say that the desire can be managed. The ability to balance crossdressing with your male side is great! but its not relevant to a transsexual trying to survive....you can try to choose to run away from your transness, but you cannot win that race, and all you can do is accept it, and then decide what to do about it...either way, you own the desire, and the sooner you admit its there forever the better.

yeah i know, i'm too serious..i can't help it..:o

[Nicola2876]

It sounds like you're in a simular situation to me. I'm married with two step daughters and a daughter of my own. I've seen a therapist three times and a psychologist once. My therapist who has previous experience with TSs says I have gender dysperia and I've yet to hear the opinion of the psychologist.
I've tried to ignore my inner self for years. I tried drink and drugs in my early twenties to dull the feelings of being female in a male body. I had several relationships to try and stop the feelings and eventually met my wife and had a child as well as being a Dad to my step daughters. The feelings have never gone away, ever. The stress of hiding my true self drove me to the doctors last year where I sat there and said "I should've been born female. I'm a woman". I hate lying to people who love me and hiding my clothes, make up etc. I'm now at difficult decision time. I can't imagine life without my daughter cos she's my life and my worse fear is losing her. My marraige is falling apart because I'm so depressed and moving out of the family home would be financially tough but I'm at breaking point.
There's no easy answer in this but I know I can't carry on as I am.
What do you see your future as? Can you see yourself changing your current life and beginning the journey to being what you truely are?

If you're going through the same as I am then my heart goes out to you:hugs:

[Deborah Jane]

So far over a period of a few years I've made several attempts to "Stop the Girl Within"

You may find the following results interesting [or not]

1....Purging...Result...Works fine right up until the moment you no longer have anything left, then the desire to dress returns with a vengeance within minutes.
Conclusion....Purging doesn't work...Success rating 0%

2....Alcohol...Result...The more you drink the less capable you become of dressing until you finally pass out. The ensuing hangover the following morning makes wearing a wig virtually impossible. The attempts to C/D are still there but you look a total mess and you feel ill.
Conclusion....Alchol works up to a certain point, though you now have a new problem, That of being an alcoholic...Success rating 50%

3....Hobbies...Result...This often works over the short term, though no matter what hobby you have C/Ding will often remain with you, sometimes even becoming part of your hobby [you dress while you are doing it]
Conclusion....Hobbies maybe a good way to lower your level of C/Ding, though can never elimate the urge completely...Success rating Variable, but never 100%

4....Becoming to busy to C/D...Result...Somehow you will always find time to C/D, even only for a few minutes
Conclusion....Dependant on the level of busyness attained, you will dress less, though the urge to dress will remain constant...Success rating Again variable, but also never 100%

Total conclusion of all experiments to date

Crossdressing is virtually impossible to stop and as you get older the urge to become "The Girl Within" gets stronger, as does the desire to live as her.
Accept the situation, you are doomed to this lifestyle, just enjoy it :)

[Joanne f]

If you have strong desires then i expect it is very unlikely that you can stop them altogether , you may override them some times and learn how to hide them when or if necessary , that is about as much as you can hope for .

[Michaela42]

I have never been able to fully defeat the desire to dress, but something that does help me cope with not being able to dress is to write about it. I concoct all sorts of stories; some from old memories or wishes, others from just pure old daydreams. If you have some sort of secure place to hold your files then you really do not have to worry about discovery by family members, just REMEMBER to clear Office's history! Or, if you are not the writing type you could always search for some of the story sites on the net. Of course that is just me being plain old nerdy me, I have always been either reading or writing. I know:lame::newbie:

[Traci Elizabeth]

There is nothing that I have enjoyed in the male mode than I can't enjoy even more as my female self.

In fact, I enjoy things so much better as a woman and have NO desire to go back to the man mode.

So my closets are BUSTING with women's clothes. Somewhere in some part of our house I have some left over men's clothes. Wait here, just give me a couple of days to find them!

[Kasie53]

i have tried to quit so many times in the past and found myself feeling miserable and depressed that i decided to embrace it and embark on the journey of becoming the true me from within.

I have come to accept the fact that i am who I am.

