Some Days Are Stranger Than Others

[Persephone]

Have you ever noticed that being a crossdresser can sometimes make for some strange days?

Maybe it isn't crossdressing, maybe it is my vida loca style of crossdressing. Whatever, here's how it went today . . .

I had two appointments, one was my monthly appointment with my æsthetician to wax my eyebrows, and the other was my biweekly appointment with my manicurist for my acrylic fill and polish change.

Because of how salon people move around (and because I'm high maintenance) I have three different salons - one for brows, one for nails, and one for hair.

The women who work at the one where I get my brows done know the women who work at the one where I get my nails done, but, for reasons of pink fog I dress fully en femme at one salon and in "high androgyny" at the other.

Mostly that has come to mean that I might wear skirts and dresses to the brow salon, but only pants to my nail salon, and I wear bra fillers for the one salon and remove them for the other. Yeah, totally ridiculous, I know, but that's what I do.

So this morning I picked out a beaded black top, grey pants long enough to go with heels, and a pair of 4½" slingback open-toed stilettos with little bows on the front, along with appropriate jewelry.


http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y53/sandylewiscares/BeadedTop.jpg

Now that I see the photo, I may have made at least one definite mistake. Since I was in a hurry, I did my hair straight back in a high pony tail without any bangs. But more about that later.

With forms in place, I raced off to my æsthetician appointment, arriving just on time. I was cheerfully greeted by the various women that I know there and had a fine time as my brows were done. The group of young women æstheticians were all looking at one woman's cellphone, checking out the guy she'd dated and I comfortably joined the discussion.

As we talked, I found out that as soon as I was finished, they were heading over to the other salon, exactly where I was going next (which they knew, because they know my schedule), to pick up some supplies, so we would all be there at the same time!. Remember, I'm an en femme C-cup woman at their salon, and a flat-chested androgyn at the other!

Well, it worked out. I arrived first, and was seated with my manicurist when they arrived. The salon has two aisles with a tall divider in between and they were in the other aisle and never really saw me.

It's late and I'm tired. I'll tell you about why I think I made a mistake by not having bangs in a later message.

Enjoy!
Persephone.

[Kathi Lake]

A crazy life indeed! Barbara, do you know why you aren't ready to let your various lives meet or intertwine?

Kathi

[Staci G]

Thats bizarre! I have to say I am afraid I would end up at the wrong one with the wrong boobs and have acrylic eyebrows and waxed nails. That would not be a pretty sight.

[PretzelGirl]

I'm really beginning to think that you thrive on all the difference in your life. Have you thought about that? It seems that either fully dressed or high androgny would suffice for all these trips, yet you create multiple "modes" that you juggle all week long (so it seems). Is this what gives you your fun? If so, keep rocking!

[Persephone]

A crazy life indeed! Barbara, do you know why you aren't ready to let your various lives meet or intertwine? Kathi


I'm really beginning to think that you thrive on all the difference in your life. Have you thought about that?

Sigh, and to think that I come here as an escape from stress, a chance to relax and be with friends . . .

Oh, let's see, Kathi, could it be for the same sorts of reasons that you aren't ready to have all of the various parts of your lives meet and intertwine?

In truth, Pink Fog and days in the Pink Sea™ have already driven me way over the line that I probably would have been wiser to have stayed on the other side of.

But still, I do have some situations that I feel compelled to "protect," those that could negatively impact the lives of other people that I care about.

Otherwise, yeah, at this point I wouldn't give a rat's derriere about it and would float around town in the filmiest of gowns, my arms outstretched, singing excerpts from The Sound of Music.

(Is there any sort of law against screeching in public?)

But I really do call upon y'all, women whom I respect, to tell me if I'm still missing some level of clarity in my weird and wild life.

To continue the story . . .

After I left the second salon I had some errands to run, one of which was to return some items at an office supply store.

I waited my turn in line, back en femme, C-cup breasts proudly jutting out, until the women SA looked up and said, "Ma'm."

I gracefully walked over to her station and explained my returns, saying that they were a bit complex because there were three items on two separate receipts.

