amazing freedom

[Vanessac48]

I have been crossdressing for years, married and my wife never knew. We seperated for 18 months, and I dressed virtually every day, and accumulated quite a closet full of clothes, along with heels and makeup. We decided to try again. It was so hard after dressing every day and moving back in I had to get rid of almost everything. I needed a way to be able to dress, so maybe this is sneaky, but it has worked so well. I sat down with my wife, and explained to her I had been reading a lot about men, and the "macho" quality, and testosterone that gets in the way of female/male communication. I went on to explain that as crazy as it sounded, a man needs to be humbled, and get in touch with his feminine side, and dress as a head to toe woman for 45 days to be able to soften the ego, the macho, and become a better man. She was highly skeptical, but because we had tried councelling, and just about everything else, it never worked. I ordered a few sexy dresses, fake silicon breasts, a couple wigs, high heels, and she went out and bought me pantyhose,and all the makeup from foundation to eyeliner, mascara, lipstick, etc. I bought earrings as well. I fianlly had everything I needed, and I told her it was ok to laugh, or any reaction was acceptable. I nervously got dressed head to toe as a woman, and came out to the kitchen in heels, a dress, wig, fully feminized. She laughed so hard, and I just took a humbed look and attitude, like it was equally uncomfortable for me, but I was loving it. I also explained to her, that as humbled as I felt, I could feel the stress, and testosterone being held in check, and felt softer. To fast forward, I have now been dressed head to toe, for 18 straight days, 27 more to go to complete the 45 days. I always tell her how calm and stress free it feels, it is like a medicene for stress reduction, and she tells me she sees it! She has also told me that she has gotten used to me looking like that, and comfortable. We sit and talk for hours, and she told me our relationship is better than ever, I have become totally in tuned to her needs, and so relieved, I can dress every day. She buys me makeup, braided my hair, and this from a woman who really hated crossdressed men, I'd never think of dressing in front of her, and now she has a husband, lover, and best girlfriend all in one! I'm not sure of what will happen after the 45 days (a period used to create the habit of changing the macho into a softer person), but she already suggested that I might need to dress if I started to slip! Not sure if this would work for anyone else, but I needed to do something. I have the best marraige now! What a feeling to dress in front of your wife, and she even gave me a woman's nickname. Just had to share this.

[Staci G]

Maybe she will like Vanessa enough to keep her around permanantly. good luck I wish you the best. I wish I could dress for 45 minutes around my wife, but she would just throw a rod and tell me to get out.

[Vanessac48]

It's going to well right now, I will dress for 45 days, when I am dressed I am so considerate of her feelings, she is liking the changes.

[Sandra]

Yes it was sneaky and yet again someone has not been quite honest with their SO..What's going to happen after the 45 days? and she may think that all of this had ended, are you then going to tell her all about you cding, or come up with another story....

I just hope she doesn't find out that you have kidded her on with this, because IMHO that will cause a lot more problems and most likely set you both back.

Just be honest with her.

[AKAMichelle]

I think you should finish the explanation because 45 days is coming fast. If you don't handle it now, day 46 could be a little rough.

Sounds like you have a good chance for martial bliss. Good luck

[sissystephanie]

I have to agree with Sandra. Honesty is always the best policy. I told my dear late wife about my CD activities before we married and we had almost 50 years of happiness before cancer took her!

Do your 45 days and then tell her that you really enjoyed it and would like to continue to dress enfemme on occasion. But do not force the issue if you really love her!!

[Daintre]

I don't understand the sneakiness, after the 45 days, something is going to happen. You have the chance right now to open up and be honest with your SO. It may be bliss right now, but I can't see that continuing if you can't be up front with her.

[mklinden2010]

Forty-five days?

Ah, you'll have new tracks laid, the signs up, and the trains full before that.

It's the talk that matters. Talk to your SO peacefully for hours and hours and you could have four arms, three heads, and a tail fin. She'd love you anyway.

That's the way to do it.

[Vanessac48]

all I know is this would never be accepted any other way, and she is taking to it like a duck to water. I remind her everytime I dress, how much stress leaves me, and how the loving feeling comes back, and she said to me this was the best it has ever been between us. I already hinted about after 45 days, that she was going to miss the "girlfriend" and she said I know, maybe you can dress sometimes! I can tell, after 45 days, because things are going so well, she will want me to keep dressing, because now it is going to be an idea shared by her, not just me. She hated it for 3 days, but agreed to the trial. Now, she told me how much better it has made things, and even said she has gotten used to the new face. She actually is enjoying playing with my hair, braiding it, I can tell she will keep me dressed always now.

[suzy1]

All I can say is that’s a lovely story. I wish you all the best for the future. It sounds like all your wishes have come true.

My best wishes to you and your wonderful wife.

SUZY

[kimdl93]

If I were in your shoes I'd focus on the present and ask her if it would be OK if you continued to dress after the trial period. Be honest about the fact that you've discovered that you really like dressing as a woman, feel better about youself being able to do so with her support.

That being said, I have a sneaking suspicion that she knows you like it, and even a stronger suspicion that this isn't the first time. If she has already figured that out, then she may have already also figured out that you were manipulating her...not a good thing. She may have decided to put that aside, but you could still be facing some serious issues about dishonesty.

[Vanessac48]

Thanks for all those that chose the positive feedback route, not sure why so many have to take the negative approach, but that sadly is how the world works, lay some of your own misery on someone else, and it makes you feel better I guess. All I can say is I'm feeling good, she is feeling good, and things right now are better than ever. I thought putting this out there might help one person take the calculated risk, that is the only reason, but some want to greet this with disdain, and here we all are trying to comfort and support each other, bit I guess those words are only true in Camelot, not here.

[Penny Lope]

Hey Vanessa,

Everyone has to choose their own route to come out to their SO. As long as you have a plan and fully intend to be completely honest at the end (and you seem to), I think it's perfectly fine. With all the societal BS, some require a longer path to come to acceptance than others, and only you know what your SO requires. Perhaps equally important, you seem to understand how she feels and can empathize with her needs. I support anyone as long as the end result is complete truth. I also understand that some people are going to take a little longer to there than others. Just do what is best for you and what is best for her (and I think you are), and you can't go wrong IMO.

[Nigella]

Thanks for all those that chose the positive feedback route, not sure why so many have to take the negative approach, but that sadly is how the world works, lay some of your own misery on someone else, and it makes you feel better I guess. All I can say is I'm feeling good, she is feeling good, and things right now are better than ever. I thought putting this out there might help one person take the calculated risk, that is the only reason, but some want to greet this with disdain, and here we all are trying to comfort and support each other, bit I guess those words are only true in Camelot, not here.

The best part of this forum is that everyone has the right to say what they wish (within the rules). Not everyone will agree with what you have to say, or how you do something. Each person will take their own path using choices that they have arrived at after weighing the pros and cons.

Some will have negative feedback simply because, been there, done that, got the T shirt.

If the approach you have adopted works then thats great for you, but if you only wanted a positive feedback on your original post, then you should have asked for that.

Finally this is a support forum, and support is not always in the positive, without the negative there will not be any check and balances. Just be wary that later on in your journey you don't have your response quoted come back to bite you, or will you be giving everyone a positive feedback? This I doubt.

[Ruth]

I don't regard this reply as taking a negative approach, nor do I feel I'm about to lay some of your own misery on someone else...
It's plain from your first post that this 'trial' is a deception on your part. If at some point you feel you have achieved acceptance for your CDing nature, and you decide to tell her what went on before, you may find the whole edifice comes crashing down: alternatively you could just keep quiet about it and live the rest of your life in a lie.
I have been honest with my wife about my CDing and though we are not living the life of bliss that you describe, everything is on the table and she knows exactly what I have done and what I'm doing. I'm not telling you what you should do, but I wish you wouldn't regard a few reality checks from other forum members as 'negative behaviour'.

[Presh GG]

Does your wife believe everything you tell her ?

I doubt it... You, IMO, are setting yourself up if she doesn't already know you've lied.
You are new here but if you go back IT"S THE LIEING that kills a relationship.

:brolleyes:

Presh GG

[Jenny Gurl]

I read way more than I post here. If someone has said it I usually don't post if I have nothing valuable to add. Of all the posts I have read here, a SO reacts worse to the deception than to the dressing. If they had a chance to make a choice early in the relationship they don't feel like you "trapped them" into acceptance. If you wait many years later and spring it on them, they feel they were given no choice and are very resentful of being lied to. Regardless of how ashamed we felt, or scared we were to share this secret part of ourselves that is so misunderstood by society, our SO has every right to be angry that we lied. I will say you have a lot going for you already. Many SO take an absolute disgusted position because that is what they feel inside. Your SO is actually letting you do it without throwing a fit or threatening you. Big Plus. you may ease into it on one of these dressed heart to heart talks. You may tell her you have always been attracted to the idea of dressing since young (if this is true for you) and come clean and tell her you really are a lot happier being able to express both sides of your personality. I came out to my SO and have never been happier. I felt the same as others here, like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. We now go shopping together for dresses or skirts, makeup, jewelry, etc. We even had a manicure and pedicure together. My point is you finally took a very courageous move in doing what you have done, I just don't want to see it end bad when it could be a lifelong bliss of what you are currently experiencing. Read on this sight, and learn from the successes and failures of others. Regardless of how negative some of the girls here may sound, they are really just trying to help. I wish you and your SO years of happiness on this continued journey.

