Are you a crossdresser in spite of yourself?

[Frédérique]

I’ve recently been discussing various ideas and opinions with my fellow MtF crossdressers, and I keep bumping into viewpoints that are seemingly at odds with our strong desire to be (or at least look) feminine in some way. I know, there are all types of females to emulate out there, but that's not the point...

What I mean is this – you wear women’s clothing, yet you remain male in all but appearance, according to your level of need for such a transformation. Thus, you are a crossdresser in spite of your nature. Let me explain -- I am shy, quiet (believe me, I am:doh:), and sensitive by nature, also withdrawn. This condition, which I was born with, then nurtured out in the world, led me to become an artist, and that, in turn, led me to become a crossdresser (specifically a transvestite, but let’s not start that again). So, I became a crossdresser because of my nature, and it all seemed natural and logical. As such, I’ve never had one moment when I’ve questioned why I crossdress, or if my chosen lifestyle is wrong in any way – it would just never occur to me. I turned away from the boy and became this more unified, comfortable, and happy version of myself…:battingeyelashes:

I’m surprised to see (and meet) a lot of MtF crossdressers here who are CD’ing in spite of their natures, as evidenced by what they write*. I sometimes post to open minds (you’ve read my diatribes, I’m sure), to see what lies under the surface of things, if only to verify this theory of mine. I’ve learned a lot here, and I will never see crossdressers in a polarized manner as a result – they come in all shapes, sizes, and backgrounds, and I’m glad they do. Despite written declarations to the contrary, some femme something must be in place, and must express itself, even if it is accompanied by guilt, shame, censure of family members, or thinking (hoping) it’s all just a phase…
*I take words at face value, so I have been fooled a few times, believe me…

I won’t point out discrepancies among personal ideologies that I feel are at odds with what my idea of MtF crossdressing is, since that is inherently meaningless. But, it is an eye-opener, I can tell you. I’ve met a few like me, to a certain degree, which is heartwarming. I really don’t like the company of normal males, so I dress to distance myself from all that, among other reasons. That being said, it’s enjoyable to meet others, regardless of their own reasons for crossdressing, since I know we all share something…

I often wonder what some people, who crossdress in spite of themselves, get out of it*? It must vary from individual to individual, but doesn’t anybody think about removing some of the other male baggage in an effort to make the MtF crossdressing more…enlightening? I mean, you’re so close – why not journey a little further in that direction and transform more than just the surface?
*Besides the obvious, I mean…

[Jessy]

I've been wondering too if I am a cd in spite of myself. And actually still am. I never distanced myself from male friends, but often they distanced themselves from me. My life as a guy has known many failures, and I can't remember the last time I was truly happy being the outsider guy I've always been. I'm also very quiet, shy, emotional, and a lot more that doesn't exactly fit society's image of what a man should be.

Since I'm closeted as a cd, I am not really in a position yet to find the answers I seek. I've been out just once, to a costume party, and I remember very well how good I felt. Can't say if it was just because I was being me, accepting my feminine side in the open, or if it was just because my guy self was hidden in a "costume" and the cd was just an excuse like any other costume. I do know that I loved dressing en femme as long as I can remember and I still do, and it seems to unlock a part of me that I suppress in guy mode because of social standards, while I can fully be myself in girl mode without suppressing anything...

[Karren H]

Well personally I did not choose this as a lifestyle. I'm driven to crossdress and nothing I do will make it go away... So I do accept and embrace it.. If I didn't. I dare say I'd be as unhappy as many here who haven't.

I'm not shy or quiet.. Far from it but I know a lot of women who aren't. When did shy or submissive have anything to do with being feminine?

[Kathi Lake]

Good questions Frédérique, as per your usual. :)

I guess I do fit into that box. Am I a manly man? Heck no! From my physique (or lack of one) to my upbringing to many other things that have made me me, I am simply a guy that enjoys the heck out of dressing as a woman!

