Kayla Shadows
04-17-2010, 04:11 PM
Hello all :) Its been a long time since I posted so I figured Id say hi and let ya know Im still alive :) So far I am pretty much just dressing still.I really had thoughts of transitioning but it is a lot of money that I dont know if I will ever have.The fear of being stuck somewhere in the middle freaks me out too I guess.Confusion of what to do and whats right has me forgetting about everything and just seeing where life goes right now.Wherever that is I hope its better than it has been.Im still somewhat progressing in that direction but no major decisions are being made as far as going on hormones this exact moment.Things havnt been well for a while and I feel like Im starting all over with things but,Im happy to allow myself to explore these areas.Being tg hasnt been a easy thing to grip but its even worse torment to try to just live as a "normal" man.Thats not me.
The way I live has changed greatly in recent years.April marks 1 year without cigarettes.I was told it would be a good idea to quit before hormones.After quitting I ate like crazy.I dont think I stopped eating.With letting things run their coarse and being patient I am down 25 lbs in the last two months.Ive been working hard.Shopping is a must very soon.I havnt bought anything in a while.I didnt want to while i was a lil bigger.That wasnt my weight and I wasnt going to waste money..Now I can have fun ;) At some point I have to find a nicer car too.Something hot ;) Hmm,whats a girl look good in these days? :battingeyelashes: Lately Ive been cleaning every day.Bit of a packrat and lots needs to go.I wanted to get a large chunk of it done before I start with shopping and going out again.I want things set so I can just do what i want this summer.
I started going to a place right in town to get my brows and nails done.The woman who does it seems pretty cool.She commented on my rings so I know she noticed my nails.Ive been keeping them a little long and done with Sally Hansens hard as nails clear polish.Color on the weekends when I can.Toes are always colored :) Same brand in deep purple this week :) I went a lil thinner with the brows.Next time I just have to say,yes,like a woman please.I really really want them shaped proper.I would feel so much better.I might stop tomarrow and get my nails done.They really need it.I do ok but I want it professionally done.
Over the winter I had my other ear peirced too.I love it.All my male products met the trash along with a lot of male underwear.Things are still everywhere in my home.Thats something Im not looking to change either.This is the first time being single where the other person will know way way before anything goes on with us.I like that.My family still doesnt know or hasnt said anything.I just think I can feel minds working sometimes when i think they noticed something on me.A little omg moment.Eventually as I find myself falling deeper into who I am there will be a clear indication that something is up.I still chat with a few gg's I told.I was just in mail and say I have a message on my male facebook from one.Shes such a cutie.Its just pretty much like, whatever,your still you.I was happy for that.No major crisis yet but Im waiting.
Ah,the simple life.Things used to be so nice and easy..I dont think I like easy..How many chores have you added to yourself with crossdressing? Have you made life easier or harder?
I had my wig washing day today.Its smelling nice and my breastforms are nice and clean as well.Ive never had so many things I had to handwash before.Today Im gonna get to a few more.With my guy stuff I always just threw it in the machine and that was it.Now I have my delicates and things that cant go in.Then we have the maintenance of the brows and nails we talked about (if your at that point),extra effort on facial hair and the rest of the body(that i adore.I hate hair and Im so happy to get it off.I really want laser bad) and the learning and application of makeup(if thats you).Lots of things on top of a already busy life.Always trying to balance and make sure things are taken care of all around.Sometimes it can be a lot for me.I so love it though.
Who am I without this?.."normal"?..Am I even me?..My allowance of self expression is very vital.
I want to thank everybody who helped me,listened,cared and called me a friend.Everything is so appreciated beyond what you know.Thank you for being in my life.And thank you for letting me in yours.Thank you for showing me that I could bring a little bit of me into my own life..
http://i245.photobucket.com/albums/gg61/crashlibra/butterfly.jpg
The way I live has changed greatly in recent years.April marks 1 year without cigarettes.I was told it would be a good idea to quit before hormones.After quitting I ate like crazy.I dont think I stopped eating.With letting things run their coarse and being patient I am down 25 lbs in the last two months.Ive been working hard.Shopping is a must very soon.I havnt bought anything in a while.I didnt want to while i was a lil bigger.That wasnt my weight and I wasnt going to waste money..Now I can have fun ;) At some point I have to find a nicer car too.Something hot ;) Hmm,whats a girl look good in these days? :battingeyelashes: Lately Ive been cleaning every day.Bit of a packrat and lots needs to go.I wanted to get a large chunk of it done before I start with shopping and going out again.I want things set so I can just do what i want this summer.
I started going to a place right in town to get my brows and nails done.The woman who does it seems pretty cool.She commented on my rings so I know she noticed my nails.Ive been keeping them a little long and done with Sally Hansens hard as nails clear polish.Color on the weekends when I can.Toes are always colored :) Same brand in deep purple this week :) I went a lil thinner with the brows.Next time I just have to say,yes,like a woman please.I really really want them shaped proper.I would feel so much better.I might stop tomarrow and get my nails done.They really need it.I do ok but I want it professionally done.
Over the winter I had my other ear peirced too.I love it.All my male products met the trash along with a lot of male underwear.Things are still everywhere in my home.Thats something Im not looking to change either.This is the first time being single where the other person will know way way before anything goes on with us.I like that.My family still doesnt know or hasnt said anything.I just think I can feel minds working sometimes when i think they noticed something on me.A little omg moment.Eventually as I find myself falling deeper into who I am there will be a clear indication that something is up.I still chat with a few gg's I told.I was just in mail and say I have a message on my male facebook from one.Shes such a cutie.Its just pretty much like, whatever,your still you.I was happy for that.No major crisis yet but Im waiting.
Ah,the simple life.Things used to be so nice and easy..I dont think I like easy..How many chores have you added to yourself with crossdressing? Have you made life easier or harder?
I had my wig washing day today.Its smelling nice and my breastforms are nice and clean as well.Ive never had so many things I had to handwash before.Today Im gonna get to a few more.With my guy stuff I always just threw it in the machine and that was it.Now I have my delicates and things that cant go in.Then we have the maintenance of the brows and nails we talked about (if your at that point),extra effort on facial hair and the rest of the body(that i adore.I hate hair and Im so happy to get it off.I really want laser bad) and the learning and application of makeup(if thats you).Lots of things on top of a already busy life.Always trying to balance and make sure things are taken care of all around.Sometimes it can be a lot for me.I so love it though.
Who am I without this?.."normal"?..Am I even me?..My allowance of self expression is very vital.
I want to thank everybody who helped me,listened,cared and called me a friend.Everything is so appreciated beyond what you know.Thank you for being in my life.And thank you for letting me in yours.Thank you for showing me that I could bring a little bit of me into my own life..
http://i245.photobucket.com/albums/gg61/crashlibra/butterfly.jpg