ethical question . . .

[kaleyg]

do you think its wrong to bend the truth a little in order to be more 'acceptable?' for example, ive told SAs at bridal shops that i'm buying a dress 'for charity' (ok, not bending the truth, just lying) so that they would be more comfortable helping me. i'm afraid that if i were honest, they would treat me like a weirdo and take all the fun out of the process! another example: i've submitted questions on yahoo answers like 'which wedding gown looks better', and i've made up a few details about my ficticious wedding so that people won't be suspicious. (the responses are awesome, by the way). i really want some honest non-cd/tg feedback, and i don't think i can get it being 100% honest.

are these all just innocent white lies or am i really doing something morally wrong? is there a level of misinformation that is acceptable (and expected) on the internet? anyone have a thought on this? anyone have similar experiences? i feel a little guilty about it. if you want the links to my yahoo questions, i'm glad to post them. ; )

EDIT: the 'charity' story is this -- i'm in a mock beauty pageant fund raiser. this was true on one trip, but usually not true.
EDIT #2: and i never tried to get a discount with the charity story. BUT, when i was (really) going to do the mock beauty pageant, a salon offered to completely make me over for free (hair, makeup, nails, false eyelashes, etc.), in return for a little publicity. but, i ended up not going through with it. : (

[JulieK1980]

I'd say since they are not people involved in your life it doesn't really matter. I suppose technically still wrong, it definitely doesn't compare to say, lying to your spouse about things.

[CATgirldo]

I don't like taking an SAs time if I'm not a serious shopper. They have to make a living and if I'm just window shopping, I can chose my clothes and ask to use a dressing room without taking up their time. (I shop dressed) Normally, it is too much trouble for me to get out and not have a plan so I am intending to buy something, but it does happen that I don't like what I find or don't like the price and leave empty handed. If an SA offers to help then hey, no foul.
As far as questions on the internet. Anyone who believes everything they read on the internet is living in LALA land. There is so much misinformation that Caveat Emptor has never been more appropriate. People need to remember that on everything the see online. (Lying is integral to the internet... Al Gore designed it to be that way.).

Just my 2 cents

CAT

[Jessy]

I consider it "white lies" as long as you don't do anything that might disadvantage other people. But be careful, because white lies can escalate! And then it becomes harder setting things straight again.

[Elizabeth 66]

y should it be wrong, you still intend to buy a dress i take it, the other day i bought a nightie for my wife and had to take it back. this thing is i dont have a wife, but it made it easier for me, i still bought the next size up, so who is harmed, no one, and thats whats importent

[mapletree]

I was raised that a little white lie to save someone embarrasment was ok....
and as i have got older and now I am in the older category, i sometimes wonder if I did not do a diservice to me and the person I was talking to... I say this becasue with the white lie i have found myself not dealing my feelings and my fears. Just my two cents worth. I look back at some periods in my life where a white lie really did not do what it was supposed to

[NV Susan]

Hi kaleyg, sounds to me like your just having fun with you feminine side. I do it all the time...but have never told a SA I'm buying something for a charity. I'll remember that for the future though!!!:)

PS; I love that cute pink top your wearing in your avatar..... :daydreaming:

[AllThingsPretty]

I wouldn't sweat it at all. You are not hurting anyone and you just want to feel more comfortable while shopping. I see nothing at all wrong with it.

The main thing is your having fun shopping:D

[SherriePall]

As far as the SA's, don't worry about telling them the truth. Most of them have already waited on one of us already and all of them are mostly concerned with making the sale -- whether it's for "charity" or because we just plain ole like to wear them!
As for asking which gown looks better and pretending to be a GG preparing for a wedding, I can see your point in seeking an un-TG answer. Others here may feel differently.

[Veronica Nowakowski]

You're certainly not doing something ethically or morally wrong by lying, so long as you're not accepting discounts they may offer charitable organizations. It would help the rest of us if you were open about it, but I can't blame you.

[Angel.Marie76]

Personally, if I were going to shop for a wedding dress, I would show up to the gown shop dressed for the occasion. Considering, as it was said before, most SA's have bumped into CDers and TG folks before, if you show up dressed, and are being very honest and fun with them.. there should be no reason to lie. Most of the time women in those stores /want/ to make the woman very happy with their purchase, and if you're in the spirit with them, through trying the dresses on and gazing into the mirror complaining about how the dress just doesn't seem to fit right here, or doesn't show enough leg there.. you'll probably have more fun.

