Very tall women, looking for positive experiences

[EnglishRose]

This is copied verbatim from a post I made on another forum.

I know being a trans woman is not all rainbows and unicorns but ho hum. I think my wife would feel a little better if I could relate to her some positives about being huge and female. I'm 6'6 (220lbs now and been dropping about 5lbs a month for ages) and when I came out to her, she told me outright "you. will. never. pass."; however, she also asked if I knew of people around my height who have been successful through transition.

You're out there, right? :)

[Katesback]

Any woman who is tall is going to get starres, it is just an atypical thing.

The fact is that if you believe that you will never fit in, YOU NEVER WILL!

Now on the other hand if you have the attitude that you can carve your place in society you will! Transition is not the easiest thing in life. If it was easy it would not be worth it though!

Katie

[EnglishRose]

Any woman who is tall is going to get starres, it is just an atypical thing.

The fact is that if you believe that you will never fit in, YOU NEVER WILL!

Now on the other hand if you have the attitude that you can carve your place in society you will! Transition is not the easiest thing in life. If it was easy it would not be worth it though!

Katie

I think all this is true. Thing is, she also asked about TS people who don't transition, and lead happy lives. I'm, erm, less inclined to find those people...

[Karen564]

Um, we just had a thread that addressed heights....this may or may not help...

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=129012

[pamela_a]

I don't even consider my height, except when I'm shopping. I'm 6'5" and weigh, well, more than you do. I'm sure I get second looks but I really never notice or pay attention to them. I'm too busy living my life to worry about what someone else might think. I've had people tell me I should be playing in the WNBA though.

Live your life, be you, be confident. Why worry about what someone you'll probably never see again thinks? As long as I'm treated with courtesy and respect as a woman they can think whatever they like, it's not my issue.

[AllieSF]

In my experience, I have seen more large (tall and wide) Tgirls that just seem to look natural and pass very well. If you have extremely strong male features that may cause some problems. However, if you don't I personally think that you may have an easier time passing than us short and thinner gals. I think that may be due to the fact that a rounder face tends to cover up the harder male facial features. I also agree with Katesback. Your attitude is very important too. If you try to sneak into a place, act embarrassed, look down all the time, then people will notice that too. Another important item to help in passing is to act and move like a woman and not a large lumbering guy tromping along swaying his whole body. Small slower steps, light arm movement, head high, and a natural smile do wonders to help anyone fit in. A woman lightly moves her arms and hips, while a man tends to move and sway the whole body. Observe and practice.

[Hope]

I once dated a girl who was 6'2". She was HOT. Hang on I need a moment. Ok better now.

She was born a girl, she had all the right girl parts, she had no problem passing, because she was - get this - a girl. But because she was tall, people would occasionally ask her if she was TG. She did not appreciate that, as you can imagine.

I guess my point is this - you can pass, incredibly well, and still be under suspicion from time to time.

Now, I am a big fan of passing. I am not one of those folks who will tell you that passing doesn't matter and it's just about how you feel about yourself. While certainly there is significant truth in that, feeling confident in my self should not be used as an excuse to not put in the effort to pass. Passing is critical to living as a woman and not as a transexual. Not that there is anything wrong with living as a transsexual - it's just not my goal. But we have to understand that passing 100% of the time is not realistic. If GGs get clocked on occasion - we should assume that we will be too. But we can try to minimize that, we can do what we need to in order to make it happen as little as possible.

Let me also point this out - there are tall girls. They are not as common, and because we are taller, we have to do more work to pass, but it is absolutely possible. Remember, there are no ugly women - there are just lazy women. You can pass, but you have to do the work.

Check this out:

http://www.cockeyed.com/photos/bodies/604-160.shtml

[Andy66]

True, I was asked once if I was a CD. I'm a fairly girly looking GG, but about six feet tall in heels.

You can't assume people are looking at you for negative reasons. When I see a very tall woman, I'm usually thinking about how beautiful she looks. ;) :love:

[Teri Jean]

Like Pam I stand over 6ft and have a daughter who is 6-2. The ladies that play basketball and volleyball at my university top out at 6-4" and we look each other eye to eye.

Will you be spotted Yess but then they may be checking out the hot gall that can look the length of the mall without a ladder. :-)

Teri

[sherri52]

Go out and have fun. Don't worry about what others think, it'll ruin your night. I'm 6'5" in my heels and still go out. I don't pass but I can still have fun.

