Best way of accepting myself?

[KatieEvans]

I'm really really sorry to keep going on, but i really really need some help to accept myself, i can't hide or run in denial anymore, i need to accept it, the quicker i can do that, the quicker i can let her win.

This wont ever leave me will it?? and i don't know how to accept can somebody please help me? :(

[Nicki S]

Put on a bra, and a pair of pantyhose and enjoy the feeling. Love life as it comes to you. Enjoy the finer feeling that are in front of you. You should be loved for who you are, not what you wear. It is your benefit for the joy of dressing! Either they will love you or leave you, their choice.

[Tranny Tee]

Most of us are crossdressers because we have no choice, for some reason it is how we are wired. There is no reason to feel shame for something over which we have no control.
There is nothing wrong with crossdressing. There is nothing wrong with being a crossdresser.
You are not a bad person, you are doing nothing wrong.

[KatieEvans]

I keep looking at the girls pictures and thinking yes i think i could actually be really pretty, i'm just scared atm, I can feel the urge all the time, and i really can't fight it but im far too scared to buy a wig, make up, skirts high heels etc etc, although i really really want to

[kellycan27]

It has to come from within.. Nobody is going to be able to tell you when you will be ready. You'll be ready when you are ready. No magic formula, no magic advice. Pure and simple.:)
Kelly

[Jonianne]

Katie, memorizing the following helped me when I was in therapy:


"Truly accepting yourself as you exist today, at this very moment, is one of the greatest acts of love and courage on the planet. Once you've done that, you can extend that acceptance to others as a gift that can be treasured for life! The giant exhalation, sigh of relief, lowering of shoulders, relaxing of gut and freeing of mind that comes with knowing, hey, I'm not a perfect person, but that's OK. Knowing you dont have to "ARRIVE" to be loved. It's OK to still be on the journey, tripping over the occasional stone. Accepting yourself is an act of empowerment as well. When you can let go of all the "shoulds" and "not good enoughs" that clutter up your life, you'll feel strong and healthy. Striving to live up to someone else's expectation is more exausting than chasing after septuplets! The moment you say to yourself 'I'm OK as is, not perfect, not without goals, but OK, the moment you really own that feeling, is the first moment you'll feel the high that comes with loving your ordinary, flawed, distinctive, caring, giving, taking, seeking, hiding, CONFLICTED self. This acceptance forms the solid foundation necessary to love and accept others. ...Right now, decide that you will accept yourself (perceived warts included) and will reject the tired old notion that you somehow have to fix yourself to be acceptable. ...Each time you hear an inner critical voice, replace it with a loving one. ...Note your successes. ...Surround your self with positive people. ...If someone has an issue they want to work out with you, they have every right to tell you how they feel - they don't have the right to tell you how you should be."

FROM THE DR. JOY BROWNE NEWSLETTER 2/98.

Say it to yourself over and over again and let it sink in. Self-acceptance is vital in living a happy, healthy life.

Know who you are and know what you want.

[mapletree]

I think that I hear you becasue every time I head out to say hello world it sems to get sidetracked -- I went out to buy a wig and they would not serve me which hurt a little since it was a lot for me just to go inside so I actually went back today and asked what I did wrong,,, one person just walked away and the other say yo do not look gay -- i said i am not gay and she said only gay men buy wigs -- so I left and have been thinking

[KatieEvans]

thank you for that, just wish someone would come to me, drag me off, make me buy clothes and my wig and my heels, then make me stand up and say i'm katie

[linnea]

It has to come from within.. Nobody is going to be able to tell you when you will be ready. You'll be ready when you are ready. No magic formula, no magic advice. Pure and simple.:)
Kelly

I agree with Kelly: it has to come from within. There's no magic formula, and no one else can do it for you or make it happen for you.

[NathalieX66]

Being a crossdresser is not so bad really. I love being me. I'm happier now than when I was trying to be a man's man corporate climber ten years ago, complete with golf clubs and in full denial despite the fact I had no problem going out en femme in college. I felt so sickened & ashamed by the fact that I wanted to dress up in women's clothes and establish female grooming habits. But, the desire never went away. And and now 10 years later I accepted myself, I go out en femme, and I won!
Once your mind goes in the direction it does, it is what it is,and you are what you are. Find therapy if you need to. Find outlets available to you, and you will find that you are truly not alone. Live/love/enjoy life. Personally, I'm glad to be a rebel. It gives me great satisfaction that I do not follow the herd as sheep do.

[Jenniferpl]

There is no one answer fits all here. Start small; buy something off of eBay or from a catalog. You will soon discover that they do not bite. Like most of us, you will be scared to death. You will find yourself nervous wearing it for the first, even feeling strange. Over time, as the woman within you comes out to play, you will grow more comfortable within your own skin.

