Thalia
04-23-2010, 02:08 PM
I've been relatively quiet for some time now but I want to tell those of you who took an interest, offering advice and comments, what has transpired since I started a thread about telling my wife I was a crossdresser.
I've been a crossdresser since early childhood and no one (including my first wife) ever had any idea about it. I had been married to my second wife 15 1/2 years when I told her my secret. I told her because I wanted to dress more openly, I wanted to attend a crossdresser social club and I wanted to be able to meet with and communicate with other crossdressers. It was becoming too difficult to keep my secret.
Her initial reaction was to retaliate. She downloaded my e mails and confiscated my clothes and makeup. She took the pictures from my transformation and threatened to use them against me if I didn't give her a lucrative divorce.
We both began seeing a psychologist who, as it turned out, was a perfect fit for both of us. We see him almost every week and, yes -- it is expensive -- but we both want to stay together and that couldn't have been possible without his help. He has helped her realize that I didn't hurt her intentially and I was on a journey of self-exploration. He made me realize that I have no right to expect acceptance from a spouse even though we had a truly wonderful marriage. Crossdressing, revealed after a couple are in a commited relationship, can be a dealbreaker. I learned about the issues a SO has to deal with. I've come to the conclusion that it is an arrogant attitude that some of us here in this forum adopt when we state that "we're not hurting anybody" and "we should be accepted".
My wife has returned my e mails and pictures. The clothes are long gone but, ironically, I haven't had the urge to dress in a long time. I'm not sure why because it sure was important to me prior to telling her.
On a personal note, we have a long road to travel but she has started to warm to me some. We've held hands on occasion and even hugged. I love her deeply and I know she loves me. Our marriage can never be as it was before the revelation because even if I'm forgiven for keeping this a secret from her, she'll never forget the feelings of anger and hurt.
I realize she would not have married me had she known before but she has chosen to stay and is trying to not focus on the past but on a future together. Where crossdressing will eventually fit in (if at all) is a mystery to me...and her. I know one thing, if the desire to crossdress returns, I won't sneak around anymore. Honesty is truly the best policy....but my advice to everyone reading this is to tell your SO early on in the relationship. If you haven't done so, if and when you do tell, should it not go well, find a good counsellor. I owe that man a lot for helping us both.
I've been a crossdresser since early childhood and no one (including my first wife) ever had any idea about it. I had been married to my second wife 15 1/2 years when I told her my secret. I told her because I wanted to dress more openly, I wanted to attend a crossdresser social club and I wanted to be able to meet with and communicate with other crossdressers. It was becoming too difficult to keep my secret.
Her initial reaction was to retaliate. She downloaded my e mails and confiscated my clothes and makeup. She took the pictures from my transformation and threatened to use them against me if I didn't give her a lucrative divorce.
We both began seeing a psychologist who, as it turned out, was a perfect fit for both of us. We see him almost every week and, yes -- it is expensive -- but we both want to stay together and that couldn't have been possible without his help. He has helped her realize that I didn't hurt her intentially and I was on a journey of self-exploration. He made me realize that I have no right to expect acceptance from a spouse even though we had a truly wonderful marriage. Crossdressing, revealed after a couple are in a commited relationship, can be a dealbreaker. I learned about the issues a SO has to deal with. I've come to the conclusion that it is an arrogant attitude that some of us here in this forum adopt when we state that "we're not hurting anybody" and "we should be accepted".
My wife has returned my e mails and pictures. The clothes are long gone but, ironically, I haven't had the urge to dress in a long time. I'm not sure why because it sure was important to me prior to telling her.
On a personal note, we have a long road to travel but she has started to warm to me some. We've held hands on occasion and even hugged. I love her deeply and I know she loves me. Our marriage can never be as it was before the revelation because even if I'm forgiven for keeping this a secret from her, she'll never forget the feelings of anger and hurt.
I realize she would not have married me had she known before but she has chosen to stay and is trying to not focus on the past but on a future together. Where crossdressing will eventually fit in (if at all) is a mystery to me...and her. I know one thing, if the desire to crossdress returns, I won't sneak around anymore. Honesty is truly the best policy....but my advice to everyone reading this is to tell your SO early on in the relationship. If you haven't done so, if and when you do tell, should it not go well, find a good counsellor. I owe that man a lot for helping us both.