how does one tell there general friends that they are transsexual in nature.

[thechic]

Hi there

Im having a bad patch in my life family matters ,and this transsexual thing starting to take me over,just cant fight it any more.
any way my therapist has told me that it might be a good idea to tell some of my friends, half my family and inlaws already know about me.
so the question
how does one tell there general friends that they are transsexual in nature with out causing rifts.
ive always considered myself just a crossdresser but it does go a bit more than just cloths and stuff.

[CharleneT]

I'd stick to saying you are transgender, gives you some flexibility in what you share with others. As for how to tell someone ... hmm... there are many ways. It depends a lot on you and them. I would suggest that it is a good idea to have this conversation at a quiet time, alone with the person(s) vs. out with a group or at a bar etc.... prepare an intro about it and get ready for questions. Sometimes people have a million and sometimes none at all. Remember that many times the initial reaction is one way and then over time they change. I say that generically because it cuts both ways: some will be very supportive and then back off later and others the reverse. Read a couple of the std books, there you can find stories about such conversations etc... and in some cases for close friends and family, give them a copy. I recommend "She's not there", "Luna" and almost anything by Kate Bornestein. Good luck.

OH, almost forgot the most important thing: this is the kind of news that is next to impossible to keep private. People just cannot resist telling others ... hence you should realize that at some point you'll tell one person and it will suddenly be like if you took out a TV ad. Everyone will know. Look around and you'll find threads about how quickly it can spread. Often this "spreading" is not in a malicious way, but you should be prepared for that to happen - before you start telling friends.

[Schatten Lupus]

My fiance told most of my friends, so I didn't have to worry about it.

[EnglishRose]

My fiance told most of my friends, so I didn't have to worry about it.

With or without your consent?

With regards to friends, I've told two who I don't believe it will get further than; one, because they quite privately identify as androgynous, and get the whole transgender concept, and the other who was my best friend from a long while and I thought might have some insight into this whole thing.

I'm planning on coming out to my parents at some point but I haven't a clue when.

Put it this way; what's your desired outcome? I know just how good it is to tell someone exactly who you are, but if you don't think you'll ever see someone again, for example, and aren't thinking seriously of transitioning yet, the downside (possible spreading where you're not there to tell your side) may outweigh the benefits, perhaps?

[Dawn D.]

Hi,

If the time is now that you must tell friends and others about yourself, my suggestion would be to do it in person, one on one, in a neutral location (one in which neither of you would feel threatened or uncomfortable).


how does one tell there general friends that they are transsexual in nature with out causing rifts.

Please don't think that you can expect it not to. It depends on so many things in each person as to how they will respond. Someone that you tell, may be the one that you least likely expect to be supportive and understanding, could just as easily end up being the most supportive. And vice-versa. You just never can be sure how they'll respond.

One thing seems certain from my perspective. If you're close to coming out or going full time(RLE), telling those close to you is best done by you, yourself. Don't let them find out third party. Make a list and go through it thoroughly.

In my own situation, I evaluated who it was I needed to talk to. Either in person or accompanied by a written letter. Most of the people I felt important enough in my life that I should tell first hand, I invited them to my house. Not really a neutral place, but, that's just me. I'm a little bit of a control freak anyway. Whomever I did invite over were those that have always felt comfortable in my house as well.

Be aware, there is always what I call the rebound effect to. You tell someone close to you; they tell you "Oh, well that's just fine with me. I have no problem with it. What ever makes you happy". And then sometime later you realize it's been six months or a year since last you have seen them or you hear through the grapevine that they really are put off about you being trans. It's just the way it goes. Some will be genuinely understanding, some might even accept you. But, there are more that will simply tolerate it and still some that flat out reject the very notion.

One last thing. Once you're out, you're out! You can never not be again. So make sure as you possibly can that the time is right for you. Employment and housing are always the toughest issues once you're out. Friendships are also known to suffer greatly as well.


Dawn

[Katesback]

The number one cardnal rule to a happy transition is you MUST BE WILLING TO LOOSE EVERYTHING (PUT IT ALL ON THE LINE).

With that said I will simply say that you can stand strong and tell them you are going to transition and they can decide thier involvement with you. If you at all express or emote any impression that you are open to being a slave to thier expectations you will have overlooked the number one rule above.

If you do try to work around other people's expectations you will join the long long list of people that SUFFER to great extremes.

Hope ya understand very clearly what I said!