[AKAMichelle]

Thanks for all those that chose the positive feedback route, not sure why so many have to take the negative approach, but that sadly is how the world works, lay some of your own misery on someone else, and it makes you feel better I guess. All I can say is I'm feeling good, she is feeling good, and things right now are better than ever. I thought putting this out there might help one person take the calculated risk, that is the only reason, but some want to greet this with disdain, and here we all are trying to comfort and support each other, bit I guess those words are only true in Camelot, not here.

We say a problem in your logic and we wanted to warn you. See we don't see how well things are going, so we only have the red flags waving wildly.


We wish you the best and hopefully you will be one of those who get to enjoy your acceptance.

[sherri52]

Vanessa at the end of the 45 days, keep dressing. Let hervbe teh one to tell you the time is up. When she does mention it try telling her that you've gotten use to dressing and feel that you should keep it going whereas your feeling good about yourself.

[Vanessac48]

Vanessa at the end of the 45 days, keep dressing. Let hervbe teh one to tell you the time is up. When she does mention it try telling her that you've gotten use to dressing and feel that you should keep it going whereas your feeling good about yourself.

That is exactly what I plan to do. She asked me who I liked better the man, or the man dressed, and I said both, it reduces stress, I feel my personality softens, when I am dressed. So I asked her who she liked better, and she said she loved my personality when I'm dressed and the changes it is making when I am not. I told her I was getting comfortable dressed, and she said she is too. I said to her it is going to be hard to stop after 45 days, because it is like taking a tranquilizer, and reduces my stress. She said then don't stop!

I should add, I'm not the typical CD. I don't have any desire to be a woman, I just love how it makes me feel when I'm dressed, and put on heels and makeup. She actually borrowed my makeup the other day. Life is better than ever, regardless of the path, we are both happier than ever, so maybe it all could of backfired, and maybe I'm lucky, but regardless, we are both in a better place.

[mklinden2010]

Reading some of these posts, it amazes me that some can read what the OP wrote and not "see" the "working out" that this couple has engaged in.... Good for them.

They were separated for 18 months and she agrees they should get back together and try again. He offers a "nudge, nudge, wink, wink" solution where they both understand that they are both trying to get something they want - on the way to getting what they want together, and they start the process of reinventing their relationship.

He offers a "this might work idea" and she suspends disbelief, understanding that he's working around an issue to address all their issues.

"Heck", both think, "If that's all it takes, this might work."

Been there, done that.

What adults work out in their private lives is up to them. She agreed to the entire ball of wax when she heard the pitch - she didn't call "Foul!" - and so far it's working out for them.

Great.

He just needs not to screw it up. Which might be hard to do since she's OK with it so far, they're talking everyday, and, both seem happy enough to be back together again.

Crossdressing is not that big a deal. Feeling awful about it, not talking about your feelings about yourself, and, hiding something that could hurt your SO, is a big deal.

Find a way to be OK - and be OK.

[Stephenie S]

Ah, yes. The perfect marriage. And all based on lies and deception. I too hope it works out for you. Good luck.

[Vanessac48]

UPDATE:

This is day 33. I have been in heels,pantyhose,a sexy black dress, long painted nails,a bra and silicone breast forms, blonde wig, mascara, eyeliner, and lipstick, as well as foundation and bronzer in all of the 33 days. probably have spent 70% of waking hours dressed, and 30% as a man. My wife confessed, for the 1st 3-4 days she was really against it, but the changes she has seen in me, and getting used to it, she is now out as we speak buying me pantyhose, and foundation, and even asked to use some of my makeup yesterday, and perfume. She told me yesterday she really loves the changes in me, I'm not acting all weird, and female, and I've become so much softer and easier to talk to, and stress free. I asked her at day 30, as kind of a review, and she said she really likes it now! I said well what happens after 45 days, when I stop? She said, and I quite, "No, please don't stop." I felt like the weight of the world was lifted right off my shoulders. I am now dressed for the rest of my life, free at last, in front of the person it means the most to me for. I'm really a very lucky person. I wish everyone the same.

[Vanessac48]

Reading some of these posts, it amazes me that some can read what the OP wrote and not "see" the "working out" that this couple has engaged in.... Good for them.

They were separated for 18 months and she agrees they should get back together and try again. He offers a "nudge, nudge, wink, wink" solution where they both understand that they are both trying to get something they want - on the way to getting what they want together, and they start the process of reinventing their relationship.

He offers a "this might work idea" and she suspends disbelief, understanding that he's working around an issue to address all their issues.

"Heck", both think, "If that's all it takes, this might work."

Been there, done that.

What adults work out in their private lives is up to them. She agreed to the entire ball of wax when she heard the pitch - she didn't call "Foul!" - and so far it's working out for them.

Great.

He just needs not to screw it up. Which might be hard to do since she's OK with it so far, they're talking everyday, and, both seem happy enough to be back together again.

Crossdressing is not that big a deal. Feeling awful about it, not talking about your feelings about yourself, and, hiding something that could hurt your SO, is a big deal.

Find a way to be OK - and be OK.

BINGO!!!! That was beautiful, and our relationship is better than ever, not just according to me, according to her.

[Vanessac48]

This is now day 47. Just wanted to update. I have been dressed about 78-80% of the time now as a head to toe woman for 47 days. My wife has really really taken to it. She even went as far to make me promise that after 45 days, I won't stop! She buys me girlie things, loves braiding my hair, painting my nails, but most importantly, loves her new found best girlfriend, and loves the fact I can put my pants on and be a more loving considerate man as well. She told me what woman wouldn't want this, a girlfriend to talk to about anything, and a kind loving considerate husband. This has definately been a life changing, marraige saving experience for us both. We have not had one issue between us in the 46 days, after usually having them several times a week. I'm probably not the typical CD. I love being dressed completely. I only dress if I can wear my long blonde wig, eye shadow, earrings, eyeliner, foundation, bronzer, bra, silicone brests, a dress, pantyhose, red painted nails and toes (my toes always match hers now) and heels. I have no desire to go out in public, or try to pass as a woman, even though I easily could when dressed. I have no desire to have sex with my wife dressed, I just love the calm, feminine feeling I get when dolled up head to toe. I love being a man, but a changed one now. I have to say we both have the best of both worlds now. She has a best friend girlie girl girlfriend, and a manly man hubby. I can keep the parts of a man that I enjoy being masculine, and destroy the rest of the testosterone based man, by dressing as a woman whenever I feel like it, guilt free, and I love the feeling of being emotionally a woman when I dress. Probably not the right scenerio for many, but a direct hit bullseye for us. This is the best thing I eve did, and hope someone else can use this to gain the confidence to do the same.

[BRANDYJ]

Vanessa, I am very happy for you. You have now crossed a bridge to where you should be very capable of communicating better with your wife. I strongly believe there should be a day that you come completely clean with her about your past cross dressing. You can explain that many of your mood swings or being mad or whatever caused the marital problems before the breakup are directly related to your having to hide it for fear of losing her. From what you say, that is ju8st not going to happen now. She is more then accepting. But don't continue the lies of the past. Your opportunity to be 100% open and honest are here and now.
Did you make up this thing about a man dressing as a woman for 45 days to calm his hormones, or did you read this somewhere? I never heard of such a thing. Sounds far fetched to me. And maybe even is far fetched to yo0ur wife, but she went along with it to see what would happen.
After this 45 day period, I'd still go slow, or slow down from the amount of dressing you are now allowed under this 45 day rule. Let her lead. If she is being honest and really likes you around dressed, she will lead and ask for you to dress. Just don't push it. I think you found a unique way to tell your wife and expose your dressing to her. Just don't keep up with other lies or it could all back fire.
Sounds like you both love each other. So now is the time to be completely open and honest with her, as she should be with you.

I wish you nothing but the best. And welcome out of the dark closet.

[Mea GG]

Oh, I love how this story came out!

Sounds like you are both very happy.

U + her = :hugs:

And, yes, please do listen to what Brandy said above!

