Wife found out making me toss everything

[ccrossd32]

My wife found out about what I been doing with my spare time alone. I forgot to clear out my History on my ipod touch, she found this site whlie playing with it. She confronted me last night about it. Said it the most DISGUSTING THING A MAN CAN DO!! She said get rid of what I have by the end of the week or leave. I love my wife to death, so I will pack up my girly stuff and hide it in the shed only bring it out when she leaves for her moms for a weekend. She won't look for it there for there are bugs in the shed and she is afraid of them, she will never go in there to look for my things. I will miss my alone time dressed. alot.:sad::sad::sad::sad::sad:

[Lorileah]

two thoughts

1) does she now find YOU disgusting even though you are the same person you were before? How have you changed in 24 hours?

2) why didn't you tell her earlier so this would not have happened? could have saved a whole bunch of arguing

[BRANDYJ]

I am sorry to hear this and her reaction. To bad it did not lead to a "talk" and you telling her how and when you started and that you are far from alone in it. To bad she is not open to learn like so many other wives have had to do.
So you remain in the closet and in a cloud of secrecy that will only get worse until she knows she can't trust you and ends up wanting a divorce. You are letting an opportunity pass you by that may not come around again. Time to come clean or live in fear of being found out again and maybe the next time it will end your marriage.
I feel for you and am glad I am not in your shoes. Good luck.

[MarinaKirax]

I don't like it as a master plan.

You wil only be caught again, and then she will have a real reason to distrust you legitimately, and for a long time.. Take it from someone who was in your shoes 4 months ago.... my SO was really shaken by the trust and lying issue. It's big for them.

Now, my wife is understanding, and your wife's' reaction is not the best, but it doesn't mean no forever. She may need time. You may be able to pull this out, with lots and lots and lots of talking. But I guarantee one of the things she is angry about is the deception. And if there is any way you come out of this with a marriage intact (and perhaps your wildest dreams come true...) it is NOT by compounding the deception. Just my 2 cents. MK

[Jessy]

I'm sorry to hear this. Don't mean to be rude, but it makes me wonder how much she really loves you if she is totally unaccepting and puts you up for such a choice.

[Staci G]

got the Tshirt. Mine had the same reaction, only she threatened to out me to the church, friends, and family and divorce. I have hid my other self for quite some time now but I am growing tired of it. (we have other issues too) I think my frustrations come form not being who I know I am. I would never tell anyone to get a divorce, but I have to say maybe there are other issues at your house too.

[ccrossd32]

I wanted to tell her but she said that if I contiuned doing it she will kick me out and make sure that I never see my kids again. I don't want to lose my kids.

[BRANDYJ]

I think you need to ask yourself some very hard questions at this point.

Do you believe your wife still loves you and truly wants the marriage?
Do you truly love your wife and do you want to save your marriage?
How are you two getting along in bed and in all other day to day things as husband and wife?
Do you do all you can to support her and her wishes and desires?
Or are you both going through the motions pretending to be a couple when in fact it has ended a long time ago. Are you taking each other for granted and the real caring has stopped?

No I am not asking you to answer these questions here in this forum. I simply mean what I said..."time for you to ask yourself some hard questions."

But to continue to hide, sneak and deceive will only make matters worse for the both of you.

Please listen to those that have responded that have been there done that.

If the answer is yes, that you care, you love her and want her, then it's time to turn on the romance. Show her and tell her how much you love her and respect her. Don't make this all about you and your needs and desires. Show her you care how she feels.

[mklinden2010]

Mostly, you're hearing some good things in response.

And actually, it doesn't sound like you and your wife have such a bad relationship - you'll probably work something out.

As for the kids and stuff, you could just "out Daddy" and be done with it.

And, good luck to her finding another man to support her and the kids forever, or, keeping the kids from finding you later.

You may be weird, but you're not doing the worst thing that a man can do.

That would be "doing" her sister, or, something like that.

A little private time?

Not that big a deal.

Really.

Take back the high ground and don't let yourself be any kind of sneak.

This is cheaper "fun" than "t***Y bars" and nobody else has to know...

[Mea GG]

OMG, that must be so hard. From what I'm seeing, it is not something that goes away...

and really, so much is the surprise and shock and lying and secrecy.

What MK said makes so much sense.

Good luck and good thing you have a place to talk about it.

[dorylinn]

make sure that I never see my kids again.

That is a big consideration :eek:

she sounds very definitive.

I'm sorry you are in such a pickle :strugglin

[Michelle-Leigh]

You poor thing ! My heart goes out to you !

[Soriya]

I have to agree with what the others have said. She is angry right now and people say a lot of things out of anger. She already is now dealing with a trust issue and if you go with your plan and she finds out, it will only make it worse. I am so sorry for you with this but believe me, crossdressing or not, she doesn't know what to believe right now and she will be suspicious and might actually start looking to catch you again.

The best thing may be to actually purge your stuff for now and when things get calmer, start to talk about it if you can. You will need to talk about at some point as even if you just purge everything and try to go on without ever talking about it, it will more then likely fester resentment on both your parts and make other things in your marriage a problem.

I am so sorry for you. :hugs:

[Sarah Doepner]

When things calm down, and be patient with that, remind her of this site. There is a lot of good information here that may make it easier for her to understand more about what you were doing.

Good luck to you both.

[sherri52]

You should try to talk it out. If you keep everything inside it will destroy your marriage. Sometimes when our SOs find out and are not willing to even partially accept the fact that we do it, we hold it against them. I am not saying they have to accept it because it is a big change that they weren't expecting. A little understanding with a do it when I'm not around and I don't want to hear about it would even be good to us. Not what we would want but it saves a marriage.

[DonniDarkness]

Whatever happens between you and your wife on this matter should never involve the children directly.

If crossdressing behind her back sounds like an answer, remember that you are in this situation because that exact action.
Once she has been in your "closet", no tool shed will be bug infested enough to defer her intuition.

These are your choices:

A. Live a lie. You will only compound the problem by hiding your crossdressing. You will also be caught again.

B. Lie to her. You tell her you "quit". In time you will find
yourself, once again, stuck in Choice "A"in the future

C. Truth. Communication. Compromise. Neutral Ground.

Choice C is the hard one though. Its gonna be a tough road hun.

[Laura Evans]

If she knows about this site then you no longer have the shed as a hiding place since you told us and her by default. If you told her you have thrown the stuff away then she will know you lied to her. I'm sorry for you, my heart goes out.

[Karen564]

I wanted to tell her but she said that if I contiuned doing it she will kick me out and make sure that I never see my kids again. I don't want to lose my kids.