Katie

[CharleneT]

The number one cardnal rule to a happy transition is you MUST BE WILLING TO LOOSE EVERYTHING (PUT IT ALL ON THE LINE).

With that said I will simply say that you can stand strong and tell them you are going to transition and they can decide thier involvement with you. If you at all express or emote any impression that you are open to being a slave to thier expectations you will have overlooked the number one rule above.

If you do try to work around other people's expectations you will join the long long list of people that SUFFER to great extremes.

Hope ya understand very clearly what I said!

Katie

:iagree: even if Katie is psycho :D

Not sure that Geneva is intending on transition though .... ?

[Karen564]

The number one cardnal rule to a happy transition is you MUST BE WILLING TO LOOSE EVERYTHING (PUT IT ALL ON THE LINE).

With that said I will simply say that you can stand strong and tell them you are going to transition and they can decide thier involvement with you. If you at all express or emote any impression that you are open to being a slave to thier expectations you will have overlooked the number one rule above.

If you do try to work around other people's expectations you will join the long long list of people that SUFFER to great extremes.

Hope ya understand very clearly what I said!

Katie

:iagree:

This is Very ,Very True !

[Karan49]

I've heard those words so often. Keeping the real me secret for so many years was such an awful burden. When I finally came out to my family and friends I realized I couldn't burden any of them with my secret. Yet I didn't want to be needlessly ridiculed. I decided to suggest to those I told that this news of me wasn't a secret, but that before this news was passed along to another I would hope my friend or family member would realize that once it was shared the news could not be taken back. If he or she would be embarrassed by this news it would be best to consider who it was shared with.

This was over twenty years ago. I shared this with my brother and four sisters as well as my many neices and nephews, cousins, aunts, and uncles. Most handled the news with discretion and understanding. There were a few mild bumps in the road, but for the vast majority of people it was an easy transition. At the time and over time I was so surprised that I was accepted and didn't make waves.

I realize I made my transition for myself and I had to struggle to accept myself and the biggest hurdle was getting over the secretiveness. Keeping a secret is so destructive. By my not expecting family and friends to keep my former secret but warning them to consider to speak with I not only removed the power of the secret but this allowed each person told to consider how this news of my transgenderism would affect them.

For most people it didn't effect them except in how they would relate to me. If they were concerned about what people would think of them, they would be more likely not to say something to anyone or be more likely to share the information with a confidante. They could talk to someone so the information could be processed.

If you think you have the right to give permission for someone to share this information with another I think you must be naive; most people can't or won't keep a secret as the information needs to be proccessed and sharing this information with others is a way we process.

Karan

[RockerTerri]

I must be the odd one out, because I havent had any real problems during my transition, and ive been fulltime for over a year. My family knows, my friends know (1st person I told was my best friend; his wife immediately wanted to show me how to use eyeliner!) and not one of them has given me so much as a negative look. When I told him, he just laughed and said "dude, that explains so much."

If you have children, are married, etc, then yes, you need to approach this carefully. But also, we all more or less know who the friends are that we can trust, and who we cant, with that sort of information (although people will amaze you at times, usually for the good). Most likely, though, friends will just say "uhh, ok. So, you gonna change your name...?" and awkwardness will give way to curiosity (good natured, I might add).

But rest assured, once you are out, YOURE OUT, and cant go back. Usually isnt all doom-and-gloom, but there is no going back, no matter how it goes.

Good luck!

[mapletree]

[I] have tried and I do not know

[Felicity71]

Before i started telling my family, they knew i was depressed and sad. Life was going at half pace. They finally got my sister to have a chat with me. I sat down with her at a cafe and said, you know what it is dont you. It was simple enough then to let her pass it on to mum and then dad. I then had a chat to mum and from that point on its got easier and easier. All the relatives were informed by mum, and i thank her for it. Telling friends and co workers also became easier. I usually say i was depressed and living a false life. Its meant that most are accepting. If i lost everyone so be it, but i believe they need to hear that it was not a choice, but a matter of survival.

[noeleena]

Hi. thechix.

I see your up county from us .
so hi from a kiwi from the south isl .
Give us a email some time .

