is it time?

[beccy]

ok so i know there is only one person that can answer this but... the urge to transition is getting very intense again should i be going to see someone? the depression is kicking in again and im getting sick of putting a breave face on. now before you answer that i am married with a very unsupportive wife (who im still crazy for) she says she accepts its who i really am but resents the fact that she will loose hubby if i go for it i have a crappy job though its quite secure my own home and car. all of which i stand to loose if i follow my my true calling and become the woman i am. so basically its be me and hurt the person that means more to me than anything or live a lie.

ok thats spout over but do you think its about time i went to see someone to try and sort something out in my head or is there any point for as long as im still with my wife there is no chance of becoming the woman i truly am

[Faith_G]

You seem to have a good grasp of the pros and cons of transition for you.

Seeing a therapist does not mean you are required to transition. You may find that your therapist can help you be comfortable with not transitioning if that's what you feel is best for you.

[JoAnne Wheeler]

What you have described seems to be what most of have had to or are currently dealing with. I wish there were easy answers, but there are not any. As for me, I started my Transition the first of February of this year. It is only going to cost me my marriage of 39 years; my home; my job; my career; and a lot of so-called former friends.

But YOU have to decide what you can live with or what YOU have to do. My choices were to transition or go back to being extremely depressed and suicidal - I guess I was going to lose everything either way.

But I NEED to live as JoAnne. I want to more than anything.


JoAnne Wheeler Bland

[Dawn D.]

Beccy,

I can fully empathize with your situation. Yes, you should be seeing a therapist and as Faith said it is not a prerequisite that you transition because you are being seen by one. I came out to my wife in 2006. We tried dealing with it on our own for over a year before I finally had reached the end of the road and put the gun at my head. That seems to be when she finally saw that I needed help, and her too! We have since been seeing the same therapist together now for over two years. In the first days of those sessions, she more than once stated that if I was going out in public dressed as a woman, then we would no longer be married.

Well, take a look at my avatar. Yep that's me out in public moments after I had just spoken with my U.S. Congresscritter, personally face to face. And my wife was so proud of me for doing so! She still is and we're still married, happily! It's the therapy that has made this possible and the work that the two of us have put into it together. It can be done. Sadly, I am afraid it is not very common for such an outcome. All I can really offer to you is support for where you are at right now. I know how painful it is. Having said that, why not try to get your wife to agree to couples therapy and find out if there can be success in your situation too? Just bear in mind, success in these issues are not immediate and just because you begin therapy, it is not an immediate gratification type endeavor. It takes time, and lots of it! It takes patience and understanding on both sides, and lots of it. And it takes two, you and her.



Dawn

[beccy]

tankyou faith joanne and dawn as i said i really knew the answer. they say that longest jurney starts with the smallest step huh. i guess i should go see my doctor and see if i/we can get a referal to a therapist will keep you all updated if i do

[Hope]

I think you are presenting a false dichotomy. It often happens that when people transition, they end up loosing everything and everyone they love. But it doesn't HAVE to be that way. Transition is like throwing a grenade into your life... but sometimes they don't go off, sometimes the shrapnel miraculously misses all the vital organs.

At the same time, NOT transitioning is no guarantee that those you love will stick with you. It is not a guarantee you will keep your house / job / car.

But lets also be realistic about something else - a vagina will not make you happy (insert obvious joke here). If you are not a happy person before transition, you will not miraculously be a happy person afterwords. You will still be you - just with a better wardrobe and an unusual medical history.

Is it time to see a therapist? Absolutely. And not just for you - it sounds like your wife could use some guidance with processing as well.

[GypsyKaren]

I've usually found that when a person asks if they need some help, they need some help.

Hope is right, not all marriages end up in divorce court, I'm a postie and still happily married for 16 years now. It just takes work, is all, like anything in any marriage or relationship.

Karen