I think I met a t-girl yesterday

[amy canada]

I was out yesterday going to the library, and doing some regular shopping (no CDing this time) and I was at my local drug store to get some milk, and started to head to the cashier's desk to pay when I saw this beautiful woman with big eyes talking to the customer.

When I arrived at the cashier's desk, I noticed this beautiful woman had a lot of makeup on, but still, she sounded very feminine, and looked amazing. Very passable too! Nice and skinny as well, and when she went to close an employee's-only door, she did it in a feminine way.

When it was my turn to pay, I noticed that that while she still sounded feminine, she had a slight male-sounding voice to her, and that she had kinda larger hands. But still, I was glad to actually see a t-girl in my sleepy little town. You don't see too many of them up here, that's for sure. Maybe next time, if there are less customers around, I'll ask her for some tips so I could be like her, but I guess I'd have to lose something like 50 to 80 lbs to even match this chick.

[chelle]

Was in Walmart in Texarkana and thought I saw a tgirl, but no it was just one of the female hillbilly type that have more manly features than female. In fact, I saw several of them like that

[jenna_woods]

its so nice to see other t-girls out and about.

[Rebecca Petersen]

Asking the question "Hey, are you really a guy" seems like a "No win" situation for both of you. What if your wrong? Just as bad, what if your right?
Now, if you find this "Person" attractive and feel that, as you said, if you lost weight you could emulate the look, then go for it.

[Phyliss]

I was out yesterday going to the library, and doing some regular shopping... when I saw this beautiful woman... Maybe next time, if there are less customers around, I'll ask her for some tips so I could be like her, but I guess I'd have to lose something like 50 to 80 lbs to even match this chick.

Be VERY sure of who you're approaching about a subject like this. How embarrassing it would be if you're in error.

Even if you're 100% totally sure, it just might be a bit "forward" to engage her in conversation about any aspect involving her possible TGness, if in fact she is.

If you "read" her then perhaps she's not as "passable" as she could be, OR she's doing all she can, and is selfconscious about some of her proiblem areas and wouldn't want them pointed out by an unknown person.

Should you want to get to know her better, ... become a regular customer, even if you end up with a truck load of vitamins purchased over time. If you see her again, simply smile a noncommital smile and go about your business. Being a frequent customer, you'll come across her now and again. smile each time, BUT say nothing, if she has any interest, let her speak first. She might have a boyfriend who's a "hit man" for the local gang, and then where will you be?

Best advice, simply say nothing and be polite if you see her again

[Katesback]

First of all there REALLY are a lot of trans people out there that DO go out in the REAL world and live REAL lives. Now I am sure it is not as many as the VIRTUAL girls in this internet world sooooooo I will explain to you something.

Yes sometimes we are spotted. The odds are overwelming that if you came up and started a TG dialog with her she would not have ANY positive thoughts going through her head.

She took the initiative to be who she is. You can do the same without asking her for advice or embasassing the crap out of her!

Katie

[Nigella]

Your title and then post says it all.


I think I met a T Girl yesterday


I was glad to actually see a t-girl in my sleepy little town

You have made an assumption based upon your own views, without any consideration for the person you are talking about. There are real women who could quite easily fit the description you have given.

One word of advice, don't assume anything, why, because it makes an Ass out of U and Me

[charlie]

Hello Amy!
When I see one of us out and about I don't really know what to say. If I say anything it is just to compliment how they look, their hair or something else. Afterall, to say you are a good looking CDer could be taken as a hit instead of a plus.

[Stephenie S]

No, no, no, no, no, NO.

You do NOT ask another woman for tips on being a "tranny".

You have no idea REALLY, who you are talking to. Smile and act nice. Maybe she will reciprocate. Have a nice conversation. But never, never, ever, say, "Hi, I'm a tranny too. Can I have a few tips?"

BTW, this happened to me!

Stephie

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

Maybe next time, if there are less customers around, I'll ask her for some tips so I could be like her, but I guess I'd have to lose something like 50 to 80 lbs to even match this chick.


As many have said, don't even suggest that you think she's a man. But, there is nothing wrong with complimenting her on something about her look that you like, so instead say "I really like your makeup, how'd you do it that way?" or something along those lines.

[Kerigirl2009]

I guess if I saw someone that I suspected was also a CD, the thought of wanting to reach out and say hi would be all that would go through my mind. So if I ever do come across any of you out their dressed, just expect me to say Hi.
This is the same thing I do whenever I meet eyes with somebody. It is just the polite thing to do. :)

[Loni]

when out and about, the last thing i want is for someone to come up to me and ask if i am a guy. :eek:
like others here have said just be a frequent customer in her line. just talk about anything but her.(weather, festival, etc) unless it is a complement on her dress/etc.


