CD'ers with children

[Stina84]

As I've written before in another thread (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=130326) my girlfriend is pregnant and I'm going to be a parent.

I have a lot of concerns about being both a parent and a crossdresser. I want to provide a good, safe and "normal" upbringing for my child and would not like them to feel ashamed of me. But crossdressing is not something I want to give up. It is a part of who I am and I would feel something was missing without it.

Are there any crossdressers out there with children? How do you manage dress on a regular basis and keep your children out of it?

[sherri52]

After about a year you will have to curb your dressing around your child. Children tell anybody everything. Once the child starts talking you must soon take it partway back into the closet. Once you feel comfortable you can talk to yuor child about it and hopefully it stays at home what they know. I have eight children and they all know but most didn't find out until 10 or 11 years old.

[Katesback]

The fact is that you are writting this because you are ashamed of being CD! If you were confident with who you are I am sure you would prevail and your child would do just fine. I should not have to remind you of the countless gay parents with children that do just fine!

Take a deep breath and be proud of who you are!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Katie

[AmandaM]

There are a few threads on this subject recently. Do a search.

[Being Paige]

I have to agree with Katie on this!

Paige

[Freddy12]

Sherri has experience and good advice. You can be proud of who you are without wanting to make things difficult for your children.

You are wise to ask advice. I'm sure you will consider all viewpoints and decide your best course of action. That will, of course not include abandoning crossdressing!

[AmandaM]

I don't agree with Katie as it can be a burden on young children to keep this "secret" or deal with problems from other kids. I don't think it's fair.

[Stina84]

To me it is not about me being ashamed or not. I don't feel ashamed of being a crossdresser but on the other hand I wouldn't feel comfortable walking down the street when dressed. What concerns me most is that my crossdressing should not be a burden on my child and unless the general social attitudes towards crossdressing is going to change significantly over the next few years, it will be a burden for my child no matter how proud I am.

[docrobbysherry]

To me it is not about me being ashamed or not. I don't feel ashamed of being a crossdresser but on the other hand I wouldn't feel comfortable walking down the street when dressed. What concerns me most is that my crossdressing should not be a burden on my child and unless the general social attitudes towards crossdressing is going to change significantly over the next few years, it will be a burden for my child no matter how proud I am.

I'm a closet dresser. My youngest child is in high school. She has PLENTY of issues and problems of her own.:brolleyes:

She, and her older sister, have NO idea I dress! At their ages, I'm NOT concerned about them TELLING anyone. But, I AM concerned about becoming an ADDITIONAL burden in their lives!:doh:

If I felt the NEED to go out in public dressed, they would both know by now!:straightface:

[Jennifer in CO]

our oldest was born and partially raised while I was still living full time as a female. My being a girl around her was never a problem till she started calling me 'Mommy" as well as her mom (she was about 2). I think that as much as anything had a lot to do with my wife asking me to transition back to male. She was past 3 before I was fully back across the fence and has never said nor remembers much about her early childhood. You are most likely safe dressing any way you like till they are 2 or 3, then you can easily dress "butch-fem" till they are 4, 5 or even 6.

Jenn

[Stephenie S]

The fact is that you are writting this because you are ashamed of being CD! If you were confident with who you are I am sure you would prevail and your child would do just fine. I should not have to remind you of the countless gay parents with children that do just fine!

Take a deep breath and be proud of who you are!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Katie

I have to agree. Why are you ashamed? If you are not ashamed of your crossdressing, your child will not be either. Children are far more accepting of differences than adults. If this is not a "burden" on you, it will not be a "burden" on your child.

Stephie

[Katt GG]

As I've written before in another thread (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=130326) my girlfriend is pregnant and I'm going to be a parent.

I have a lot of concerns about being both a parent and a crossdresser. I want to provide a good, safe and "normal" upbringing for my child and would not like them to feel ashamed of me. But crossdressing is not something I want to give up. It is a part of who I am and I would feel something was missing without it.

Are there any crossdressers out there with children? How do you manage dress on a regular basis and keep your children out of it?