We have all been there and experienced it. It is all part of what can be a amazing journey.

[AKAMichelle]

Acceptance of one's self is probably the hardest thing to do. You feel guilt for wearing women's clothes. You feel embarrassed by those thoughts of women's clothes. You probably have a host of other negative thoughts about cd'ing.

The one thing that you are going to have to understand is that you were made this way. You are who you are. You can't recreate yourself, but you can make small modifications as you mature and gain a deeper understanding of yourself. So only giving yourself permission to be yourself and happy will you find that elusive acceptance and balance in your life.

Take it from an old fart. You can hide who you are and what you will get for that is a lot of wasted years of feeling guilty, embarrassed and possibly even dirty for being a cd'er. Or you can decide to confront your cd'ing early and work toward understanding you. It will take time, but every person who hide and denied that they were a cd'er would love to have learned balance early in their lives. It is a major regret and you are blessed to avoid that. You can avoid all of those years of guilt by doing something about it now.

"Be Yourself - Every one else is already taken"

[Sheila]

Acceptance of oneself has to come form within, nobody can make another accept themselves :sad:

Start with the question, why you feel you can't accept yourself, then work on ways to change that :)

[noeleena]

Hi. Katie.

This is not really about wether you are a girl or a boy is it , or trans ,
This is about ...you... as a person . thats the issue not about,
hey i can wear those clothes or heels , wig , what ever .

This is about you dealing with the you in side . first, & , what makes you tick , formost if we dont accept who , what & how we are , then every thing else does not matter at all .
So lets look at what is there about you , that you like ,inside that is ,your mind ,
& tell me about your character, your attributes, & what makes you tick . in other words what makes you who you are . . of cause you dont have 30 , or 40 years experience like i do , i can pull on my past to see where i v come from & i have built on that so i know how to deal with things & details & of cause training as well .

First off look at your self & think what you can be if you wont to ,
accepting your self for who you are is really the most important thing you can & ever will do if you dont then you have problems big time , trust me i know what im talking about & i would not waste my time being here for a bit of fun or saying things that are not true.

You have your life ahead of you & only you can be who you should be . its really up to you ,

im 62 & i knew at age 10 that i accepted who i was, different , yes,
i was really quite happy as a kid i did not fight my self & say oh dear im not a girl, i accepted i was both boy & girl , dont ask if i knew any thing about what that ment i did not ,
i just accepted this is me , later on things started making sence & even then i was not expressing my inner self it was there just not all out , at 50 i came out as a woman . & from then on it was the start of my life as a woman .

If you see your self as a woman then allow your self to grow, allow your self time , dont try & be some thing that your not,
wether you dress in womens clothes or live full time those are not the issues . its all about just accepting that no matter what ,
you were born this way . its not a crime . shamefull or any thing else, just a fact of life some of us are born this way , its not going to change who you are unless you do it ,
So back to the word .....acceptance .....& who you are .
If you cant accept your self , then take time out from thinking about it ,,
i would suggest you find a trusted friend who you can talk to & may be get some help .
Hey life is not easy, yet after some liveing we see things a bit clearer, i know it has for me,
& the other thing is dont get so wraped up with in your self you dont see whats beyound your self, because you do miss out on life , enjoy it .

...noeleena...

[Veronica Nowakowski]

You need to understand yourself and really ask yourself if there is anything actually wrong with it. It may not be common, but there's nothing wrong with it. Hell, a guy leading massive protests and marches and acts of civil disobedience for racial equality and the rights of the poor... that's ****ing weird. But when it comes down to it, Martin Luther King Jr was a great hero. I hope that drives home the point that something being odd does not make it bad.

But it's going to take the internalization of that lesson, realizing that you have the God given right to be yourself, that will make you accept yourself.

[KatieEvans]

You need to understand yourself and really ask yourself if there is anything actually wrong with it. It may not be common, but there's nothing wrong with it. Hell, a guy leading massive protests and marches and acts of civil disobedience for racial equality and the rights of the poor... that's ****ing weird. But when it comes down to it, Martin Luther King Jr was a great hero. I hope that drives home the point that something being odd does not make it bad.

But it's going to take the internalization of that lesson, realizing that you have the God given right to be yourself, that will make you accept yourself.





Oh i know there is nothing wrong with me, i don't own any female clothes atm, but that will change as soon as i have accepted a few thing's, i borrow clothes and when im wearing high heels and a skirt, i feel so happy, but when i change back i start to feel guilty, but whilst im dressed and only dressed i actually feel quite happy.