However, if you're also deeply in the closet and not wanting to expose that side of you to an SA, then again, as long as you're honest about the purchase intent, a little white lie will likely not hurt. The problem I see, simply, is again as said, wasting their time just trying on dresses and walking out, will tend to steam them up... UNLESS the place you're visiting is completely empty, and the SA's are bored and just looking for something to do.. At that point, again, even with the white lie about the intention in the end, if you just walk up to the SA's in drab, if the SA's are up for the challenge of trying to make a guy look cute in a dress, then JUMP on it while you have the chance.

:2c:

[Karren H]

Liar liar dress on fire!! Just tell her its for you. SA's could care less imho.

[darla_g]

you worry too much me thinks

[Annaliese2010]

do you think its wrong to bend the truth a little in order to be more 'acceptable?' for example, ive told SAs at bridal shops that i'm buying a dress 'for charity' (ok, not bending the truth, just lying) so that they would be more comfortable helping me....are these all just innocent white lies or am i really doing something morally wrong? is there a level of misinformation that is acceptable (and expected) on the internet? anyone have a thought on this?).Innocence!

Wow I'm impressed by your innocence. Wellll...you may want to sit down before reading this - OR - don't bother your pretty head over it and stay as you are, 'cause there IS something very appealing about someone who is really honest as you seem to be. At any rate, it's like this sweetheart: There are societal laws that define 'right & wrong' and as a general rule it's not a bad idea to always follow the law, if for no other reason than to avoid the possibility of legal prosecution and punishment. That much is obsious. But moral right & wrong? That's another story. Actually, what's moral or not depends on those cultural, religious or philosophical standards you subscribe to or those that you set for yourself by the application of logic and reason that are based on whatever assumptions you make as a starting point. What's morally right or wrong is determined relative to these standards, whatever they may be. Because any given culture or religion or starting assumption can differ significantly compared to others, it's hard to argue that any one set of moral standards is superior. Thus the saying: There are no moral absolutes. So morally speaking, what's right or wrong is relative. Not sure I entirely agree with that myself, but that's a whole other topic.

Also...absolute honesty is impractical. There's a funny movie that recently came out on DVD starring Ricky Gervais, 'The Invention of Lying'. It depicts a lot of funny examples of how everyday life would be affected if no one lied. You should check it out 'cuz...OF COURSE IT'S OKAY TO EFFIN LIE!!! LOL... At least about the things you mentioned babe. In fact, the world wouldn't work if you didn't! Aw. You truly are an... innocent.

Personally? I aspire to being honest on the internet and certainly in real life. Yep, for sure! And Especially when relating to people I meet and like. I mean, within reason, of course. It's up to the individual to determine how far they can go with that because obviously, it would be foolhardy to be completely honest!!!!! But I am totally honest when it comes to self-pics, just because it wouldn't be fun otherwise, and you can always crop photo's so that you're not entirely out there, as I feel I am forced to do, actually. Aside from your own honesty it also follows how...it's up to you too, to decide how much you can openly trust that someone you meet on websites is being honest with you... WHY? LOL...if you have to ask that it's probably too late, your hard-drive is probably running slow and your bank account is draining because it's unfortunate but true: Anyone can find out everything about anybody these days. Literally! And it is only because most people do not take the time to learn those skills necessary to enable them to actually do this that it isn't actually the case for the majority.

My rule of thumb is...be very careful until after the passage of time and sufficient interaction, which should be taking you incrementally in the direction of an actual meeting (eg. public board --> PM ---> private email --> instant messaging --> web camming --> phone calling --> meeting) so you can at some point get a gut-level sense about that person. But even then you're taking a chance. But...you don't want to be alone forever either...so...at some point you must take a chance, I guess. Your call. A difficult thing that. Because sometimes if you play it too safe you lose out on a really good thing, maybe piss her off and...she's gone forever. Life's a bitch...

[sherri52]

How do you feel about it. I don't consider it morally wrong. Yes, they are lies but as for morally, I don't think so. You ask on Yahoo how it looks that's fine. As for the SA's, aren't you comfortable enough to say they are for you.

[AKAMichelle]

A lot of people you might tell that white lie may already know the truth from looking at you. So it may not be doing you as much good as you think. They are connecting the dots.