[Vanessac48]

It's like a dream come true, we are happier than ever. I did read about many CD's that are like me. When you dress it is just an escape of all the pressures, stresses, and leadership roles of being a man. I have been directing people's lives and motivating people my entire life. There is nothing to me like "escaping" the stress of everyday life, than to be a head to toe woman. I now work from home, and dress for work every day, it makes the stresses so much more paletable, I find my type "A" personality softening with each passing day, and my wife was he first to point it out to me. I can litrally feel the difference. It has slowed my brain down 10 fold. I was always doing one thing while thinking of 5 other things at the same time, I don't do that anymore, it has helped me to stop and smell the roses, and at the same time, love my wife more than ever because the reality is she is a great woman.

[Sandra]

I'm sorry but I still think what you have done is wrong. You have continued to lie to your wife about your past cding and it seems you are still lying to her.

I will watch out for you posting that she found out about all these lies and I just hope it doesn't break her heart, and I don't mean the cding but the fact that you lied to her.

[Sheila]

Thanks for all those that chose the positive feedback route, not sure why so many have to take the negative approach, ............................. here we all are trying to comfort and support each other, bit I guess those words are only true in Camelot, not here.

Support strangely enough also comes in the form of telling THE TRUTH ............ some were trying to warn you about the possible outcome of you wife lying to decieveve your wife ..........


The best part of this forum is that everyone has the right to say what they wish (within the rules). Each person will take their own path using choices that they have arrived at after weighing the pros and cons.

Some will have negative feedback simply because, been there, done that, got the T shirt.

Finally this is a support forum, and support is not always in the positive, without the negative there will not be any check and balances.

Having been a GG who was lied to I can tell you it ain't nice and if ever your wife discovers your lies, I don't bank on her response being nice either .......... you lied & lied and continued to lie :Angry3::Angry3:


I don't regard this reply as taking a negative approach, nor do I feel I'm about to lay some of your own misery on someone else...
It's plain from your first post that this 'trial' is a deception on your part. If at some point you feel you have achieved acceptance for your CDing nature, and you decide to tell her what went on before, you may find the whole edifice comes crashing down: alternatively you could just keep quiet about it and live the rest of your life in a lie.
I wish you wouldn't regard a few reality checks from other forum members as 'negative behaviour'.

I beg to ask just how much reality there is in this *story*


Does your wife believe everything you tell her ?

I doubt it... You, IMO, are setting yourself up if she doesn't already know you've lied.
You are new here but if you go back IT"S THE LIEING that kills a relationship.
Presh GG

What she says


We say a problem in your logic and we wanted to warn you. See we don't see how well things are going, so we only have the red flags waving wildly.

We wish you the best and hopefully you will be one of those who get to enjoy your acceptance.

Nor do we get your wifes version of the story, but heyyyyyyyyyyy


Ah, yes. The perfect marriage. And all based on lies and deception. .......... Good luck.

Ain't that how all the best marriages work :brolleyes::brolleyes:


I'm sorry but I still think what you have done is wrong. You have continued to lie to your wife about your past cding and it seems you are still lying to her.

I will watch out for you posting that she found out about all these lies and I just hope it doesn't break her heart, and I don't mean the cding but the fact that you lied to her.

You and me both Sandra

Would be nice to get your wifes feedback on all this & also have her if FAB to help our newer ladies who struggle, thought I doubt we will ever get that, which will be a shame.

I for one would pooh pooh the notion about your discovering the 45 day dressing as a woman & I would have asked where you found it & I would have wanted to read it for myself .......... & I would have done my research ......... but then I am me and I am way to interested in educating myself about changes in my life ................. I would be interested in what your wife has had to say to others about your experiment in becoming a softer gentler person ............. cos I sure as hell would have told my friends and mates about the sure fire way to calm Their Bill n Harry down, we would have had a bloody good laugh about it as well ................ remember they know nothing about CDing being members of Joe public ........... a few glasses of wine and heyyyyyyyyy next doors hubby would wonder what had hit him :brolleyes::brolleyes:

[BRANDYJ]

Vanessa, I sure hope you are taking in all the good advice from the GG's here. The lies and deception must STOP and stop now if you are truly going to make it work with your wife.
Ask her to join here. Let her meet the wonderful GG's that have faced the same issues. Let her learn from those that faced much the same thing she did. If all you say is true, she would be glad you asked her to join.

We still want to know if you made up this 45 day plan or did you read this somewhere?

Come clean with us. We are all here to help you, not condemn you with our opinions or comments.

[PortiaHoney]

I wasn't sure what to make of your posting.

On one hand, you got what you wanted by lying to your SO and you were quite open about hoping you could convert her AND so far, you have done so succesfully.

On the other, it sounds too good to be true.

If it is true and the BOTH of you are deleriously happy about how events have taken their course, then I think it is fantastic that you have such a great story to tell and wonderful life of freedom to be yourself ahead of you.

However, if it isn't true and you have encouraged others to use deception to achieve their own aims and their attempt to do the same fails miserably, I hope you can live with your conscience. I have doubts about ANYONE who encourages lying and deception in order to achieve their own goals. I am not convinced that lies will ever be a good basis for truth. Except for politicians.

Communication, on the other hand, and honesty, are usually what helps couples arrive at a solution that is mutually agreeable. Either that, or they discover their needs to be too different and they go their own ways, often still as friends.

Have you considered another couple of scenarios? She likes being with a woman so much, now that you have overcome her own prejudices and fears, that she runs off with a real woman. Or, how about this one, She continues to like you as a woman, but YOU decide you have had enough. After all, you said you like being a man. What are YOU going to do when the CD phase passes because you have fullfilled your desires and she doesn't want the "manly" you back?

Enjoy the moment. It sounds like the two of you have arrived at a wonderful place. But, even Adam and Eve got evicted from their ideal place because they were naughty. I really hope your crystal palace never cracks and crumbles because they are beautiful, yet fragile, places. And, yes, being a woman is a great feeling.

Take care

Portia

[AliciaJordan]

Why does it seem that we have to be so honest in our relationships when nobody else has too?

Have you told your SO/girlfriend/whatever every single thing that goes on in your life? Think about it for a couple of seconds.

How many times have you been out with the guys and your buddies see this hot looking girl and make comments about having sex with her and doing this or that? How many of us have thought the same thing? Did any of you run home and tell the SO that you saw this awesome looking woman and thought of banging her right there on the spot? (or more like for this group, she had an awesome body I wish I had so I could get away with that outfit she had on...).

Look, he found something that worked for his wife, after all he knows her better than any of us do. I would be surprised if she reacted the sameway after the 18 months if he came clean right away. Now that she knows the girl side of him, he may be able to say that he has been doing this all along and had he not gotten her used to the she part of him, she may have bolted again. Who knows, she may even know or suspect that he did, but doesn't care because the end result is they have a happy understanding marriage.

Now I know what is next, what if my wife kept secrets from me. Fine with me as I trust my wife. If she feels it is important enough to share with me great, but if she feels she needs to protect/hide something from me, I am not going to pry. She has her reasons.

I guess my main point is, it is impossible to be 100% totally honest with anyone, even your spouse. I don't know how many times my wife tells me I look sexy in my shorts when all I see is the fat belly hanging over my belt and the extra chin under my mouth. When I bet she is really thinking, you could use to lose a couple (100) pounds or so.

And yes my wife knows about Alicia. She has from the start. At first she wasn't too comfortable with it, but she is getting better with it. She has bought stuff for me like skirts/tops/pantyhose/etc.

[Sandra]

Alicia

You don't have a bloody clue what it feels like for a GG to be lied to regarding cding.

[Sheila]

Why does it seem that we have to be so honest in our relationships when nobody else has too?

Have you told your SO/girlfriend/whatever every single thing that goes on in your life? Think about it for a couple of seconds.

Nobody expects total honest from their partner ............... what we do expect is honesty in the big things, things that affect our relationship ...... or is that to damn difficult for some to accept ???? :Angry3::Angry3:


How many times have you been out with the guys and your buddies see this hot looking girl and make comments about having sex with her and doing this or that? How many of us have thought the same thing? Did any of you run home and tell the SO that you saw this awesome looking woman and thought of banging her right there on the spot? (or more like for this group, she had an awesome body I wish I had so I could get away with that outfit she had on...).

It is not the damn same and you know it ........... if it is so trivial then no reason Mrs need not tell her friends is there .............. after all you talk to your buddies about "wouldn't mind bedding that" so no reason for her not to tell her buddies about her hubby dressing as a woman as an experiment to get in touch with his fem side to make him a better person now is there ....... or is there? ............... owwww wait I bet there is ............. maybe summat about maritial relationship privacy ................. damn double standards agian ........... is okay for "HIM to talk about wanting to bed this or that chick" cos that enhances "HIS" masculinity .......... so we as GG's can't do anything to take away from that :Angry3::Angry3: grow up get real :Angry3::Angry3:

Look, he found something that worked for his wife, after all he knows her better than any of us do.

he tells us he has ............. we have yet to hear her soide of the story ........... remember this is the INTERNET & trust me if any of my GG's friends had been told that by our partners we would have had the area rocking with our laughter ............... (remember this is not about him fessing up to being a CDER ( in which case whoever had been told would have kept it within the relationship till we had a chance to digest it and work on how it fitted into out lives as a couple .......... I know cos I was one who discovered in my previous relationship over 2 years into it)) ...........