So sorry for your troubles...

But since you obviously don't dress in front of your children, there's no harm done to them.
So neither her or anyone can take your rights away from seeing your kids, even if she did kick you out.

:hugs:

[Jessy]

and make sure that I never see my kids again.
Is that even possible? I don't know how a judge look at crossdressing, but you've never done it in front of your kids and I assume you've never been a bad father...

[AKAMichelle]

two thoughts

1) does she now find YOU disgusting even though you are the same person you were before? How have you changed in 24 hours?

2) why didn't you tell her earlier so this would not have happened? could have saved a whole bunch of arguing

These comments spell out your problem. Giving you an ultimatium is only going to lead to more heartache for you. Maybe you should prepare to think about the what if she finds your stash. It will no longer be the website. It will be real clothes. Oh and lets not forget that she finds you looking at this website again. She reads where your stash is located.

I think you should be dealing with this head on instead of duck and cover. Hoping all the while that you will one of the few who never get caught again. You most likely will and it will be worse next time if you don't take steps to deal with this before then.

[PhillyGuy2Girl]

My heart goes out you. Fortunetly my wife is very supportive of Felicity and enjoys her.
When I hear stories like this, I wish that ALL my fellow Sisters could have supportive wives/GF's/Family & Friends.


Here's my theory why some women get so mad when they find out their Husbands/BF's are Cders. Some of you might disagree but thats ok,I don't mind a difference of opinion.


Anyone who's at least 35 or older, we can recall when women's rights were up & coming and if you have an all male workplace such as a machine shop and there was a male boss. The male boss leaves the company and since the company is under pressure to bring in a woman for a managerial position they do it. She is introduced to the all male staff as the new boss,they get all mad and can't stand having a woman as their superior and feel their masculinity is threaten.


This is where I think its role reversal. A woman finds out her man is a CD/TV and even though he's a great guy,loves her,would never hit her,etc and if she sees him dressed femme and he looks good dressed and she has an inferiority complex, they get mad and feel their femininity is threaten.


I might be full of it but thats how feel. Anyone else have thoughts or opinions on this?




Felicity:)

[Karen564]

This is where I think its role reversal. A woman finds out her man is a CD/TV and even though he's a great guy,loves her,would never hit her,etc and if she sees him dressed femme and he looks good dressed and she has an inferiority complex, they get mad and feel their femininity is threaten.


I might be full of it but thats how feel. Anyone else have thoughts or opinions on this?


Felicity:)

Yeah, I have an opinion on it....As far as the ones that react towards this in a negative way goes...

I don't believe these woman feel that their own femininity is threatened at all......Instead, I think what many woman feel is Disgust at knowing or seeing their man is trying to look like a woman rather than a man....because it goes against the way they were raised....

[RylieCD]

two thoughts

1) does she now find YOU disgusting even though you are the same person you were before? How have you changed in 24 hours?

2) why didn't you tell her earlier so this would not have happened? could have saved a whole bunch of arguing

How have you changed? Yes you may not have changed, you have been living with this for how long? But your spouse has been living a life "a couples' life" with their man, and now in the last few hours, days, weeks what they know has completely turn upside down. And with in the last few hours/days your spouse has to figure out who you are? Why have you been lying, Do you have a second life? Do you still love them or you would rather be with someone else.

I have been there, I didnt want to tell her because I wanted to protect her from all those questions. I was confussed myself, it is hard to tell the person you truly love that you dress. They want to know if you are still in love with them or if you are in love with the other gender. Their Security blanket has just been swiped. Marrige is about trust and love and for many is being with 1 person, yes you have to think of yourself first but as soon as you are married you have 2 to think about or more if you have kids.

Yes unfortunatly society still confusses gender idenity with sexual idenity and even some posts on this site do not help to show the differences. So your spouse has to figure out if you still love them or if you are doing this to be someone else.

[SuzanneS]

This is only my opinion, but.....

First of all, marriage is supposed to be a two-way street right? She should understand your needs, just like you should understand her need to not be lied to. Fix that.
Secondly, life is too short to go through it lying to yourself, or not living like you want to.
Lastly....you may want to check, but I'm 99.9% sure that nobody can take your kids away from you unless you were doing something directly to them that you shouldn't be....nobody would take mine from me without one hell of a fight.

Just my two cents.

[dilane]

Umm...if she knows about this site, can't she read this post??

[krissy]

:hugs:yes you need to talk it out because if she finds them she will hate you .i have done that quite a few times in both marriages. first wife left me anyway and told all my male friends, and family i lost all my best buddy's .the wife im with now i have been married to for 29 years cant stand me that way .we love each other but i cant be my self around her it kills me but you do what you have to.i envy alot of the people here that enjoy who they are and live happy im trying im doing it more now and this site really helps im so glad i found this site love youall:hugs:

[Melinda G]

My wife found out about what I been doing with my spare time alone. I forgot to clear out my History on my ipod touch, she found this site whlie playing with it. She confronted me last night about it. Said it the most DISGUSTING THING A MAN CAN DO!! She said get rid of what I have by the end of the week or leave.
Trust me. She wasn't "playing with it". She was snooping. There isn't going to be a happy ending here. Leave, and take the checkbook and credit cards with you!:eek:


I wanted to tell her but she said that if I contiuned doing it she will kick me out and make sure that I never see my kids again. I don't want to lose my kids.
Why would you want to stay married to someone like this? It isn't going to get any better.
She can't kick you out, unless it was her house before the marriage. If you leave, even if she tells you to, her lawyer will say you abandoned her. And you would always have visitation rights to your kids. Stand up for yourself. This sounds to me like a miserable marriage before the crossdressing ever surfaced.

[NathalieX66]

I wanted to tell her but she said that if I contiuned doing it she will kick me out and make sure that I never see my kids again. I don't want to lose my kids.

Sad that it has to come to this. I would hate to think that she would demonize you in front of your kids....all for crossdressing. Would she have threatened to divorce you if she found porno on your computer?

Why does your wife insists on reacting instead of finding out and learning, and trying to figure out why things are the way they are? Is she too selfish to listen to you or to find intelligent information? Would she rather tell other people of the situation just to spite you? Does she not trust or respect your word? Maybe she sees something as kink or deviant behavior. Besides the marriage, where do you see things going on within yourself?


Though I suspect the crossdressing is enough to alarm her, as I'm sure she may have some of her pre-concieved notions, the difficulty is the lack of and openness , and the fact that you kept a secret from her. You knew what her reaction would be, which is why you kept it a secret....to protect your marriage. Maybe it's best to explain exactly why you do it, where & how you came into it, etc.

ccrossd32, I have no idea what other factors maybe contributing to the situation besides just crossdressing.
anyway, hugs.....I hope you both find a solution for the pathways down the road.