[eluuzion]

Being "scared" to buy what you want to buy is one the reasons catalog and online sales are so successful. Try it, you will like it.

Life is not about illusion, it is all about perspective.

I look at everything I do in terms of "memories". When I reach the end of my life, my goal is to have a long list of memories of the things I did do, and the people I loved doing things with. Not a list of things I wish I had taken the time to do, or had the courage to do, but did not. In the end, that is all that really matters.

Cross-dressing seems similar to losing your hair, or gaining wrinkles, or decreased vision. You can hide or carry on. Friends see you for what you are, if they are real friends.

Hiding from yourself is just sowing a future of regrets. It is not a race or competition either, take your time and enjoy life.

:love:

[donnah]

Have to agree with the others,acceptance is a process we go thru.Problems do come if we dont learn to accept and love ourselves for who and what we are.Overcoming fear is a key part of this process, always seeking approval will make u very unhappy.Take baby steps, this a journey not a race.In time you will get there, a good gender therapist can help as well, good luck!

[CherryZips]

katieE, have you read anything on being a crossdresser? I understand that the Lazy Crossdresser is pretty good. Its good that you are dealing with this sort of thing now rather than later.

I think we all recall the GUILT. I felt like I was an insult to all woman kind. ho ho. But really you are not doing anything harmful to anyone else. Start with thinking about what you want. And then think what is possible. There is probably a series of questions you might need to sort first.

Good luck.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

make me stand up and say i'm katie

That's what I did...:heehee:

there are so many cliches that you can any pick one.

as some of said...it can ONLY come from inside of you.

you have been given a special life, yours. that's what we all get and its our responsibility to live it....no one can live it for you..

you can type and type and type and i can almost promise you it wont change a thing. there is no magic bullet,
and there are no magic potions, and there are no magic words that can help you other than words that you say to yourself

and then actions that you do for yourself...pls trust us that you can do what you desire:hugs:

[KatieEvans]

Thank you everyone, I know what i need to do, and i now know i must do it, i love this life i've been given, just doing the final steps to let Katie come out and play :P

xx

[Angiemead12]

Thank you everyone, I know what i need to do, and i now know i must do it, i love this life i've been given, just doing the final steps to let Katie come out and play :P

xx

in the end, we only have one life, we can choose to be ashamed of it or we can choose to ride it happily and see how far the rabbit hole goes!

[MargaretJ]

thank you for that, just wish someone would come to me, drag me off, make me buy clothes and my wig and my heels, then make me stand up and say i'm katie

Get out, buy some clothes, wig, heels, and some make up, and get on with it. If you don't feel you can physically go out to buy stuff, there's the internet or mail order. You don't have to do it all at once either. I suspect most of us have had simillar experiences, of doing it on our own, and learning from our experiences and mistakes, as we went along. It may be scary at times, and there is help and support on here, but at the end of the day, you will have to deal with it, and not rely on others to do it for you.

[Angie G]

Accept the it's who you are. It's no a bad thing so go with it and love it.And no it won't go away hun.Be all that you can be Katie Evans. It will make you happy with yourself hun.Now go be a girl.And don't beat yourself up just enjoy it.:hugs:
Angie

[Jenny Doolittle]

HI Katie

Life is a journey and like any journey we learn about ourselves and others a long the way. I know what you are feeling and like many have said, it has to come from within you.

I can only tell you about myself, I had this internal buzz to be fem all my life. I tried for years to hid, purge, only experiment in small doses for short periods...... but as you probably know it doesn't go away. I remember when I did not allow myself to be Jenny, I was moody, and my wife could tell and did notice although I am not sure she linked it with the absence of my dressing. ( I don't think I did early on) She is not as supportive as some other wives here who would encourage their husbands alter-ego to bloom, however she does realize that Jenny is a part of who I am. She will even admit that Jenny is the best part of me to some degree.

Since I have allowed this part of my life to emerge, I have never been happier. I am pleased to finding also that those that have been close to me are not shunning me. Sure I have taken a little teasing, and I have wondered if this might be a step too far in some of the things I have done but I happy with who I am now and will never regret it!

Sorry for such a long post.

[gabimartini]

Sorry, Katie. Unfortunately, this will never leave any of us. Acceptance has to come from within. Try reading as much as you can about transgenderism, interacting with other people (even if only via the internet), exploring your own self, and if the going is still rough after that, try seeing a therapist.

Good luck!

[Rianna Humble]

I'm really really sorry to keep going on, but i really really need some help to accept myself

No need to apologise for asking for help. Unfortunately, I can't show you how to accept yourself. What I can do is to remind you that you are a valued and valuable part of our family. We love you for yourself.