.

[Tina P Hose]

Hey man, that dude could be a chick. Be quiet.

[DonniDarkness]

Ryan is right!!! Just make small talk!!....you should be polite and ask curious questions after shes comfortable with speaking with u about other stuff...or.....just ask her out, sounds like maybe you like her...Coffee at starbucks mid-day, its a thought

[Starfire Jade]

I was out yesterday going to the library, and doing some regular shopping (no CDing this time) and I was at my local drug store to get some milk, and started to head to the cashier's desk to pay when I saw this beautiful woman with big eyes talking to the customer.

When I arrived at the cashier's desk, I noticed this beautiful woman had a lot of makeup on, but still, she sounded very feminine, and looked amazing. Very passable too! Nice and skinny as well, and when she went to close an employee's-only door, she did it in a feminine way.

When it was my turn to pay, I noticed that that while she still sounded feminine, she had a slight male-sounding voice to her, and that she had kinda larger hands. But still, I was glad to actually see a t-girl in my sleepy little town. You don't see too many of them up here, that's for sure. Maybe next time, if there are less customers around, I'll ask her for some tips so I could be like her, but I guess I'd have to lose something like 50 to 80 lbs to even match this chick.

Nice job slapping a derogatory label on her.

[amy canada]

I don't normally go to that store very often, but I was just glad to see someone like her over there. I was back at that store today though, but I didn't see her.

I don't think I'd ask her out on a date, but just to be friends. As much as I'm attracted to her, I'm not attracted to men at all, even though she isn't one.

And I read her because I'm part of this lifestyle that everyone on here is accustomed to, but maybe the average guy wouldn't read her the same way. But she was definitely passable.

[sherri52]

If you want to give a compliment, give one without any type of reference to gender. If this was a CD/tg/ts then they will go home having recieved the compliment. With any luck they are on this site and will read your post. I'm sure the compliment will go even further then.

[Andy66]

I was at a bar/restaurant with a live band last night. The drummer may have been a transman, not sure. I sent him a drink because a) he was an awesome drummer, and b) I was kind of hoping to meet him. Nothing came of it, but at least I tried. :o

I love it when I see "family." Too bad it's so difficult to say hi to them without making someone uncomfortable.

[Angiemead12]

I would be careful to call out who is a tgirl and who isnt unless they tell me! you never know!

[stacie]

Some females have some what male like features and are not T-gurls " Proper term is "TRANSGENDER"! Sounds like more like a fantasy for you of hoping she was something she was not.

[Starfire Jade]

Some females have some what male like features and are not T-gurls " Proper term is "TRANSGENDER"! Sounds like more like a fantasy for you of hoping she was something she was not.

Thank you.

[t-girlxsophie]

Bearing in mind that a lot of Girls on here,are trying their best not to get read,I think that tells you that you should err on the side of caution when you THINK you see another CDer.I know I would be horrified if somebody came up to me when out,and asked me if I was a CDer,though unless they had a white stick,that wouldn't be a question I would ever hear LOL

[Danielle Gee]

My Sweetie were eating brunch at a Bob Evans Resturant in our little town. After the hostess seated us,I began looking at the folks around us (I'm an incurable people watcher). Lo and behold I spotted what I'm absolutly sure was a T-girl (very passible).

This was something I'd never seen before in our small town. She was sitting and chatting quietly was another young lady, and behaving in a most lady-like manner. Unfortunatly it was I who failed to behave myself!!

Even though I wasn't staring, I couldn't stop looking at her!!!! Well, sure enough she soon caught me glancing at her....I still was unable to stop
After about 5 minutes of this, she and her friend called for the bill, paid up, and left the place quite quickly. They left way more than half of their meals uneaten. Her SO looked at me quite coldly as they passed.

I don't recall when I'd ever felt so ashamed of my behavior!!! She had no way of knowing my interest in her, and was probably thinking I'd clocked har and was a potential hassle. I, in turn had probably ruined her and her partners outing.

I made a vow to myself right then, I was going to make a concious effoert to NEVER make another human being afraid, or uncomfortable. I was going to attempt to rein-in my curiosity and not make an issue out of another human being.

Danielle:love:

[AlainaSC]

About 10 years ago I recall being in hotel lobby waiting for others to meet to go to dinner when a beautiful woman came down through the lobby. She was dressed very tastefully, and was very pretty. But for the first time, I was 99% sure she was tg.

I thought about what if anything I should say to her and decided it was best not to stare and didn't say anything.

