Not CD But Something That Is A Must Read

[Julie]

The following is a very strong and moving letter written by the mother of a gay boy in Vermont. I feel it's something we, as CDs, need to read to put things into perspective because so many things here apply to us too.



"Many letters have been sent to the Valley News concerning the homosexual menace in Vermont. I am the mother of a gay son and I've taken enough from you good people. I'm tired of your foolish rhetoric about the "homosexual agenda" and your allegations that accepting homosexuality is the same thing as advocating sex with children. You are cruel and ignorant. You have been robbing me of the joys of motherhood ever since my children were tiny.



My firstborn son started suffering at the hands of the moral little thugs from your moral, uptight families from the time he was in the first grade. He was physically and verbally abused from first grade straight through high school because he was perceived to be gay. He never professed to be gay or had any association with anything gay, but he had the misfortune not to walk or have gestures like the other boys. He was called "fag" incessantly, starting when he was 6.



In high school, while your children were doing what kids that age should be doing, mine labored over a suicide note, drafting and redrafting it to be sure his family knew how much he loved them. My sobbing 17-year-old tore the heart out of me as he choked out that he just couldn't bear to continue living any longer, that he didn't want to be gay and that he couldn't face a life without dignity.



You have the audacity to talk about protecting families and children from the homosexual menace, while you yourselves tear apart families and drive children to despair. I don't know why my son is gay, but I do know that God didn't put him, and millions like him, on this Earth to give you someone to abuse. God gave you brains so that you could think, and it's about time you started doing that.


At the core of all your misguided beliefs is the belief that this could never happen to you, that there is some kind of subculture out there that people have chosen to join. The fact is that if it can happen to my family, it can happen to yours, and you won't get to choose. Whether it is genetic or whether something occurs during a critical time of fetal development, I don't know. I can only tell you with an absolute certainty that it is inborn.


If you want to tout your own morality, you'd best come up with something more substantive than your heterosexuality. You did nothing to earn it; it was given to you. If you disagree, I would be interested in hearing your story, because my own heterosexuality was a blessing I received with no effort whatsoever on my part. It is so woven into the very soul of me that nothing could ever change it. For those of you who reduce sexual orientation to a simple choice, a character issue, bad habit or something that can be changed by a 10-step program, I'm puzzled. Are you saying that your own sexual orientation is nothing more than something you have chosen, that you could change it at will? If that were not the case, then why would you suggest that someone else could?



A popular theme in your letters is that Vermont has been infiltrated by outsiders. Both sides of my family have lived in Vermont for generations. I am heart and soul, a Vermonter, so I'll thank you to stop saying that you are speaking for "true Vermonters." You invoke the memory of the brave people who have fought on the battlefield for this great country, saying that they didn't give their lives so that the” homosexual agenda" could tear down the principles they died defending. My 83-year-old father fought in some of the most horrific battles of World War II, was wounded and awarded the Purple Heart. He shakes his head in sadness at the life his grandson has had to live. He says he fought alongside homosexuals in those battles, that they did their part and bothered no one. One of his best friends in the service was gay, and he never knew it until the end, and when he did find out, it mattered not at all. That wasn't the measure of the man.

You religious folk just can't bear the thought that as my son emerges from the hell that was his childhood he might like to find a lifelong companion and have a measure of happiness. It offends your sensibilities that he should request the right to visit that companion in the hospital, to make medical decisions for him or to benefit
from tax laws governing inheritance. How dare he? You say. These outrageous requests would threaten the very existence of your family, would undermine the sanctity of marriage. You use religion to abdicate your responsibility to be thinking human beings. There are vast numbers of religious people who find your attitudes repugnant. God is not for the privileged majority, and God knows my son has committed no sin. The deep-thinking author of a letter to the April 12 Valley News who lectures about homosexual sin and tells us about "those of us who have been blessed with the benefits of a religious upbringing" asks: "What ever happened to the idea of striving to be better human beings than we are?" Indeed, sir, what ever happened to that? "

[Tristen Cox]

Great article. It is shocking the level of things in such a society. Ignorance is still alive and well. I can relate to that child in many ways. Thank you for posting this.

[KewTnCurvy GG]

Wow!

Very well written and heart breaking:(

[Helana]

Ouch!!!!!! :(

The problem is that the message will just bounce off those which it is directed at.

For those who understand the message it makes us grieve for everyone abused by the "enlightened"

The only way to rid society of bigotry is to get this message across to children. This message needs to be taught every day, every year in school.