[Jennifer in CO]

let me tell you a short story. Way back when, somewhere around 1983, when I had been living full time for about 3+ years at that point (so I was very comfortable out and about at 6'1 130 pounds) my wife and I went out for dinner at a nice restaurant one evening. We're waiting to be seated when an Amazon walks in. I mean this girl was TALL! Now, if two women walk into a place one is 6'2 and the other is 5'11 you going to get attention. When two more women walk in and one of them is 6'6+ and wearing 3 or 4inch heels two things happen.

One - every dang eye in the place that could see the waiting area STARED
Two - I was no longer the center of attention! - it was wonderful!!!

The four of us had to wait about 10 minutes for a table. We found out after just a few minutes that this girl played professional womens basketball. She wanted to know if I had ever played and I told her about my asthma - she said "what a waste". Anyway, the point is, we turned every head in the place that night (her 'date' was maybe 6'2 as well) and I wasn't the center of attention...it was wonderful. But more than that, we weren't being gawked at for being "guys in dresses", especially since only one of us was... we were being accepted as statuesque women. I watched this woman carry herself proudly and at that moment decided what the hell...if she could I could. It changed my presentation from trying to hide my height to flaunting it. I loved 2 and 3 inch heels but dared not wear them as it accentuated my height. I wore them to work the next day. Killed my calf muscles, but I was in heaven all day. I felt like I commanded respect for the first time. Be proud of your height and carry it with your head held high.

OBTW...our youngest daughter is 6'....and (gushing as a proud parent)...when she walks into a room every eye turns to wards her. Yes she is gorgeous, yes her head is high...and its funny as hell to watch wimpy little men and women stare at her in aw...

Jenn

[luvSophia]

I was at a trans panel discussion last night put on by one of the local universities. One of the transwomen on the panel was 6'6". Her thoughts on the subject were that she is a woman and she is very tall. Two unrelated and not mutually exclusive physical characteristics. Next question, please?

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Hi Christina...

:hugs: to you and your wife...are you pursuing transition or just talking about it...i ask because this is one of those dont know until you try situations..

i'm 6'2 not 6'6...i've never felt tall, but even as a guy, when i was at ahigher weight, my nickmname was always (big guy, or my favorite..lard ass)...anyway...

its very easy to say just do it...and there is truth in the statement, but its a huge initial impediment to a transition ..

there is no way to avoid the issue that you will draw alot of attention, and perhaps not all of it will be good...as i've experience the tall life i've learned to just let it be...it takes time and some effort, but as you've heard its very doable..

i do have another angle for you to think about though...
passing is an important PART of transition...somegirls dont care, but i certainly do, and in your case, your wife cares and its an important point if you are staying together..

anyway, passing is not ESSENTIAL to transition...lots of girls DONT PASS...who knows the ratio, but there are many reasons why folks don't pass...i have seen a girl literally take a wig (not even a nice one) out of her purse and put it on in broad daylight and confidently assert that she can pass everywhere with the wig..

she was 5'6" and i'm sorry to say that she was as unpassable as you can get, and even talked in a deep resonant voice...but she is a pretty happy camper....being tall is simply one of the things that challenge our ability to pass..its like really large hands and feet, its not really possible to work on it like a voice or hairstyle is..

the trick is simple but difficult...if you can get yourself into a mindset of "i am a woman period"..then those stares lose their power over you..this takes courage and practice but as you can see, many of us can do it..i hope this thought helps

[EnglishRose]

Thankyou for all your comments!


Hi Christina...

:hugs: to you and your wife...are you pursuing transition or just talking about it...i ask because this is one of those dont know until you try situations..

Talking about it. Basically, sometimes I feel like a "TS-lite" because although I actually want to pursue it, my own insecurities, my wife's fears and my family obligations mean that I don't NEED to go down that path yet. It's not a life or death situation for me, unlike many women who have to. I just feel it so profoundly. I can't look in the mirror, these days, because I've done such a good job convincing myself I'm in the wrong body that I can't bear to look at the one I have. Shouldn't look at any pictures of people during or post transition because if I do, I end up crying and wanting it all the more. Similarly any reminder that I have no butt, no hips, and I can feel the tear ducts welling up.

Currently, my wife is going through the seven stages of grief: Denial, bargaining, acceptance, bargaining, denial, denial and right now, denial. Can't say I blame her, though, really. It's all been so fast. She doesn't want this for me or indeed for us. I don't want to feel this way either, but yet here it is. She tells me that I'm really just a very sensitive nice guy. So, a large part of the reason for her telling me I'd never pass is that she doesn't want me to incur violence upon myself, any time I should go out, but also that transition just isn't right for me. And the essence of my being immediately quails at that suggestion.