Similarly, I have seen beautiful gg women and felt the exact same way, that they looked beautiful and stunning. I have felt the urge to compliment them in the same way by just making a remark acknowledging how attractive they look.

I have never had the courage to make comments to either because I wouldn't want to make them uncomfortable like i was hitting on them. But on the other hand, I have thought that they may appreciate a strangers acknowledgment of their beauty, if done properly.

So if it ever happens again, as I am sure it will, I think I will just decide to find a specific part of them that is pretty/attractive and pay them a compliment. That is if I can work up the courage!

Bottom line though, to me beauty is beauty and should be complimented, regardless of the tg/non tg nature of the person being complimented.

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

Nice job slapping a derogatory label on her.


Some females have some what male like features and are not T-gurls " Proper term is "TRANSGENDER"! Sounds like more like a fantasy for you of hoping she was something she was not.


Thank you.

Ladies, relax. This is "Crossdressers.com" No one on this site is referring to transgendered people with a hint of derogatory intent whatsoever. The term "T-girl" is used fairly commonly as a self identification amongst members of the TG community. I just did a quick audit of the photo groups I'm a member of on Flickr and there are 7 different groups with "T-girl" in the title, all started and maintained by TGs or CDs.

It is clear that Amy meant nothing by her post except excitement at potentially seeing a "sister" out in public and frankly in no way deserved the nastiness in either of your posts.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

i wouldnt want to be approached..

some girls would...the problem is you don't know until you find out.....


plus you may be projecting your own situation onto others.
i have done this looking at natal women...

its much more likely that she is not transgendered if you heard a "female" voice....sounding like a woman is much harder than looking like one for most..

i get a rise when i see a transgendered person too, but i would never approach a person and ask them or comment on them being tg..

[RockerTerri]

Same. I wouldnt really want to be approached. Not only would it place both of us in an uncomfortable position, I would also be kinda pee'd off that I got read...

OK, that last bit is kinda off topic. But no, I wouldnt want someone to just walk up and start asking embarassing questions in a public place.

[Stephenie S]

Listen guys. I am about to make another one of my broad generalizations. But pay attention, there is some truth in it.

Of course you want to make contact with this other person. And you CAN. Just pay them a compliment. Just a compliment. That's all.

Examples:

"Hi, I just love your dress. Where did you get it?"

"Hi. What a nice haircut. May I ask where you get your hair done?"

"OMG, I LOVE your shoes. Where did you get them?"

"I just want to tell you what a lovely jacket that is. It suits you very well."

Get up from your chair and walk over to the other person and say, "I am so sorry for staring at you, but I just LOVE your outfit. I can't keep my eyes off you." But then you better stop. Sit the other way if you have to. And you better get RIGHT back to your own table after that.

All of the above starts an interaction that the other person can continue or not, if they want. And NONE of them are gender specific. None of them are potentially embarrassing to either you or the other person.

Women compliment each other ALL THE TIME. This is common behavior. But do it and move on. It's a compliment. And ALWAYS, ALWAYS, SMILE.

So, what happened to ME?

Someone came up to me after a business meeting and said, "Hi, I'm Dave. I'm a tranny too."

Can you see how embarrassing this could be?

Treat others on the street or elsewhere with the same respect you would give to ANYONE regardless of what you "think" their gender might be. It's easy to reach out. Just don't reach out in a manner that might embarrass both of you.

Stephie

[Kaitlyn Michele]

steph that is agreat point...i still wonder if i would want to be approached because of someone(anyone) perceived me as trans...but u still have a good point...

and your story sounds like a nightmare...:sad:

[pamela_a]

You make some good points Stephie. I love receiving compliments on my look or outifit but I'd like to hope they were honest comments and not because someone thought I was trans.

I hope "Dave" said that out of ear shot of anyone else and you either indignantly ignored him or B slapped him for even considering the possiblity

[Cassandra Lynn]

Ladies, relax. This is "Crossdressers.com" No one on this site is referring to transgendered people with a hint of derogatory intent whatsoever. The term "T-girl" is used fairly commonly as a self identification amongst members of the TG community. I just did a quick audit of the photo groups I'm a member of on Flickr and there are 7 different groups with "T-girl" in the title, all started and maintained by TGs or CDs.

It is clear that Amy meant nothing by her post except excitement at potentially seeing a "sister" out in public and frankly in no way deserved the nastiness in either of your posts.

Amen. Untill every single person under the CD/TG/TV/TS/ETC umbrella comes forward and takes a vote for unified labels for all, live with it. mj (Cassie)

[Stephenie S]

If there were some nasty replies, I didn't see them. Most of the posts were advisory. Don't do that. This is important advice, and we read here ALL the time questions about how to approach a "suspected" sister. It's easy and fun, but needs to be done in a discrete and polite manner.