Without looking up again, she said, "No problem, Sir."

So much for my voice!

Then, I swear to you, with no change in her voice, no strange look upon her face, no giggle nor groan, no apparent oddity nor suspicion, zip, zero, nada, she looks up at me and says, "Since you used a debit card for that purchase, I'll need to credit it back to that card. Is that O.K., Ma'm?"

I say it will be no problem and hand her the debit card with my male name on it.

She runs it through her register and says, "There you go, Sir, done!"

The receipt prints out, she tears it off, hands it to me, and says, "Have a great day, Ma'm!"

Would someone care to explain all of that to me??? Please?!??

Completely Confused,
Persephone.

[Kathi Lake]

Whoa!

I meant no disrespect, and I certainly wasn't coming down on you. To me, it seems there is little difference between having forms in or not. You were wearing ladies pants, ladies shoes, a ladies top, had pretty nails in need of a fill, had your beautiful long hair (bangs or not :)) and waxed brows. All this, and everyone accepts you. Everyone loves you. Whether you get ma'am-ed or not, that is beyond wonderful! I think you and your wife are great. Honestly.

Kathi

[PretzelGirl]

Sigh, and to think that I come here as an escape from stress, a chance to relax and be with friends . . .

I am going to echo Kathi. I was just trying to ask if having all of these "personas" was what made life interesting, kept your blood flowing. Or is it a by-product of how you have presented yourself over time to different people and you feel a little stuck. Your stories are interesting and it sounds like you are having a ball, but I can't help but being curious on how you feel about the differences. I certainly wasn't trying to make it feel like it was more stress and not support. :hugs:

[Persephone]

Whoa! I meant no disrespect, and I certainly wasn't coming down on you.

Oh, Kathi! I'm so sorry! I meant my "stress" comment to be satirical! I'd hoped that the "Sigh" up front and the ellipses and the back would say that. I'd thought about putting a :) at the end of the line, but felt it looked too cutesy, so I didn't include it and left you feeling bad.

You are one of my absolute favorite people here and a dote on your posts. Please forgive me.


To me, it seems there is little difference between having forms in or not. You were wearing ladies pants, ladies shoes, a ladies top, had pretty nails in need of a fill, had your beautiful long hair (bangs or not :)) and waxed brows. All this, and everyone accepts you. Everyone loves you. Whether you get ma'am-ed or not, that is beyond wonderful! I think you and your wife are great. Honestly.

I think you just handed me a life-changing thought! Really! Could it be that the one who is affected by the "en femme," "en drab," boobs/no-boobs lifestyle is not "them" but ME? Is it not about making "them" feel better, but more about making ME feel better? In a weird way, does everyone know except me???

Wow! Kathi, if you were here right now I'd probably grab your skinny little size 0 body and give you a great big hug!

Deep stuff, deeper than the Pink Sea™! I'll need a while to think about that.

And how many of the rest of us does that apply to? Maybe most?

Wow!


I am going to echo Kathi. I was just trying to ask if having all of these "personas" was what made life interesting, kept your blood flowing. Or is it a by-product of how you have presented yourself over time to different people and you feel a little stuck. Your stories are interesting and it sounds like you are having a ball, but I can't help but being curious on how you feel about the differences. I certainly wasn't trying to make it feel like it was more stress and not support. :hugs:

Sue,

The same thing about my attempt at satire applies. You didn't make me really stressed, insights like yours are a big reason to post here. I'm really sorry if I gave any other impression.

I don't know if I can fully answer your questions. But please feel free to expand upon them until you are satisfied with my answers -- either here or in PM.

Yes, being a shapeshifter probably does work quite well as a mental exercise, probably a lot better than those computer programs that are marketed to stimulate the brain.

But, no, I don't think I do it because of any "excitement" that it offers. As a matter of fact, most of the time it is a downright annoyance and a waste of time, not to mention an increase in the amount of laundry I have to do.

I think that your second thought, that I'm "stuck," probably has more to do with it than the idea that trying to be different things to different people is something I actually enjoy.