Its much better to have her released than to be angry in self denial of one's self.

[sometimes_miss]

We are who we are and that really can't be changed.
Yes, BUT....when you figure out why you have the feelings you do, sometimes it's just a little easier to deal with. I feel like I'm supposed to be a girl, and feel like I should dress like one. But that all comes from a childhood where someone imprinted all that into me, and it will never go away, so I'm stuck with it, even though everything else about my personality is basically male. So I learned to deal with the urge as best I can, and still know that I am male, and would not naturally behave very well as a female even if I were to become one, nor would my physique be compatible with becoming an attractive female. We can't change who we are, but we can change how we feel about it.

[bredalee25]

I never heard of a way to stop the desire to be femme.

If there were a way I wouldn't have anything to do with not being who I am right now. Who wants to be a typical male I don't I despise what some men do. I mean the ones who just sit around watching sports drinking beer and constantly yelling at there wives. I'd just like to grab hold of these guys and give them a good thrashing for acting that way. I'm not putting anyone down for watching sports or drinking beer it's the yelling at there wife that really makes me angry.

I'd never do that to my wonderful wife we don't drink the only sports we watch together I might add is nascar. Then we watch the WWE programs for entertainment.

[jenna_woods]

I haven't heard of anyone who has been able to stop, I my self have tried 3 times, got rid of everything just have to go buy more, it doesn't go away.Now I don't want it to go away.

[Annaliese2010]

I'm in a situation at the moment the the desire to be a woman is so overwhelming and powerful...I kinda wish I felt that passionate about all this...or anything as far as that goes - am so jaded to everything...nothing's new...seen it all...


So my question to everybody, has any body been able to suppress this type of desire, because im married with kids...I think it's really cool you care about your family so much regardless of what happens wrt resolving your gender dysphoria which I hope you do find a way to fit it in or whatever's the best way...

[mklinden2010]

I just think of myself as me.

I have four sisters. They don't think of themselves as women so much as they think of themselves as people who are dealing with women's issues.

As a man, I like being tall, damn strong, and, being as good or better than damn near anyone when it comes to most things.

But, I don't really think of myself as a man so I think of myself as "me." I have certain cards to play in life - like I have this body with these just mentioned attributes and certain pre-assigned social roles.

But, those roles, they are "suggestions" to me, sort of like the 10 commandments.

"OK, fine, I'll see what I can do about those. But, you know, I ain't perfect...."

Seeing someone to learn how to live the life you want to live as well as you can is a good idea.

It's not about being cured.

It's about being good to yourself and others; about doing what you gotta do; and taking care of who you need to take care of; and being as happy as you can manage.

Like anything worth doing, it takes work. But, do the work and be proud of who you are and what good you do.

Good work, good luck, and, good outcomes.

[sissystephanie]

I started crossdressing at age 6 or 7. I am now 78! The major difference between me and a very large number of other CD's is that I have never actually wanted to be a woman! Wear their clothes, YES!! But be one, NO!!

So I guess maybe it was easier for me to totally stop CD'ing some years ago. I only started doing it again because my wife asked me to. She has passed on now, but I still enjoy dressing. Only now I do it as a man in a skirt or dress! But I do know I can stop whenever I want to. All it takes is willpower, and I have a lot of that!!

[suchacutie]

Once we realize that there is a feminine being inside of us, it's hard to deny that she exists. The only question is: what do we do about it?

tonight was supposed to be Tina's night. I got home early from work so she could do her nails and let them harden before dressing. She has a crochetted lace edging she's been wanting to finish for ages, a book she's reading, and just a whole pile of stuff. So, I get home and my male self is needed. That's all there is to it! Tina gets put off til tomorrow! I'm really missing her (and she has new hair and new glasses she hasn't tried yet!!!) but my wife needed me as her husband. I'm not about to trade my wife for Tina, especially with a very supportive wife! She just needed me...how can that be bad in the long run.

So, it really does come down to choices, and they are not always easy. Our feminine selves can be very very seductive...even demanding. Tina is a very high-maintenance kind of girl, so it's hard to find the kind of time she really enjoys, but that's the nature of hard choices.