Of course the enlightened would just create their own schools so that they can continue preaching their own brand of bigotry without interference. Oh wait! they are already doing that. :rolleyes:

[CharleneCD]

I can very much relate. While I am not gay, the same type of comments as a child caused me to shut away a very wonderful person inside of myself.

[Julie]

I can very much relate. While I am not gay, the same type of comments as a child caused me to shut away a very wonderful person inside of myself.

I was tempted to change gay to crossdresser but then it wouldn't be genuine. Still, while most of us are not gay, we have suffered the same persecution described by this mother. Her argument is impossible to ignore, unless you are a narrow minded bigot. I just felt her message needed to be made public to as many people as possible.

Share this with all who refuse to understand.

[Sharon]

It's a very touching letter, Julie, and it hits very close to home, both for me and other members of my family, one in particular I plan on sharing this with.

[Jan W]

Dear Julie,

Interested in knowing where this article was published? Was it in a public forum such as a newspaper or an in house publication such as a religious newsletter?

The mother was an accomplished writer, her points made with absolute pin point accuracy and considerable power. Her message is one of passion and commonsense.

All my life I have come across people so sure that sexuality (amongst other things) is a conscious choice. (We know this not to be so!) Why would anyone choose to be ostracised and made the joke of society? What a lousy choice that would be.

Knowing the origin of the piece would be an interesting bit of information.

Regards,

Jan

[ChristineRenee]

A powerful message and heart-breaking as well. Yes Julie...this does relate to all who have been disenfranchised by our "moral society". It is sickening that in this day and age , this kind of attitude is still so wide spread and pervasive. This demonstrates quite graphically that there is still a lot of work to be done to educate...if it will ever be possible...these myopic "do-gooders" out there.

Thanks for sharing this with us hon. Talk about your must reads...here is another one that deserves a sticky IMO...how bout it Tris?:thumbsup:

[Adrianne]

That letter brought tears in my eyes as it was so sad but very true of the way some people think, so so so sad, thanks julie for posting the letter.


Adrianne.

[geegee2]

as i sit here and read this letter I reflect back to younger days in my life when I was brutally beaten by fag bashers, thinking I was gay, just becuase I dressed and acted different they assumed,theres that word that if you break it down it says makes and ass of you and me ass/u/me, forgive me for that on tristen but its what those other people do,that I was a fag so into a dark coner,so I could not reconize them, theyu beat me senseless.
God,since then has punished all five of them, two of them went to jail and became what they bashed,the rest died of drug overdose in later years,
now I give alittle prayer each day for them cause at one time they were my friends, back to the letter, I send all my love and prayers to that mother and ask god to forgive those who,like she state,are the worst of them all for being so bigotted. I apologise for getting long winde girls but it, the letter brought memories and tears to my heart. Ill try not to let it happen again.
Please have a great day and a fsntastic rest o your lives love,kisses hugs
GEEGEE2 :love: :love:

[eleventhdr]

Yeah Yeah I am sure with you on this one To think and really know> Ah this si the whole key to what really truely matters. But there does seem to be those who think they really know what is right, But they are the very ones who are narrow mined fools idiots. To them there's is the only right way. And so they foist upon us all the rest that we must accept what they belive is the one and only way to rightouness. And unfortuatly they are the very ones in power right now. But I say they should be the ones to be run out on a rail and tarred and feathered as in old times that is what they used to do to those who dared to really quetion waht was the way it was really suppose to be we used to have a saying once you can not legislate morality but this is exactly what they are doing now if you dare to question or say that they are wrong then you are againest them. Theya are the truly dangous ones now today. Thsi Bush stuff has got to go he is an Ass and a real nut job. I know that the case is that people are born as they really are it is not something you just caaually come upon one day and decise that this is the way you want to be. It is not only in Vermon that this is the case it is everywhere now today and it is hight time to stamp out this narrow mined bigitry once and for all To truley really think or belive otherwise is just madness but this unfortuatly is the case at persent. I know personally that I did not just choose to be who and what I am it was osmething i realized very early on. But then like that old song from The movie South Pacific You ahve to be caerfully taught to hate who your parents think to hate what is told to be wrong you have to be caerfully taught. But it simply is not true at all. To be gay crossdresser transsexxual or waht have you is not a choice it is as you say something that is inborn just as being hetrosexxual is indeed. And just because you are does not mean you then ahve the exclusive right to brand all others as some kind of deviants or something even far worse this is what Hitler tryed to do and countless others through the ages in the very name of religion. But i will now state right here that they these do not even know what religion really even is or they would not be running around lose all over the place today blowing up edverone and everthing in sight in the very name of religion. Re;ligion is real true love for everyone and everything not violence and killing killing killing. It is true accpetance of everone and everybody as they truly really are. well nuff said. But i did want to say it and I will fight and belive in this forever That is the only true way that it is suppose to be. Suzy THe Doctor Eleventh