I guess my main point is, it is impossible to be 100% totally honest with anyone, even your spouse.

100% sure ................... but this is not an owwww I only paid $10 for a fishing pole when in actuality you paid $15, this affects her and her life as well you know ..................... how are they handling people coming to the door, how are they handling friends popping round to see them, family ............... there are too many unexplained things that have to be handled on a daily basis for this to be taken seriously ......... FGS


And yes my wife knows about Alicia. She has from the start. At first she wasn't too comfortable with it, but she is getting better with it. She has bought stuff for me like skirts/tops/pantyhose/etc.

Cool and have you done 3 straight days dressed let alone 45 and if so what about people coming to your door, working, going to the mall & is your wife comfortable with that if so ?


"Is this real" .............. we can all only speculate, and I do remember a member here recently who had the grace to come back and fess up to having not been totally honest with us all in the past .......... MAYBE SOME OF US ARE REMEMBERING THAT :straightface:

[PortiaHoney]

I'm with the GG's on this one. It's not about a little white lie, this is a major, relationship shattering lie on a par with having an affair. It's about betraying trust in a relationship and anyone who thinks otherwise is going to think it's ok to hide a drinking problem, gambling problem or affair, loss of a job or any one of a number of big issues that couples have to deal with.

I feel sorry for your partner if you can justify to yourself that not letting her know who you really are is OK. I also feel sorry for anyone who does this and gets caught out because THAT is WHEN you will know exactly what you have been doing. Honesty truly is the best policy and live with the damn consequences. Or just don't do it. Or weigh up exactly what it is you want.

I think you showed yourself in the first line Jordan. You are not other people. And vague references to what other people do is usually a cover up for what you think goes on to justify doing what you know is wrong. Thinking about doing something and actually doing it are 2 completely different scenarios and one does NOT justify the other.

[Schatten Lupus]

You go girl! That is one bitchin' plan if I ever heard one.
That 45 days to soften up thing almost sounds like something that I would come up with.

[Traci Elizabeth]

[B]I beg to ask just how much reality there is in this *story*

Very interesting point Sheila. One that I too share.

From the premeditated deception of it's origins, daily continuance, and conniving of how to perpetuate the lies to the alleged fairy tale bliss at the end, it just comes across as a concocted work of fiction.

Only the OP knows the truth or if the statements have been embellish or altered. Regardless of the actual facts, I remain sadden for the wife.

But there is a lessen to be learned here by all of us whether we have a spouse, SO, girl/boyfriend or for when we do: Trust in the Truth! It will set you free!

[Vanessac48]

Well, I'm now on day 68. My wife buys me pantyhose on a regular basis, and paints my toenails. She loves the change. I'm a man when she needs one, and best friend girlfriend as well. We are both happier than we have ever been. It is a permanent change, she even gave me a name. I'm in heaven!

[Lisalove1976]

I'm not sure about the 45 day thing but after having a very troubling week with my wife I finally had some time to myself yesterday and decided to get dressed... after being home for a couple of hours she asked me if I had gotten dressed, aftre telling her "yes" she said "that explains the mood change" ....so I do believe that dressing does change me in a better way.

now if only I could get her to accept Lisa!

[BRANDYJ]

I am very happy to hear this worked for you. It's amazing how your wife did a 180 and now enjoys this side of you. This would be a dream come true for so many here. I have never had to hide in the closet from any of my past of present SO's, so I can only imagine the stress created by having to keep this side of us from a loved one. I could never do it. So count me lucky fro always having acceptance from my SO's. Now you too can fully enjoy a much closer calmer relationship with your wife. In time boundaries may be needed to keep the harmony. Be ready to listen to your wife and what she might want to suggest as to limits or boundaries should she tire of to much of your fem side. Remember, she married and wanted a man. Be prepared to compromise and show her that her needs and wishes are every bit as important to you as your own are. Be careful to always tell her how much you appreciate her as well as love her.
I'm not sure your method is right or would work for others, but the important thing is it worked for you. Remind her that you do not wish to go out in public, have sex with a man or even with her while dressed. My guess is she will wonder these things if she has not already. But most importantly, vow to never lie to her again about anything. Vow to never hide things from her.
I sincerely with you and your wife the very best.
It would be nice if you could get your wife to join here and share her side of this story with us. I'd be very interested in her experiences in coming to accept you. She would also be a welcomed addition to the FAB forums. Perhaps you can suggest she join.

[JOY445]

Thanks for all those that chose the positive feedback route, not sure why so many have to take the negative approach, but that sadly is how the world works, lay some of your own misery on someone else, and it makes you feel better I guess. All I can say is I'm feeling good, she is feeling good, and things right now are better than ever. I thought putting this out there might help one person take the calculated risk, that is the only reason, but some want to greet this with disdain, and here we all are trying to comfort and support each other, bit I guess those words are only true in Camelot, not here.
Hi
I personally didn't hear disdain in any of the replies to your post. all i heard was good friends who have the wisdom of experience offering good advice. You seem to have missed the point. You got what you wanted by trickery and deceit, never a good foundation upon to build a lifelong relationship. If this is ok with you more power too you sister!
However, you can follow the advice of your fellow ladies, lay it all out and you can both move forward together in an open honest loving relationship, remember where there are lies there isn't a "real" relationship.
Please accept my words in the spirit with which they are intended
love JOY

[Miranda09]

Vanessa, I've read your posts here and the idea of the original thread and I must say that your approach was brilliant. It sounds like you've bridged a gap with your wife and both of you appear to be quite happy again. It's so nice to see how a person's view can change so radically when approached in a creative, caring manor. Hope the ride never ends. :)

[AlsoSamantha]

Some posts here have accused you of achieving your goal through manipulation and deceit. I think you found a creative way to introduce your wife to something that would have otherwise been unacceptable. In the real world this is called spin.

There was no force used, and she was free to accept or reject any part of this by her own free will, and although you may have had your own objectives and agenda, she probably had hers too. In the end you both got what you wanted/needed. It was a win/win solution.

It's obvious your wife KNOWS you're a cross dresser and is accepting.

I applaud you!!

[Kelly DeWinter]

... not sure why so many have to take the negative approach, .... lay some of your own misery on someone else, and it makes you feel better ..... All I can say is I'm feeling good, .... I thought putting this out there might help one person take the calculated risk, ....., but some want to greet this with disdain, and here we all are trying to comfort and support each other, bit I guess those words are only true in Camelot, not here.

I can only say so many are negative, because what you are doing to your spouse is wrong in so many ways, and you continue to insist that it's the right thing to do. It's almost like watching a train wreck in slow motion over 45 days . We WANT to help, but can't, we want to turn our eyes from what's coming, but we can't because we know the outcome will be destructive.

I have held my opinion long enough to see this 'story', through the 45 days. It really reads like a bad novel. It's hard to believe that anyone who has read your other posts could believe this.

In another post you are divorced, now you are married again ?
In your other posts you are into '****ty' look, and now you want to look like a nice woman for your wife ?
You really expect anyone to believe that this will not eventually blow up on you, if it's even true in the first place ?
If you lie you will get caught, maybe not now or next week or month or year, but eventually. I cannot believe that any spouse gg female or gg male, would fall for such a ruse.


Most of use have raised children .... We don't teach them to lie, we teach them to accept responsibility. Most here who have kept a lie up eventually paid the price. Other who started with the truth have wonderful relationships.

IF your story is true, what a fantastic opportunity you had to come clean and base the rest of your life together on honesty. Now within you is another lie, that will fester, and eventually come to the surface or manifest itself in another great 'story'.

No one is trying to put their misery on you or anyone else, the posts here are clearly trying to avoid misery, by NOT following your example. IF this story is true, then BRAVO for you, you got your way by lying to your spouse. I'm sure there must be at least 1 gg on here who will come forward and say they would love to know their spouse thinks enough of them to lie to them.

I see in a very small amount of posts here, this is great, why didn't I think of it, I've got to try that. A word of caution .. DON'T . Vanessa offers a 'calculated risk' . What is at risk is a relationship.

And the legend of Camelot was built on values such as truth, camaraderie and the ideal of putting others interest's and well being ahead of ones own.

"For if I had only known that the small lie that I carry within mine own heart, would bring down this mighty kingdom, I would sooner fall on my own dagger then should I exist another day" Tristan - Knight of Camelot

Vanessa, everyone here want's to support you, but accept that fact that not everyone will buy the bill of goods you are selling.

Don't confuse 'comfort and support' on this forum with 'deception and collusion' . Sometimes you , me and others, will hear things we may not like, they will upset us because people do not agree with us, but even that is part of support. Would you rather hear honesty for the people here or just what you want to hear ?