I'm giving it time. Just over three months ago I was a part-time cross-dressing happily married dad of one, talking about a second. Today I'm an obsessive wreck and want my wife to stop hurting while unable to commit to the one thing that probably would.

[gerigirl]

I am not sure what I can add to this but I am nearly 6'4" and tend to struggle a lot with this issue. I haven't posted much, but this is something I can really relate to. Much of what has been written here mirrors my experience.

In addition to being tall I am also a large person. I could be the poster girl for "big boned": Big feet and hands, wrists and ankles, head and neck, chest and shoulders. Even at my thinnest (Though that's not currently the case.) I am rather substantial. Proportionally I have a large chest and slim hips, but top to bottom I have long enough legs that short skirts can balance me out quite a bit. Lower cut sleeveless tops also help with proportion. Clothing and accessories can do a lot. In any case I always tend to stand out. Sometimes that isn't so bad, but most often I would just like to blend in. So I have to feel very confident to present fully as female.

At 53 and struggling my whole life with the desire to live as female I have approached transition at so many times and in so many different ways that I have lost count. The "size" issue has been one of the bigger things that has held me back. Indeed, I do have other impediments to transition, principally issues with my spouse and family, but that's another post.

I have avoided using the term "passing" here quite intentionally because for me it just can't be an issue or I would never venture out. As far as I can tell there have been precious few times that I have really "passed". When I was 11, after years of dressing for Halloween I overheard several of the neighbors talking about me as a girl in the neighborhood that they didn't recognize. I also think I pulled it off a few years later in high school when I slipped out of the house as a hippie girl in my cute mini and peasant top to a music festival in LA. I was "only" about 5'10" at the time, with no real beard issue, it was easier to keep my voice softer and most of the others in attendance were too high at the time to care. This was all a very long time ago!

Lately I have taken to kind of a middle path. On most days I leave the skirts, the high heels, and a lot of the makeup at home. I keep the girly tops, mostly camis and tanks, some low cut, many in feminine colors and prints. Often I wear a big shirt or women's cardigan over the top, in part to play down my bust line. I wear my long hair down or back in a barrette, and my jewelery and accessories are pretty clearly female though not "girly girl". Interestingly, this has become my work attire and though I am really out front publicly at work it has drawn very few comments, all positive. It is, however, a bit strange that among those of my male friends, who I am not out to, nearly all don't seem to even notice that my "day wear" is quite different than it once was, or theirs currently is. I think I know why this is the case, but it still strikes me as odd.

Am I kidding any one but myself here? I don't know. If I think about this intellectually in an objective sense my size doesn't usually present much of a problem here in the Bay Area. So I shouldn't let this stand in the way of living full time. People generally treat me well and when I am confident the occasional odd look or comment doesn't bother me.

One last comment and that is that HRT can be an issue for us big boned tall girls. As my musculature has diminished over the last several years on hormones it has become a real challenge to stay strong enough to haul this big body around. Hormone related weight gain is more of a challenge and I believe there are more aches, pains and cramps than age would anticipate.

[ReineD]

Just over three months ago I was a part-time cross-dressing happily married dad of one, talking about a second. Today I'm an obsessive wreck and want my wife to stop hurting while unable to commit to the one thing that probably would.

I have a friend who was like you. She was a CD for some years, and then the CDing needs amplified. She eventually lost her marriage over it. (I'm not saying this will happen in your case.) They might have had other issues in the marriage, I don't know.

At any rate, once divorced my friend began the road to transition. By happenstance she switched jobs at the beginning of all this, so she was able to start her new work as a woman. Her place of employment supports non-discrimination policies. She began HRT and living full time. Two years later (last fall), she had SRS.

My friend is 6' 2" and she has the more prominent male features (square jaw, prominent forehead, broad shoulders, long arms, etc. She's been chronicling her experiences in a blog all this time. It hasn't been easy for her. She misses her family (her daughters do not speak to her). She is now fairly well tolerated in her small town, but she has lost many friends. It was difficult for her to realize that people were not ready to accept her as a woman. She is often taken as a man when she ventures outside her familiar circles, and often times it is done none too politely. She becomes deeply hurt over this. She leads a lonely life.

In her blogs, she writes that she would not go back to being a man. She has an inner strength that is admirable.