[angel7]

Julie!
As a parent of a beautiful gay son, this letter was deeply moving and most profound. Thank you for sharing it. As You can see, it was a blessing for many of us! Please share with us a source for this wonderful statement. I want to pass it on to my friends.

[angel7]

Julie! Never mind! I found it!

Letters to the Editor

Sunday, April 30, 2000
For the Valley News (White River Junction, VT/Hanover, NH)

Again, can't thank you enough for sharing this with us!!!!

[susandrea]

This mother delivered a powerful smackdown to the religiously smug. :thumbsup:

I like to think of it as God talking through her.

I bookmarked that letter as it may come in handy some day.

Unfortunately, the ignorance involved in being religiously smug reaches down to bone level and letters like this usually don't sink in for those kinds of people.

But for those who are on the fence, those who really know what's right but are simply going along with the crowd, a letter like this could change their lives.

I trust it did wake a few people up about the insane and destructive hypocrisy of the religious right.

[Wendy me]

realy people want to through stones around when after all we are all diffrent in our own way ...leave people to be ...

[paulaN]

WOW that was a very moving letter. And so well written. Everyone in this great country of ours should read it. when I look at the date it was written,obliviously not everyone did. I truly think that things have gotten worse than befor the letter was written. I am going to send it alnog to as many people as I can.
Thank you so much Julie.

[StephanieCD]

An eloquent woman and a fierce mother. I wish I could extend my admiration directly to her! My childhood was very similar and much of that hit home for me. The force is strong with that one.

[Joanne08]

Thanks, Julie, for the letter. I, too, can relate. I know that predjuduces are endoctrinated at an early age. I agree with Helana in that we must teach this message everyday, every week and every year in school.


Love,

Jo

[Ophelia D'Void]

I'd have to wholeheartedly agree with the entire contents of the letter. And I stand by my idea (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=7632&highlight=meaning+life+crossdressers) that many of us are born into very homogenous, religiously right communities. If it weren't for the fact that we were crossdressers, we never would have been exposed to life outside of the Ward Cleaver stereotype.

I like to think that crossdressing exposes us to what it's like to live on the other side of the fence, being "sexual deviants", living a life that we didn't choose but learning to accept ourselves and others in the CD community. Being a minority, I can relate to growing up with discrimination in a racially homogenous community. Crossdressing is something that can be hidden, but something like the color of your skin or the slant in one's eye is not something that you can stuff in the corner of your closet.

I think the message isn't something that should be compartmentalized to simply being gay, or being a crossdresser, but it should give us a perspective that different folk are different, and as long as it doesn't harm anyone it should be tolerated.

Luckily, at least in the school system that I grew up in, we were taught tolerance, be it religious, sexual, or ethnic/racial. However, lessons can be taught or unlearned just as effectively at home as in the class room. I guess the moral of the letter would be "Don't hate".

Thanks so much for sharing this letter with us Julie. Maybe we can all be better for it.

O

[Priscilla1018]

Julie,I had to wait to post on your thread,I get so pissed off when I see discrimination in any form.The children in school who bully others learn this behavior at home.We have to teach our children that this type of behavior is not to be tolerated.
In the middle class neighborhood that I grew up in most of the people were of Scandinavian descent and were mostly Lutheran.The parents of my friends taught their children that the Catholic church was evil and that the kids should hate all Catholics.
I was picked on at times because I was of Russian heritage,not real popular in the early 50s.
I learned predjudice,I learned Bigotry and I said and did things I am not proud of.I learned all this from my peers in school.
I met some really great people in the Navy that changed my thinking and over the years I have learned to open my eyes and see people as just people.
There is hope,people can change for the better,I did.But it works better to reach the young people before they learn intolerance for anyone who looks different.

[Sweet Jeanette]

It seems NOTHING can penetrate Thick, Bigoted Skulls! ! I Guarentee you though, ------Someday, ----The thick headed, unseeing low minded Morons, --will, ---someday, -----eventually SEE!, and Realize!!! The ones that I refer to as the ----"Others"!. It will take much time, but ---IT WILL HAPPEN!