[NathalieX66]

OK, now I'm really bothered by the situation.

Crossdd32, if you really care about keeping your marriage & family together, this is the time for you to seek professional help.....get a counselor, or both of you should get a marriage counselor. Just get professionals involved.

[JenniferR771]

It might be wise to see a lawyer in advance. Tell him you want to stay together and need his help, but want to protect your rights and your parental rights.
My wife is angry right now...again. She is non-accepting, but gradually over the years has allowed me a few privlidges. I now am allowed to keep 6 dresses in garment bags in my closet--plus 10 wigs. If I keep it out of sight--she remains calm and trys to never discuss it. Part of the problem is possibly a deep homophobia from her earlier years.

[Elizabeth 66]

I wanted to tell her but she said that if I contiuned doing it she will kick me out and make sure that I never see my kids again. I don't want to lose my kids.

Don’t forget we all say things when we are upset and angry, things we would never say normally, I feel though you know your wife better than anyone, and must feel that she may try to carry out her threat if you have reacted so. But don’t forget people can change their opinions after time.

as well as knowing your wife, you know yourself, can you live hiding a part of yourself, perhaps not dressing at all for the foreseeable future, and would you be willing to do this for the sake of your family, I know it is possible, because I was one who did exactly that, only difference is that my wife never found out.

A couple of observations, first of all, don’t hide your stuff in the shed, if she found them this will cause more damage to your relationship, try and find somewhere more secure, maybe a friend or family member will store it, or maybe a small storage unit, just until you can sort his mess out in the first place.

The next thing, can your marriage survive this, or has the damage been done, your wife will be feeling confused and may have reacted because she thinks she will lose you, after all you are dressing as a woman, what else have you been hiding, nothing I know, but does she?

All I can suggest is if you love your wife and want to make your marriage work, then you will have to talk to her to earn her trust, then maybe in the future you can get her to accept what you are. But please if you don’t love your wife, then you can’t stay with her for the children, trust me I have done that, it doesn’t work, it just hurts the children.

I suppose at the end of the day you have some big decisions to make, and I don’t envy you, I’m just glad I now only have myself to think of.
Take care, and I wish you all the best for the coming weeks.

[Starfire Jade]

My wife found out about what I been doing with my spare time alone. I forgot to clear out my History on my ipod touch, she found this site whlie playing with it. She confronted me last night about it. Said it the most DISGUSTING THING A MAN CAN DO!! She said get rid of what I have by the end of the week or leave. I love my wife to death, so I will pack up my girly stuff and hide it in the shed only bring it out when she leaves for her moms for a weekend. She won't look for it there for there are bugs in the shed and she is afraid of them, she will never go in there to look for my things. I will miss my alone time dressed. alot.:sad::sad::sad::sad::sad:

I'd say its time for a divorce. This is a struggle I am dealing with myself, not girl wise, But whomever accepts me, had better accept my other half. Because I'm not giving it up for ANYONE. But then again, I never could rid myself of it as its a part of me.

[Sherry Lynn]

I managed to hide my CDing from the wife for years. Then when the GF found out I was doing her sister too she not only outed me to my wife but everyone else too. Now I don't have any GFs. In exchange, my wife lets me do my drag stuff.

[Rachel Morley]

My wife found out about what I been doing with my spare time alone. Said it the most DISGUSTING THING A MAN CAN DO!!
For what it's worth, here's my 2 cents. Obviously this is not the most disgusting thing a man can do and I bet if your wife were to really think about it she would easily be able to think of things that a man could do that are much much worse in this world. Please don't make me list them. Unless she was just being reactive, IMHO your wife has gotten this opinion from somewhere and you'll need to find out how and why she feels this way if you're going to try to help her understand you.

Having said all that, it is very common for a wife to feel shocked when she first finds out and say reactive things to show her shock. Also, depending on how long you have kept your crossdressing hidden from her, she probably feels angry that you didn't tell her before, and hurt that you didn't trust her enough to confide in her. I've heard that often the hiding or lying is more painful to cope with than the knowledge that the husband is a crossdresser. All that you can do about this is sincerely apologize and try to explain why you didn't tell her before. She may be able to understand that you didn't tell her because you were afraid of losing her, and that you believed your desire to dress would go away. Try to help her to understand that for most of your life this has been a very private part of you that you have kept secret from everyone. But remember, she may still feel betrayed by your dishonesty, and she has a right to feel this way.

You might be thinking: "Why is she so upset? ... nothing has changed, I am still exactly the same person as before.” Well from your point of view, of course, you are absolutely correct. But from her point of view, everything could be different now. Her image of you, her expectations of your relationship, and her vision of your future together all must be reevaluated in light of this new information.

IMHO the only way forward is for you to try to explain, and hope that she loves you enough to listen to you. If you have the opportunity to do so, you should try to make your wife aware of the positive aspects of your crossdressing, whatever those may be for you. Help her to understand that maybe some of your best qualities reside with to your feminine side— like perhaps qualities such as sensitivity, tenderness, empathy, helpfulness, and patience (assuming you have some or all of these). However, make sure she knows that expressing your femininity makes you feel relaxed, happy, and fulfilled, while suppressing it causes stress, anxiety, and irritability. It's not some hobby that you can switch on and off at will.

It should be a "two-way street" when it comes to talking to each other. One thing's for sure, you should be clear about the fact that it's highly unlikely that you can consciously give this up. It's not something that you can choose to pursue or not. There is no “cure” for crossdressing, and the sooner she realizes this, the sooner she can (hopefully) begin to make peace with it. If by reacting like she did was some kind of threat or retreat into a state of denial about your crossdressing, and she's going to try to wish it away or simply demand that it stop or she thinks that if she refuses to tolerate it, it will disappear then I think she really doesn't understand what a crossdresser is .... it's up to you to help yourself by trying to help her understand you. :2c:

Good luck.

[smoothline]

My wife found out about what I been doing with my spare time alone. I forgot to clear out my History on my ipod touch, she found this site whlie playing with it. She confronted me last night about it. Said it the most DISGUSTING THING A MAN CAN DO!! She said get rid of what I have by the end of the week or leave. I love my wife to death, so I will pack up my girly stuff and hide it in the shed only bring it out when she leaves for her moms for a weekend. She won't look for it there for there are bugs in the shed and she is afraid of them, she will never go in there to look for my things. I will miss my alone time dressed. alot.:sad::sad::sad::sad::sad:

I can totally sypathise!!! My wife has found my panties on a couple of occassions. I have tried to talk to her about it. My feeling is that she just thinks in her own mind it is not 'normal'. Well, in denial probably. Doesn't want to know that people crossdress. Even though crossdressers often feature in the media. So, yes, I am still 'in the closet' too.:sad::sad:

[minalost]

Said it the most DISGUSTING THING A MAN CAN DO!!