One of the hardest things to do is tell family . & you dont know how they will take it .
I started by telling Jos ( s o ) that i was . am. a woman 12 years ago . that went like a bomb going off 8 years of hell .
Jos understands im a woman , now . our 3 grown up kids 31 34 35 . are allmost there still hard tho ,Cliff still has his moments & is getting there , Nathan well there s a change in the begining was quite against it & would not accept ,
after some 6 years when he rang Jos up 2 weeks ago asked Jos how would he get along with me , Jos said it would be all right . so that is the change i have been hoping for, his new wife & 1 year old kid e will be coming back to n z from a stay in the u k so this will be so neat after 4 years away ,
Kaylyn just gets on with life & accepts this is who i am, her daughter goes every were with me & meets & has met many of the people i know & joins in one of our groups the edwardian s of 1900 to 1910,
my friends a few had been told over a time by me that i would the next time they saw me would be as me a woman , some of my friends around the county were all told on one night thanks to & you will know who, close up & cambell live , you may remember simon shepard he interviewed me for cambell live 25.june 07.
Lisa glass interviewed me as well for close up T V. N Z ,
plus emma Bailey for The timaru Herald & the oamaru paper . after that the net .

I know you & others wont go on this road of cause . yet for me this was just so neat . so yes i have been in full view by many people & the many people i have got to know from this i meet many people .

I have been accepted for who i am first & then as a woman . just put my name on the net & youll see my profile ,
why did i do this really it was not my idear at all i was given the oppotunity to do it so i went with it , & the results have been fantasic to say the lest .

Be up front with people tell them what who & why you are the way you are , let them be a part of your life ,
i said i am a woman who is a transfemale with a male back ground & then told them i am this way because i was born this way not some thing i dreamed up & is a put on ,just this is me & who i am & let them decide, if you are telling the truth or not .
People know me to well to know otherwise wether im a woman or not hence the reason i am accpeted . im not talking about understanding , just accepting .

Of cause none of this may help you . what i found is our people are more receptive to us in n z, so will it be easy no there will be a lot of details youll have to go through . trust me itll be bloody hard make no mistake on that ,
Im happy being who i am more so than for 50 years being or trying to be what i was not .
How ever you go about telling your family & friends i wish you all the best ,

The most important detail is first accept your self for who you are , then, go on from there .

...noeleena...

[Kaitlyn Michele]

:hugs:

Just think it through..its the ultimate risk to be sure...you can do it...i often did stuff to make it easier...i have an older 70+ dear friend and i brought him a bottle of scotch and told him that he would need it, then i simply told him that i was transsexual....a year later he gave me the bottle back, still half full..

one thing i remember is how terrified i was before telling people and frankly once i started it became like a drug..i couldnt wait to tell the next person..

you might consider that if you are ts and transition is in your future, that it can be a very empowering and wonderful experience....and some will share it with you...how awesome is that!? others will not, and you may also end up dealing with poisonous people that will cause you grief...but that's true of any life...

[got2free.Ollie]

I've only ever told 2 people and another one's gonna find out soon from reading my diary blog. Thank god I have the most awesome and understanding friends in the world.
The first person I told was this gay guy I'm really good friends with. I just sucked it up and we went for a walk and after we ate lunch on a bench I told him I had something important to tell him, told him to promise not to get mad and I told him how hard it was to say to him. I was expecting this big thing and when I told him he said 'oh, that' like people said that on the streets everyday :P
the other one I told through msn and she just wanted to make sure my feelings were genuine and not misplaced or caused by something else.
I hope you have good friends like that but you really do have to be willing to get flack, an uproar or possibly lose a friend if your friends aren't super supportive
good luck!

[Hope]

There is no good, easy way. You will just have to put on your big girl panties (that is the second time tonight I have used that phrase... what is with me and panties tonight?) and shove your heart back down your throat, steady your voice and be out with it.

Whether or not it causes a rift in the relationship is not up to you. Your friends will decide for themselves if they still want to be friends with you - and there is not a lot you can do to influence them (other than not being a jerk - even if they are jerky with you).

You can soften the surprise by femming it up, and dropping "hints" for a few weeks... whatever that means for you. But ultimately, you are just going to have to spit it out. It won't come up naturally in conversation, you will have to steer the conversation toward something TG, and then let it loose.

Please please please remember that the conversation should not be about how you have this horrible condition - it should be positive, and fun, and cool. People take their cues about how they should react from us.

[katieblush]

Sorry to hear your going through a bad patch at the moment,seems may of us are going this route at the moment,i see more people on this site going for it just lately.