Stephie

You make some good points Stephie. I love receiving compliments on my look or outifit but I'd like to hope they were honest comments and not because someone thought I was trans.

I hope "Dave" said that out of ear shot of anyone else and you either indignantly ignored him or B slapped him for even considering the possiblity

Honey, you can't EVER tell if a compliment is honest. But it's a compliment none the less. Just accept it. Smile and act nice, that's what my mother taught me.

And NO, he did NOT say that out of earshot. He said it in a crowded room full of people milling around the buffet after the meeting. Slap him? No, I'm not that kind of girl. But I was dumbfounded. I did speak to HIM later out of earshot. It was VERY impolite.

Stephie

[DonniDarkness]

i think this whole discussion just proves my unicorn theory

[CD Tammy]

I was at Underground Atlanta one night when I happen to notice a very tall, sexy woman. UA is one of the few places in Atlanta where people walk around openly with adult beverages. She had a tall drink in her hand. An officer asked her for her ID.

Without even a second's hesitation she gave it to him. I heard the officer stutter and ask who is Paul. In a male voice, she asked him if there was a problem. He handed her the ID back and quickly disappeared.

[Tina P Hose]

If it were not for the traffic, Atlanta would be a pretty good place to live.

[Starfire Jade]

Ladies, relax. This is "Crossdressers.com" No one on this site is referring to transgendered people with a hint of derogatory intent whatsoever. The term "T-girl" is used fairly commonly as a self identification amongst members of the TG community. I just did a quick audit of the photo groups I'm a member of on Flickr and there are 7 different groups with "T-girl" in the title, all started and maintained by TGs or CDs.

It is clear that Amy meant nothing by her post except excitement at potentially seeing a "sister" out in public and frankly in no way deserved the nastiness in either of your posts.

I'm sorry, but I have a friend who IS trans, as in LIVES as a woman, and desires to be seen as a WOMAN. And terms like "T-girl" offend her deeply. Thats like calling a black person the "N" word. I think my nastiness was WELL deserved. As I find the terms "T-girl, Tranny, *******, etc" to be UTTERLY offensive. She went through hell to be who she is. Who she really was MEANT to be. And Im tired of people who never take who they are and never will beyond the closet label themselves as such, and at the same time use such an offensive term.

This whole post is offensive its like saying "Oh I think I saw a N***** the other day" Do you think maybe that woman wants to be seen as her desired gender than her birth defect?

[t-girlxsophie]

So Jade,does that make me Offensive considering my user name,being that I have used this for many years,and have many Ladies I consider close friends who either have Transitioned fully or are in the process of doing so.Unless they are very good actresses they have never had a problem with my Description of myself.I would NEVER do anything to upset my friends,even by guilt or association with certain terms.
I never use the term "Tranny" as a label,and others such as heshe make my blood boil,It would not please me if I thought I was upsetting anyone in our Community

[Starfire Jade]

So Jade,does that make me Offensive considering my user name,being that I have used this for many years,and have many Ladies I consider close friends who either have Transitioned fully or are in the process of doing so.Unless they are very good actresses they have never had a problem with my Description of myself.I would NEVER do anything to upset my friends,even by guilt or association with certain terms.
I never use the term "Tranny" as a label,and others such as heshe make my blood boil,It would not please me if I thought I was upsetting anyone in our Community

What gets under my skin the most is this thread itself. Not your name. But referring to some stranger as a "T-girl"

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

Starfire, you're way off base here. First off "Tgirl" isn't the same as "*******" or even "tranny" for that matter. I've heard people say some pretty negative things towards transgendered people but I've never heard the term tgirl used outside the community and never in a hateful way. It's too "cute" a nickname for there to be much bile behind it. I'm sorry that it is offensive to your friend, but that's her own preference and it doesn't mean the word itself is part of a general culture of hate speech.

Secondly though, your analogy to race issues doesn't hold up to much scrutiny, because as it was already said, this is a forum for the support and discussion of transgendered people, be they closeted crossdressers or fully transitioned trans people. The idea that is offensive for a trans person to see another trans person out and about and living their life and be happy about it is just ludicrous. And on that note as well, while it may be commonplace nowadays for a workplace or establishment to have diversity amongst their employees, this was not always the case. If a member of an ethnic minority group was excited to see another member of their group working in a store that historically they hadn't seen a lot of their group working, they'd have been pretty happy about it and would probably tell their friends.