Stina,
You are one of the most thoughtful people I've heard. You are right, rearing children isn't always easy BUT it's not all that hard either. Don't stress yourself out about things that aren't yet. Your, as they say, borrowing trouble. I'm not a CDer, my husband is. I'm still working on accepting all that's going on. I can tell you that who you are as a person, your values, how you treat the ones you love and how you treat others out weighs whether your a crossdresser or not. Your child will love you no matter what if you show your child love. If your child grows up in a loving home with dad crossdressing it will be normal to him/her. Normal is relative.
Take life one day at a time and concentrate on enjoying the here and now instead of worrying about what may not be a problem. Stina, life is too short, don't let all the good times pass you by. :gfi:
Katt

[sissystephanie]

Stina never said she was ashamed, in any way! What she did say was that she did not want her children to be ashamed! There is a world of difference there!

I was married for almost 50 years before I lost my wife five years ago and we had two wonderful children, who are now grown. I was a CD when we married and my wife knew it. But one rule we had was that I never was dressed in front of the children. They only learned I was a CD last year when I told them. They both fully accepted it, as did my grandchildren. My daughter's ex does not know and will not be told. Now the only one who doesn't know is my sister who lives clear across the country from me.

My advice would be to wait until the children are older, very late teens at least! You can underdress, as long as they will never see you that way. But keep the other dressing under wraps until they are old enough to understand. It may be hard, but it will be worth it!

[DeeInGeorgia]

Go ahead and dress. Treat it as something normal. Kids that grow up that way have no problem with it because it is now their norm. I have crossdressing friends that brought up their kids that way and can vouch for what I say.

[MiraM]

I have 2 daughters and 2 stepsons, and they all know I dress, and all know that my partner/husband (stepson's parent) is FtM. The stepsons have know of my dressing since the day I met them. I believe they were8 and 10 at the time. I told my daughters when they were around the same age. None of them have any problems with the gender status/dressing situation of myself or my husband. We treat it as 'normal' as there is nothing abnormal about it, and so do they.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

its an unfair conclusion that the OP is ashamed about herself because she is worried about the welfare of a child...thats frankly outrageous...

it is doable to have kids and dress...there are certain risks and decisions that will be made and you will have an ongoing choice in how to deal....if you are not married, then i hope you and your girlfriend are committed totally because i can imagine a scenario where she becomes uncomfortable with dressing "for the kids"...there is absolutely no way to predict no matter what she says now how she will deal with being a mother....you are only playing house before the child comes into your life...

take your time...keep asking questions...try to find folks that are successfully raising kids and find out their thoughts....this is not a one off question, you are going to learn alot about yourself in the coming months...holding your baby in your arms for the first time is likely to be the most fundamentally transforming event in your life and predicting your feelings now is just not a great use of your emotional energy

[~Michelle~]

I don't agree with Katie as it can be a burden on young children to keep this "secret" or deal with problems from other kids. I don't think it's fair.

I don't agree with Katie either for exactly the same reasons. I also don't see why hiding it for your kids automatically means that you're ashamed to a CD. Personally I think that CDs can sometimes lean too much towards selfishness. Don't kill me for saying that, but that's just the way I think about it. :)

[Emily L]

Wow, quite a cross-section of answers here. It's almost like this may be a controversial topic... :p

I'm in the same boat as Stina. Wife is pregnant, and I'm grappling with when or how to let any children know. And I will probably end up in the boat where my children will not know that I am a CD.

Shame? Maybe that's part of the motivation. But also a desire to make my child's life easier, to not make him have to deal with any fallout due to what I want out of life.

That said, I applaud all of you here who have made CD'ing a part of your life with your children. That's probably the healthiest choice - just not a choice that I'm comfortable making.

[Kathi Lake]

Stina,

This is a question that many women ask me - right after they ask me how my wife feels about it. :)

I have tried to keep it from my kids - 18, 15 and 10. I was successful until my son came home unexpectedly while I was driving to pick up my wife from the airport. He saw this website and obviously had some questions for me (for a rundown, click here (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=117371) and here (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=118787)).

Would I spare them this? Yes. Out of shame? Not necessarily. More out of protection of them. I don't think it's wrong - the world does. Since my kids have to live in that world, I would prefer that they have as easy a time as I can give them. Not carrying around the burden of "Daddy's Little Secret" is one thing I can give them.

