Feeling good today

[Elizabeth 66]

Today i feel better than i have for a long long time, i'm sat here in my fem clothes, looking how i have wanted for year's, But its not real and i feel like a fraud!

I have my fem jeans on and silk panties, but i know my male parts are taped and tucked away, i have my lemon top and white lace bra, but i know the shape is my size 8 breast form's. so this makes me feel low. its like a roller-coaster ride, with good and bad, I'm happy but i feel like crying.

How do you cope with all the different emotions, i know in time i will reach the end of my journey, i will have the body i want, but how do you cope with the now, i'm a woman inside, and i want the world to know, but im here trapped in a prison all alone.

I know one thing, i have the support from my sisters here and that give's me strength, and i'm proud of all of you who have gone before me!

[Gerrijerry]

Many of the girls have felt what you are feeling. I have felt the same and yes you do feel alone at times and unhappy even being dressed. Female clothing for many is a sexual release or a thrill. For TS girls it is simply dressing correctly. What I can suggest is what I and others have done. Join a group that is TS also of course see a counselor and talk about how you feel. See a doctor for hormones don't do that yourself. Try to wear as much as you can that is feminine at all times. It is a long road but being happy with yourself is very important.

[Elizabeth 66]

I have been to the doctors, and am waiting to go to a GIC (Gender Identity Clinic), hopefully for all of the above!

[Hope]

Yeah I get that.

I spend an hour with tape and make-up and glue, and silicone and when I am done even when I don't look like a sad approximation of what I am shooting for, I look in the mirror and I think "fraud." It's a serious bummer.

Here is what I realized relatively recently: When I pull on the pants and the shirt and "boy up" and go about life - I feel like a fraud too. Always have, I have just sort of done it for so long I have stopped noticing. But with the guy get-up it is a different type of fraud - there is is total fakery of my very being. With the tape and the silicone it is just a fraud of who people think I am.

[CharleneT]

Today i feel better than i have for a long long time, i'm sat here in my fem clothes, looking how i have wanted for year's, But its not real and i feel like a fraud!

. . . ., i'm a woman inside, and i want the world to know, but im here trapped in a prison all alone.

I know one thing, i have the support from my sisters here and that give's me strength, and i'm proud of all of you who have gone before me!

You have my deepest sympathies! I know exactly how you feel right now ... I was there only a few months ago. The important thing is that you are doing something about it. Transition is not an easy road at all, what you've brought up are some of the reasons for that. Still, as you go forward, it does get easier. The trapped feelings will be there, but you will get better at accepting their temporary presence - knowing they will fade.

You DO have our support, and what Gerrijerry suggested is very good. Try and find some local TG/TS folks. The ability to go over to a friends and unload or seek understanding etc... is very valuable. Those who've been through it or are just farther down the road will understand and help - just as others have helped them. I have a friend here who has listened/helped me for hundreds of hours in the last 3 years. Try and find ways of letting off steam, letting your feminine side shine, so you can relax into. Even something as simple as a walk in the park. Try not to stay just at home.


Yeah I get that.

I spend an hour with tape and make-up and glue, and silicone and when I am done even when I don't look like a sad approximation of what I am shooting for, I look in the mirror and I think "fraud." It's a serious bummer.

Here is what I realized relatively recently: When I pull on the pants and the shirt and "boy up" and go about life - I feel like a fraud too. Always have, I have just sort of done it for so long I have stopped noticing. But with the guy get-up it is a different type of fraud - there is is total fakery of my very being. With the tape and the silicone it is just a fraud of who people think I am.

Yuppers ! The fraud is what we've lived already, the new stuff is letting what has been in our heads appear to the world. As you do it more, it will take less and less "structure". You can find the minimum it takes for you. This helps reduce the feeling of faking it. Not to sound too schmaltzy, but there is another end to the rainbow. The feeling of fraud will fade, you will enjoy a feeling of peace. The rub is the wait.

It might help to remember that many GG's have as much under their clothes holding things up, pushing them around, or standing in for something that needs help! Look inside some of the fancier push-up bra's and you'll think someone from NASA designed it. There are inserts to push things even more up. I have a pair of breast inserts sold at Walmart for women who are really small. "Shapewear", "body tape", wigs, false eye lashes etc etc... GG's use the exact same stuff we use - and many times just as much. They just call 'em enhancers instead of "forms", etc.... Sure, we use a lot of things to approximate an outward appearance of "woman". Try not to dwell on all the bits and pieces you use to get there right now, enjoy the result. An active imagination is a useful thing in transition !!

[luvSophia]

Charlene said it very well. And it was the same way for me. It just takes a little time to get over the feeling of being a fraud. I am not trying to be someone else, I am simply being me. The actions you take really are no different than those any other woman does, it is all trickery and illusion.

Stop and think for a moment about all the women who get breast implants. Sure, they are not "real" but would you consider her a fraud for having the surgery done? I knew several women at work who wore wigs regularly just to change their appearance. Most of the wigs being sold at the shop where I bought mine are NOT being sold to transwomen, they are being sold to women who simply aren't happy with what they were born with and they are doing something about it. And almost every bra sold is designed to enhance and improve the appearance of what is inside.

When I realized that I didn't think of all the cis women buying shapewear, wigs and bras as frauds I also stopped thinking of myself as one. I'm not a fake, I am simply Sophie being Sophie doing the best with what I've got.

[Elizabeth 66]

I understand were you are coming from, it seems more acceptable for woman to take care of themselves and enhance in a way that would change there outward appearance, i used to dye my hair because it had started to go grey, i had so many comments from people i stopped doing it, but once i have let it grow a little i fully intend to do it again.

[Diane Elizabeth]

I have also felt like a fraud when I get all dressed up. I don't feel the same when wearing my "man" clothes, but then I have been wearing them for over 50 years and am use to having them on my body. However, I don't feel I am a "man" just because I have those clothes on. So at times I wonder who am I. More food for thought. Am I?

[RockerTerri]

I have had those periods, but theyre pretty rare now, and never last more than a few hours. It will pass.

The fraud was all the stuff that came before. I am just now getting used to the fact i dont HAVE to dress or act like that anymore, never again. Takes a bit, but you find you, if that makes sense?

It will pass. Healing (and learning, indeed, what our new roles are and how we fit) just take time.

Terri

[christina marie]

that is something that has been wandering around the empty spaces (lots of 'em) in my head lately also,that the real fraud is all the time i have spent trying to be a guy. wish i had something insightful to say about why i wasted half my life doing it, but at least i understand now. can totally relate to both the rollycoaster and the trapped feelings,dont really know for sure how to cope with them,just try to keep my head up.optomism has always been one of my stronger points, but some days waiting for that better day to get here is pure hell. helps a lot to come here,sometimes gab, sometimes just to read,just knowing that i am not alone in this,is often the most comfort i can find. other days,drastic measures are in order. . .
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