All i can offer you is a little of my life experience,i am going full time soon,i am 3/4 there now due to being held up by the usual things that slow us down, money,job,shelter etc etc,this is a epic journey for sure,being married with children makes things really complex,and i have found myself faced with telling people who i never thought i would have to tell,my daughters best friends mum,my girls head teachers,you see upon reflection this is so deep as we transition so must all around us transition to,and if you can make things a little better for those near to you in any way please try to.

Now i have family still trying to hold the information release back, which is not going to happen as to many people know now and its causing a little friction sooo now i have to deal with there denial now.

Yesterday my sister decided to out me to my nephew,(hay thanks sis). Now we are close and i respect him hes a great kid so he turns up and we go for a drive,i knew something was on his mind,he has had a bad time of late and my timing to tell him about my being TS would have been in the next two weeks telling his girlfriend first as i really did not know how he would take this news,so we park up in the countryside and wham! he tells me he knows about me:eek:moment,and that he fully supports me and is ok with me being TS he thought i had cancer due to the weight loss i have had stress etc,so that surprised me totally out of the blue so be prepared for moments like that.

Most people have been sort of ok,but i have a few who hate me one being the neighbours daughter in her 40s ohhh sure is a mean one,still that's to be expected on this path some people just like to throw stones in glass houses.

I wish you well and be prepared for awkward moments.:D

[Sammy777]

half my family and inlaws already know about me.

how does one tell there general friends that they are transsexual in nature with out causing rifts.
ive always considered myself just a crossdresser but it does go a bit more than just cloths and stuff.

You left some details out, so forgive me if some of this doesn't apply or has already happen. :D

First I will let you in on a lil secret, your whole family knows.
OK, maybe not Aunt Lucy you see once a yr, but if your family is close chances are any family member you told has already told at least one other family member.
That can actually be a good thing, it saves you the time and worry of doing it yourself.

I am also guessing you first told your family you were a CD'er.
Have you told any of them about your TS feelings yet?

It might be a good idea get comfortable with and accept yourself as being TS before revealing, or updating your status to your family. It will almost feel like you are telling them for the first time all over again. So be sure of it for yourself first.
Give yourself time to let it sink in, make sure it fits.

Once you feel right, accept, and know your TS, then it is time to tell your friends.
It saves time and is less confusing for you and them.

Your REAL friends, meaning the ones you can count on one hand, not work friends, friends of friends, part time friends, ect. will understand and most likely all be accepting.

How can I say such a statement?
Didn't I ever read all the horror stories? Ya I did ..... And?

The close friends in your life are there for a reason,
That reason being - you picked them.
Something in you somehow knew they were the type to understand.

Maybe I'm speaking out of my ass, lol, maybe I have just been extremely lucky, but so far every one, let me say it again EVERY ONE of my close friends I have told have not only been accepting, but supportive.
They have told me things like: I always knew, I always knew you were different, no big deal, it doesn't change our friendship, or something like that.

Just do it face to face, be sincere, and try to be calm, although a bit of crying is perfectly ok, lol.




The number one cardnal rule to a happy transition is you MUST BE WILLING TO LOOSE EVERYTHING (PUT IT ALL ON THE LINE).

I'm sorry, But I think that is just utter BS! opps sorry! :battingeyelashes:
This gung-ho hear me roar, take me as I am or get out of my way because I don't need you if your not behind me 100%, my way or the highway, black or white way of thinking is crap.

Life in general is a crap-shoot! Why is this any different or special?
Jobs, friends, family - they all come and go through your life.

Don't get wrong!
I am in no way saying everything is greener on the other side, welcome to womanhood, have a nice life.

I think there is a HUGE difference between knowing, preparing and accepting that people like us have lost a lot, or everything, but it is not some rule to live by like,
You want to be a woman?
Hmmmm well hand in everything you own and forget everyone you ever knew and step this way.

Is there a chance you might lose family, friends, possessions?

Yes, there is, but do not let that, or the people who love to run around crying "the sky is falling, the sky is falling" and its gonna fall on you too!!!! rule your life.

Look around - everyday there are "normal" people who lose there job, before they know it, their house, friends go away, family are now to busy to help, its called Fracken life and its happening all around if you bother to look past that lay-z-boy you seem to love armchair quarterbacking from.