My "transformation" isn't exactly purely external, though. As many have told me, I am girly/feminine on the inside. Not being a female, I have no frame of reference for this, and can't tell one way or the other. To me, I'm just me.

Kathi

[charlie]

Hello Frédérique!
Interesting probing questions from one who seemingly has your own answers. I dare say that most of us here cannot answer the question of why we dress at all. Most here also do not want to transition into being females either. I have dressed since I was 10. I have always enjoyed it when I was dressed, however have felt guilty and ashamed when I was younger. I've evolved into thinking that it is just part of me now. I feel comfortable as Charlie and love being dressed and feminine. When the clothes come off I have been told that I'm still feminine in lots of ways. I like that part of me. However, if I could throw a switch and stop dressing and the urge to dress would leave me, I would in a minute. So yes, I'm a crossdresser in spite of what I want, but it is a part of me.

[Wen4cd]

When in 'old, default' mode, which would also probably be associated by norms with 'male' mode, (pre anima-nuke integration phase) My usual 'male' nature was shy, oversensitive, self-conscious, withdrawn, introverted, negatively absorbing, wanting, hungry, unknowingly moody, etc.. Negative Feminine traits, anima-posessed traits. "Energy-feminine" as opposed to 'cultural stereotypical' feminine.

In some circles, this is considered classical, or 'true' feminine, 'yin' feminine, 'that which is dark, void, and devours.'

Cue the 'satori' through dressing, and the long 'awakening' process.

Dressed, the personality was ....different, and the kicker is, the alter personality, by the classic energy models, (M&F as a rough analog of Yin and Yang, NOT as boy and girl, or anything to do with physical sex) was debatably more 'masculine' when in 'femme' mode than it was in 'drab' mode.

The 'he side,' perceptively, (and ironically) was much more unconsciously 'feminine' in nature than the 'she.' 'She' is assertive, outgoing, un-shy, energy-giving, much less self-absorbed, and much more service-minded. 'She' is concerned with affirmation and affecting in the world, and cares much less how others percieve her than about how she perceieves others.

So like, double reverse, eh? Crossdressing brings out, or concsifies, the more genuine 'masculine' energy, sometimes. What 'he' called 'being more femine' turns out to have rebirthed repressed traits in the whole which are more classically masculine, and yet, still 'feel' subjectively feminine somehow. hehe

[ReineD]

Just to be clear, Frédérique, are you asking if by her very nature, a CD is (or would be perceived by others as being) less masculine, in a traditional sense, than a non-CD GM?

And for those who do not feel any difference in their masculinity from other GMs when they dress, are you asking if this gets in the way of experiencing a more fulfilling femme experience?

[kimdl93]

there was a time early in my adult life when I suppose I dressed inspite of myself - or at least a time when I was deeply embarrassed and ashamed by the need to do so. As I've matured and found acceptance from my SO, I've become far less embarrassed by some personal attributes which are more feminine than masculen, and far more comfortable with accepting myself and my desire to dress and "feel" like a woman.

[mapletree]

After reading your post I also wonder, and of course i have also been wondering just where I fit in that is why did I make the choices I have and so on. I have likely spoken about fitting ones skin and so again it would seem that in this topic we are invited to explore the value not only of definiiton ( and by that I mean description and lables) but also as important the concept or process of clarification. At the very best I can speak about ( perhaps this also all I can do ) my path to date which is varied and frustrated and full of fear and full of questions and worry.

It is only really in the past two weeks that I have realized how alone I am, how I have cut off so much of my life becasue that was the best I could do at the time.. so I wonder just where to go and often I have no answers for such simple questions becasue while I am old by age I have spent my time dealing with other things and the question so I become thinking smart but life poor or limited ( I do not want to say dumb )

If I had dealt with the fear when I was young then I would have so much less baggage and "stuff" to deal with today and so on. But then 20/20 is so simple 1

Sometimes I wish for a lable but as I am labled I resist its definition. So again I am alone and why ? So far, it would seem, I know no other way.