So, put me in the camp of not telling them if possible. Let them have their illusion that dear ol' Dad is just a regular Joe.

Kathi

p.s. love your signature graphic. Does it match your appearance?

[suzy1]

When my two sons where still at school my, now ex wife became a Jehovah’s Witness, and went to the school to tell them that they were too. The bullying they got was really bad for a long time.
So what is going to happen when the other kids find out there dad wears a dress!
We must live in the real world and not kid ourselves.
As fare as I’m concerned you children’s wellbeing comes before anything.

[Sheila]

Debs and I between us have 6 kids 2 of hers know (only the youngest doesn't (8 years), all of my kids 26,24, 13 know and my youngest interacts with Debs every time she is dressed, he even bought her something for Christmas and her Birthday :) ........ my elder two are not speaking to me at present, not to do with CDing, more to do with the fact I was be silly enough to fall in love with someone after my EX and then move 300 miles away from them to be with him :sad:

[ErikaLeigh]

Bottom line its a decision you will have to make for yourself, but I dont recomend including your kids in the dressing activities. Kids have it hard enough out there and have enough stuff to go through. This isnt about being shamed either, its about the way society is. Even though its become less of a shock in more recent years to see a CD, its still taboo to many. This can lead to children being picked on, or worse, being beat up and humiliated. Kids do talk about EVERYTHING too, so just make sure if you ARE going to include them that you are prepared for the consequenses not only for yourself, but that your children will have to face.

[TrekGirl1701]

Before I say what I have to say, let me warn people that I'm not a parent and a lot of it is fueled by my emotions regarding my desire to see crossdressing accepted mainstream.

In my opinion if crossdressing is an important part of your life and you want to be able to do it as much as possible, don't hide it from your children. Don't even wait until they're at an older age. It's best to teach them that you are not a bad person for crossdressing early on. What'll happen if they're in their teens and they develop a hatred of crossdressers thanks to society or something their peers said? Well, good luck coming out to them now, because they'll probably end up hating you. You should let your child decide for themselves whether or not to accept this part of you. If you hide it from them they'll wonder if you're ashamed of who you are and maybe they'll believe that society is right for condemning you.

And what about the off-chance that your child grows up being confused about their gender? Wouldn't it be nice to instill them with the feeling that they are, in fact, normal and have nothing to be ashamed of? I kick myself every day for not coming out to my family early on in my life. Everything I knew about crossdressing until I found this website was that it was something that weirdos and perverts do. No, that didn't make me feel good at all. In fact, even after I found this website I hesitated to join it because I was still scared to death of people finding out.

I feel sad for those of us who don't want crossdressers to be accepted. I'm convinced a lot of us would be perfectly happy if we continued to be labeled as deviants by the judgmental people of the world.

I'd rather have the next generation of adults be accepting of crossdressers. If we keep hiding ourselves maybe we don't deserve to be accepted.

[Emily L]

Before I say what I have to say, let me warn people that I'm not a parent and a lot of it is fueled by my emotions regarding my desire to see crossdressing accepted mainstream.

In my opinion if crossdressing is an important part of your life and you want to be able to do it as much as possible, don't hide it from your children. Don't even wait until they're at an older age. It's best to teach them that you are not a bad person for crossdressing early on. What'll happen if they're in their teens and they develop a hatred of crossdressers thanks to society or something their peers said? Well, good luck coming out to them now, because they'll probably end up hating you. You should let your child decide for themselves whether or not to accept this part of you. If you hide it from them they'll wonder if you're ashamed of who you are and maybe they'll believe that society is right for condemning you.

And what about the off-chance that your child grows up being confused about their gender? Wouldn't it be nice to instill them with the feeling that they are, in fact, normal and have nothing to be ashamed of? I kick myself every day for not coming out to my family early on in my life. Everything I knew about crossdressing until I found this website was that it was something that weirdos and perverts do. No, that didn't make me feel good at all. In fact, even after I found this website I hesitated to join it because I was still scared to death of people finding out.

I feel sad for those of us who don't want crossdressers to be accepted. I'm convinced a lot of us would be perfectly happy if we continued to be labeled as deviants by the judgmental people of the world.