It's my opinion, i'll stand by it.

Kelly

[Kelly DeWinter]

Some posts here have accused you of achieving your goal through manipulation and deceit. I think you found a creative way to introduce your wife to something that would have otherwise been unacceptable. In the real world this is called spin.

There was no force used, and she was free to accept or reject any part of this by her own free will, and although you may have had your own objectives and agenda, she probably had hers too. In the end you both got what you wanted/needed. It was a win/win solution.

It's obvious your wife KNOWS you're a cross dresser and is accepting.

I applaud you!!

You have got to be kidding !

reread this thread, Her wife, thinks shes on a 45 day 'cure' for male agression. Nowhere does she talk to her wife about being a crossdresser or being transgendered. She admits to manipulating the situation. I think her wife may suspect, or may eventually figure it out.

The problem with this post is that she is using forced feminization which is a fetish as a cover 'cure' for being transgendered/crossdresser. With so many of us in the CD/TG community wanting to be accepted for what we are, which is normal everyday people with an awesome sense of fashon. It flies in the face of everything the TG/CD community has worked toward to encourage someone to perpetuate more inacurate information.

From original post.

Lie One
" I needed a way to be able to dress, so maybe this is sneaky, but it has worked so well. I sat down with my wife, and explained to her I had been reading a lot about men, and the "macho" quality, and testosterone that gets in the way of female/male communication. I went on to explain that as crazy as it sounded, a man needs to be humbled, and get in touch with his feminine side, and dress as a head to toe woman for 45 days to be able to soften the ego, the macho, and become a better man. She was highly skeptical"

"Lie Two"
"I said well what happens after 45 days, when I stop?"

This is the part that people disagree with ! The lieing and the continuation of the lie with another lie.

As far as 'spin' is concerned, remember that IF a doctor ever says, "The 'slight discoloration' on your x-ray is nothing. I reccomend that you take a nice long relaxing vacation, but do it in the next 90 days."

Kelly

[Molly Wells]

Well, I don't normally get into these discussions like this, but somewhere in the back of my little brain is a recollection of reading a story like this some where before. I thing this whole story is fiction. Just my opinion. :2c:
Molly

[Vanessac48]

I am now in day 79. I have worn a dress,heels,eyeliner,foundation,bronzer, fake nails, a bra,breast forms,earrings,painted toenails,pocketbook,lipstick...and wig...100% a woman everyday without exception. We eat on our deck, play board games outside, etc. Regardless of how this came about, we have had 0 arguements since day 1. We talk about the early days, and how ridiculous she thought it was. How hideous I looked. Now, she loves me like this, because quite honestly, I have changed completely from a macho man, to the best girlfriend/husband she could possibly have. When we go out I'm her husband, and even my personality then is so much better, I notice the difference, she says it is night and day. This is a couple hat seperated twice, and finally found happiness. She truly is an amazing woman! I love her endlessly, I just never allowed myself to. My emotions are free, we talk for hours, and she tells me there is nothing wrong with it! Honestly, I believe I feel there is something wrong with it more than her! I realize by being a head to toe woman for over 11 straight weeks, has made me into an emotional woman, and I love it, because no more macho and testosterone to get in the way. I love her, she loves me, I found camelot in a dress,heels, and makeup, and so did she.

Well, I don't normally get into these discussions like this, but somewhere in the back of my little brain is a recollection of reading a story like this some where before. I thing this whole story is fiction. Just my opinion.
Molly

I swear to God on my life this is true!

[Vanessac48]

Day 102 and things are fantastic. I now go out on a regular basis, which was scary at first, but soon I realized that your more fearful than you need to be. I am now confident and go anywhere I want, usually very casual in capri's and a t-shirt top with my nails done, and subtle makeup. I would say if I am awake 118 hours a week, 100 are dressed. Wife loves it now, and she constantly shops for me. I asked her if she likes shopping for me and she said yes. I spend 1 day a week out with her, lunch in a park, etc., so we get realtime together at least weekly. She never questions my dressing, just tells me how good I look, if I do, and is my coach. Life is sweet, never been happier.

[Ashley S]

Sorry, I too have been following your alleged story from the beginning, and can't resist anymore. I agree with Sheila, Sandra, Molly, and most of the others here.

First and foremost: I question how truthful this story is.

Second (making the assumption that it is true): I fail to see how ANYONE would buy into the initial story of using forced feminization as an anger/aggression management technique. I feel sorry for anyone that gullible.

Third: Admitting right away that the way you've gone about this is Sneaky. This shows that you KNOW it's wrong, and yet you've done it anyway.

I have a big problem with anyone who feels that deception, manipulation and dishonesty are acceptable means to an end, especially in a relationship.

What you have done is wrong, regardless of what you may or may not have accomplished, and you should not be proud of it.

I view what you have done as being the same as winning a game of cards by stacking the deck, or winning a race by sabotaging the other racers. The first place ribbon is worthless when you had to cheat to get it.

You're a liar and a cheat. I hope one day you realize there's no point to playing if there's no honour in the game.

[BRANDYJ]

I too now question the truthfulness of this whole story.

[mklinden2010]

I really don't see the point in debating the "honesty" of this scenario.

The points made about being honest/lying have been made countless times in other threads. No news there. It particularly makes no sense to attack the person. Who knows what this human beings problems might be? Listen; use kinds words; and/or go about your life. Live and let live. Nobody HAS to read or believe these posts.

If the OP is living this, imagining this, or, just baiting the forum, does it, as a story, really matter?

What seems to matter is that this approach - "Let's proceed as if..." - is workable and has been workable at times. In this case, he wants to try this and she wants to play along - both for their own reasons? Well, OK... Good luck then.

Both adults in this story would have to know "something is up." Nobody breaks up for 18 months and then gets back together again thinking, "Well, back to what was..."

IF people get back together, it's with the hope that things will be different. They usually aren't, and another break up follows not long after that...

Frankly, I can read the OP the first time and think, "Did she come back with a bun in the oven? Why get free then and go backwards now? And, as to him... Is he just stupid to make this pitch to a woman from a failed relationship who probably can't be trusted or counted on to carry the ball in the years ahead?

The primary problem with the entire post, of course, is the focus on CDing as the cure for everything. Or, acceptance as the cure for everything. That's the fantasy. CDing is just a thing, it's not everything. That it is "everything" in this series of posts reveals the weakness and stirs the disquiet in just about everyone. A life based ONLY on a foundation of "CD glue" is and always will be fantasy. An adventure? Fine. A life? No.

People are right to complain about the probability of this being true - to a point.

Good luck to the OP. If he and his wife want to live this life, they are obviously going to need all the luck they can get.

But, better lucky than good, sometimes....

[Kaitlyn Michele]

LOL

I just saw this post for the first time today...what a bunch of BS!!!! this story just isnt true.

i think it matters because dishonesty is a big deal to our inclusive community...

in the OP's "story" our protagonist is manipulative and controlling...treats his wife like an idiot, and basically claims to rebuild his marraige on his terms based on his lies...

nice

i'm not a prude when it comes to lying...i think there really are unimportant white lies...but this one is anything but..

i think its an insult to wives that someone would claim to be telling such a grandoise lie and that their wife is stupid enough to believe it...and that folks here would jump up and say that its a good thing... i think being so dishonest is crossing a line that isnt good in any community.

we should have a story section for this stuff...

[SusanLeigh3454]

Vanessa - I really hope that your story is accurate, but the postings 48 and 49 are off by one day. If something seems to good to be true, then it is probably wrong. My decision to dress is a factor which is causing me to lose my marriage. I read the postings on this board and draw strength that there is a community of girls who will rally and give to support to a total stranger like me.

I do not post a lot, but when it does, it comes from the heart. The other girls express the same compassion. If your story is a fabrication or a wishful desire, please do not be the girl who cried "wolf" one time too many.

[ashgagal]

I hope this story is true as well, but I am skeptical. It's just too good. It sounds like a wonderful fantasy with the wife buying pantyhose all the time, etc.

If it is true I hope it continues this well...however you have to understand...ggs file these things away for later use a lot of times. I mean, if it was bad enough to split up before, then after the next fight she may just throw your clothes out in the street and scream, "see what this f****** made me endure...."

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Vanessa - I really hope that your story is accurate, but the postings 48 and 49 are off by one day. If something seems to good to be true, then it is probably wrong. My decision to dress is a factor which is causing me to lose my marriage. I read the postings on this board and draw strength that there is a community of girls who will rally and give to support to a total stranger like me.

I do not post a lot, but when it does, it comes from the heart. The other girls express the same compassion. If your story is a fabrication or a wishful desire, please do not be the girl who cried "wolf" one time too many.