So I am lucky to be hear and I lots to learn and that is just fine with me today

[Jonianne]

.....Despite written declarations to the contrary, some femme something must be in place, and must express itself.....

That is why I started my recent thread about "isn't there at least a part of our being that wants to be female?" I just wanted to know if, for most, isn't it more than just cloths and/or fetish?


......but doesn’t anybody think about removing some of the other male baggage in an effort to make the MtF crossdressing more…enlightening?

I accept that there are many who don't consider any of their male side as "baggage" and are quite happy as they are. I think most of us though, do have at least a small part of our being that would love to be female.

I don't know if this is the point you were driving to.

[Sharon michelle]

Lately I've been feeling real good about everything and looking forward to whatever may come. No, I don't do this inspite of my nature, I do it cuz it's me. I feel blended (transblended?). Anyway, if I didn't do this, I wouldn't be the same person. If I'm not myself, there's no way to tell how I would feel or think about anything. My nature is all there is to it.
Do I wish to go further, no I don't think it's for me.
Shari

[Soriya]

Good question

Being that I am exploring this for the first time with a clear mind, it's still an unanswered question for me but in just the few weeks here, I have changed quite a bit already. Besides my upbringing and also knowing my history of why and how dressing occurred for me, I am starting to see it, for me anyway, also an artistic form of expression. Being an artist myself, I have always had a creative mind and this is starting to mesh with that side of me. As far as being 'masculine' in terms of a male, well, physically, I am but it was never something I worked at just to be well, more masculine. I do have the type of male body that is framed for a masculine appearance and have often been told by others who body build that I should do so myself as I have what they say is a natural shape for it but like you mention, it's the inside that counts.

I have always been a more sensitive, feminine type when it comes to personality which always made me different and made it hard to fit in with the 'gang'. I used to hate that fact but now, I love that difference about me and I love that I am a male with that side of me. Now I relish the fact that i am not your average guy as I have been told and most women who know me on a personal level have told me it's 'refreshing'.

As far as dressing for me, well, I will find out how it meshes with that soon enough. :)

[Angiemead12]

I have recently come out to my close friends and family about my crossdressing, I felt the need to tell them because I can no longer live in the closet. I wanted out, I wanted to be free and to be known as a crossdresser.

I crossdress for comfort, style, appreciation and fashion. I am a mans man when in boy mode, although I have a very androgynous look to me, I sport long hair, plucked eyebrows, earrings, hairless from the neck down. Im lucky my body type is lean and long and I have a smaller waist to hip and chest ratio.

I do most extreme sports, racing, ride bikes, surfing, Im into fashion and health and fitness. Even thoughI do all this My girl says im abit of an effeminate male.

I know my personality changes when I dress, i become more aware of my posture, hand gestures, walk, and my attitude does change as well, more soft spoken but still confident. I love the attention from men and women when Im dressed.

Im no longer ashamed or guilty, just scared of how the rest of the world will treat me, especially for work!

[Cassandra Lynn]

Always look forward to and enjoy your thoughts and comments Frederique.

And as much as i would love to go in depth on me and Cassie and say something pertinent to your thread, i just don't have enough data.
I know today, more so than ever that i want to pursue being Cassie more, and i suspect when i do, that she will become more alive and have a personality different then mine.

I'm like you, introverted, mostly quite, and very sensitive. Since i've given myself inner freedom and acceptance to feel more femme, i am becoming more emotionally out....as opposed to hiding it.
When i get life's complications out of the way and spend much more time as her, i think I'll be more able to elaborate on the deeper aspects of this life.