Wow, is she dreaming! Not EVEN close!

Give her time to cool down and try to talk to her. If you try to just keep hiding it you WILL get caught again. That, and a relationship has to be a two way street. She can't, or shouldn't, have things all her way. If you have a need for some private time, you should get it. Compromise is the name of the game,

But talk to her!
:hugs:

[Michelle55]

I'm with several others in that I think there are serious problems brewing to have an ultimatum like that.
I'd recommend getting important (or at least copies) of personal documents stored in a safe place outside the house. Then insist on counseling.
If she balks at the counseling or refuses to listen to a reasonable third person, consider that you may be better off moving on.
Your life and personal time will be watched very closely.
I thought my ex-wife was finally trying to show some interest in some of my hobbies but was actually taking inventory of all my stuff. Then on the announced day all her stuff disappeared without any chance for me to document how much any of it was worth.
I'm now married to a wonderful lady who completely accepts and enjoys Michelle. Of course this time I told her about Michelle after a few dates as I was not going to hide again.
Good luck.

[Sarah_C]

Harsh words!! Hope things turn out ok!

Perhaps give her some time to cool off and then have a chat?

[Cassandra Lynn]

Here we go again.......


2) why didn't you tell her earlier so this would not have happened? could have saved a whole bunch of arguing
Lorileah, so what you mean is, had he confessed in the beginning she would have been OK with it? That's just not a reasonable prediction, unless you have one hell of a crystal ball.

You are letting an opportunity pass you by that may not come around again.
Opportunity for what?


If the answer is yes, that you care, you love her and want her, then it's time to turn on the romance. Show her and tell her how much you love her and respect her. Don't make this all about you and your needs and desires. Show her you care how she feels.
Suck up and everything will be dandy? PFFFT!

Everytime this unfortunate thing comes along the same people always put on the rose colored glasses, "well you should've"......"why didn't you"....."she just needs a little time and soon you'll be in the closet with her knowledge". Then everything will be just peachy huh? Get over it, there are women who will never accept it. I still have a hard time trying to understand why it seems to be such a great plus when one comes out to her and gets the guilt trip and is told never do it when i'm around. That's the worst form of closet (dirty, guilty, shameful) i can think of, and yet some of you treat it like the best thing in the world.
But whatever. mj (Cassie)

[VikkiVixen7188]

I find her disgusting, and I think you should pack up and leave. You cant have a relationship without honesty. Is she worth it? I could never be with someone that wanted me to turn off half of my personality.

[suchacutie]

Even if she can read this site, and you destroy your stash of clothes...please remember..

Unless she owns your house, she CANNOT throw you out....period

and if she takes your children away without leaving you word where they are the authorities will have something to say about it...

She has no legal right to take any of these actions. You are their father and have just as much right to contact them as she does. You've not violated any laws (as far as I can tell) and I would suggest that you contact a lawyer just to understand your rights in this case. It looks like there is trouble on the horizan and you need to protect yourself and your children.

my heart goes out to you and I wish you well...protect yourself...take agressive action to know your rights!

[Dutchess]

She confronted me last night about it. Said it the most DISGUSTING THING A MAN CAN DO!!

This is from an accepting GG ,, of course you all know this ......

Some of these things the wives say are so mean that I wonder , like Lorileah said ,, how much they loved you in the first place ....

sometimes I wonder what would happen if you " just said No " Its hard to make it out there on your own alone with kids ..... Ive done it ...

Like Alfred Hitchcock wrote in "Rear Window" " People do things in private all the time they could never explain in public....

She cant keep you from seeing your children ,, I KNOW I have seen threads devoted to this subject .


She is lucky ,, today after years of abdominal surgery on other parts they found a mass in my lower abdomine that they dont know what it is ,, it could be cancer,, I am very sick as I write this ,,, my darling CD-er was right there with me holding old Dutchess' hand ... Life is so short .marriage is a two way street ,, no one promised perfection . I just wonder what would happen if more really stood up for them selves ... sorry this is just me thinking out loud ...

[Peri Bender]

I feel for you and your wife. When I found out I was in shock. Thankfully, I was told and did not discover it myself. I think that would've/could've had a different outcome. Most of us do not encounter CDers in our eveyday life. I had no idea what it meant. There is so much more to it than the clothes, in our situation. I suggest you give her some time and do a lot of reseach of how to talk to her about it and talk, talk, talk. We talk more then ever before. Some of you have noticed that she is not posting on here so much. She still loves you but she is spending more time with me:) heehee!!!

Every situation is different, but I could not imagine putting my foot down and living with that for the rest of my life. Coming out has saved out marriage and I truely believe that. I was on the verge of asking for a divorce in the next two years. But now, we have reconnected and are more in love than before. :hugs:

I wish you and your wife the best. Prayers are being said.

[Lorileah]

Here we go again.......

Lorileah, so what you mean is, had he confessed in the beginning she would have been OK with it? That's just not a reasonable prediction, unless you have one hell of a crystal ball.



Not what I said at all and you have not read most of the posts that are the "same ol same ol as this one". How does one prevent this type of confrontation? TELL HER BEFORE YOU PUT THE RING ON HER FINGER. Simple enough isn't it? Think about how the woman feels. You lied, you lied for years. There is an investment here. What a crystal ball prediction? half the women who find out that their husbands dress in women's clothes will leave the man in question. That may be conservative. Now you want another prediction? Most the women who are told beforehand and stay with the man won't leave him just because he dresses.

Neither person involved in this thread are right. The woman can't see that the man is the same person she has loved for how many years and that the fact he wears women's clothing hasn't made him an ogre overnight. Unless there are circumstances we aren't hearing he is a loving caring man who just happens to like the feel or look of certain clothing. He didn't break any laws. He did break a heart. Personally I think she over reacted but that isn't the point.

He on the other hand posted hoping to bolster his feeling of being right in this situation and he has gotten some of tha reinforcement from (and here I will use my crystal ball again) other CD's who are in the same boat. Fearful of being found out. Scared that they will lose exactly what the woman THOUGHT she had a marriage and children with a loving spouse.

Those who choose to stay closeted should expect no less when they get caught. BY acting that way you reinforce your own feeling that you are doing something wrong. How can you expect your spouse to say, when she finds out by ...ok we'll say snooping.. that you have lied or hidden things from her.