And please don't bother asking me if I want to continue this via phone.
I'm out of minutes for the month. :heehee:



I must be the odd one out, because I havent had any real problems during my transition, and ive been fulltime for over a year. My family knows, my friends know (1st person I told was my best friend; his wife immediately wanted to show me how to use eyeliner!) and not one of them has given me so much as a negative look. When I told him, he just laughed and said "dude, that explains so much."

Hi Terri!
It is nice to see I am not the only one, and you in part sort of prove my point about your real friends being accepting and that the sky isn't going to come crashing down just because your a TS. Thank You :hugs:

[luvSophia]

As Hope said, you do not have much control over whether or not the news causes a rift. No matter how you tell it if the other person is prone to have issues to it then they well.

As far as telling friends, for me it was easy. I told my BFF. She asked if it was a big secret and I told her I'd just as soon she didn't take out a full page ad in the newspaper, but no, it wasn't a secret. Before I knew it all of my friends that I care about it knew and were calling to congratulate me. If you want to get the word out, tell another woman.

[katieblush]

Sammy777 hi,ref Katesback ,well we all walk different paths in life and who's to say your idea of transition is correct,you may just be destroying someones only survival tool,and that attitude of my way or the highway happens to work for many,in fact its the only way to get hardened and survive hell,ok some people are born with a silver spoon in there mouth,and have the means to move in the middle /higher classes in society,when you are at the bottom you get hard real quick,or face your doom.

No its not nice having to face the fact that you most likely will loose all,but hay that's life,and i for one will not ignore this fact,if you choose to have your head in the sand then do so at your own peril,who's to say this may not happen to anyone of us at any time.

[Rianna Humble]

how does one tell there general friends that they are transsexual in nature with out causing rifts?

I haven't yet found an easy way to broach this subject, so I've taken to calling people individually and telling them that there is something they need to know about me. I then explain that I've been suffering from Gender Dysphoria for decades and that I recently decided I had to accept myself for who I am.

After a short pause to let them get their breath back, I explain that I am about to start my transition and what that means practically.

So far, I have only had positive responses, but I still apologise for dropping a bombshell on them.

Best two responses from non-family so far:

1 The political party I used to represent on the Council told me they hope I will stand as a candidate again once I have transitioned.

2 A GG women's rights activist asked if I would join her in a new women's action group she was planning to create some time next year.

[TerryTerri]

I've now had the"opportunity" to enlighten most of my close friends and my family, about two dozen in number.
I have not been rejected yet, and, my most common reaction is similar to what Terri described with her best friend. Whether they realized it or not, they knew. One of my best friends, and my AA sponsor is a biker dude and is the president of our motorcycle club. He's a tattooist and owns a tattoo parlor. I was nervous, but he needed to know. Anyway, his reaction was much like Terri's friend's reaction. He said something to the effect: " Okay, I always knew you were a bit different, this makes sense. You're not going to quit our (motorcycle) club are you?"
Anyway, I've developed a basic flow in telling folks that seems to be working for me. I start by telling them that a few years ago I went into a depression and despite what I tried I couldn't seem to work my way out of it and I was on a slow downhill spiral. One day I caught myself having suicidal thoughts and that got my attention. I wasn't positive about what was going on with me, but I knew gender issues were at the core of this and I sought the help of a gender therapist.
I then give a brief explanation of gender identity since most people don't have a clue of the concept. I tell them that a person's soul, spirit, whatever you wish to call or refer to that 'internal being' also has a gender. In most folks both the physical and internal genders agree and it's not even thought about. But, there are those of us whose internal gender and physical gender are opposite. I heard that one possibility is that in early fetal development a 'hormone wash' doesn't happen normally and it creates this condition. I've also heard that MRI scans of the brain show that male and female brains work differently and a transgendered person's brain actually works more like the 'identified' gender than their physical gender.

Anyway, I go on from there. But, it seems easier to me to start by letting them know I started having suicidal thoughts due to this, let's them know this is serious, which is also a good thing to remind myself about too. and then I give them a small education of what it actually means and doesn't mean. Until I realized I had issues in the gender arena, I didn't know or understand much. I don't assume someone else already has an education about it and by giving them a realistic concise insight, they don't jump to false, "not good" assumptions.

Anyway, so far, to my amazement, no one has been rejecting toward me. This includes most of my biker brothers and sisters in my motorcycle club (I'm in one of the few clubs that patch in females).