:hugs:
I lost my marriage too. :straightface:


I'm really surprised you didn't think to tell your wife that you needed to go on a 45 day cruise with her on a magic cruise ship in a buxom female body suit that then fuses with your soul and forces you to live the rest of your life in a sultan's harem... :heehee:

ugh.!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Chloe Renee]

This sounds like a work of fiction. If in the event it isn't, you put a hell of a spin on some BS story that will eventually back fire. I hope, you have prepared your next move carefully. I know because, I lied in a similar manner to my partner, it all went up in flames.
When I came clean her heart was broken, an empty shell of shattered trust. This trust does not mend easily, so when I awoke to my TS status I approached things differently. I would like to say I did things right the second time around, coming out honestly.

You, have no idea the pain these lies cause our partner.It is worse than finding them finding out that we were unfaithful. The GG's here are right +97% of the time. If they feel your in the wrong I would reevaluate your position.
Good luck either way, I need to do laundry, and am currently standing on my soap.

[t-girlxsophie]

I see the Truth Police are back out in force,The Day we have to justify our stories and our experiences,Is the day this forum will lose all Credibility in my eyes.Vanessa's story may be a strange one,but who Is to say with any Authority that it is a falsehood.We shouldn't judge,we are all here to share with each other,not to start doubting each others post's

just my:2c:

Sophie xx

[corynn]

I see the Truth Police are back out in force,The Day we have to justify our stories and our experiences,Is the day this forum will lose all Credibility in my eyes.Vanessa's story may be a strange one,but who Is to say with any Authority that it is a falsehood.We shouldn't judge,we are all here to share with each other,not to start doubting each others post's

just my:2c:

Sophie xx
I fully agree we should not JUDGE afterall that is why this site was made for us girls who want to express their feelings and not be bombarded by negitive energy

Brovo vanessa True/Not True
who cares it is an awesome story

We all want people to have an open mind with CD'ERS but HOW CAN THEY when even on here there is negitivity :Angry3::Angry3::Angry3::Angry3:

Live life be happy and keep an open MIND :daydreaming::daydreaming::daydreaming:
weather it be A MAN,WOMAN,CD,TS,TG
we're all part of one kind and race that human race

Don't turn your back on people because the person you might have turned your back on just might be a Judge,Dr,Lawyer,Firefighter,police officer and when you might need them they'll be there for YOU !!!!!!!!!

I know it would not make me feel very good if I turned my back on that person and their the person who could be saving your LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Think about it
be kind to each other !!!!!!!!!!!!

[Kaitlyn Michele]

if you think its ok to be manipulative and dishonest with your spouse, or you think its ok to post made up stories to a community of supportive and helpful people, more power to ya..

i don't

[Jean Ann S]

To me and this just my opinion:
It is a very nice story true or not
It presents one possible way of introducing crossdressing
As for the past ,just let it be
we all have things we had just as forget

Jean Ann

[msginaadoll]

I accept the story as truthful as long as I don't have any reason to think otherwise. I do believe that it is important for us to try to support and encourage others here> I do of course believe that out and out lies should not be tolerated, but I cant judge here and wont try.

[DonniDarkness]

Well,

Three pages of a story and support(good and bad) have brought me to the conclusion:

I feel that starting this whole ride out on manipulation was a bad choice.....I personally could not look my wife in the eyes after lying to her....

Be that as it may; the outcome has proved positive for vanessa...

There WILL come a time when you will have to pay penance for your lies, ALL of them....

What happens when a year or two later when your wife stumbles upon your postings and has concrete evidence of your deciet? Will you lie more? Will you come clean? Do you feel it would end your marriage...again?

I DO NOT SAY THESE THINGS TO ATTACK YOU.

I want to make sure you are looking further than the present, i truly feel you need to be honest with her now before BOTH of you invest more time and suffering into a doomed scenario

1 person + 1 person + commitment (+ deceit (-truth)) = Failure to trust indefinitely

my thoughts,
-Donni-

[t-girlxsophie]

if you think its ok to be manipulative and dishonest with your spouse, or you think its ok to post made up stories to a community of supportive and helpful people, more power to ya..

i don't
I dont know who this post was aimed at.but my comments were about judging whether a story was true or not.whether I agree or dont (in this case I dont) For the record I have NEVER advocated anyone telling lies or deceiving their Partners or SOs about their dressing or anything in their relationship

[Marissa]

Thanks for all those that chose the positive feedback route, not sure why so many have to take the negative approach, but that sadly is how the world works, lay some of your own misery on someone else, and it makes you feel better I guess. All I can say is I'm feeling good, she is feeling good, and things right now are better than ever. I thought putting this out there might help one person take the calculated risk, that is the only reason, but some want to greet this with disdain, and here we all are trying to comfort and support each other, bit I guess those words are only true in Camelot, not here.

Okay, like others, I was only going to read some and not bother to post since it seemed all was resolved in the manner chosen.. but now it has taken such a turn that its in my nature to let my views be read... i didn't say accepted, agreed with or anything close.. just read.. and for that I thank you..

If the words in RED had not been posted as part of the reply, things would not have went in the various directions.. We all are open to giving or not giving our opinions.. and if you start a thread, then you agree to that.. most just say "thank you for your feedback"

Maybe if the thread had started out with "only positive feedback, please" then maybe you would have received pats on the back exclusively.

WE ALL have our opinions on relationships that are filled with deciet.. we can advise, but not comdemn.. some of us are guilty of stating: "live as I live my life", instead of just giving our thoughts and suggestions.

If a person wants to begin/have a relationship based on deciet and feels its a success as long as the cat is not ever let out of the bag...then so be it..

Some would welcome the person as a friend while others would turn and walk away..

That is what makes us humans and individuals.. okay..enough on the positive/negative responses..

Story true or not? Come on... if anyone here can prove it to be false.. state it with the proof? Being "similiar" to another is not proof..

If the poster makes a slip and it is discovered, then mods will deal with that as in the past..

The story is given with truths on the deciets.. so where is the untruthfullness of the story? Even though its sort of ironic..

Guess that is my two cents on theTruth Police idea..

I'm not a fan of deciet.. but another side says that if it works for them.. then good luck.. even if the deciet is discovered in the future.. I hope they remember these few months..

Thank you for taking the time to read my views..

Hugs,

[Presh GG]

Ok, waiting for the punch line.........................:believeit:

Presh GG

[Vanessac48]

Day 119 and I guess I'm not surprised by the reactions here. the fact is, my story is true, every printed word of it. I stopped reading responses, because they just make me want to fight back, and for what.It truly doesn't matter who believes or doesn't. I'm living this, and my life has never been better. Thought that would be inspirational for those like me, that could only wish...well, it happened for me, maybe in not the most graceful way, but it happened, and I'm greatful. I have a loving unique wife, and she not only accepts me this way, but encourages me. I couldn't be happier, and in taking her pulse, either could she. We were seperated, tried again, and then this. It changed me for the better, we have had 0 arguements in the 119 days, because my testosterone no longer gets in the way.

[StephaniAnn]

I have been crossdressing for years, married and my wife never knew. We separated for 18 months, and I dressed virtually every day, and accumulated quite a closet full of clothes, along with heels and makeup.

We decided to try again. It was so hard after dressing every day and moving back in I had to get rid of almost everything. I needed a way to be able to dress, so maybe this is sneaky, but it has worked so well. I sat down with my wife, and explained to her I had been reading a lot about men, and the "macho" quality, and testosterone that gets in the way of female/male communication. I went on to explain that as crazy as it sounded, a man needs to be humbled, and get in touch with his feminine side, and dress as a head to toe woman for 45 days to be able to soften the ego, the macho, and become a better man. She was highly skeptical, but because we had tried councelling, and just about everything else, it never worked. I ordered a few sexy dresses, fake silicon breasts, a couple wigs, high heels, and she went out and bought me pantyhose,and all the makeup from foundation to eyeliner, mascara, lipstick, etc. I bought earrings as well. I fianlly had everything I needed, and I told her it was ok to laugh, or any reaction was acceptable. I nervously got dressed head to toe as a woman, and came out to the kitchen in heels, a dress, wig, fully feminized. She laughed so hard, and I just took a humbed look and attitude, like it was equally uncomfortable for me, but I was loving it. I also explained to her, that as humbled as I felt, I could feel the stress, and testosterone being held in check, and felt softer. To fast forward, I have now been dressed head to toe, for 18 straight days, 27 more to go to complete the 45 days. I always tell her how calm and stress free it feels, it is like a medicene for stress reduction, and she tells me she sees it! She has also told me that she has gotten used to me looking like that, and comfortable. We sit and talk for hours, and she told me our relationship is better than ever, I have become totally in tuned to her needs, and so relieved, I can dress every day. She buys me makeup, braided my hair, and this from a woman who really hated crossdressed men, I'd never think of dressing in front of her, and now she has a husband, lover, and best girlfriend all in one! I'm not sure of what will happen after the 45 days (a period used to create the habit of changing the macho into a softer person), but she already suggested that I might need to dress if I started to slip! Not sure if this would work for anyone else, but I needed to do something. I have the best marraige now! What a feeling to dress in front of your wife, and she even gave me a woman's nickname. Just had to share this.