[Jessica Who]

Honestly I wouldn't worry about it, you're protecting your dignity and privacy. Now if you're lying to loved ones, that's a different story

[Schatten Lupus]

It just depends on your level of comfort. While it is technically lying, it is a harmless, victim less form of lying, and it only suits how comfortable you are with letting others know.
I've noticed that when I have went shopping for my fiance to buy her clothes, SAs never glanced, glared, questioned, or even asked for a reason when I've had questions.

[Renelle]

People in business lie to each other all the time. "It's just business". Just look at what the banksters have been doing lately. When you enter a place of business, you have no moral obligation whatsoever to them. They are only there to sell you something. You are there to buy something. No more, no less.

[eileendover]

Honestly I wouldn't worry about it, you're protecting your dignity and privacy. Now if you're lying to loved ones, that's a different story
:iagree: For times when you are not really legally or morally obligated to divulge something private, I think it's acceptable to lie.
You are not taking advantage of anyone else, and you have not exposed some secret needlessly.

[Stephenie S]

May I take a different tack here?

Lying is lying and it will take an emotional toll on YOU eventually. Look at the effort you are already investing in this situation.

Someone mentioned that there are few, if any, moral absolutes. Perhaps this is true. Take those Muslim crazies with the suicide bombs. THEY don't think what they are doing is wrong. Yet WE are aghast at such behavior. Where lies the moral absolutes here?

But lying goes against your grain sweetie or you wouldn't be asking the question. I would try to keep it to a minimum just for your own peace of mind.

Stephenie

[kaleyg]

so many opinions on this question. i guess cd/tgers are a reflective bunch by nature. i appreciate the feedback. i think one concern i had was what people HERE would think of me.

here's the issue: what gg would ever spend $300 on a dress for fun? i really want to go in and try on gowns and buy one if i love it, but i just don't have any good reason. i need a formal event or something to justify the expense, or the SAs will think i'm strange, and that kind of ruins it. i want it to feel fun and normal--for me and for them.

[inessa]

I think people want to believe we are buying for someone else to alleviate an uncomfortable situation. I works for you because you get your clothes. It works for them because they make money. The excuse may take some of the awkwardness away so everyone wins.

[gabimartini]

I feel it is always better to tell the truth, because you don't have to remember what you said to whom. However, society isn't exactly 100% TG-friendly and sometimes it becomes necessary to tell a few stories here and there, in order to get decent service, an impartial opinion, etc. I see no harm in that, as long as you are not doing something illegal.

My two cents.

[Annaliese2010]

But lying goes against your grain sweetie or you wouldn't be asking the question. I would try to keep it to a minimum just for your own peace of mind.I agree, as a general principle, and because Kaley does seem to be extra-innocent, which is sexy, actually. For sure it's always better to be honest and truthful. That's how I live MY life. But having common sense is just as important too, imho.


so many opinions on this question. i guess cd/tgers are a reflective bunch by nature. i appreciate the feedback. i think one concern i had was what people HERE would think of me...Well I think you're hot, for what it's worth...

[Tranny Tee]

As an issue of ethics if you use the excuse of wearing a dress for charity to get a price break from the store you are defrauding the storekeeper. If you use the excuse and expect to pay the retail price for the garment no one is harmed and there is no real breach of ethics.
If you want to get good service from the merchant, try telling the truth. Say "I'm really nervous about this but I want to buy a dress for myself. . ." Most of the time the sales associate will be very helpful and things will go well for yu.

[Jenny J]

Gosh, I've never used that excuse.:naughty Says with a smirk as nose grows increasingly longer. :liar: I don't think they really care and are just happy to make a sale. Did they say to be sure to come back and shop again.?

They've probably figured it out and as long as a sale is made, they are happy.

Jen

:rose2:

[Chickhe]

I won't tell you what you should do...but does a GG who is wedding dress shopping buy every dress she tries on...nope. And she might even try on a dress just to see what she would look like knowing she is never going to get married... the sales person needs practice selling - so you are helping them. If they are really good you might even end up buying the dress....that would be my largest fear! You look fantastic in your photos by the way!