I'd rather have the next generation of adults be accepting of crossdressers. If we keep hiding ourselves maybe we don't deserve to be accepted.

Fair points all, but it should be mentioned that you don't have to come out to your children to teach them that there's nothing wrong with crossdressing. I hope to instill in my children that crossdressing (or homosexuality, or transsexuality) is perfectly normal, even if I don't personally dress around them.

[TrekGirl1701]

Fair points all, but it should be mentioned that you don't have to come out to your children to teach them that there's nothing wrong with crossdressing. I hope to instill in my children that crossdressing (or homosexuality, or transsexuality) is perfectly normal, even if I don't personally dress around them.

Yeah, I understand what you're saying. Just as long as they are taught to tolerate all lifestyles, even if they're not what would be considered normal. I guess my post is going out to those who want to dress all the time and be 24/7. You don't have to go back into the closet for 18 years (or more depending on how many kids you end up having).

Like I said, I'm not a parent. My opinion is from an outsider's view looking in.

[Rogina B]

Every household is different,but here is what I have learned [my daughter is 8] Kids don't remember much when they are young.Acting normal with different clothes on becomes the usual..A wig throws them off when they are young,but that's about it. Later,as they see that the wig is part of "the costume" they can accept the different look. After,they will accept your talent to "play different parts".The world is changing rapidly and crossdressed players on TV and movies are getting more common.As far as kids keeping secrets..what goes on at home should stay at home is our feeling on this.Perhaps we are exceptionally lucky to have a great kid that accepts the two looks Dad has. After all and most importantly,young kids do not have to know any of the emotional reasons that we dress.Keep it all to the visual and things will work out IF YOU AND YOUR SO WANT THEM TO!:2c:

[Elizabeth 66]

I suppressed my feeling's for many years, the last 18 have been because of my children, they have enough stigma's in today's society to avoid, so why add to that, i love my children very much, the youngest is now 17, and they are living there own life's, so i can now be myself, that is just me, the way i handled it, it sort of worked for me, but i wouldn't advise it, as i was very unhappy for many years!

[JulieC]

I'm a closet dresser. My youngest child is in high school. ...

She, and her older sister, have NO idea I dress! At their ages, I'm NOT concerned about them TELLING anyone. But, I AM concerned about becoming an ADDITIONAL burden in their lives!:doh:

Agreeing with the above, it is not about being ashamed or uncomfortable with who you are.

There are multiple reasons why it might not be a good idea for a crossdressing parent to inform their children, and these reasons don't have to have anything to do with being "ashamed" or not accepting of ourselves.

I have a family. My kids and my wife are dependent upon my ability to earn a decent living. My employer might not take very kindly to having a crossdressing male in their employ. They can easily trump up any reason they want to get rid of me, should they find out. I run into coworkers out and about in town frequently. My kids also come to my work place from time to time. My wife and I can accept the burden of having to maintain the secret of my crossdressing. Asking my kids to do the same is unfair, to say the least. That's just my workplace.

There's also school. Should my kids accidentally let out the secret of daddy's crossdressing, the abuse they could suffer at the mouths and hands of their peers is frightening. Having to maintain daddy's secret would be a burden to them, and an unfair one at that.

I'm scratching at the tip of the iceberg here. These things have nothing to do with shame and everything to do with society's expectations of 'normal' behavior.

Until a man wearing a dress and heels walking down the street, or picking his kid up from school, or going to the store, etc. without any intention of passing becomes something that evokes little in the way of comment or reaction from people, revealing daddy's secret to the children can have severe consequences.

I can't tell someone how to measure those consequences and their relevance to their life. For me, I choose to prevent my children from carrying around the burden. Regardless, I educate my children about diversity in all respects, and continually expose them to diversity concepts, issues, situations, etc.

Just last week, an episode of "Transform Me" was on while the kids happened to be around. I stopped on the show, my kids started watching. I let them watch for a few minutes, and then I informed them that the hosts of the show were born male; genetically, they were male. Both of them were amazed, and rather taken aback. Their prior TV exposure to any form of crossdressing had been Klinger. One of my kids said "That's weird!", to which I responded "Is there anything wrong with it?" and they chimed in together "No!".