May your choices get ever easier!

Heartfelt hopes!

tina

[eluuzion]

Has any body been able to quell the desire to be a woman


So my question to everybody, has any body been able to suppress this type of desire, because im married with kids and at a braking point, and only a hand full of people know about me.:sad:

I could suppress it and so could you. The real question is "for how long?". I am not aware of any that lasted long. But I am aware of many who have found a constructive compromise and lead happy lives. There are alot on this forum.


The toughest battles in life are those we have chosen to wage against ourselves. Approaching it with the typical mission of “separating right from wrong” and “somebody wins, somebody loses” does not work. The best possible outcome still destroys half of “you”, with a good possibility of driving yourself insane in the process. Catastrophic thinking (if one thing goes bad, everything is bad) only increases the odds in favor of the insanity outcome.

So, how do you “win” this one? You don’t...it is not possible. You are playing a game with the wrong “rule book”. This game requires a different perspective to survive it, a different strategy while playing it and a different view of what the winning goal looks like.

The goal becomes finding a compromise that you can live with, rather than a “victory” or “defeat”. The strategy becomes a flexible, open minded approach of acknowledging the positive aspects of your life that still exist, while working on a way to make the negative aspects more tolerable. Life is rarely all bad or all good. It is a mix of both types of events happening simultaneously (in small and larger forms). Your degree of satisfaction and happiness is to a great degree, dependent upon which “type” (good or bad) you choose to focus on.

Just my thoughts…

Don't give up, it is never an option after you become a parent.

[Marcie R.]

I have been crossdressing off and on, for a period of 45 years. There are many times I have purged all my beautiful things, only to find the feeling remains. This is when I have to start all over collecting new clothes, makeup and a new wig, plus shoes and everything else. I am married, but through all those years, this part of me has been kept secret from my wife. She has no inclination of the secret woman within her husband. I only dress enfemme when she will be away for several hours, or when I am out of town. This works for me. It is really like there are two completely different people living in this body!

[docrobbysherry]

But, my experience may not help u! Since I started having that desire to be female, and to dress, late in my life.

Once I allowed myself to dress how and when I desired, I discovered I really only wish to APPEAR to be female! I don't feel female INSIDE!:brolleyes:

If u r truly TS, u MAY have to find a way to accept and live with your fem side!:straightface:

Continuing to see a good therapist should help!:)

[melina]

there were many times in my life i got the same thoughts. I think the way I control it is looking in the mirror. I was born with a male body, absolutely nothing can change that fact. surgery, hormones, ect cannot REALLY make me a woman. I dress, I love it, I accept the fact that I am a man but if I could 100% change, it would be a hard decision. If I was as pretty as some of you on here Im sure it would be a much easier decision. Hope you find what works for you, but there are advantages to being able to have it both ways.

[Wen4cd]

There is only one known way of stopping it this side of death, and it's not a path of roses. It involves centuries-old alchemical processes, loss, pain, belief, research, pain, loss, and more pain. :)

But it is doable. You won't be the same, but the desire to be a woman will be transcended. Sated, even, for who can truly want that which one already has?

It's a very scenic path though, you get to visit places like this:
http://www.starlight-tower.com/images/Dante/Dante_Beatrice_Paradiso_Canto_31.jpg

Just make sure she's holding your hand.

[TG_Nicole]

Sorry hun if this was already brought up a little to lazy to read all the replies lol. But what if there was a way to end this would you want to? I've spent A LOT of time trying to end this purging and purging. I am 30 years old and have been doing this on and off since i was a kid not sure exact age. I struggled with this for so long. Now i don't fight it i embrace it. I am Nicole my body just hasn't realized it ... YET. Thankfully i am blessed with a wonderful understanding wife. I pray that you are too!

I will say that my desire has only increased and not decreased. When before i thought just a tiny bit of CD would be fine for me. I now know i will never truly be happy until i am her 24/7. I know i don't have the guts to do this yet but someday. And just knowing that someday it will happen makes everything easier.

Stay positive girl!

Hugs!
-Nicole