I'm new here and I'm sure not going to win any popularity contests with my opinion on this matter but I have to say, you're my hero! :D
You overcame socialization barriers, societal "norm" expectations and a fearful reaction from your wife in one fell swoop!
And I'm not just saying this because I would have done something similar. ;)

I have no problem at all with what you did because I know why you did it. You, like a very good friend of mine, know your wife as well (or better, I would argue) than she knows herself.
This trait may be a TG phenomenon or something else....whatever it is, it's a good thing and it does NOT mean the woman is stupid or that you think she is.

What it means that she is the type of person who responds well to be handled with care and you understand that about her. And that you are a spouse capable of seeing what her real needs are.
Certainly, your moves were for your own benefit but for hers as well.

People look at "deception" and stop there. They think of all the negative things that have happened in their own lives and the people they've known and cannot get past that concept.

Deception is not the problem....motives are. The motives behind the actions. Actions can be bad in and of themselves (deception can certainly cause problems) but what's in the heart of the person is what must really be examined to discern their character. If you believe in God, you might want to hope that this is the way he looks at us. ;)

Yes, Vanessa, you HEAVILY embellished your story (I almost fear your social engineering skills, lol) but there is also a lot of truth to what you told her. CD-ing is therapy for many people, it's a great stress reliever and no doubt that it affects hormones and other chemicals in a positive way. Sometimes we are our own best doctors.

If you had just opened your closet and thrown everything at her at once, she might have run and you might have risked losing her. The fight or flight reaction is very common.
I would even proffer that nearly ALL of us have some sort of skeletons in our closets that would make anybody run. Honesty just for the sake of honesty is not always logical.
If your better half can't handle the reality of you, they just can't handle it.
Understanding that is being realistic about them, it's a wise discernment. :) When you are already in a relationship with someone who doesn't know your habits, you may have to dress it up for them (as you've done) or reveal it to them in small doses over time as many do.

As for lying itself, I have had my fair share of being on the victim end. I've been in relationships with pathological liars (yes, it is a nightmare) but they weren't lying to make me feel better or trying to break some scary truth (that I couldn't handle) to me slowly.
Their deception was not for my benefit but simply a psychological problem that they had.

As long as you don't deceive her to cover up things that you would do to hurt her, I see nothing gravely wrong with what you've done.
Makeup and hairdo's are deceptive. It's used to entice and seduce (as well as confidence-boosting and covering up flaws). The person you wake up with does not look the same as the person you went to bed with, though. :)
That's accepted "deception" and it has a purpose (several in fact).
Motives are everything .


OK, here's where I play bad guy.......
I think you're going to run into problems soon but it does NOT have anything to do with deception.
You are in a honeymoon period. She is new to crossdressing and it's exciting for you and her both.

I have read the complaints in the GG section and frankly, I'd be scared out of my wits to marry a TG, although it's very attractive.
Everyone is different but some of the complaints from wives and girlfriends make it seem that this type of relationship can be a hell of a lot of work.
Not that other relationships aren't....I mean "more work", actually.

Eventually, when you start looking around at other women, admiring their clothes and the way they fit in them, what have you, your wife might feel like she's playing second fiddle to your interests, even if she is not really the jealous type, she's going to feel like a fifth wheel at some point, depending on several factors about your personality and your interest (which I shouldn't be assuming but it's a fair guess).

I won't give other examples but I'm just giving you a heads-up. The relationship is flying high right now but later on, there will probably be issues to deal with (problems with family/friends and/or covering up, etc).

Look for future problems and try to be prepared ahead of time how to deal with them. You may not have solicited my advice but it's good for any relationship.
Everyone goes through sparks and valleys and you have to keep your wits about you when you're in the valleys and feel like you're "not in love" anymore. But it's just a valley, not a loss of love.
I'm not telling anyone here what they don't already know. ;)

And back to the deception issue, you will be telling her at some point what you did, at whatever pace you need to break it to her. She will most likely say that "she knew" (or suspected).
As long as she understands your motives and you are able to communicate them if she is not completely clear on them.

You are the man, Vanessa! :)

[DonniDarkness]

From wikpedia:

Deception is a major relational transgression that often leads to feelings of betrayal and distrust between relational partners. Deception violates relational rules and is considered to be a negative violation of expectations. Most people expect friends, relational partners, and even strangers to be truthful most of the time. If people expected most conversations to be untruthful, talking and communicating with others would require distraction and misdirection to acquire reliable information. On a given day, it is likely that most human beings will either deceive or be deceived by another person. A significant amount of deception occurs between romantic and relational partners.

Types:

Deception includes several types of communications or omissions that serve to distort or omit the complete truth. Deception itself is intentionally managing verbal and/or nonverbal messages so that the message receiver will believe in a way that the message sender knows is false. Intent is critical with regard to deception. Intent differentiates between deception and an honest mistake. The Interpersonal Deception Theory explores the interrelation between communicative context and sender and receiver cognitions and behaviors in deceptive exchanges.

The five primary forms of deception are:

1. lies: making up information or giving information that is the opposite or very different from the truth.
2. equivocations: making an indirect, ambiguous, or contradictory statement.
3. concealments: omitting information that is important or relevant to the given context, or engaging in behavior that helps hide relevant information.
4. exaggeration: overstatement or stretching the truth to a degree.
5. understatement: minimization or downplaying aspects of the truth.

Deception detection between relational partners is extremely difficult, unless a partner tells a blatant or obvious lie or contradicts something the other partner knows to be true. While it is difficult to deceive a partner over a long period of time, deception often occurs in day-to-day conversations between relational partners. Detecting deception is difficult because there are no known completely reliable indicators of deception. Deception, however, places a significant cognitive load on the deceiver. He or she must recall previous statements so that his or her story remains consistent and believable. As a result, deceivers often leak important information both verbally and nonverbally.

Deception and its detection is a complex, fluid, and cognitive process that is based on the context of the message exchange. The Interpersonal Deception Theory posits that interpersonal deception is a dynamic, iterative process of mutual influence between a sender, who manipulates information to depart from the truth, and a receiver, who attempts to establish the validity of the message. A deceiver's actions are interrelated to the message receiver's actions. It is during this exchange that the deceiver will reveal verbal and nonverbal information about deceit. Some research has found that there are some cues that may be correlated with deceptive communication, but scholars frequently disagree about the effectiveness of many of these cues to serve as reliable indicators. Noted deception scholar Aldert Vrij even states that is no nonverbal behavior that is uniquely associated with deception. As previously stated, a specific behavioral indicator of deception does not exist. There are, however, some nonverbal behaviors that have been found to be correlated with deception. Vrij found that examining a "cluster" of these cues was a significantly more reliable indicator of deception than examining a single cue.

In terms of perceptions about the significance of deceiving a partner, women and men typically differ in their beliefs about deception. Women view deception as a much more profound relational transgression than men. Additionally, women rate lying in general as a less acceptable behavior than men.

Finally, women are much more likely to view any act of lying as significant (regardless of the subject matter) and more likely to report negative emotional reactions to lying.

....Ahem....

-Donni-

[Crysten]

"Well honey, I think the 50 pounds you gained since the pregnancy makes you look fat and ugly, and I find you to be somewhat physically repulsive...but only in the daylight. Much easier being intimate with you in the dark, since I can't see your rolls of fat".

To all of you who think "brutal honesty" is the best policy - enjoy being single. Forever.


**NOTE** Making a profound statement in three sentences is always prefferable to making the same statement in 30 sentences.

[StephaniAnn]

"Well honey, I think the 50 pounds you gained since the pregnancy makes you look fat and ugly, and I find you to be somewhat physically repulsive...but only in the daylight. Much easier being intimate with you in the dark, since I can't see your rolls of fat".

To all of you who think "brutal honesty" is the best policy - enjoy being single. Forever.


**NOTE** Making a profound statement in three sentences is always prefferable to making the same statement in 30 sentences.


LOL, I've been chided more than once by engineers and even a scientist for not summarizing my points. Sometimes things need detail, though. ;)

(And amen on the brutal honesty....some people are even very sensitive to non-brutal honesty; sometimes it's hard to be yourself and yet still avoid stepping on toes!)

[StephaniAnn]

In terms of perceptions about the significance of deceiving a partner, women and men typically differ in their beliefs about deception. Women view deception as a much more profound relational transgression than men. Additionally, women rate lying in general as a less acceptable behavior than men.