Here is what will happen if you "come out" before you invest years and money and love in a relationship. First possibility. she says OK but and you work through boundaries. OR she says "I can't live with that" and you both move on to find someone you CAN live with. No crystal ball needed.

What is reasonable? Years of lying or giving the person a chance to deal with it on their own terms?

[marny]

First she should know we are all man/woman separated by a chromosone and for some of us it isn't a far distance. Second, " the most disgusting thing a man can do"???. What planet did she grow up on? Oh right. Crossdressing! Watch the violence! Geez. :devil:

[Kate17]

Hang on girls - I just had an interesting thought. There seems to be a common theme that if she loves you and you are the same as you were a few hours ago then what is the big deal. Now I also remember many threads where a lot of girls here say they are very much heterosexual and the thought of being with a man is repulsive. I am getting to my point soon.

So, I am going to defend the wife. What if your wife walked in with a dildo in her jockey under pants and a mustache on her upper lip - What would your response be ? You didn't marry a man!!!!! Something to think about.

Lorileah is right on of course but the fact is you did not do it right. By the way, I was also one who did not tell and had to run the risk when I did after five years of Marriage. It worked out for me luckily but it could have gone the other way and I would have had no one to be PO'd at but myself.

Now you want to run the risk of her finding out again ( and she will) and that will be messy when she does !!! You better make your choice now or accept the consequences later. One other alternative is to talk to her about your "affliction" and go to counciling - together. She might understand your need better and maybe you can work out some cd arrangment.

[divamissz]

Hiding your stuff out in the shed after she has ordered you to get rid of it will create an even worse problem. You'll have lied to her about getting rid of it, and when (not if, when) she finds out she'll have even more ammo to use to attack you.

I know what I would do, but I'm not you. She thinks this is the most disgusting thing a man can do? She ought to talk to a woman in a shelter whose husband has beat her to a pulp. She ought to talk to a woman whose husband has given her AIDS because he's having unprotected sex with other women. She ought to talk to a woman who has had her husband sells everything they have to fund their drug addiction.

You ever abuse your wife? Ever cheat on her? Ever not take care of the bills and the family and love her? I bet not. You wearing a dress is NOTHING compared to what some men do.

But it doesn't matter. She hates you, and will always hate you for being "disgusting." She'll hold this over you for the rest of your life. And because you can't give up crossdressing, your marriage is dead. At this point, find a lawyer and cut your losses.

[Cassandra Lynn]

Ok granted, Lorileah.........But still it is, ifs, ands, & buts. I wasn't so much arguing the point, that she might have actually felt any different after a month of lying compared with years of emotional investment. We know that much to be true. What bothers me is the sheer redundancy of the same ol' same ol'. "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned", it's an old story.
But repeating it time after time and convincing some to go the confession route may not change some minds around here. I apologize, as i've stated before i've felt that particular sting a couple of times so it causes my head to twitch when i keep hearing it. You know, chalkboards and nails and all that?
I totally agree that anyone early on in the dating process, at the slightest possibility that you might have found a connection, for Gods sake tell her and take a leap of faith!!! mj (Cassie)

[Melinda G]

Something needs to be cleared up here. Many women, and men too, think they can just "throw you out". They cannot! If you are married, you have as much right to the marital home as she does, until a judge or court orders you out.
Even if you are not married, and just living together, in most states you have certain rights, if you are contributing to the rent or mortgage payments. And if you do move out, even if she asks you to, she or her lawyer can later say you abandoned her. It would not have a bearing on a no fault divorce, but it would have a bearing on child custody, or property division. Men need to know their rights, and stand up for themselves, and not just hang their heads and leave.

[BaliGirl]

She can't kick you out, unless it was her house before the marriage.


Note that laws about this kind of thing vary from state to state. In California, a house that is owned by one spouse before the marriage can easily become community property if the mortgage is paid with community assets. Please consult a family law attorney if there is even a possibility that the marriage will dissolve.

[Chickhe]

Man! She's going to regret it when you wear her stuff because you don't have any of your own anymore! And if she doesn't like it she should be the one to leave.

[Gillian]

I feel for you I really honestly do and know I would be in a fairly similar position from the snipes and remarks my wife has made in the past when she has suspected me of "something"

I would say this however, if she out's you she would have to have proof positive otherwise she is the bitter and twisted party, and he says she says is messy but if you are an otherwise upstanding member of society why would a court, church or a true, mind the word, true, friend take only her opinion as if she does out you, it is quite easy to look malicious.

I don't fully agree on the hiding issue either however, as a person equally in the quandry, we are what we are, I suppressed my desire for years but it has never left me, so I think your urges will need to be fulfilled to survive happily.

I truly sincerely wish you every happiness you deserve it.

[Hope]

I wanted to tell her but she said that if I contiuned doing it she will kick me out and make sure that I never see my kids again. I don't want to lose my kids.

That isn't a marriage, it is a hostage situation. I am not one to negotiate with a terrorist, but if I were going to, it would involve a therapist, or a lawyer.

As others have pointed out - she can't simply kick you out.

[Karen564]

Not what I said at all and you have not read most of the posts that are the "same ol same ol as this one". How does one prevent this type of confrontation? TELL HER BEFORE YOU PUT THE RING ON HER FINGER. Simple enough isn't it? Think about how the woman feels. You lied, you lied for years. There is an investment here. What a crystal ball prediction? half the women who find out that their husbands dress in women's clothes will leave the man in question. That may be conservative. Now you want another prediction? Most the women who are told beforehand and stay with the man won't leave him just because he dresses.

Neither person involved in this thread are right. The woman can't see that the man is the same person she has loved for how many years and that the fact he wears women's clothing hasn't made him an ogre overnight. Unless there are circumstances we aren't hearing he is a loving caring man who just happens to like the feel or look of certain clothing. He didn't break any laws. He did break a heart. Personally I think she over reacted but that isn't the point.

He on the other hand posted hoping to bolster his feeling of being right in this situation and he has gotten some of tha reinforcement from (and here I will use my crystal ball again) other CD's who are in the same boat. Fearful of being found out. Scared that they will lose exactly what the woman THOUGHT she had a marriage and children with a loving spouse.

Those who choose to stay closeted should expect no less when they get caught. BY acting that way you reinforce your own feeling that you are doing something wrong. How can you expect your spouse to say, when she finds out by ...ok we'll say snooping.. that you have lied or hidden things from her.

Here is what will happen if you "come out" before you invest years and money and love in a relationship. First possibility. she says OK but and you work through boundaries. OR she says "I can't live with that" and you both move on to find someone you CAN live with. No crystal ball needed.