[t-girlxsophie]

Your little white lies werent designed to hurt or decieve for any gain,we all have these moments,where its easier to tell a wee fib,I wouldn't beat myself up about it,A lot of places such as Bridal shops are used to being visited by the Transgendered,maybe you could email such places to find this out thus avoiding those little white lies

[noeleena]

Hi.
What i have done for many years is say this is for Jos stating size & details . & 12 years ago the same for me i just told them this is for me . our sizes are 4 sizes different . if i needed help with colours or what ever it was given wether in the shops or on the phone ,
if the clothes were wrong or did not fit ,Jos would say you can deal with it so it was up to me to return them & sort out details,
For me i just told the s a. what was going on there is no big deal so why not be up front .
The differance of cause is many of you can not do this like i do . so i accept the subterfuge,
Just remember the s a have seen it all & they know what to look for , so if your not comfortable youll show it .
so be confident & look as tho your ment to be there .

...noeleena...

[Loni]

what do you say when in your life some one says you are a lier, but you did not lie?

can you say "I am not a lier?".

not meaing to take a high ground....but in life it is a good thing to say. "I am not a lier".

and mean it.


Loni

.

[Mackenzie]

First, it is always wrong to lie. Thankfully, you have a tender conscience and your lies bother you... that's good!!

We lie to protect ourselves and often at the cost of others time, reputation (if we put them in a position of compromise), or expense.

If we are doing something that we anticipate up front that we will have to lie, we should re-think the matter and take another path that will keep us from defiling our heart and conscience.

There's nothing better than going to bed at night with a clean conscience before God and man.

Mackenzie

[melissacd]

We have all lied for one reason or another at one time or another so let us accept that this is something that humans do. I am not condoning it and I try to do the best that I can personally not to do this, plainly because it makes me feel badly.

In each situation that we encounter we have to assess and judge what is the right course of action that allows us to protect our dignity and privacy without compromising the rights or the dignity of others. It is always a challenging balancing act.

My goal in life is to be as authentic a human being as I can. In the wedding dress case, I feel that being honest about your intentions is the best course of action. You may get a negative response and then you just leave. On the other hand you may get a positive response and as a result you will have a far more enriching experience at the store and gain other wonderful positive benefits as well.

Lying is a slippery slope at the best of times so I would never encourage someone to lie, but there are always exceptions to any rule. What I would encourage you to do is case by case, dig deep inside and ask what your gut feels is the right thing to do, the thing that you can live with and that does not hurt others. Chances are what your emotional compass tells you is probably the right thing to do. I feel that deep down inside we all know what the right answer is already.

Melissa

[Hope]

I suppose on the one hand you are telling a lie in order to be considerate of another person's feelings, not wanting to make them uncomfortable - whatever. I can see noble intent here. On the other hand, deciding for other people what it is that they can handle or deciding for them what will make them uncomfortable instead of giving them the opportunity to decide for themselves is less than nobel.

Generally, my operative model when considering ethical questions is to consider who is benefitting, and who is being harmed, and if the benefits and the harm don't square, chances are that the action is unethical.

In any case, this one is such small potatoes, I wouldn't give too much concern to it.

[Annaliese2010]

Well...what about relationships then? They are almost never truly 50:50. In fact I would wager most are quite off balance with respect to who gives and who takes. Ideally 50:50 for both person. Well Yea, if each person was equally attracted to, in love with, blah blah blah'd about the other to the same extent. But it's never that way really. Right? I mean...usually one has fallen for the other more, right? Yeah...I think so. And it's the one whose more in love that's taking the risk, has to try harder, worry more, be more understanding, compromise more, give more...and you do, because that's the nature of 'love'...AND because your reward is simply being with that person...she is your reward, just as she is; whatever she does; however she is or isn't; she's more than enough reward for all your effort; and it's exhilarating! You treasure so many little things and keep it to yourself in private delight cuz to share it you might make her self-aware of some silly little nothing of a thing and ruin it for yourself...Lol... Ahh..lovvve... Oh! But my point is...I mean how this relates to this thread is... Well isn't that kind of imbalance in a relationship something less than equitable... less than honest....a sort of lie? Know what I mean? And since it includes most couples...doesn't this mean most ppl are therefore living a lie? Of course not! It is what it is. Point being...you can get carried away with this whole thing about honesty. Life isn't a classroom philosophy question to be solved. If no one is hurt...I mean really truly substantially hurt by some damn 'white lie' like telling the fcing store clerk you're trying on the fcing dress because the fcing person you're buying it for is the same fcing size as you makes you less stressed....just fcing DO IT --> BUY IT IF U LIKE IT --> BE HAPPY.