I'm still scarred about coming out at work. My direct supervisor and the local HR/Diversity person knows (by coincedence the HR gal happens to be a true friend of many years and we are family to each other in our hearts. She's got my back!!!). But, at this point, we are not telling anyone else. There's some flux in process that should result in a promotion and supervisory job for me. Tactically, it's better to wait until that is all done and is official. The federal governement works slow, so that could take between a month and a year to happen. But, I work with several 'fundies' who are good folks, just a tad small-minded (in my opinion) about religious things. Unsure how they will take to this and I really hope they can accept it. They are important to me at my work. One gentleman has been my unofficial mentor in a technical capicity for about ten years now. So, I am apprehensive. GuessI should be.

Anyway, I know that so many gals have gone through the steps I am scared of and have 'made it out alive'. There's hope for me too. If they can do it, so can I.

Good Luck to you!!

[Faith_G]

I started off by reminding them of how much I've changed in the last few years (I used to have a beard down to my chest and weighed nearly twice as much!). Then I tell them that I'm going to tell them the real reason behind those changes. So far people have been understanding. :happy:

[Sammy777]

I must be the odd one out, because I havent had any real problems during my transition,

My family knows, my friends know and not one of them has given me so much as a negative look.

Most likely, though, friends will just say
"uhh, ok. So, you gonna change your name...?"
and awkwardness will give way to curiosity (good natured, I might add).


I've only ever told 2 people

The first person .... when I told him he said 'oh, that' like people said that on the streets everyday :P

the other one I told, she just wanted to make sure my feelings were genuine



I haven't yet found an easy way to broach this subject, so I've taken to calling people individually and telling them

So far, I have only had positive responses,
but I still apologize for dropping a bombshell on them.



I have not been rejected yet, and, my most common reaction is similar to what Terri described with her best friend.

Whether they realized it or not, they knew.

One of my best friends is a biker dude,
Anyway, He said something to the effect:
" Okay, I always knew you were a bit different, this makes sense."

Anyway, so far, to my amazement, no one has been rejecting toward me. This includes most of my biker brothers and sisters in my motorcycle club



I started off by reminding them of how much I've changed in the last few years
Then I tell them that I'm going to tell them the real reason behind those changes.
So far people have been understanding.



Your REAL friends, meaning the ones you can count on one hand, not work friends, friends of friends, part time friends, ect. will understand and most likely all be accepting.

Maybe I'm speaking out of my ass, lol, maybe I have just been extremely lucky, but so far every one of my close friends I have told have not only been accepting, but supportive.

They have told me things like: I always knew, I always knew you were different, no big deal, it doesn't change our friendship, or something like that.

Just do it face to face, be sincere, and try to be calm, although a bit of crying is perfectly ok, lol.

Thank You RockerTerri, got2free.Ollie, Rianna Humble, TerryTerri and Faith_G
For helping to show that accepting friends are more the norm and not the exception and that being TS isn't the end of the world. Thank You Again :hugs:



Sammy777 hi,ref Katesback ,well we all walk different paths in life and who's to say your idea of transition is correct,you may just be destroying someones only survival tool,and that attitude of my way or the highway happens to work for many,in fact its the only way to get hardened and survive hell,ok some people are born with a silver spoon in there mouth,and have the means to move in the middle /higher classes in society,when you are at the bottom you get hard real quick,or face your doom.

No its not nice having to face the fact that you most likely will loose all,but hay that's life,and i for one will not ignore this fact,if you choose to have your head in the sand then do so at your own peril,who's to say this may not happen to anyone of us at any time.


Please show me where I state "my idea of transition" and where I say it is better?
Sorry to say it, but the world is not just black and white.
It is more like 5% black, 5% white and 90% is the gray area in between where most people live in.

I would LOVE to live in a world where there is only black n white, good n evil, happy n sad and all of them with a nice clearly defined border between them.

Who is dreaming now???

Tell me how showing someone their life does not have to be filled with Doom n Gloom is going to "destroy" their "only" survival tool???

Telling your friends your TS "may" make them go away,
But being a "take it or leave it" hard-core b*tch about it will pretty much guaranty them wanting to leave.

Sorry you might have been mis-informed,
But I didn't get a silver spoon or rose colored glasses at birth.

I know all to well that life sucks and it can and will throw you a right hook just as soon as you stop looking for it.

That doesn't mean you have to live your life carrying around a cloud of doom n gloom the sky is falling while trying to get everybody else around you to hover under it.