Someday, when they are older and out of school, they might come to know about my crossdressing. They will probably have to know. I'm not going to tell them they have to call first before coming over to the home that was theirs for most of their lives, and there's a good chance I'll be dressing a LOT more frequently when they move out of the house (my wife is very accepting). In the meantime, I'll just educate them about diversity.

[Joanne f]

I have found that it is not your children who have the problem with the dressing if they are brought up with it being normal but the outside interference that they can get which may cause them some problems.

[suchacutie]

I think the OP is a very sensitive and thoughtful individual. Everyone's situation is different, and what counts here is solidarity with one's SO. What is her feeling on the issue? What is your overall family climate? What would the ramifications of outing yourself to the world be on your personal relationships, on your job, on your personal well-being?

The original thread was for insight, not judgement. I have no trouble keeping personal issues my wife and I share between us only. My feminine side is just one of the many issues that my wife and I have to decide about vis-a-vis the personal or public forum. And make no understanding: anything you share with young children become public knowledge quickly. I do agree that your feminine side is important, but as your child grows it will quickly become one of many issues in your life!

Best of luck!!!!

tina

[tgirl2b]

My children all know of my crossdressing ,and have known all there lives thanks to my non excepting wife. She try's to shame me for who I am. They all know but have never seen me dressed. My children are 29 ,28,and 22 they are all the best kids any one could ask for.None of them have a problem with It . All are very excepting to all life styles now the wife on the other hand cant handle any alternative life style.But have to admit growing older with her she Is starting to come around.

[zoe m]

[B][COLOR="Red"] If this is not a "burden" on you, it will not be a "burden" on your child.

I don't agree. It's one thing for us and for our partners if they know about it, we're consenting adults. It's different for children. They don't ask to be brought into this world, let alone have rebellious parents. I don't think it's fair to say that Stina is ashamed of being a CD. I don't have kids but if I did I would be asking the same question Stina is. I think we should work towards a world where it's acceptable for all kids to have crossdressing parents, but we're not in that world yet. We should fight that battle ourselves, not put the burden on our children. I am NOT saying people necessarily should hide it from their kids, not at all. I'm just saying there may be good reasons either way, and it's a question to treat carefully, not lightly. If people have worked it out where they dress around their children and it all works out for them, that's great. But it doesn't seem that easy (it's one question whether it's easy for the parent and quite another whether it's easy for the kid), so it's good to ask for advice like Stina is doing. Again I 'm not talking from experience as a parent, since I don't have any kids, but from experience as a child (I did not have a crossdressing parent, but we all have issues when we are kids that are hard to deal with).

[~Michelle~]

Every household is different

True, but why taking the risk? After all you only know if it's harmful to the kids after exposing them.

[AmandaM]

Let me add to this. My wife knows I crossdress. She's known from our third month dating. My wardrobe hangs in the closet with everything else. Now that my kids are older, I'm not hiding the clothes. I'm sure if they looked, they'd figure out that those clothes won't fit my wife. But, I don't dress in front of them and don't let them see me surfing stuff like this site. I also got rid of my movies, magazines, books about crossdressing, transsexualism, and any other related subject. I did not want them to find these materials. Especially, the magazines cause there's always ******* ads in the back pages, etc. But, if they find my wigs, they find them. So, I act as if it's not a big deal, but it's out of sight and out of mind. If they ask me who's clothes those are, I'll tell them. I have resigned myself to a very little part-time crossdresser until they are out of the house.

There is also a lock on the bedroom door, if I need to "read" in quiet. My wife runs inteference for me if I have to be alone.

[ReineD]

The fact is that you are writting this because you are ashamed of being CD! If you were confident with who you are I am sure you would prevail and your child would do just fine. I should not have to remind you of the countless gay parents with children that do just fine!

Take a deep breath and be proud of who you are!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Katie

You have a valid perspective ... for yourself. Stina's perspective is valid as well. If she is not a TS and she doesn't wish to transition, she has entirely different issues to deal with than you do. As open and unapologetic a CD and her wife might be in the home, and as accepting as a child might become, it still is something that is not well understood in the mainstream and it does place a burden on the child.