What is reasonable? Years of lying or giving the person a chance to deal with it on their own terms?
:yt:

I agree with Lori 100%

Which may be a 1st for me.....lol

Amen
:drink:

[rachel_rachel]

I don't to sound sceptical here but i've looked at some of your other posts and you've said in them that your wife let you wear a pair of knickers she bought, hinted at maybe buying some for you as well, then seeing you wearing a nightie... I'm struggling to see where you're coming from here to be honest.

I have no doubt that some women find it repulsing that men wear women's clothes, my wife found a stash that i had about 6-7 years and ORDERED it to gotten rid of. It gave me a chance to sort things out that i didn't want but there was no way that it was all going.... No way in the world. Now, i do as i want as long as the kids are either in bed sound asleep or not home. My wife is now very tolerant and knows that it's a part of me that won't go away and no amount of threats or taunts will change that because i'll just admit to it anyway.


Like i said, i'm a touch confused as to the mixed messages here.

[t-girlxsophie]

I Sympathise with your current situation,It must be awful for you,but Im not sure hiding your stash from her is right way to go.I was in this situation before where my Wife detested my dressing,and threatened to out me to family and friends,and vowed never to let me see my Son again,In the end she did neither,but after she found out I was still hiding it from her,our marriage ended.But with no retribution taken

Although to most of us it seems extreme,It IS a massive shock to her and A reaction many women do have regarding CDing husbands etc.Sorry I don't have any magic solutions.All I can say is your next move is crucial you have to decide whether It is worth giving up Dressing.or Is it best for you to Walk away from your marriage,I hope you find the Decision that is best for you and I wish you the very best of luck

[AKAMichelle]

not what i said at all and you have not read most of the posts that are the "same ol same ol as this one". How does one prevent this type of confrontation? Tell her before you put the ring on her finger. Simple enough isn't it? Think about how the woman feels. You lied, you lied for years. There is an investment here. What a crystal ball prediction? Half the women who find out that their husbands dress in women's clothes will leave the man in question. That may be conservative. Now you want another prediction? Most the women who are told beforehand and stay with the man won't leave him just because he dresses.

Neither person involved in this thread are right. The woman can't see that the man is the same person she has loved for how many years and that the fact he wears women's clothing hasn't made him an ogre overnight. Unless there are circumstances we aren't hearing he is a loving caring man who just happens to like the feel or look of certain clothing. He didn't break any laws. He did break a heart. Personally i think she over reacted but that isn't the point.

He on the other hand posted hoping to bolster his feeling of being right in this situation and he has gotten some of tha reinforcement from (and here i will use my crystal ball again) other cd's who are in the same boat. Fearful of being found out. Scared that they will lose exactly what the woman thought she had a marriage and children with a loving spouse.

Those who choose to stay closeted should expect no less when they get caught. By acting that way you reinforce your own feeling that you are doing something wrong. How can you expect your spouse to say, when she finds out by ...ok we'll say snooping.. That you have lied or hidden things from her.

Here is what will happen if you "come out" before you invest years and money and love in a relationship. First possibility. She says ok but and you work through boundaries. Or she says "i can't live with that" and you both move on to find someone you can live with. No crystal ball needed.

What is reasonable? Years of lying or giving the person a chance to deal with it on their own terms?

ditto!

[GingerLeigh]

It's more a trust thing. I wouldn't hesitate to tell my wife if I thought that the trust thing was not an issue. But it is. I only wish I looked more deeply into the crossdressing aspect of my life before I got married. I would have told her before we got married if I knew that I couldn't suppress my desires forever. I only now know it is more a "who" I am, not a "what" I do. Now, my relationship is a train wreck waiting to happen, much like yours just did.
My advice? Hide your stuff far, far away or store it at a trusted friend's place. She may let you explore your femme side after she gets over the trust issue. The fact that she didn't throw you our on your ear is a promising sign, but your relationship is unsteady right now. Tread lightly, keep your femme side at bay for now and talk to her about it at a later date if she doesn't start the conversation on it first.
You cannot keep your femme side under wraps forever. It's weird and maybe a little creepy at times, yes. The most disgusting thing? No. There are many, many more things much more disgusting in this sad world than crossdressing. At least it doesn't hurt anyone. I'm certain you have characteristics that are predominantly feminine that she fell in love with you for. Would she rather you go to the t&*ty bars, spend your entire weekend with the boys drinking and watching sports?
In time she may find that we are more "balanced" than most men. We can be masculine when we want, but can temper that masculinity with our femininity. It can be a cool thing.
Don't lose hope, and don't push her. She may yet see the light. Give her time, and try to understand her position. She must try to understand yours which I think is harder to do.

Ginger

[Mackenzie]

MK's advice is spot-on. Your deception will, in time, be found out. Then all trust that your wife would have had in you, thinking you complied with her wishes, will be destroyed. Who knows if and when that trust will be restored.

Honesty is always the best. Your marriage surely must be worth more than your desire to crossdress. What if you had some other habit; i.e. drinking, smoking, internet porn, etc. Would you be willing to walk away from those to keep your marriage? I hope the answer is "Yes!!!" Well then, walk away from crossdressing for now. She may have a different view down the road. Right now she may want to know that she does not have competition, that your relationship means so much to you that you will do whatever it takes to have a great marriage.

Keep your marriage in tact, love your wife with a wild love, get rid of your stuff! Just my two cents!

Mackenzie

[KayC]

Lying and secrecy is not the answer. Her having complete control over you is not the answer. If you want a marriage worth saving, it needs to be both of you working on it. I would not agree to her terms, they are one sided and heavy handed and you both need more time to think of a solution. My suggestion would be the two of you see a marriage counselor, someone preferably with gender exp. IMHO, a wife shouldn't say you can't own your femme clothing...a compromise could be struck where you don't dress around her or the kids (you haven't been anyway). Do not give in to fear or it will rule you. It's not likely you'd lose your kids over the clothes you wear if you're a good dad. You don't say how old your kids are, but when they are old enough to understand, I'd be frank with them...raise them to be open minded and they'll be more likely to be accepting. Let them know you do not intend to embarrass them but let them know this is who you are. If your wife wants to "out" you to your church, beat her to it, arrange a meeting with your pastor to discuss the issues...it could be you might have to educate him on what it is and what it isn't, so be prepared and have your answers ready beforehand.
My heart goes out to you. Your wife is undoubtedly reacting out of fear and hurt...it is an overreaction but it will help if you can validate her concerns and do what you can to alleviate them...you will need her help though, she'll need to listen and care. Good luck to you.