In my daydreams my home will be set up with 2 rooms, his and hers, so as to remove some of the distractions and achieve a more satisfactory experience. Goes with my thoughts of being "more", more time as her, more time fully in role, deeper thought processes, going out as her, finding a support group and friends to hang with. More, more, more.
That's why I'm waiting and taking my time to get this all right. Except for the past 7 months of clarity, I've spent 30+ years being in spite of myself. mj (Cassie)

[zoe m]

My interest in crossdressing appeared when I was very small (at least as early as I can remember), so in my case it wasn´t the outcome of a conscious process, it was just there. I tended to repress it because I thought it was bad, so then I guess I became a crossdresser in spite of myself. I guess that changed over time once I stopped thinking it was bad. Now I´m in the process of accepting it as a part of my life, even if a small part. I do think there are elements of my male personality that are very much related to my crossdressing.

I do wonder though, why are we associating being shy and quiet with femininity? Most of the women I know are loud and not shy. They´re also stronger emotionally than men, on average. I do think there are some differences among men and women, but they´re on average, not always among individuals. And in any case they´re not always the stereotypical ones.

[April Renee]

Kinda reminds me of the answer I gave to a therapist when she asked me if I had a problem with having "baggage", I replied that I love my "baggage". I like being a male and I don't feel that I need to change that. I didn't embrace the essence of beeing a crossdresser until I understood that it wasn't going away,no matter if I'm at the race track,golf course or browsing the racks at Wet Seal. Some of the "male hobbies" I've had have come and gone but the dressing has always been there and I've never questioned that. Its just always felt ok. Looking back at my youth I guess that I could question myself and ask...Did I grow my hair long to try and fit in to the heavy metal scene or, just because I liked having long hair? Was that spite or justification? I think of it as a bonus.
.
April

[georgia_937]

I must admit that this thread started me thinking along the same lines as the author. I was always a shy introverted kid, but as I grew older my first wife helped me out of my shell considerably. Now, with my second wife, I find the traditional roles to be somewhat reversed. As an example, I am the shopper (I keep telling her she should never send me to Walmart alone with our checkcard), while my wife, in spite of having lived within sight of a local mall, had to be told where to meet me in there when we first met. On the other hand, she is the one who keeps the budget straight (quite often by constaining me in my purchases). She is the "go in and buy what I need" type, and it makes me wonder if we ended up so compatable because she has many of the traditional "male" attributes that society labels us with. Not that I'm complaining, mind you, I just feel I'm lucky to have found TWO women who would put up with me!:battingeyelashes:

[suchacutie]

This is a great topic and gets to the heart of the matter in each one of us.

For me, it's not that a part of me wants to be feminine, it's that a part of me IS feminine.

On the other hand, when I grab the chain saws you would have no idea that there is any of me that is feminine.

Being a man was not a problem for me. Ask my wife and she will explain that I certainly enjoy being a male, and part of our agreement about Tina is that I will be her man when she needs or wants him. Ask anyone I work with and they'll tell you about the "in charge" control freak who's not shy in the slightest. I've never been accused of being shy :).

But....

My wife also saw something inside of me, and so did I. My male colleagues could not understand my professional processes with the women who reported to me. I understood something these men didn't. It was the obverse of men saying, "I'll never understand women". Well, I did and that means they didn't understand me.

So, when my wife one day said, "we HAVE to buy you a dress", our conversations generated Tina within 72 hours along with a separate e-mail address and the agreement that she had a separate identity. Why a separate identity? One reason was that I like being her husband and all that means, so my male side isn't going anywhere.

On the other hand, there clearly was this feminine side that had remained mostly hidden. We wanted to know who she is! We understood quickly that to understand who Tina is, we had to let her out of the box, as it were. She needed a separateness from the shadow of my maleness.

Thus, I transform into Tina in order to explore her identity, and the more I explore, the more I like her. Frankly, I don't have the mindset that I'm "crossdressing" when Tina walks out of the bedroom. For me (and my wife uses the same word from her perspective) it is a transformation from masculine to feminine. The HE is left behind. We have done our best to create the separate world in which Tina can thrive and experience herself. She has separate projects, separate books (can't stand a lot of the stuff HE reads...only fair because HE can't stand the stuff SHE reads), separate movies, often different opinions on various topics, a completely different interaction with the woman in our lives (wife vs. girlfriend), different voice, different handed, completely different body language, and, frankly, a different approach to life! Tina is learning about "girl-talk", about vulnerability, and was even taught about being "bitchy" a couple of weeks ago (my male side just doesn't do "bitchy").