MY philosophy is: get in get out get on with your life.

[TxKimberly]

. . . here's the issue: what gg would ever spend $300 on a dress for fun? i really want to go in and try on gowns and buy one if i love it, but i just don't have any good reason. i need a formal event or something to justify the expense, or the SAs will think i'm strange, and that kind of ruins it. i want it to feel fun and normal--for me and for them.


Kaley,

You need to trust me on this - tell them the truth. You do NOT need some stupid excuse to buy the gown. Tell them the truth that it is for you, that you love it, and you have always wanted a pretty gown. I'll bet you $20 that the girls bend over backwards to help you find one and treat you like gold while your looking.

[DeeArel]

I just tell the SA what I am looking for. If further inquiry is sought, I state everything I buy is for me even if I am the one not wearing. Which is of course true, since I buy for the wife all the time based on the effect it will have on me.

Last week, a SA snuck up behind me at Jones of NY and said "that dress would look good one you." I turned and said thank you. She wandered off and returned later to say she liked my come back.

Unfortunately, they did not have anything that appealed to me that day.

But shopping is fun. Just enjoy it and do it in a manner that leaves you with no regrets or remorse.

[Stephenie S]

Kaley,

You need to trust me on this - tell them the truth. You do NOT need some stupid excuse to buy the gown. Tell them the truth that it is for you, that you love it, and you have always wanted a pretty gown. I'll bet you $20 that the girls bend over backwards to help you find one and treat you like gold while your looking.


And herein lies the absolute and wonderful truth in this whole matter. There is no need for any angst at all over this question.

Thank you, Kim

$20? I'll bet you $100.

Stephie

[Hope]

Kaley,

You need to trust me on this - tell them the truth. You do NOT need some stupid excuse to buy the gown. Tell them the truth that it is for you, that you love it, and you have always wanted a pretty gown. I'll bet you $20 that the girls bend over backwards to help you find one and treat you like gold while your looking.


And herein lies the absolute and wonderful truth in this whole matter. There is no need for any angst at all over this question.

Thank you, Kim

$20? I'll bet you $100.

Stephie

I will see your $100 and raise you $500.

[TxKimberly]

I will see your $100 and raise you $500.

Hah! Sorry - I make it a point not to bet what I can't afford to loose . . .

[Fab Karen]

And after you leave, they're saying to each other,"another crossdresser making up a story..."

[KayleeDahl]

I say enjoy your life, those little white lies are necessary sometimes.

Now if you are constantly wasting a SA time, and never buying, then I guess that would be a little less honorable. But if you are buying, then kudos to you! thanks for supporting the economy with your 300$ dress!!

Hugs
Kaylee

[Jenny Doolittle]

First of all Kaley, I don't think any of us need to be afraid to shop for what ever we want. We are customers and the S/A's really don't care as long as your money is green.

I think the key Kaley is that you don't try to gain anything as a result of your white lie. That is the definition of a white lie, nothing is gained. If you would have taken the makeover or a discount I think that would have been wrong.

So enjoy your time shopping. It is ok to make others feel more comfortable in my opinion. but really you are cute enough not to be concerned anyway.
:2c:

[Tina B.]

When shopping, you are dealing with a person you have no personal relationship with. You do not owe them an explanation of why you are buying something, your looking for a dress, not a relationship. If you are not trying to get get a undeserved discount, no harm no foul, tell them what ever makes you most comfortable, whether they believe it or not is up to them, they really don't care, as long as they make a sale. And like any other consumer, Buy if you like it, say thank you and walk if you don't, you are not wasting their time, thats what they are there for. No one in sales expects to make a sale every time. If your just window shopping, thats the time to be honest and just say so, give what ever reason you want for why a guy would just be window shopping wedding dresses, I can't think of one.
And for everyone that demands total honesty, from everyone at all times, think carefully how you answers things like, "does this dress make me look fat", or "do these pants make my butt look big" Or one of my favorites, " how do you like my new hair do." We all lie, to make our love ones feel good, and to protect our own emotions. Just be honest with yourself.
Tina B.

Saving the economy one Blouse at a time!

[Annaliese]

Much to do about nothing, have we not all lied to some point about our dressing, what you did was nothing in less you got a discount because of this

[Amber Chen]

First, it is always wrong to lie. Thankfully, you have a tender conscience and your lies bother you... that's good!!