[Sarah_GG]

Here's my theory why some women get so mad when they find out their Husbands/BF's are Cders. Some of you might disagree but thats ok,I don't mind a difference of opinion.

That's a healthy approach... so let's hear your theory...


Anyone who's at least 35 or older, we can recall when women's rights were up & coming and if you have an all male workplace such as a machine shop and there was a male boss. The male boss leaves the company and since the company is under pressure to bring in a woman for a managerial position they do it. She is introduced to the all male staff as the new boss,they get all mad and can't stand having a woman as their superior and feel their masculinity is threaten.

Welllllll... perhaps they gave her the job because she was better qualified. Women aren't put into managerial positions because "the company is under pressure to bring in a woman".


This is where I think its role reversal. A woman finds out her man is a CD/TV and even though he's a great guy,loves her,would never hit her,etc and if she sees him dressed femme and he looks good dressed and she has an inferiority complex, they get mad and feel their femininity is threaten.

I might be full of it but thats how feel. Anyone else have thoughts or opinions on this?

Felicity:)

Perhaps because he's lied about a fundamental part of his being. Perhaps because he's hidden stuff. She may be frightened, ignorant of the subject, especially if she's been kept in the dark and remains uneducated about the whole world of transgenderism.

I'm very sorry for the OP but now that everything is out in the open, he has to find a way to talk to her about it, reassure her that her fears are ungrounded. It will be difficult but it can be done through communication. And the shed's not a safe hiding place btw... you can always get the brother-in-law or son or neighbour to get the offending bag and then you're in even worse hoc.

Here's your chance to be open and stand up for what you believe in. It is possible for your wife to accept your CDing but it sounds like she needs some basic information on the subject.

Good luck!

[Thalia]

I am usually not one to comment but I feel I must on this one. First of all, when we marry or make a lifetime commitment to a SO, that person is commiting to us without the knowledge we're crossdressers unless we tell them beforehand. Some of us wait years (in my case 15 1/2) before we come clean about the cding. Now, don't you think it's a little presumptious of us to feel that (even with patience on our part) acceptance is something we should expect. Think about it. We marry, presenting as a heterosexual male and then admit to wantiing to look and feel a female as possible (still adamently professiing to be a heterosexual male). Even with a SO educating herself on this subject, I believe it is difficult to swallow. If I referred my wife to this site and she saw some of the avatars I think she would find it hard to believe I wasn't gay or mentally challanged.

It isn't normal for a man to have a makeover and then post pictures of himself....then other crossdressers respond with compliments telling him how pretty he is, etc. I know my wife would find that hard to stomach.

She was angry I mislead her from the beginning and the duplicity alone could have been a deal breaker. However, she loved me enough to go to counselling. It's been almost a year and a half of counselling and we're still together. More like roommates (no physical relationship) because she finds me sexually distasteful now. She asked to see me dressed in the beginning and I held nothing back regarding my participation in crossdressing....website, social clubs, corset fittings, manicures, TriEss, etc. She withheld final judgement until she read alot and went to counselling but her final decision is that I'm not the man she thought I was when we married (because of my secret) and we have decided to stay together because we have a great life with great friends, etc. She doesn't love me the way she used to...in fact, she doesn't want to touch me anymore. Sure, it's sad but I brought it on myself. I owed her honesty in the beginning.

When I first told her she printed my e mails to and from other cders and hid them from me. She was threatened and frightened by my revelation. Since then, she has returned them to me and is not threatening me with exposure to my family and friends. Our marriage has changed forever and I regret my crossdressing. It is a curse for me.

[Presh GG]

No she can't order you to get rid of everything. Talk to her , It's your issue,tell her what it's about ..Make it less scary for her.

Now, I'm really sick of you , it's always the same ones and you know who you are ,that think the husband pays all the bills and the wife contributes nothing financially to the marriage. Leave, take the checkbook all that crap. Alot of women bring more money to the home than men these days. We don't need you to "take care of us"! You make GGs sound like parasites.

There said my peace.
PreshGG

[kimdl93]

I think you understand your wife's response. Its anger growing out of fear and distrust - the words she said reflect that, but are not necessarily reflective of her true feelings about you or your prediliction. I would very strongly recommend that you let things cool down, move your things to a much more secure location, and refrain from dressing at home until you and your wife have had a cooling down period. You're right to place your family reponsibilities first. Now you have to figure out how to earn back her trust...then perhaps her understanding.

[KayC]

A woman finds out her man is a CD/TV and even though he's a great guy,loves her,would never hit her,etc and if she sees him dressed femme and he looks good dressed and she has an inferiority complex, they get mad and feel their femininity is threaten.
Felicity:)

He looks good dressed and she has an inferiority complex??? As good as some of you look with ten hours preparatory work, you don't look like a GG with five minutes applied! I think you're fooling yourself! Any inferiority complexes we might have do not come from how good you look, it comes from what you DON'T do! (You don't pay attention to us, don't show sexual/romantic interest in us, and are too taken with yourselves to go out of your way for us.) I'm not talking to the majority here, I'm talking to the ones who are in the pink fog and spend all your time/money on your femme self, forgetting you have a really wonderful SO that deserves some time/attention too. Get real!

[Tomara]

My wife found out about what I been doing with my spare time alone. I forgot to clear out my History on my ipod touch, she found this site whlie playing with it. She confronted me last night about it. Said it the most DISGUSTING THING A MAN CAN DO!! She said get rid of what I have by the end of the week or leave. I love my wife to death, so I will pack up my girly stuff and hide it in the shed only bring it out when she leaves for her moms for a weekend. She won't look for it there for there are bugs in the shed and she is afraid of them, she will never go in there to look for my things. I will miss my alone time dressed. alot.:sad::sad::sad::sad::sad:

Why on earth would you want to hide your things in the shed and only take them out when she is not there ?
Do you really think that she wouldn't look in there now that she knows that you have these clothes ?
Be Honest and explain your feelings to her and by all means get some professional help to work through all of this.
Tomara

[StaceyJane]

I think it's time you came clean with us. Looking back at your earlier posts it's clear that your wife has known about your crossdressing since 2006.

Personally I think that all your posts may be lacking in the truth.

[Soriya]

I wish I could say I am surprised at some of the responses in this thread but, I;m not. It's natural for people to react and offer opinions based on what 'they' would do or did in the same situation. All this does is confuse the OP more if he follows this.