I applaud you, Stina, for thinking about your child's welfare in addition to your own. :hugs: Don't let yourself be bullied into doing anything that you don't feel comfortable with.

I have good friends whose now adult children have known for about 10-12 years since they were about 8-10 years old, and they've come to support their dad. But it is something they've chosen to not share with anyone other than their closest friends since they understood at an early age that they would open themselves up to criticism and ridicule at school if they did. So yes, do tell your child but wait until he is old enough to be able to gauge who he can share the knowledge with safely.

You may have a child who is shy and private, and who may wish to not be too vocal about the CDing with his friends. Or, you may end up with a mini-activist who will champion the cause. I suppose it all depends on how liberal will be his environment. Either way, it will be his decision as to how he wishes to handle it.

[foxsmeow]

The fact is that you are writting this because you are ashamed of being CD! If you were confident with who you are I am sure you would prevail and your child would do just fine. I should not have to remind you of the countless gay parents with children that do just fine!

Take a deep breath and be proud of who you are!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Katie

I don't dress up around my child does that make me ashamed of who I am? What a very interesting view point you have there Kate.

I disagree with Katie 100%. Aside from being Furry, Gay, a Father, Been with my Companion for 5 years, we have a 5 year old child together. Maybe it is just my young naivete.

The trick is Time and place. Be yourself. Be who you are don't hide yourself, just know time and place. Children don't always understand why Daddy is in a dress and so is mommy, or why Daddy wears ears and a tail. Some things are easier on there mind.

I will show my son my ears and tail, and fursuit, but not my skirt and panties. Why its very simple. One his mind can cope with the other I don't think he is ready yet. He lives in a gay house and is surprisingly understanding and knowledgeable. We show him love and raise him with honor and good morals. As he grows older he will ask more questions, and they will be answered. I myself would not walk down the street Crossdressing with my child. Aside from the heads that would turn, it would simply just not be appropriate for either my child or myself. There are parts of all peoples lives that we keep separate from others, and this includes our own families.

Most children do not know there parents kinks, least not till they are much older anyway. lol

It's up to you though. If you think you can pull it off then by god pull it off, if you are apprehensive about it. Then take your time and think and observe. See if it is appropriate.

If a child can grow up with gay parents why can't he grow up with a crossdressing parent?

Though some questions you have to ask yourself are.

Is your crossdressing something you keep private? Do you do it in public? Is it part of your major life, or just something that you do on the side? Is it who you show the world or just a side of you, that you only show some?

There is no reason to stop doing it, taking some reservations till a later time might be a good idea though.

Never be ashamed of who you are. Always be yourself and love they self. If you can't do that how can you love others?

Love and laugh and enjoy life. If you can do that and show your child Happiness, Honor, Love, Good Morals, they wont care what you dress like.

~TFM

[t-girlxsophie]

The one thing that causes a lot of stress and worry among CDers is whether to tell our kids,Its a minefield and one we tread carefully with
My Son found out a cpl years after His mum and I Divorced and it almost resulted in me losing him.This was a real hard time for us both

So when I began chatting to my GF,now Wife I left it up to her to decide what if anything to tell her 2 boys.She decided to tell all,but once we met we waited to see how they took to me as their mums new boyfriend,before letting them see me dressed up,I know they will be some of you going OMG at that but we didn't take that decision lightly.Four years later,the boys now 16 are in a loving,stable home,they are doing well at School and are growing into decent young men.These lads have had to grow up fast,they and their mum lived in a hostel for over a year due to spousal Abuse.Now my dressing isn't the worst thing I could have been

Though everyone's situation is different,and you have to look at your own Circumstances.Kids can be more Durable these days than we give them credit for.I dont think letting them know you are a CDer should be seen necessarily as Hurting them or your relationship with them

[DonniDarkness]

Ladies ladies ladies.....whoa....

The actual question at hand here:

How do you manage dress on a regular basis and keep your children out of it?

.............................Nothing was asked of whether we thought it was right or wrong, or how/when we should tell the children.............I have 2 kids 7/girl and 3/boy and i am like you and choose to keep my dressing a secret.
i do not present myself to the world as a woman so why would i present myself that way to my children, but that is my logic behind it it all.