We lie to protect ourselves and often at the cost of others time, reputation (if we put them in a position of compromise), or expense.

If we are doing something that we anticipate up front that we will have to lie, we should re-think the matter and take another path that will keep us from defiling our heart and conscience.

There's nothing better than going to bed at night with a clean conscience before God and man.

Mackenzie

I agree with Mackenzie...it's wrong to lie. It also complicates things to tell lies & stories. The truth generally works best!

[JuliaKay]

I have found that when I tell the truth and that I am shopping for myself, the SA have been very willing to help with sizes & suggestions & advice. Bobbie

[Melinda G]

Do whatever you feel comfortable with. There is no need to tell everyone all your personal business.

[Annaliese2010]

Kaley,

You need to trust me on this - tell them the truth. You do NOT need some stupid excuse to buy the gown. Tell them the truth that it is for you, that you love it, and you have always wanted a pretty gown. I'll bet you $20 that the girls bend over backwards to help you find one and treat you like gold while your looking.


And herein lies the absolute and wonderful truth in this whole matter. There is no need for any angst at all over this question.

Thank you, Kim

$20? I'll bet you $100.

Stephie


I will see your $100 and raise you $500. My moneys with Hope...you go girl!

(I'm probly the only one whose actually $eriou$...lol...)

[eluuzion]

“I believe that everybody should always tell the truth… even if they have to make it up.” lol

In an “ideal world” …

Lies and deception are never “right”.
You simply choose to make them a part of your Character,
Or you do not.

Sounds great on paper, doesn’t it? Unfortunately we do not live in an “ideal world”, we live on Planet Earth.

It is actually pretty silly (for those of us who may be concealing CD behavior from family, friends and society) to be debating the question of “honesty” in minor circumstances along the periphery, but we often do.

In “trivial” matters, it is easy to justify not being “honest” in areas where honesty or dishonesty will not have any impact on the other party or circumstances either way. But as it has already been stated, it is the crest of a slippery slope.

“Bending the truth” can lead to another level…”White Lies” and other self-denying tactics with invented names for excusing intentional deception with people we know. “White Lies” are like “White Lines”. Once you try it, it is easy to become “addicted”. Before you know it, you are telling your child to “just tell the person on the phone that I’m not home”...without even giving a second thought to what you have just taught your child.

Fortunately, one thing remains true regardless of what planet we mentally or physically choose to live on...

“Your Character is what you do when you think no one is looking.”

Our “Character” is the one thing that is affected by every decision we make and action we take. It is the moral compass that defines us to others and ourselves. (at least it does in my world). Each of us has to decide for ourselves where we draw our line.

[Karen564]

so many opinions on this question. i guess cd/tgers are a reflective bunch by nature. i appreciate the feedback. i think one concern i had was what people HERE would think of me.

here's the issue: what gg would ever spend $300 on a dress for fun? i really want to go in and try on gowns and buy one if i love it, but i just don't have any good reason. i need a formal event or something to justify the expense, or the SAs will think i'm strange, and that kind of ruins it. i want it to feel fun and normal--for me and for them.

As far as telling a fib to the SA about the true nature of who it's for, I wouldn't sweat it....I don't know of one person that has not told a fib before and many still do for that matter, when they buy womans clothing saying it's for the wife or g/f, when in fact is for them...
So I wouldn't sweat that Hun..

I was never very good a lying, because it just didn't sit well with me if I did....
So it all depends on how you were raised and or your own personal Ethic policy ..
Too sum it up, No, I would never hold this white lie against you...nor should anyone else pass judgment on you for a matter such as this...


As far as spending $300 on a dress, well that's totally up to you, it's your money to do as you wish with it...


But Would I ?
Not likely, but if I was getting married I would, but the wedding dress I want runs $3000. not 300....


Um, but my oldest teenage daughter would have no problem spending $300 on a dress just for fun, no problem at all as long as I pay for it......lol


And just thinking but, you could have a very good reason to buy that dress, and that's by you actually entering into a pagent...because your certainly pretty enough to do it and maybe even win it !!!...

Now wouldn't that be cool..!!

:hugs:

[JustAlex]

do you think its wrong to bend the truth a little in order to be more 'acceptable?'