In response to this article, men are conditioned to stay silent or measure every word in order to avoid offending women/being taken the wrong way (yes, I'm generalizing...but I've seen it's true more often than not).
So deception is pretty much a necessary social interaction- male to female-.
It works in reverse, sometimes, too. Some males are easily offended and some react accordingly. The hot-headed males are generally much more physically dangerous than sensitive females, if you ask me. I'd rather females be the overly sensitive ones, if I had to pick. (and yes, I know the old saying about hell having no fury....) ;)


Finally, women are much more likely to view any act of lying as significant (regardless of the subject matter) and more likely to report negative emotional reactions to lying.

....Ahem....

-Donni-[/QUOTE]

Well, a big part of that is probably the old fear of "what ELSE is he doing wrong? (like cheating or thinking about other women)". "What if I'm unable to detect when he does THAT to me?".
Women are very cerebral creatures. And a thinking mind can sometimes be very dangerous!

Men, as I mentioned before, are more acquainted with having to watch what they say to avoid offending. Or else stay silent.
So if a woman lies a little (depending on what it is, of course) that's not a foreign concept to men who are conditioned to do that on a daily basis.

Now if she's cheating, doing drugs, racking up tons of stuff on credit cards or a pathological liar, yeah, that's going to ruffle most guy's (anybody's) feathers! There are some things you don't lie about, no matter who you are or what the situation is.

But I still maintain that motives are everything. I think most women appreciate a man who doesn't tell them just how fat they look.
I also think women appreciate a man who knows them as well or better than they know themselves.

Just my opinion!

[Kaitlyn Michele]

so basically as long as your lying and deception is ok with you, then its ok to lie because your motives are good?

the person being lied to doesnt get to draw that line, the deceiver does...that's the problem...and if the person being lied to was ok with what you were doing, you wouldnt have to lie..

the old fear of what else is he lying about is a totally normal response to being lied to.

and please don't embarrass yourself and compare this to saying "you don't look fat" so your wife doesnt get mad

btw...i prefer being referred to as "bs detector" as opposed to "truth police" :D

[Crysten]

so basically as long as your lying and deception is ok with you, then its ok to lie because your motives are good?

the person being lied to doesnt get to draw that line, the deceiver does...that's the problem...and if the person being lied to was ok with what you were doing, you wouldnt have to lie..

the old fear of what else is he lying about is a totally normal response to being lied to.

and please don't embarrass yourself and compare this to saying "you don't look fat" so your wife doesnt get mad

btw...i prefer being referred to as "bs detector" as opposed to "truth police" :D

Please explain to me - who's getting hurt in this scenario? At least, the scenario as explained to us. So far as I can see, nobody. Aparently they had already split twice......and now they're happy as two pigs in a poke - so to speak. "Hey honey I really want to tell you everything that went on in the past, that really has no bearing on us now and really had nothing to do with you then..." ---- Ever watch the "Bad Idea" sketch on SNL?? Same exact thing. Nobody gains a thing, unless you're a masochist. "All in the name of complete honesty even at the cost of relationships, friendships, and everything else no matter what price we have to pay" -- really? Welcome to the 21st century, total honesty is nice, but rarely seen, and for good reason. It hurts too much, and doesn't really accomplish a whole lot. Except, perhaps, to make you feel self righteous. Good luck with that, hope you enjoy the view from your high horse...but it's gonna be lonely up there, no doubt.

[Crysten]

and please don't embarrass yourself and compare this to saying "you don't look fat" so your wife doesnt get mad

I believe you just embarrassed youself by taking a basic point I was trying to make and reading it literally. For shame!! :eek:

Ever try to navigate through years of marriage? Well, I have. Have I been honest with my wife? I'd say yes, 90+ percent. The other ten percent? Basically that's the not calling her a crazy b&*@h to her face when she was acting that way, or keeping my mouth shut when I knew I couldn't reason with her. Simple as that. Not saying what we really think at the right time is a godsend, and is a KEY FACTOR in every...single....marriage in existance.

[StephaniAnn]

so basically as long as your lying and deception is ok with you, then its ok to lie because your motives are good?

the old fear of what else is he lying about is a totally normal response to being lied to. (yes it is...that's why I mentioned it; not everyone's thought processes work that way, though)

and please don't embarrass yourself and compare this to saying "you don't look fat" so your wife doesnt get mad


Actually, my thoughts go back to Vanessa's situation and how this worked for them. I doubt Vanessa uses "schemes" to cheat on her wife. Yes, I could be wrong but Vanessa is apparently very much in love with hers and didn't want to lose her.

Obviously lying is usually a bad thing in and of itself but telling your wife she's not fat (when she is) still is technically lying. That's why I say it's the motives that count.

I've had 2 ex's that were pathological liars, that lied just for the hell of it (psychological problem). It can leave you in a daze when someone lives in their own fantasy world like that.....I had to keep reminding myself they weren't doing it intentionally to harm me. (but they obviously weren't trying or able to protect myself and others from their problem, either)

It's not a good practice to go around lying but there are instances where (deception) is a (necessary) means to an end.

[bridget jones]

Good for you,I'm a little envious though. What you have right now sounds like a dream come true.

[StephaniAnn]

The other ten percent? Basically that's the not calling her a crazy b&*@h to her face when she was acting that way, or keeping my mouth shut when I knew I couldn't reason with her. Simple as that. Not saying what we really think at the right time is a godsend, and is a KEY FACTOR in every...single....marriage in existance.

You've had some psychobich bitter-halves too, I take it? :devil:
Keeping my mouth shut at certain times, I'd argue, has literally saved my life. Some people have to be kept on a need-to-know-basis for their own good as well as your own safety. ;) ;)

[Samantha_Smile]

I like how you planted the seed in your wife's mind about how crossdressing is a great way to relax, re-open lines of communication and 'keep check' on how your testosterone manifests itself.
I do that's a nice way to introduce the concept.
It may be very easy for you, at the end of the 45 day period to say
"Y'know honey, I never expected it, but Ive actually quite enjoyed the last 45 days. More so, I love how much closer we are blah blah blah, I think I might keep my girl stuff to wear on a more regular basis"
Wife assumes that the 45 day trial got you hooked and her encouragment and positive commentry gets you off the hook with that in some respects.

But seriously, you're getting a second chance with your wife?
How about just giving her the straight forward truth?
Or is that a dirty word?
Many of us will have lied and regretted it (myself included) the lies are usually motivated by fear of losing your partner due to rejection of your newly admitted trait (I know mine was). But those of us who did lie know how much worse the lie is than just being honest from the get go.

Take it from me, just tell her the truth.
If she stays, she's yours.
If she leaves then it was never meant to be.

[StephaniAnn]

Take it from me, just tell her the truth.
If she stays, she's yours.
If she leaves then it was never meant to be.

I would change that last part:
If she leaves, then she's probably a closed-minded dingbat. :)
I don't believe in fate. I think we make our own and...I also believe in taking the engineering route: life was meant to be tinkered with...solutions come from within, not without.

[Vanessac48]

Tomm. will be 24 weeks the days coint 168! I won't respond to the good or bad opinions that have been shared here, everyone knows what is best for someone else, but can never realize what is best for them. My wife and I are as happy as we have ever been, we have not had one single fight since this started, and we are both more giving than we ever were before. I think she needed to see me care about here, and since I have been doing this I have opened up emotionally to her 10 fold. In turn, she has become the wife I dreamed of, in every way thinkable. I'm not proud this is how it came to be, but like someone wroye in this thread, I know her better than anyone with an opinion, and it was the only option I saw that even had a chance, a gamble for sure, but a calculated risk instead of a stupid risk. It may never work for anyone else, you may not like it, but above all else, I know this saved my marraige, and she does to. I dress every single day, and make sure we go out and do things as husband and wife at least once a week so she can see me as a man. I know this will never end now, and for me, I have not had a single stressful day in 168 days.

[busker]

StephaniAnn,
there's an old saying that goes something like this:
a doctor who has himself for a patient, has a fool for a doctor. I agree here that what this "doctor" has prescribed for himself, is a placebo--it feels like it is working , but after a while, it isn't going to cure what ever ails this marriage.
On a person note, I think this is pure and simple fabrication, and the wife may be hundreds of miles away at this point. It simply sounds too good to be true and if it is, it usually is too good to be true. This is certainly one to be added to the "cures" in DSM IV (or whatever it is up to now). Or, maybe in the update to Games People Play.
It is story that simply doesn't have the ring of truth to it. a 180 degree turn just can't be accomplished this easily, unless the second party is a mental defective, and then it would be doubtful."oh honey, I'll be a better husband, if I can just wear the panties in the family". The sad part is that some people really want this to be a valid approach to solving our dilemma and it can't possibly be the solution. Every shrink in the country would be proposing this as a solution.

[k lynn]

This post has been here off and on now for 4 months know gg that I know would fall for that bs my ex would not nor my current girlfriend like persh gg said and all the gg I know truth goes a long ways lies will get you left out in the cold been there dont want to go back truth is the best policy just my thoughts.