[Helana]

It seems NOTHING can penetrate Thick, Bigoted Skulls! ! I Guarentee you though, ------Someday, ----The thick headed, unseeing low minded Morons, --will, ---someday, -----eventually SEE!, and Realize!!! The ones that I refer to as the ----"Others"!. It will take much time, but ---IT WILL HAPPEN!

I doubt it, bigotry is part and parcel of our human evolution, we are naturally afraid of strangers. We can only try to educate our children to ignore the teachings of the intolerant and be true to what is good in life.

Also the more we push the bigots into a corner, the more they they will fight back. If we don't watch out they will claim we are linked to Al Queada and will bomb us out of existance. :(

[ChristineRenee]

I agree Helana...we are not going to change the bigots...that are waaay too convinced that they are right and that we are wrong...particularly from a moral perspective. Just look at the strides the gay community has made and yet they will ALWAYS have their detractors and those who will NEVER accept them under any circumstances. What we can do, however, is to continue to educate those around us who haven't already pre-determined how they think and feel about us. In that way we may begin to win more acceptance in general by society.

[KELLYANN]

VERY GOOD susan. maybe, just maybe, some will ponder the thought and change their evil ways.. ignorance is not an excuse to walk in life blind.

[Tiffy]

I do not even know what to say..................WOW.......................... ...damn........................


April

[carson]

Thank you Julie, for sharing that heart breaking story. My heart goes out to that young man and I cheer his mother for that scathing letter she wrote. While I myself am not gay, I see the parallels to being a crossdresser. I guess that is why I spent from ages 10 - 43 completely alone and in the closet before venturing forth to find this forum. 33 years of silent shame, guilt and psycological torture. I just "knew" that the mores of my society would not accept who I am or what I do. Even now, only my wife and you folks on the forum know about me. I don't dare express my "feminine side" beyond the confines of my house. :(

[Wenda]

Like Priscilla, my mom's family were Minnesotan Lutherans, my Dad's mom was Irish Catholic from Kansas, his Dad was a Missouri Baptist. Before she died, my opinionated "ms. Archie Bunker" mom made a point of explaining to me that "none of them (gays) chose to be like this, 'homocycles ' (they) are just who they are." From the mouths of Octegenarians.
I am not gay, but I have several gay friends. I just do not see this as an issue! I can't believe the level of controversy that insists on making ridiculous points, like "Legalizing Gay marriage will lead to the Sodom and Gamorra of Canadian Society"! What the hell is the connection? Doesn't anyone recall that the vast majority of sexual offenders are male heterosexuals? (often white!).
In Canada, we don't have to deal with Mr Bush directly, but his influence is huge. Sleeping with the elephant can be fatal, however.
We all just need to keep promoting understanding and acceptance. Our little subset of society can be one more little whisper of reason. Hats off to the mom who wrote the incredible letter. Thanks to Julie who shared it with us and made me cry.

[LaceLuvr's GG]

That really was a very moving, and depressing story. The anger I feel with the mother. I for one can definately 100% say that my children are being taught to accept all. Whether it be race, gender, sexual preference.. we are all equals. The closedmindness of the idiots that treat our children that way is a very sad thing.. more than likely drilled into their head by their peers and more than likely their parents. I am very blessed to have open minded parents. And I shall follow in their footsteps to teach my children as they taught me. If my children chose to be gay.. I will proudly stand by them. If they don't.. they will be taught to proudly stand by those that they know.

My heart goes out to her...

[Julie]

That really was a very moving, and depressing story...

When I first read this I was motivated and stimulated. The letter was so well written and puts into perspective so well the impact this prejudice can have not just on the gay individual but also on his family. But one thing I never felt was depressed. I felt exhilarated that someone had the courage to write this letter and that some media entity had the intelligence to publish it. We need more of this type of 'publicity'.

Can anyone out there write a comparable story for crossdressing? I tried but just couldn't come close to matching the impact of this mother's letter. Maybe the key is to do this from the point of view of a mother, sister or spouse. Society seems so much more open to listening to women's emotions than men's.

[katieann]

Very well said. While I don't aprove of the "life style", I have never used that to judge anyone, in fact two of my best friends of gay. They are rally cool people, and you know, once a person just takes the time to get to know them you don't think of the fact that they live any diffrently then the rest of us.