Is that weird? Probably! But the idea of being, for a time, transformed (or transitioned, or whatever) is how I approach the exploration of this feminine part of me. Many of us here complain a lot about hiding our very manly features such as upper-body strength. I look at some of the girls here and am just so jealous of their more feminine shapes! Ugh..you know who you are :):):)... But that would never stop me from being tina...:) nothing will :)

tina!

[sterling12]

This is all about That Thread about The Kid going huntin'....right?

OK Frederique, you got opinions from a lot of "Gun Enthusiasts," and you were surprised that such behavior would go with being transgendered? Remember, we are all at very different places "along The Road." Some of us will change in remarkable ways, most of us won't! And for many, it isn't an "either, or" type of situation. These people have "Boy Parts, and "Girl Parts, and there will be contradictions, probably all of The Time.

And remember, humans are very complex creatures. For Instance,Your down in Nashville, and you run into some tobacco-chewin' good old boy that is interested in what seems to be only Pick-Up Trucks, and Six Packs. Then, you find out that he's a Ballet Freak! Knows A "Swan Lake" from "A Giselle," and can wax eloquent about how beautifully Marakova used to dance.

Don't you see! Never be surprised about nothin'. That way, you can predict Human Behavior. Quite simply put, it's totally unpredictable! Don't give up on humanity, we aren't like you, but then again, your not like anyone else.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[rocketscientist]

This hits the nail on the head for me too. I can sooo totally relate. Jessy said it as best I could, but I am tending to agree with most of the posts here. Hugs, Tonya:battingeyelashes:





I've been wondering too if I am a cd in spite of myself. And actually still am. I never distanced myself from male friends, but often they distanced themselves from me. My life as a guy has known many failures, and I can't remember the last time I was truly happy being the outsider guy I've always been. I'm also very quiet, shy, emotional, and a lot more that doesn't exactly fit society's image of what a man should be.

Since I'm closeted as a cd, I am not really in a position yet to find the answers I seek. I've been out just once, to a costume party, and I remember very well how good I felt. Can't say if it was just because I was being me, accepting my feminine side in the open, or if it was just because my guy self was hidden in a "costume" and the cd was just an excuse like any other costume. I do know that I loved dressing en femme as long as I can remember and I still do, and it seems to unlock a part of me that I suppress in guy mode because of social standards, while I can fully be myself in girl mode without suppressing anything...

[Lover girl]

With myself I have allways adored womans clothing and the softness. I started in my late 20's maybe even early 20's with the feel of pantys and a bra. then over time I grew more intriged with the styles and the colors. allways wanted to know what it would be like if I were a woman instead of a man. I loved girls and still do but dating was a lesson in misery and depression and humiliation I would retreat and distance myself from people and in efferts be something I couldn't Have. I found myself dressing up in private and became more used to it more and more. Now I've transformed my thoughts into just becoming a woman even if only privately. As of lately I've come to embrace my female side and explore the possibility's knowing full well I can never be completly female. Had I fallen in love with some nice girl who loved me, I don't know if I would be here with you wonderful and understanding people ( Girls ) I thank you all as my girlfriends!!! Love Ya all....My Girlfriends!!!!!:love:

[Alice Torn]