STina, to answer you very simple question;
I make time a few times a week after the children are in bed. my dressing and all hair and make up is done in the master bedroom. When im primped and pimped i usually read romance novels (reading Dark Lover by J.R.Ward..Steamy, whew) or work on my many dress/corset/g-string alterations while sitting in bed while i wait for my wifey to get home from work (she works latenights). And then there is always Role Reversal Weekend (we get sitters for the kids and go out and i underdress, later to come home and be seduced by my wifey!)
Oh and last but not least we mustnt forget Hand-cuff and Porno Night.......we flip a coin to see who get to be the "bottom"

So Stina as you can see there is still lots of dress-wearing fun ahead of you. Life is changing for you, this baby will change everything, but you will adapt, just like we all did when we came to this point.
So do not fret hun, just get creative.

Oh and what you guys having boy or girl!!??

Hugs and Kisses
-Donni-

[foxsmeow]

Ladies ladies ladies.....whoa....

The actual question at hand here:

How do you manage dress on a regular basis and keep your children out of it?

.............................Nothing was asked of whether we thought it was right or wrong, or how/when we should tell the children.............I have 2 kids 7/girl and 3/boy and i am like you and choose to keep my dressing a secret.
i do not present myself to the world as a woman so why would i present myself that way to my children, but that is my logic behind it it all.

STina, to answer you very simple question;
I make time a few times a week after the children are in bed. my dressing and all hair and make up is done in the master bedroom. When im primped and pimped i usually read romance novels (reading Dark Lover by J.R.Ward..Steamy, whew) or work on my many dress/corset/g-string alterations while sitting in bed while i wait for my wifey to get home from work (she works latenights). And then there is always Role Reversal Weekend (we get sitters for the kids and go out and i underdress, later to come home and be seduced by my wifey!)
Oh and last but not least we mustnt forget Hand-cuff and Porno Night.......we flip a coin to see who get to be the "bottom"

So Stina as you can see there is still lots of dress-wearing fun ahead of you. Life is changing for you, this baby will change everything, but you will adapt, just like we all did when we came to this point.
So do not fret hun, just get creative.

Oh and what you guys having boy or girl!!??

Hugs and Kisses
-Donni-

Donni I wish I had your tongue you said things just right.

I also agree with T-girl. Every family is different. As only as your family has love, honor, and a good family than what is it to worry aboot. Family will triumph over all.

[Maria in heels]

I actually have three children, and my oldest two think that "mom" has tons of shoes in the basement when they go down to do laundry and see my racks and racks of shoes ! LOL.....and my little one (bless his soul) sometimes puts on my wifes shoes in the bedroom and says "daddys shoes" and then walks in them. I just look at my wife and laugh, and she smiles and just shakes her head. When the other two were younger, seeing them parade in my wifes shoes was a funny thing, and over the years, she has gotten more used to this...My wife also says that its coming up to time to put them away, build a closet downstairs and keep all of my shoes out of sight...if you look at my albums, you can see what I had about 6-8 months ago...I also added pictures of some of the addtional shoes that I have bought since then, and still have many more pairs to show...btw, all three are boys...two of the three have done the shoe thing already..<g> makes me smile with my secret....

[eluuzion]

When I was married, my wife never knew about the CDing, nor did anyone else. I traveled 5 days/week, and dressed on the road, so no real issues.

We divorced when my kid was 2 yrs old. I had custody every Fri-Mon. That was 15 years ago, and it is still not revealed to the ex or kid.

Personally, I would not make it a part of my young child's life. Just watching and helping her deal with the "questions" and comments from her playmates about "what it is like to have your parent's divorced" is enough of a challenge for them. I tried to make my house as "typical" as possible. (for emotional stability and avoiding any "legal" opportunities for my ex).

It was easy, I just dressed when she was not here. If I left something feminine out by accident, no problem since it can always be assumed to be a "girlfriend's" item.

My strategy was and is always to make her life as comfortable as possible. Divorce is enough of a challenge to impose on a child. (switching homes, etc). They deserve protection from as much of the parents' problems as possible. They have no choice in what they have to deal with above and beyond what is typical. Parents have the choice as to what they expose their kids to.