Just remember...
It doesn't matter if you'r gay, or strait, blank, white, Pink, three toed, one armed, fat, or skinny, we're all just people, who are loving for some one to love us.

[gennee]

Julie:

Thank you for sharing this sad :( story. It's not only confined to homosexuals or crossdressers. How many people are walking around wounded in their hearts because someone stuck a label on them that scars them for life? Destroying someone's character is the same as murder, in my opinion. People need to think before they speak or don't say anything. Once again, :thanks: for the article, Julie.

gennee :)

[LaceLuvr's GG]

I just wanted to say Julie, that the only reason I felt depressed by that letter was the fact that it had to be written in the first place. It's very sad that someone had to go to those lengths to get a point across.

Hope that cleared it up...

[letsdance GG]

I sat here for a long time before I even could think of a reply.

What that Mom said covered it very eloquently.

My youngest has been wrestling with some of these questions for a long time. She recently told me that she believes she is bi-sexual.

It took her a long, long time to get up the courage to tell me.

I love her no matter what, as I am sure this Mom loves her son.

I only wish that society as a whole would see them as PEOPLE not
FREAKS OF NATURE!!!!

It is scary for me to think about what she may encounter, but even scarier to think she may choose to hide .

She was soo miserable up until she had the courgae to talk to me.

It scares me to death to think she may choose to ignore herself and pretend to be what she is not.

This is a tough road for anyone. I only hope that I can be the Mom she needs me to be and that she can be happy.

Isn't that what we as pare
ts wish for our children??

[jenniferluv]

A very moving article indeed. It brought tears to my eyes. I remembered many of the things the kids around me did and said when I was young. And then I see this article in another way--change a few words here and there without changing the meaning and you find almost any horrible situation going on in the world today can be described with this letter/article, from war to politics to the everyday conversation on the street---and it frightens me. I wonder what this world is coming to, with the guidance of "good christians and 'republicans'" who believe their own perposterous rhetoric leading the countries of this world. The "ME" generation has assumed power and I'm afraid, ladies, that things will only get worse. They believe in their own lies made from the slanted view they get from their jaded sight through eyes that see only "what you can do for me".
Pesimistic? hurt? jaded?....perhaps I am but then, I am what society in this great christian country of ours has made of me. And I believe that each of us can see the truth if we but open our eyes....Now, what can we do about it?

[katrina armanda]

sad sad sad, I suffered badly under the hands of the perfect police, I was often beaten, cloths torn , lunch boxes crushed, books ripped, school supplies ruined. even the girl picked on me badly. I was this skinny out of place kind hearted boy lost, well trapped in a privet hell of gender identity disorder. I prayed for the day of graduation, hoping college would bring me some relief but that was short lived, when the first night of dorm living I'm locked outdoors without cloths. It must of been written of my forehead. I'm feminine please pick on me. today !!! ( being blessed by God ) that ugly duck turned into a swan. I only wish I would of knew I would be so happy today. it would feel like my birthday everyday. I wouldn't of suffered as bad. the daily daydreams of ways to kill myself and making it look like an accident. so not to shame my family. I woke up one day and said enough is enough its my life and my right to find happiness and I did. " gender transistion"
I have even had the satisfaction of having one of those high school bullies ask me out , clueless to the fact I was once that shy & skinny boy. to drop the bomb was priceless

[Katie Ashe]

This article reminds me of one of my favorite song... Sad but True by Metallica. Life is not fair, this is just a reminder.

"Can't we all just get along..." Rodney King

[Sweet Jeanette]

I have even had the satisfaction of having one of those high school bullies ask me out , clueless to the fact I was once that shy & skinny boy. to drop the bomb was priceless

Very, Very Cool!

[Amelia Moxon]

......isn’t it that we are surrounded by such bigots, that letter is so moving and I can understand what she feels like, my transgenderism has been totally rejected by may parents so I know how it feels to be rejected an why I kept Michelle contained for so long, it is sad to think that these people cannot see any further than their own tiny little narrow minds. I personally wish that I could simply wipe them from the face of the earth, but that’s not going to happen. I myself am not a religious person but I do know that religion does not teach such bigotry, these bigoted scumbags use religion to hide behind to try and give them moral ground to stand upon, homosexuality and everything else they choose to say is wrong has been recorded long before the start of known religion’s so why don’t they just give it a rest and do us all a favor by jumping off of the nearest cliff!!!
Well that’s my rant.

Hugs
Michelle xxx