Once again!
Is it possible you could lose everyone and everything because of this? YES

Does it happen to every one of us? NO

I can also win the lottery tomorrow - Yaa!
And get hit by a bus while jumping up n down celebrating - Boo!
That isn't stopping me from living my life, or playing the lottery now is it? :lol2:


PS: I am not saying you, me or anybody should be walking around in a fog thinking hey! it's all gonna be just dandy, my friends and family will probably throw me a party for coming out, this is great , hey why did I wait so long.

No, because that is just insane :lol:

But isn't hoping for the best, but preparing for the worst a slightly better way of waking up everyday???

[katieblush]

hay sammy777, my god you do love yourself :devil:

[Karen564]

No worries Katie,

I knew what you were saying the 1st time .....:hugs:

[kellycan27]

I agree.. You absolutely have to be willing to risk it all in order that you succeed, if you truly hope to live your life as you see fit.

[Sammy777]

hay sammy777, my god you do love yourself :devil:

hay katieblush, what an insightful and elegant reply on your part. :doh:

What's next in the 4th grade comeback line handbook???

Going to tell me I have cutties? or maybe.....
I'm rubber your glue, whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you?
:brolleyes:

If "loving yourself" means not wanting to live under a dark cloud of misery and despair, then yes I guess I do. :cute:

I must just be one of those crazy people that sometimes enjoys looking for the bright side around the corner of the cold dark miserable wall of reality built of despair and bleakness that the world likes oh so much to build up around everybody. :tongueout

Fa............La........La..........La........La.. ....:battingeyelashes:

I never said any of this was easy. We all have our good n bad days.
I just prefer to not come down like a 2 ton hope crushing hammer on people who are just starting out.

[Rianna Humble]

it seems easier to me to start by letting them know I started having suicidal thoughts due to this, let's them know this is serious, which is also a good thing to remind myself about too.

I forgot to mention that I too bring up the thoughts of suicide, but then in the style that they have become used to with the old me, tell them "I decided there was more future in accepting myself than in ending it all". They usually respond to this with a chuckle (which is the reason for saying it like that) and agree with me.

[Sharon]

hay sammy777....


hay katieblush....

Cool it -- both of you -- NOW!

[Victoria Anne]

I may not be wholey quailified to say any thing but here it goes. Do it one on one in a secure location out of the public venue. Be ABSOLUTELY sure as you cannot put the jennie back in the bottle.
In my experience I have come out to a few family members and to a few friends, the result my mother refuses to acknowledge my femme side ,my sister does not care but asks that I keep it from her children ( both teens) As for friends well a friend of 44 years has not spoken to me in 3 years and two are wholey accepting ( they are lesbians) and another does not want to see Viccy yet we still talk nearly everyday for 20-40 mins at a time sometimes several times a day, he is a good friend and yet another who again does not support me yet she and I will sit and chat for hours. Just be careful. My thoughts are with you and I wish you the best in your descision.

[Nicole Erin]

Here is the thing about telling folks you want to be a woman, that you are TS -

people expect shun and privacy, neither are that common, here is the hard part -

Once you tell someone you want to be or do something, people will start holding you to that standard. Think of when you tell someone you want to lose weight, you will catch hell each time they catch you buying a hamburger.
So with telling them you are TS, they will start being like "Ok, why the beard/arm hair/etc?" when you deicde to slack off.

I go to school with this lady who is a good friend, she knows I want to be a woman, and she gets on me a lot about how I need to dress and everything. She encourages me, but it is kind of peer pressure.

Being CD is fun but being a woman is work.

[Rianna Humble]

I have come out to a few family members and to a few friends, the result my mother refuses to acknowledge my femme side ,my sister does not care but asks that I keep it from her children ( both teens) As for friends well a friend of 44 years has not spoken to me in 3 years and two are wholey accepting ( they are lesbians) and another does not want to see Viccy yet we still talk nearly everyday for 20-40 mins at a time sometimes several times a day, he is a good friend and yet another who again does not support me yet she and I will sit and chat for hours.

I'm really sorry you have had to go through that, it's amazing how wrong we can be about people we thought of as friends.

I'm one of the lucky ones who has had support from my friends. Even today, I came out to someone who is very opinionated and who I expected to be very hostile. Her reaction was "It makes no difference, you will still be the same person I like underneath it all and I'm sure you have not rushed into this lightly". She even made me promise that if anything is worrying me during transition that I will let her do whatever she can to support me.