Great thread Frederique! I enjoying all the posts, and relate. I also have been artistic,, used to draw everything, from cartoons, airplanes, trains, ships, cats, birds, to beautiful women. I was a shy, picked on tall, skinny kid, with lots of family pain and issues, confused. Sounds like many, today! Decided i would get into sports, fishing, guns. Grew to six foot five, but was not good at sports, until about out of high school. Became an extroverted introvert. Started dressing at 14, or 15, sneaking sister and mom's stuff. Didn't dress again, until 47, and, am again, mostly alone, introverted, but, do talk to other people often. At age 56, i am having to move 2000 miles, to help my 89 yr old dad, who always resented me, and still does, and who, himself, has tons of anger, sexual, passive aggressive issues he has never dealt with. It will not be at all pleasant, but i hope and pray for the teflon, to handle it. Mom is about to die with Alzheimer's, both brothers, in prison. We are very complex! I need to be content, and more confident as a man, but, when dressed as a lady, accept it, enjoy it, but not allow the man or the lady, to get out of control.! Ha! Girls just wanna have fun! But boys and gurls can, too! Girls cry, and boys and gurls do, too.

[jasmine57]

I don't know that it's in spite of myself now. It was at one time, but I have accepted who and what I am and really love what I've become. There was a time that I dressed out of my need to feel girly despite the fact that there was trouble around every corner because of it. Now things have settle down in my life and I'm truly happy that Jasmine can bring me happiness.

[Frédérique]

Just to be clear, Frédérique, are you asking if by her very nature, a CD is (or would be perceived by others as being) less masculine, in a traditional sense, than a non-CD GM?

It all depends what you mean by masculine, and that perception varies from one person to another. A traditionally masculine individual looking at me in drab mode would assume I was “not” masculine according to his terms, but I play up this distinction purely for amusement (at his discomfort). Being a male, with plenty of masculine attributes that I “tuck” away, physically and mentally, I know what I’m working against. I suppose this is hard to explain to some people, but I know that you can be shy, non-confrontational, withdrawn and gentle, yet still be masculine. Most of my life I’ve had to “act” masculine for others, if only to put them at ease and not target myself as a weakling (in their eyes). It’s all done for survival, since, for some strange reason, a male who goes against the accepted norm can be perceived as a threat to masculine values, and needs to be confronted, bullied, punished, or even eliminated. From day one I’ve been less masculine than others, but I’ve had to hide that. Crossdressing, to me, is the most perfect expression of my innate personality – I can put the masculinity (which I can’t get rid of) aside, at least for a little while, and feel a sense of peace and contentment…:battingeyelashes:


This is all about That Thread about The Kid going huntin'....right?

LOL! :D Actually, it goes back further than that, to a deleted thread a few days ago. That spawned my other thread, and one thing just naturally leads to another…:heehee:


OK Frederique, you got opinions from a lot of "Gun Enthusiasts," and you were surprised that such behavior would go with being transgendered? Remember, we are all at very different places "along The Road." Some of us will change in remarkable ways, most of us won't! And for many, it isn't an "either, or" type of situation. These people have "Boy Parts, and "Girl Parts, and there will be contradictions, probably all of The Time.

No, I wasn’t surprised at all, but it got me thinking about how some MtF members look like women but express themselves (and think) like men. Even I, little Freddy, am guilty of talking like a male at times, especially about sports – I have to stop and think why I’m doing that, in the context of this particular forum. :thinking: I mean, I came here to get away from masculinity (my goal), the logical progression of wearing women’s clothing, IMHO. I try to limit my male attitudes here in the clubhouse, but they are there, believe me, under some restraint. As I said in the OP, I know there are all types of crossdressers – it’s quite fascinating, full of contradictions, and I’m glad to be part of it. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m still changing “along the road,” refining my perceptions about crossdressing by meeting and exchanging ideas with others. However, at heart I remain the same shy non-overtly masculine type I have always been, so I wish to give you a girly hug: :bighug:

[minalost]

...a little less masculine that most men I know. I've always crossed my legs like a woman and had some fem manerisms. I don't play sports and don't care to watch them. I was alway small and skinny as a kid, and really didn't "grow up" until I was in my 20s. This always made me the butt of "gay" jokes with the "jock" crowd in school.

Was I always feminine or just small and shy? I don't know (and I know, not all women are shy and submissive...) if the two are even remotely connected.

