What would a "Real" woman do?

[tamarav]

Everyday I read posts from those that have such overwhelming fears of something, of anything, that it prevents them from doing what they want to do. Fear of failure overcomes reality. Blaming society because they "don't pass".

I think of this every time I get ready to go to work or play. If something unexpected happens and I am in a quandry, I just ask myself "What would a real woman do in this situation?" They would continue with life and move forward. Possibly complaining loudly about it yet moving on.

If I break a nail or lock my keys in the car, or can't find my car or lose my cash or my parking ticket or my purse strap breaks or my heel breaks off the only pair of shoes I have with me, or I have a flat on a tire and know that I don't have a spare, what would I do???

You have to roll with it, call the police, a cab, tell security, walk to your car barfooted, pay the entire day's parking lot fee, and on and on. All of these things have happened to me and I lived through them.

I rode in the cab of a tow truck with a cranky Russian male tow truck driver complaining about women and life the whole way to my house, almost 50 miles.

These things were nothing in the grand scheme of things but seemingly insurmountable to a CD. A "real" woman might bitch and moan, but she would get on with it.

I see it daily in the lives of the women I work with, live with and meet. They exist with the very problems we all have, we just amplify them to the point that they overshadow our entire lives. "Do I pass?" "What if someone sees me?", "What do I do if someone talks to me?" .

With all these and the multitude of reasons that we use to stay hidden, it is no wonder that I rarely meet a CD in the public.

Give yourself a chance to succeed. Did Picasso produce works of art right out of the gate? Are you going to look like a runway model on your first outing? Don't give yourself unreal expectations and then find ways to fail. Simply accept what you have, go out or dress and make adjustments so that you don't make the same mistakes over and over.

Get your head out of the pick fog and think about what a real woman would do if she looked like you do.

[Karren H]

I always ask... What would Tamara do... After all I think of you as a real woman... :)

And if that doesn't work. I wander over to MUT and ask real women what they would do!

[pamela_a]

That is so very true Tamara. Very well said girl

[5150 Girl]

Yep, that the way I see it to. I don't go out with the so called "crash kit".
When I got my platnum blonde hair, I couldn't wait to go out and about and show it off. Ya know waht, I got read left and right. (which is made more signifigant by the fact that this is a very redneck aria) Yes, I was a bit taken back by the experience, but, I didn't run home and change into my red, or brunet hair. I just rolled with it, and went on with what I was doing.
If I get a flat, I'll change it, skirt, heels and all! (unless I can bat my eyes and get someone to do it for me :heehee: )

Tamara's right, everyday problems happen to everybody regardless of weather thye're male, female, or some where in between. And when shit happens, you just have to deal with it and move on.

Ok, granted, not passing may add a small (very small) degree of difaculty to an already akward situation, but ya know, somone giggling at me or making a snide comment isn't really gonna amount to a hill of beans next to what ever of other life's little tragities I may be encountering.

"What if someone sees me?" Yea, so? Life is full of little risks. Life is to short to worry about the very remote possibulity of beeing ostrisised by family or freinds. Besides, if they can't accept you as you are, then, do yo really need aquaitences like that anyway. What's the old saying, if ya can't run with the big dogs, stay on the porch...


Bottom line..... Man up and put on that dress! Life's short, Go out and get the most out of it!

[Christie ann]

A real woman would be planning dinner in her mind while on the job. Lunch time would be doing errands and getting the oil changed in the car. She would probably be wearing pants, perhaps capri, but probably denim (sorry Karren). A simple yet decidedly feminine top that matches perfectly would round out the wardrobe.

Oh wait... that sounds like me today.

[SherriePall]

Very well said, Tamara. I can't and won't add a thing!

[ShannonDragon]

I read your post and say I have to agree. You have to get on with it.

I have seen so many posts asking :what would real women do?" My question has always been, "what is a real woman?" Trans woman, CD woman are just like GG women. That is they are ALL different. What one woman would do in a situation, another might find appalling.

I have been to a number of SCC's and have listened to presentations give by by GG and trans woman on how "real" woman behave and/or do things. I have been told how to flirt in public with my spoon, how to wear my clothes then right afterwords how this is not how to do it. I have always discussed these new findings with my wife and she just laughs. Some 'real' woman may do these thing, but not all.

I guess my point is that when someone one tells you "a real woman would do this,' take it with a large grain of salt. A 'real' woman might cry, she might yell or silently fume, but in the end she would get on with it.

[Persephone]

:yrtw:A great post, Tamara!:yrtw:

And, as always, you look terrific in your avatar!

I've always used the acronym "WWGGD?" ("What Would a Genetic Girl Do?).

[Tora]

Tamara, Thanks, If it was easy they would not need us. Oh wait, who needs us anyway. Where is the adventure. Tamara, Karren, Kimberly and many others set the bar high, for the rest of us. Thanks again-God Bless.

[Nicole Erin]

learn from mistakes, give yourself a chance, sounds good.

I guess a lot of us expect to be perfect our first few times or even the first but yeah true that isn't reality.

[julie w]

Tamara, thanks for your words of encouragement it always helps to read your
posts

[Lorileah]

We can do ALL that?!? Really?? But what about all those "laws"? What if someone tells someone who tells someone who tells someone you know? No, no the risk is too great.