Lying is not a sin, it's not a crime. You're not hurting anyone by telling lies about yourself.
I lie when I'm shopping all the time. I pretend not to know anything about technology, I put my charm in full gear (even when I deal with those SAs that are really disgusting), I go with a list of stuff my wife asked me so the SAs do the shopping for me, I tell SAs that I'm buying a very very very expensive/overpriced item so they help me get a great deal on a cheaper one. I went to extremes like asking for the owner (someone I didn't know) to get a table at an overbooked restaurant.

So, enjoy. If we go to hell because of the lies, at least we'll have funny stories to tell for the rest of eternity. :laughing:

[Lexine]

I've tried to be as honest as I can possibly be when I buy things myself, and for the most part I have been. The only times that I do think about lying is so that I won't have to explain myself to the people who are helping me out, though usually my explanation is along the lines of "It's only clothes. It just so happens I can get away with wearing either gender's garments!" But yes, I am aware that lying is a terrible thing...

[RockerTerri]

Why lie to the SA?

CDs are pretty common; look at the size of this forum's membership. If theyve been there any length of time, you will not be the first CD theyve helped. Just be honest; if youre just browsing, tell them. If you want something in a certain size, ask. Bet they help!

The first item I purchased at a "real" store was a pair of boots from, of all places, Hot Topic (hate the store but I do love those boots!). Asked the SA if they had 'em in an 11, she goes and checks...yeppers. We proceed to have a 20 minute convo about boots, college, how her calf was "too fat" to wear this particular style of boot, and how much we both hated Burger King (aint it neat how conversations do that?) and never batted an eye; I left with the boots. Certainly a Hot Topic employee sees a broader "spectrum" of customers than an SA at, say, Dillards, but every one Ive met since has been just fine.

I dont see anything wrong with a white lie to a stranger like that, but I just dont understand the reasoning I suppose.

[Tranny Tee]

I admire those who have posted that it is always wrong to lie. They have never been asked the question, Does this make my butt look big?"

[Katt GG]

do you think its wrong to bend the truth a little in order to be more 'acceptable?'

Wow, that is a really hard question. Well, to start with, I don't believe in white lies. To me a lie is a lie. But, I can understand why you would fabricate stories. My SO takes me with him and I ask the questions and pick out the clothes (kinda, he tells me what he wants and I pick them off the rack). So to be "honest" what we do isn't any different than what you've done. I'm not saying it's right and I ask God for forgiveness every time but this world is liberal about some things and very unforgiving about others. So to answer your question, Yes and No. Yes, it's wrong but No, I don't blame you for trying to be more acceptable. Life is hard, do the best you can with what you've got.
Good Luck.
Katt GG

[Mary Morgan]

If we are ever to be accepted by society to the degree that we desire and deserve, we must understand that integrity is an essential part of the image we want to project. Ask yourself, how would you feel if you developed a relationship with someone only to find out that the basis for that relationship was untrue?

[Girl]

I think it depends on what people are comfortable with. I've wanted to tell shop assistants for years that the clothes were not presents, they were actually for me! Finally, just this Monday, I told a shop assistant that the lingerie I was buying was for me! :o She didn't make any direct comment on that but she carried on serving me with a smile and friendliness. It did feel really great to be honest with a shop assistant. From now on, if they ever ask "is it a present", I'll answer, "no it's for me!":)

[Nicole_LovesRay-Ray]

Hi,
Im not sure why you feel gulity. Girls lie about their weight and age all the time, so you said a little white lie to get some decent service. I'm a GG and I shop for my S/O's girly clothes and makeup and wigs all the time. I dont want my S/O to feel uncomfortable or be mistreated by some judgement clerk. So I think you're doing okay..Good Luck
oxox
Nicole:battingeyelashes:

[Desiree8]

I used to use the "buying for my wife" line. Then, one time at Victoria's Secret, I was just compelled to tell the SA the panties were for me. Well....she smiled sweetly, said they have a LOT of men buying for their own use. She then went on to suggest some styles that are more conducive to a male physique and anatomy. When I looked dismayed, (visions of Granny Undies came to mind), she led me to a couple of tables filled with soft, shimmery, comfy, SEXY items. She asked what my size was, helped me to select several pair based upon cut and room. Kim took a bit of time with me, but we parted with a mutual respect for one another. She also has a regular "Is Kim in?" customer!