[pamela_a]

First off "Tgirl" isn't the same as "*******" or even "tranny" for that matter
Ryan, your right, it's not. But then you're a self described "dude in a skirt" and not a woman (or transwoman if that's preferred) so please don't speak for me (us). Jade has a valid point and you've stated it.
I'm sorry that it is offensive to your friend, but that's her own preference . There are many women who have transitoned out there who would love nothing more than to live their lives as the woman they are and not be reminded of the horrible past they had to endure to get where they are today and the T-girl reference is hurtful to someone like that. Is it as bad as tranny or she-male? No, but it can still be a painful reminder of something she would rather forget.

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

Ryan, your right, it's not. But then you're a self described "dude in a skirt" and not a woman (or transwoman if that's preferred) so please don't speak for me (us).

Excuse me, but asking for people to consider the intent of someone posting, and their own tone in responding, and to acknowledge that a term is widely used as self-identification by many members of the community they are defending, is not invalidated by the fact that I'm not a trans woman.


There are many women who have transitoned out there who would love nothing more than to live their lives as the woman they are and not be reminded of the horrible past they had to endure to get where they are today and the T-girl reference is hurtful to someone like that. Is it as bad as tranny or she-male? No, but it can still be a painful reminder of something she would rather forget.

Are these same women the ones posting on "crossdressers.com"? Because doesn't that serve as a reminder of their past? I'm just wondering because in the case of this thread, everyone has agreed not to approach the woman about her potential past. Those of us who have said it's ok to talk to her have stressed that we compliment her in the same way as we would a GG.

Again, this wasn't a post on some frat guy's blog being like "Dude I think I saw a tranny at the store!" This was a post on a transgendered forum by a transgendered person about excitement at seeing someone out living their life and being who they are in a day to day context. There's no reason to chide that person for using a slur that isn't a slur.

[Empress Lainie]

Anyone on here who knows of me knows I am a preop transwoman living 24/7 for several years now.

But at work there is this 6ft4in guy that I have watched since I have been working there. He works in the grocery store, I am in the slot parlour.

I am convinced that he is a not so closet tgirl, but don't dare talk to him since no one knows that I am not gg.

But the evidence: obvious boobs, never see any evidence of facial hair, wears a sports bra or regular bra when not at work and shopping, carries a pink purse, wears a pink tie, has his hair fixed in what I can only call a feminine way with little bleached spots all over his curls. I have some sort of connection with this person and always enjoy seeing him. he also has lots of feminine mannerisms too.

Truth be known I would like to spend some time with him.

[pamela_a]

Excuse me, but asking for people to consider the intent of someone posting, and their own tone in responding, and to acknowledge that a term is widely used as self-identification by many members of the community they are defending, is not invalidated by the fact that I'm not a trans woman.



Are these same women the ones posting on "crossdressers.com"? Because doesn't that serve as a reminder of their past? I'm just wondering because in the case of this thread, everyone has agreed not to approach the woman about her potential past. Those of us who have said it's ok to talk to her have stressed that we compliment her in the same way as we would a GG.

Again, this wasn't a post on some frat guy's blog being like "Dude I think I saw a tranny at the store!" This was a post on a transgendered forum by a transgendered person about excitement at seeing someone out living their life and being who they are in a day to day context. There's no reason to chide that person for using a slur that isn't a slur.

You're absolutely right. I'm sorry. Pardon my ignorance. I didn't realize that since I've transitioned I'm really not a woman.. I'm just a T girl. Thank you for setting me straight on that

[Melissa A.]

I see trans women all the time. Except for exchanging smiles across the subway aisle with a couple of them, I leave them alone. I'm full time and transitioning, and it does depend on the situation and the context, but for the most part, I expect the same respect for my privacy from others. Save your personal interaction with other trans people for those you plan to meet, or already know, please. If someone truly desperate for help and information approached me in a respectful manner, with discretion, I would probably be glad to talk to them. But don't make the assumption that this person you see is just dying to socialize with you because they are trans.

I don't think the word t-girl is all that offensive in the context which it was used and the forum it was used on. I do think trans woman or person is much more respectful, however. In other words, she could have done better, but it's hardly something to react strongly to. Heck, even I've used the word "trannie" when talking casually with other trans women, face to face. Not something I make a habit of, but it has been known to happen. They knew I meant no harm. Guess it's all about context and who you are talking to, where, and how familiar your relationship is. However, if someone is offended by how you have addressed them or others to them, That should be taken seriously, and respected.

Hugs,

Melissa:)

[Andrea's Lynne]

If you feel anything needs be said at all, I would recommend something like, "You look quite nice today" and leave it at that

[Nigella]

This thread is degenerating into a free for all and has left the original topic, therefore it is done