Great post Tamarav. I hope you aren't preaching to the choir here. So many fear the future. They see the worst possible outcome in everything. 98% of what we worry about doesn't come true (or maybe it was 95%...92?...)oh well most anyway.
Instead of "What if I get a run?" just think "Dang these hose look so nice". What if I break a nail? It was time for new polish anyway. Did that guy notice I really wasn't a woman? Well he should have kept his evil wandering eyes to himself. Did that woman just turn up her nose? She should talk...did you SEE what she had on? OMG no mirrors in her house?

[Mirani]

Tamara - you scored!

[AllieSF]

Great thread Tamara. I would like to add to it. It does matter if you are a man, or a woman, or somewhere in between. Life is full of obstacles. You can stop behind them, or plow through them. I have decided to plow through them. What is your choice?

[Jessy]

What can I say... other than I wish I found it all as easy to approach as you do.

I mean locking keys in a car could happen to everybody. Sure it'll have some costs to get the problem fixed, but hey we'll get over it.

But coming out on being someone other than society expects me to be... is different. It might result in people close to me not understanding, or worse not accepting. That's my biggest fear. Having been an outsider all my life, I really can't deal much more of not being accepted. Not to mention it'll have consequences for work, and many other things.

Next to that I have quite a history of bad experiences in life, so yes I'm afraid of quite a lot. Not just for coming out, but so many things. And indeed it keeps me from doing what I really want. So many times I tried and failed though, that does lower one's confidence a lot over the years.

[DonniDarkness]

Very positive, I love it

[Angel.Marie76]

Nice thoughts as always Tamara. :-)

Someone added in about the whole.. planning for dinner while you're working, errands on lunch, breakfast for kids in morning.. soccer practice.. cleaning the house, break a nail (f@ck*), take a deep breath, and move forward... I swear, so many women are BORN to be boy/girl scouts.. in their purses and trunks of their cars are everything one might need to move forward with life's little atrocities. Never mind having access to things like 'MommySpit'(tm), which us TG's might never be able to replicate naturally. (Better than Lava soap I hear!)

[Andy66]

Thank you, Tamara. Sometimes I wonder if some (not all) CDs "get it." They want to be like a woman, but have an unrealistic idea of what a woman is.


What can I say... other than I wish I found it all as easy to approach as you do.

I mean locking keys in a car could happen to everybody. Sure it'll have some costs to get the problem fixed, but hey we'll get over it.

But coming out on being someone other than society expects me to be... is different. It might result in people close to me not understanding, or worse not accepting. That's my biggest fear. Having been an outsider all my life, I really can't deal much more of not being accepted. Not to mention it'll have consequences for work, and many other things.

Next to that I have quite a history of bad experiences in life, so yes I'm afraid of quite a lot. Not just for coming out, but so many things. And indeed it keeps me from doing what I really want. So many times I tried and failed though, that does lower one's confidence a lot over the years.
:hugs: I think Tamara was referring more to the little things. You can't be depressed for a week over a broken nail. Guess what, all ten of my nails are broken... oh well. They'll grow back.

Sorry to hear you've been through so much, Jessy. Nobody's telling you to come out to everyone you know - you have to choose those battles wisely.

But like you said about the car keys, if something unfortunate happens, fix it as much as you can, learn from it, and move on. Giving up is not an option, because no matter how hard you have it, things would be a great deal worse if you gave up.

[Loni]

sorry to here about your ten nails getting broken..i am lucky right now...only have eight broken.:heehee:

just put on a skirt and get out for a day.

Loni

[suchacutie]

After all, we started out thinking about what women do with/about all kinds of things like stockings and makeup and heels and bras and on and on and on!

Tamara has done a great job in reminding all of us that we just need to continue with that set of thoughts beyond the physical "things" and into the life experiences!

Thanks, Tamara!

tina

[msniki48]

Thank you Tamara.

Sometimes we need to stop and count our blessings....ok i'm done!

God i wish i could pass!

God i wish i could go shopping without anyone seeing me as someone other than niki.

God i wish everyone at work could accept my need to express my self as female

God I wish I could just be me!


GOD:


You can my dear! Just get the hell out of your own way...ohhh and Smile:)



hugs Tamara, i truly love this thread:hugs::love:


:heehee:

[jenna_woods]

in cazse something happends like car trouble, I have asked what i would do, and as a women would do I called for help.

[sherri52]

Your right Tamara we have to move on. But how can we do that after we break a nail. C'mon that has got to be the most devasting thing that can happen to us. We can't live with a broken nail. What if the salon can't take us right away. How can we cope with this. I'm sorry i just can't go on with a broken nail. Life stops existing and nothing matters until I get it fixed. Do you know how long it takes to grow it back. I can't wait that long. Oh woe is me, woe is me:heehee:

[AKAMichelle]

We tell others that we are the same no matter how we are dressed, but we don't act it. We worry about everything en femme. To the point that many of us stay in the closet.

It takes time and effort to pass. There will always be something which gives us away in the end. Even if half of the people don't notice. So work on your look just like a teenage girl and live your life.

Great Post!