I have a son and I never want to embarrass him or cause him pain. He is a wonderful person who totally accepts me and does his best to reassure me that he isn't concerned about whatever I do about my crossdressing, but I certainly don't want to send any pain, difficulties or bother his way, so I try, as best I can, to "protect" the spaces where our lives intersect.

And because I have always been active in many spheres of the community, even before becoming as bold and "out" as I am now, I feel that there are other responsibilities, so maybe I try to "protect" them by shapeshifting?

Maybe, as Kathi suggests, that's an illusion. People are polite and kind, so maybe they just don't say that they know and accept me? Or maybe they really wouldn't accept me if they "knew the truth?" Maybe I'm too afraid to find out? And could that mean that I'm "stuck?"

I don't know, Sue, but I do know that it is sisters like you and Kathi who can help me find out.

If I haven't answered your questions, please keep asking!

Big Hugs,
Persephone.

[Michelia]

I am actually quite the opposite. I am busy enough as it is just trying to keep up with things without these changes. I would never be able to keep track of it. It turns out my bank, my hairstylist, my nail lady, my mechanic and my doctor, and the list goes on...have all seen me either androgynous, presenting as male, fully dressed, and in various states of make up etc. It all depends on whether I had the time on that particular day to do the complete job.

[Kathi Lake]

In a weird way, does everyone know except me???

Wow! Kathi, if you were here right now I'd probably grab your skinny little size 0 body and give you a great big hugThat's kind of where I was going. People know. I guarantee it. It's not just the acrylics. It's not just the long hair. It's not the clothes and the body that is obviously feminine (unless they make guys 4-inch wedges - which would be very cool:)). What it is is the reason why you are accepted wherever you go, however you present yourself. You accept yourself. Barbara, you are one of the most gender-fluid people I know. You seem to have the ability to "shape shift" as you call it by adding or removing articles of clothing/makeup in order to fit into a category that you have created. I will step outside the boundaries of what I usually do and give advice. All I have to ask is this; are those boundaries totally necessary?

As I said, the people around you - the people you know in various "spheres" - already know Barbara, just as much as they know your male persona. Barbara is a big part of you. Barbara is not so much female as feminine. You are just more overt about it than a majority of us. That may be due in part to your wonderful accepting wife. I think that deep down she knows that her husband will always be the wonderful man she married, even if he does go to the salon more than she does. :)

Her acceptance, and the acceptance of your ladies group and all those others that know you- truly know you as you are - have allowed you to grow into the balanced person you are now. Congratulations my friend, you have arrived.

:)

Kathi

[PretzelGirl]

There is no harm. I tend to be overly sensitive to hurting people's feelings when I am not trying to. The written word can go astray real quick without one realizing it.

You are wonderful and your stories are interesting and intriguing. I don't see how you do it. I would be showing up to the guy's club fully dressed and getting my hair done in greasy coveralls.

How you balance it all is a wonder to me. And my curiosity just came out on how you feel about all of these personas. You must admit, it is an interesting balance to maintain.

[sherri52]

I think it's time to do all three enfemme. It will save a big discussion with two groups of girls at once.

[VeronicaMoonlit]

I think you just handed me a life-changing thought! Really! Could it be that the one who is affected by the "en femme," "en drab," boobs/no-boobs lifestyle is not "them" but ME? Is it not about making "them" feel better, but more about making ME feel better? In a weird way, does everyone know except me???

Yes, I think so. You're really doing the separating for yourself, because of your own comfort level, not theirs. And frankly, I think everyone but you knows.


Deep stuff, deeper than the Pink Sea™! I'll need a while to think about that.

Indeed.


But, no, I don't think I do it because of any "excitement" that it offers. As a matter of fact, most of the time it is a downright annoyance and a waste of time, not to mention an increase in the amount of laundry I have to do.

I am a practically tranny, so my advice is to not do it...the shapeshifting that is. Choose the one presentation that feels the most "right" to you.



I think that your second thought, that I'm "stuck," probably has more to do with it than the idea that trying to be different things to different people is something I actually enjoy.