I've been a crossdresser, at least in my mind if not actually doing it, from the age of 8 or 9. I know I feel better able to express myself when in fem mode. I just feels right!

So I don't think I "crossdress in spit of myself." I'm just not that manly a man. That being said, I don't hate being a man. There are some parts of the whole husband thing that are good.
:hugs:

[Vickie_CDTV]

I am probably one of those people who is a CD in spite of themselves.

I envy so many of you who have naturally feminine bodies. I don't look at all feminine in male mode, I am short and quite large and stocky, I have broad football player like shoulders, thick arms, big feet and one of the largest sets of calves you will ever seen on a human being (no joke.) I tend to be analytical in my thinking (I was once an engineer.) I walk like a man, my voice sounds like a man and I talk like a man. People who know me, and whom I tell, are always completely surprised that I am a crossdresser. They always tell me they had absolutely no idea.

On the other hand, I have always been a failure at traditional male activities. I can't throw a ball to save my life, I have had almost no success dating, and I am more emotional than other men I have known. I truly envy those who have had successful male lives, it is something I always wanted but was never able to attain.

[GingerLeigh]

I'll weigh in on this one. There are MANY responses here that I agree with and relate to, so repeating them is pointless. I've been through a bit of an identity crisis lately. So many feminine things popping up and screaming that were always there but subdued, at least until now.
People at work suspect me of dressing/homosexuality or something despite the fact I'm happily married. I think that somehow I'm feminine in ways I don't comprehend yet. I try to be "a man's man", but it often feels out of place. I took up hunting a couple of years ago. Many of the guys I work with hunt, so I'd assert my masculinity by joining the group. Well, I'm an excellent shot and the army made me a natural silent stalker, but it really breaks my heart to see the animal suffer. I since stopped hunting. The guilt from hurting the animal overshadowed the thrill of the hunt.
This has been my life. I'm good at certain male dominated things, but lacked interest or desire to continue with it. The hunt may be a bad example, I don't think men are sociopaths that are unmoved by inflicting pain on animals, just that for me I felt awful.
I'm never happier than I am when I share a moment with my wife and kids, or when I'm dressed and acting enfemme. Even if I have to stay in the closet.

[Almalexia]

I wouldn't say in spite of myself at all. I'm pretty shy, I slept with stuffed animals until I was 15, I've been dressing in girl clothes as long as I can remember, and I'm just an overall small feminine man. I dunno if people know if I dress like a girl when I'm in boy-mode but I've learned that you can't let that decide who you're going to be.

But then at the same time I'm not a very warm or touchy-feely person. This doesn't really conflict with my perception of being a girl as I've known so many girls just like me (personality wise).

[LisaMallon]

Yes, definately. I'm one of those persons who you would least pick to be a CD.

Intellectual, I actually have a fierce mind and has zero tolerance for fools and liers. A friend once called me a 'head kicker'. Not afraid of conforntation, even (intellectually) agressive at times.

Gave up CD'ing for 8 years .. and finally came out (with zero dressing in all that time) to my wife a few months ago .. couldn't stand it any longer. Fortunately she has been magnificent and supported me (even gone to a local support group a few times as Lisa).

So there is no going back now, but there was no longer any control over it.

And I need that other side of me, it is so relaxing.

[Tina B.]

In spite of myself? N'aw, but for myself. I have always loved dressing, and even when I was young and believed it was wrong to do it, I still loved it and couldn't wait to get the chance. Then I got over feeling it was wrong, and have reveled in it every since.
Tina B.
Born to wear a dress!

[tricia_dallas]

It's interesting how many of us seem to be an odd combination of shy when male and exibitionist when enfemme. I would certainly be included in that description.

[sissystephanie]

I am a man, and when in drab a rather manly man! But I do love to wear feminine clothing! Not to be a woman, just to wear their clothes. The crossdressing is not done because I have to! A number of years ago I stopped dressing completely and started up again after 5 years because my late wife wanted me to!! I am not sure what that makes me, other than a crossdresser! And I really don't care!