Just my way...I have an emotionally stable 17 year old and I have no regrets on my approach. When they are 18, things are more flexible, and they have more cognitive skills to understand issues like CDing.My kid will probably never know...there is simply no reason for me to share it. I can do what I am happy doing the way it is. I have no "frustration" issues as many others seem to be dealing with.

[cdsara88]

Personally, I would not make it a part of my young child's life. ...(for emotional stability and avoiding any "legal" opportunities for my ex).


They deserve protection from as much of the parents' problems as possible. They have no choice in what they have to deal with above and beyond what is typical. Parents have the choice as to what they expose their kids to.

Just my way...I have an emotionally stable 17 year old and I have no regrets on my approach. When they are 18, things are more flexible, and they have more cognitive skills to understand issues like CDing.

the point about "legal opportunities" is a really striking one - very true... I also think that the point about "deserving protection from the parents problems" is really important - although it hints back at the idea that CDing is a 'problem' - I think this was just said off the cuff and could be rephrased, that you don't want your child to suffer for your actions. It doesn't matter if we're talking about you having an interest in crossdressing or licking light bulbs, the reality is that for a lot of your child's peers, crossdressing falls outside of the realm of normality. That can cause stress and suffering for your child, at least up until the point where you, as the parent decide its appropriate for them to know and ask questions and deal with it.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

as a general fyi...i have 3 friends that waited until their kids were older (one till her son was 16, the others in college), and in all cases the children reacted VERY negatively and expressed that they felt betrayed and lied to.. there is no easy answer.

its a personal parenting choice whether your children are in on it, and whether your child will ever see you dress. Your choice in these matters will impact your child.

just like school, religion and all manner of choices that a parent makes for their child will impact the child

the only rule is that you need try to do what's best for your child, its very difficult in the best of circumstances.......as your kids grow you will know more and more how to best deal with your femme side with your kids.

[Blaire]

I have 2, age 3 and 7. My wife and I have agreed that they don't need to know yet. It's not so much that we're actively hiding it - but we're not actively advertising It either. We're choosing the grey route, and we'll see what happens.

The thing with kids is their innocense - they have too much of it to know that some things aren't for open discussion. If you're going to tell your kids, you best be ready for the world to know. Living where I do, I'm not ready for that - it's potential impact on me, and the knock on effect on the family..

We don't hide it much around the house. More than once, we I've been walked in on by a sleepy eyed kid after a bad dream, and Dad takes over. If one wakes up crying, the wig's off, robe on, and down the hall to give the right cuddles. Dad first, always.

My 3 year old likes to stomp around in my heels. Nothing to say there, he can make lots of noise with them. It's what he likes. My 7 year old is getting a little perceptive. She's noticed some odd things, and will eventually ask something. I'm ready for her when she does.

I think.

[Hope]

I have a lot of concerns about being both a parent and a crossdresser. I want to provide a good, safe and "normal" upbringing for my child and would not like them to feel ashamed of me. But crossdressing is not something I want to give up. It is a part of who I am and I would feel something was missing without it.


We tell other people how to treat us, by the way we are in the world. If you don't want your children to be ashamed of you, don't present yourself to them in a way that communicates that you are ashamed of yourself. Of course - the easiest way to do that is to actually NOT be ashamed of yourself... While you may suggest that you are not ashamed, your feeling that you need to hide betrays another truth.

[Joann Smith]

I had the same delema many years ago .........I was a new dad and a CD. I really wanted to dress in front of him from day one...my feeling at the time were that my child has the right to know exactally who and what his father is from day one and we together would deal with the word together ....so bring it on! .On the other hand ....his mother was of the opinion ...simular to ones expressed here that the kid should not have to deal with all the crap that he would have to endure because of who his father was...

I caved ...And kept my Cding hidden with the understanding that when was old enough to deal with it we would tell him about it .....

Well he is in his mid 20s now and i seriously doubt if he can deal with it still.....So to tell now or later is a crap shoot there is gonna be good and bad about either way ....Welcome to parenthood

Joann