I can't hide or run in denial anymore, i need to accept it, the quicker i can do that, the quicker i can let her win.

At some stage, we each have to go through this, it's good that you have recognised that you want to accept yourself. It may helpif you tell us why you don't feel able to accept yourself yet.


This won't ever leave me will it??

As far as I know you will never stop being transgendered, but I see it as a blessing rather than a curse.


and i don't know how to accept can somebody please help me? :(

Others have already said that self-acceptance has to come from within, but you might like to ask yourself one other question:

"If Rianna and the others on crossdressers.com love me, why shouldn't I love me too?"

[Lynn Marie]

For me, my fear was that someone would think I was gay because I was buying stockings or a bra or panties or any one of the multitude of items that form the feminine mystique. At first I would act and think as though I was buying them for my wife/girlfriend/etc. And BTW, I do often buy personal things and lingerie for my GF. The frame of mind is the key. If you are embarrassed, then it will show and you'll get the look! If you are confident and bold, everybody will want to be you!

We've all feared people thinking that we might be gay or some other "trans" thing. I now have gay friends and I like them a lot for their fearlessness and kindness and gentleness. So often, they are the nicest and sweetest people around. So if people are going to think I'm gay, then so be it. What can I do to change that? Nothing.

I'm a CD, and proud of it. I'm also a man and take pride in being a gentleman with class. Either way I'm dressed, I'm happy with who I am and proud of being myself. I look my detractors in the eye and wait for them to either get over it or look away. Either way, I don't care what they think. Also, I'm sure they only wished they could look as good as me!

[Wen4cd]

I suggest insanity. :)

That is, I suggest deliberate splitting and dissociation,for a while, of you and 'her.' It can happen, and is a side affect of a lot of therapy. You go 'crazy,' but you get a lot done by way of acceptance and development, pretty fast. Therapy induced dissociative identity states are big medicine.

And 'therapeutic journaling' is a good way to get the dissociation vibes rolling. Get a laptop open, with a word processor. Or get a tape recorder.

Talk to 'her,' as a journaling exercice, let her talk to 'you.' Converse.

Discuss these issues with 'her' and get a dialogue open. Treat her as a separate entity at first to avoid the flatness and confusion, almost as if you were 'posessed' by the ghost of this girl who wants to live in and share your body.

Write about yourself in her 'voice.' Refer to yourself as 'him.' It gets you outside of yourself to a more objective POV. Dress up and talk to yourself in the mirror with tape running. It should slowly grow from there toward a certain moment of satori, which will be an emotional milestone for you, that a lot of people call 'acceptance.'

If you can't get past whether she's 'real' enough to talk back or not, pretend, and then read what 'she' wrote. She'll talk 'through your pretending,' more and more, as the archetype comes closer to consciousness. If it feels silly, don't worry. This kind of personal journaling is between "you and her," and nobody else has to even see it.

When she 'wakes up' it will shock the hell out of you, and your life will likely never be the same. 'Acceptance' will not be an issue anymore, because you will be past it. You will have found one of the most important people in your life: yourself, and you will be more worried about not slipping back to how you were before the 'awakening.'

She's not what 'she' seems, by my perception. In some ways, she's not even a 'girl,' but that stuff comes later. She is now. This 'desire that will never leave you' is her wanting to live and be affirmed, and mostly by you, before others. She can be your best friend in the universe, and complete you as a more full, whole person.

When you find this someone in the mirror who loves you, who knows every inch of you, for your whole life, and every secret you've never told anyone, every want, every fear and weakness and flaw,because she's been inside watching all along, and who knows you more than any other person could, and still loves you anyway, it's like a religious experience. Well, it 'is' a religious experience.

When that person tells you they love you, more than anything or anyone else in the world, and that she has always loved you, because she IS you, you'll know 'acceptance.' She has the keys to unlock you, she knows your weak points, and can exploit them to get through to you, like no other person can. She's coded and imprinted to you alone, since she is you.

So, yeah, journalling and self communication, inner dialouge, my best 'advice' to get the crazy train rolling towards accaptance.

*runs form the nice men in white suits

[Jonianne]

.......When you find this someone in the mirror who loves you, who knows every inch of you, for your whole life, and every secret you've never told anyone, every want, every fear and weakness and flaw,because she's been inside watching all along, and who knows you more than any other person could, and still loves you anyway, it's like a religious experience. Well, it 'is' a religious experience.......

Wen, what you wrote is tremendous! Reaching the point of unconditional self-acceptance. When I've asked myself the question "Who am I?", the answer I finally came up with is "I am loved." When we realize that it is "I" who also is the one who loves me, you can find the courage to go through any situation and do anything.