Yes, I think so. Lets see if I can find that question I was asked:

If there was a pill, and taking it would make you post-op, and you had one right in your hand right now, would you take it?


I have a son and I never want to embarrass him or cause him pain. He is a wonderful person who totally accepts me and does his best to reassure me that he isn't concerned about whatever I do about my crossdressing, but I certainly don't want to send any pain, difficulties or bother his way, so I try, as best I can, to "protect" the spaces where our lives intersect.

I did the same for my late father and mother...and my sister.


I feel that there are other responsibilities, so maybe I try to "protect" them by shapeshifting?

Most likely.


That's kind of where I was going. People know. I guarantee it.

I totally agree.


I will step outside the boundaries of what I usually do and give advice. All I have to ask is this; are those boundaries totally necessary?

Good question, and one I've asked Persephone/Barbara before as well.





You are wonderful and your stories are interesting and intriguing.
How you balance it all is a wonder to me. And my curiosity just came out on how you feel about all of these personas. You must admit, it is an interesting balance to maintain.

And, as I have said before, I don't think it's sustainable over the long term, especially the separation of them. People talk, people gossip...they know.

Veronica Rogers

[Persephone]

Kathi, Sue, Veronica and others could be right. Maybe everyone does know, except me. Could it have been confirmed tonight?

We were out to dinner with some very good friends tonight. Friends, that is, of my male persona and my spouse, folks who have actually, years ago, seen me en femme twice at Halloween parties, but that's it.

When we're together, "the girls" usually occupy one end of the table and "the guys" (he and I) occupy the other. Sometimes the four of us are in conversation, sometimes its woman-woman and simultaneous guy-guy.

He and I discuss our various hobbies, passions, the state of the economy, etc. (You know the drill).

A couple of times over the past couple of years, he's told me that friends of his have always asked why I have long polished nails, perhaps hoping that I'd give him some great answer.

When the four of us are talking together, subjects of grooming, like discussions of hair and the like, have periodically come up, particularly since we're all at the stage where male hair loss is a meaningful issue. A couple of times he's said, "We've never seen you with your hair down."

That's made me wonder what he might be thinking.

O.K. cut to tonight. It's been my spouse's birthday weekend and, when we arrived, they handed my spouse a gift box containing three very lovely products -- bath oil, lotion, and perfume.

As the guys listened on, the other woman told my spouse about how wonderful the various products were, and how the perfume had a "very light, very feminine" scent.

Thinking of everything Kathi and Sue had written, I joking said, "Oh! Then it's for me!"

They laughed and, with a glint in her eye, she said, "The two of you can share."

I can't help wondering -- was it just banter? Or are Kathi and Sue and everyone really right?

Or am I now so wired on what's been written here that I see a toad under every stump?

[Kathi Lake]

It certainly could have been banter. Or not. :)

My question is, does it matter? I honestly believe that your friends both know you and love you. You. Not some construct that is in one small delineated "box" saying Male or Female, but the whole you.

You gave me one good example - the nails. Acrylics are hard to hide. Men with long, perfectly shaped and polished nails are, as you'd imagine, a rarity. Next time someone asks why you have long, polished nails, simply say, "Because I like them. My wife likes them. They're pretty. Yes, I know that they look kind of feminine, but at this stage in my life, I really don't care."

So, there may indeed be a toad under every stump. In our "line of work" there is often a bit of paranoia about our appearance and how others will react. I believe that everyone who knows you well has already noticed that, as Michael Jackson said in the Thriller video, "I'm not like other guys." Think on this. Then think on your interactions with your friends. Have you noticed people pulling away? Have you noticed that some have stopped talking with you? Or, have you noticed that your friends are sill your friends?

Also, what does your wife think? Has she noticed odd silences or pulling away? Women are so incredibly perceptive that I'm sure she would have noticed.

Kathi

[charlie]

Hello Persephone!
You obviously do not care if you are out or not, why then the different persona at different venues? Why not Persephone everywhere? Same girl, different clothes maybe? The girl still makes the outfits!