Come on everyone, he is scared and his wife I am pretty damn sure is scared too. Fear is one of if not the most powerful motivators at times. We ALL have said things out of anger at some points in our lives, things we probably didn't mean, it's a natural defensive mechanism humans have. The fact is despite what he said on how his wife reacted, NONE of us knows her, or him so to make assumptions that she is controlling, he is deceitful, etc. etc. is just wrong. Think about it, think of a time or think for anytime that you are given bad news, hurtful news, or find something hurtful and just spilling out of your mouth what is going through your head at that very moment. How many of you really believe it they will be productive words or actions?

Only the OP knows how his marriage outside of his CD'ing has been and that in my opinion is what he should look at first and make his next move off that. Based on what the OP said, he loves his wife and wants things to work, if that is true and he wants to save it, if I was in the same boat, I would pack the items in a box, take her with me to the garbage and throw them away and then tell her "I understand you are angry and hurt and I am throwing this away because I want our marriage to work, but we need to talk about this, even with a therapist if we need to". That would be my serve to her, then the ball is in her court which only she can control, her move.

[StaceyJane]

Actually after reading all your earlier posts I'm calling BS on the whole lot.

There is no way they can all be true and really some of them sound pretty farfetched to me.

[Elizabeth 66]

I have also read some of the previous threads stared by you, and i was willing to consider your wife may have been in denile because you said in 2006 that she had stated it was disgusting that you wore a bra and refused to talk about it with you again, never the less, you also say you wore you wifes panties everyday for work, and in 2008 you said you were wearing you bra every day.. i just wonder how you could do that without your wife finding out. you know 7 pairs of your wifes panties a week, did she not think she was wearing a lot? who does the washing in your house?

also you say you sleep in your nightgown in 2006

10-15-2006, 05:31 AM
I go to bed with nothing on but if I wake up in the middle of the night I put on a bra and a microfiber nightgown. I love waking up enfemme.

10-17-2006, 05:19 AM
The nightgown I wear to bed at night

just makes one wonder! :thinking:

[Hope]

Not what I said at all and you have not read most of the posts that are the "same ol same ol as this one". How does one prevent this type of confrontation? TELL HER BEFORE YOU PUT THE RING ON HER FINGER. Simple enough isn't it? Think about how the woman feels. You lied, you lied for years. There is an investment here. What a crystal ball prediction? half the women who find out that their husbands dress in women's clothes will leave the man in question. That may be conservative. Now you want another prediction? Most the women who are told beforehand and stay with the man won't leave him just because he dresses.

Yeah. But no.

Is it simple to tell some one else that you crossdress? Yeah. For you and me. You open up your yapper and you spit out the words, but to suggest that it is as simple as that is about like suggesting that because there are health insurance companies, everyone has quality affordable access to health care. It just ain't so. It is easy for SOME people to tell others, it is impossibly hard for others.

For a LOT of people, coming to terms with their own cross dressing is not something that they are capable of doing at this time in their lives - for a whole bunch of reasons. When you can't be honest with yourself, when you harbor such a deep dark secret that you are afraid of looking at it, alone, in the light of day - there is absolutely no chance that you are going to share that secret with another person, no matter how much you love them. No matter how much you "should." We would all do well not to should on people.

It is easy for you. Be glad. Recognize how lucky you are and that not everyone is in the same boat as you. Recognize, that you are among the privileged, and work to help those who are not as fortunate, instead of pontificating from your lofty perch about how easy it is for everyone - because for millions of people - it isn't so easy. Those who find themselves to be unable to tell their partner do not deserve our derision, they need our compassion and our support and our encouragement.

[dorylinn]

Actually after reading all your earlier posts I'm calling BS on the whole lot.

There is no way they can all be true and really some of them sound pretty farfetched to me.
:iagree:


However it is very entertaining reading ..and making posts. :)

[KayC]

To say "you this or I'll that" is a demand that denotes controlling behavior, no matter how you put it. However, being as a lot of people are bringing up old posts that render this inconsistent nonsense, it all may be a moot point. Some good advice was given, too bad it was wasted on someone deceitful. Do some people get off on fooling others or was this all a big joke? We took this person seriously and they're just making fools of us?

[ccrossd32]

Thank you all for all of your comments on this.
We as partners are very much in love with each other.
Our relationship is still very strong, loving, and careing.(EXCEPT FOR THIS PART OF ME)
I am not the greatest Father but I am not the worst either.
My family is my life, for me to lose that would mean the end of the wolrd for me, then i would'nt want to dress after that.
I will hide my things in the shed for now and take some time off from dressing so I can think of a way to communicate with her about my needs as a man and woman.
She was raised in a very biased family, so there is ignorance present in here thinking. With some time and thought I might be able to fully communicate my needs to her.
For now we have made up and have put this behind us for now.

About the earlier post shes known about the underware but not the complete dressing or of this site. She is fine with me wearing panties but not everything else. the pantie cant be seen she is fine with that. not the whole shabang.:Angry3:

[Elizabeth 66]

About the earlier post shes known about the underware but not the complete dressing or of this site. She is fine with me wearing panties but not everything else. the pantie cant be seen she is fine with that. not the whole shabang.:Angry3:

I cant see what her problem is then, she either has to accept you for who you are, or i thing you both have to look at your future, she has allowed you to go so far and accepted it, how can she then expect you to just to deny who you are, as long as you do it in private, i think you need to talk to her, and maybe explain that it hasn't been a problem for 4 years so why should it be now.

I am a suspicious type, and wonder if there is something else going on here, and this is just an excuse for her, especially if she knew about the underwear, and nightwear! just watch she will watch you like a hawk. just be open with her and see where it goes

[ccrossd32]

This will be my last post for awhile. your comments were well received. I am going to take my time with this and not worry about my poor excuse of a person. Thanks Again.
This was the only place I had for anwsers and support but after some of your comments maybe NOT:Angry3:

[Shadeauxmarie]

I'm sorry you feel that way. Most of the advice here is pertinent and calls on years of experience.

Your wife doesn't understand your need to dress in woman's clothing. So,you don't understand the need to take forum members' advice with a grain of salt. You need a custom fit solution. Without knowing huge amounts of detail otherwise unprovided, all we can give you is off the rack advice. It doesn't mean that it won't fit, but it may not be the best fit.

Take the advice with the intent in mind.

[inessa]

Communication is the key. I think it is definitely a felling of not being trusted so you need to spend a lot of time talking to her. Start slowly and when she opens up do flood her with too much information. Take your time.

[Mandy Burgundy]

Well, just read this post and I think everyone here pretty much gave you solid advice. I agree that people say things they don't mean on impulse. So when the storm passes, communication is the key. I really hope things work out. Best of luck.

P.S., She can't kick you out. It'll cause a miscount in the Census! A miscount!