Anyone feel like this?

[MelFoxxCd]

Hello all. I am only new to the forums, being here for only about a month, but find it fantastic to have people around who are like me to ask questions from, and not feel alone.
So my question is, Does anyone else feel like their female self and their male self are two different personalities stuggling to inhabit the one body? Or am I the only one? :confused:
And if you have felt this, can anyone suggest what this could mean, or what I can do to have the two at peace with each other?
Somedays it feels like the two are fighting for control and I think the she is going to win, being the stronger of the two. Anyway, thats my confused rambling and question.
Any help will be greatly apprieciated,
Hugs, Melissa.

[Tristen Cox]

Sounds about right, you might be TG(transgendered). Might want to read up on some of the definitions. Or better yet, we are pretty full of info right here if you look in the right places and ask.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transgendered

:)

[Shaylynn]

My conflict isn't over two personalities fighting but comes from an old fashion Catholic upbringing. Guys shouldn't like wearing dresses and makeup, or at least that you hear all the time. so why do I love looking and acting girly?
All I know for certain is that I adore wearing dresses, nylons stockings, heels and putting on makeup.

Shaylynn

[ChristineRenee]

Many feel that way Melissa. I think I did for a very long time...in fact trying to deny the female side that was emerging more and more over the years. Here's what I had to understand...and this took me literally years...decades in fact...the inner person was the person I REALLY and truly was...and that was Chrissie. The male side of me is what I was genetically. I was a boy and then a man and conditioned in all the ways a boy and a man are conditioned by society to be. It took a very long time for me to understand first...WHO I actually was...and then to ACCEPT who I was. Which is why I don't fault others, particularly my wife for example...for not "getting it". My God...look how long it took me...and I LIVE it every day!

I do think the answer to this...and it is a primary thing that I got out of going to therapists over the years...is to integrate the two personalities into one. Whether or not the dominant one is male or female...I really do believe for your own sanity that you have to be one distinct person that has two sides to them rather than be two separate people housed into one body. Otherwise the emotional conflict internally will eat at you like a cancer inside. Because if you are truly TS...you are not going to have that dual personality kind of conflict...you will KNOW inside that you are truly all one or the other and not a composite of both.

Hope this makes some sense to you Melissa and that it helps you as well.;)

[Imogen_Mann]

Maybe I'm lucky, but I have felt for a long time that My female and male sides work well next to eachother living in the same body, and look after it for each-other. One does the hard work around the house, while the other does the dusting and makes the beds. I've never felt much conflict to be honest, except maybe sometimes at bed time when she tends to want to take over... But it gets sorted one way or the other... Oh and she smokes, while he does not, and I just can not explain that, or get her to quit :mad:

Maybe if youre feeling pretty anxious about it you could ask to join the mental health/depression forum here ? Maybe that wold be of some help and answer a few questions for you.

XX

Jayme

[Jamie M]

My god christine , you're so insightful. everything you say is exactly what i was trying to write but put so much more eloquently.

To put it in my words , I did feel as if there were two me's for a very long time and i'd swing between the two . James hated Julia , he thought she was disgusting and depraved and Julia pretty much hated James for hating her . from this came the two personalties but as time went on and i came to accept who "I" am then it became easier to see that i am one person. A male with strong female tendancies . After the moment of realisation i've become a much calmer and balanced person.

In many ways i think the main catalyst for this was kelly's gradual acceptance as i no longer felt i had anything to be ashamed of .

[kazeparker]

Yeah, I know how this is. It doesn't seem to be like full-blown multiple personalities, but me and my female persona have very different attributes. Even so, we're generally agreeable with each other. :bunny:

In war, when times are tough, one would put up the white flag and try to negotiate with the opposing army. Why not try talking to your female self? I know it sounds odd, but it's possible to talk to yourself and find a way to bring about a peaceful resolution mentally, if it feels like there are two entities, the male and the female.

[Priscilla1018]

I too have a male side and a female side that are really not in conflict.I find my male side mellowing more as my female side slowly changes him for the better.To me it is the best of both worlds and I need both personas.He does the heavy work is somewhat handy with tools.She is the creative one,the one who can take a plain canvas or sheet of steel and create beauty.Together these sides make me and yet I continue to evolve into a better human being.

[gender_blender]

I used to feel split into the two personas, until I realized that it takes both half-personalities to create the individual. At which point, I began being that whole, integrated person through balance and moderation of the halves.


Charlie

[gennee]

MelFoxxCD:

I don't feel any conflict. My male side and female side complement eath other. I've only been a cd for a month. In the beginning I was cofused. I spoke with a couple of counselors about this. When admitted that I was transgendered man (crossdresser) the cofusion was gone. I'm comfortable and happy as a cder and a transgendered person.

Gennee :thumbsup:

[Laurie Ann]

I do not feel like two halfs of the whole but believe that each side gives strength to the other. They compliment each other my male side is the aggressive one good for business while my female side brings a sense of calmness to all situations. I have been hiding my dressing for many years but since I have started to explore my feminity I am a more mellow person. I began wearing womens clothes, makeup, panties, wig and heels about 4 years ago and my wife noticed a difference in my personality. Unfortunately she is not aware of Laurie Ann yet. I need to work on that part. So in answer to your question two halfs make a whole.

[Tiffy]

I had a break down yesterday and I lost it. I destroyed many things that my wife and I had bought for camping over the years. But that is not the point. When I finally calmed down and quit crying, my mom has showed up by now(she knows but never talked in depth). As the three of us talked it over (mom, wife and i) I tried to explain how I feel inside most of the time. And I said "It is like having two differnet minds and they are fighting each other. I am never at rest because they are always fighting. And when they hit their boiling point I explode and destroy what ever is in my path at that time." Yesterday I was loading my boat for a dinner cruise with the wife. I hate being at war with myself. My mom told me I need to see someone to help me deal with my anger. But, we are on one income with no insurance. I tried the Pathways in the next town but I hated it there. I am gonna try one in the next town over very soon. I find that when I blow up and my minds take a rest I am so tired that it is not funny. It really drains me when they fight. I do need help with this. Wow that is the first time I ever really said that. Enough blabbing. To answer your qusetion.....YES

Kisses, April

[MelFoxxCd]

Just a quick note to thank everyone who has replied to this. I cant begin to explain how good it feels to just have others I can ask questions of and maybe get a little bit better understanding of myself.
April, your reply hit home with me, as that is what I feel like. I am a passive person by nature, and then I start feeling the rumblings of another aggressive streak which builds till it explodes. And when it does, people run for cover.
The follow up question to this one is, does anyone think that it could be due to having to force Melissa back into the closet after years out on the town?
Before I met my wife, I was out and about, with friends who knew and loved both sides. Not long after I met my wife, she started imposing limits to what I can and can't have, wear and do, until I am left only with long flowing skirts, underwear and androgenous tops with out built in busts or cups. No bras, hip or derierre padding, no breasts, short skirts, high heels or make up. I have gone from dressing everynight I wanted to very occasional and mostly when she is not home.
I am not trying to lame blame at her feet or mine, but merely interested in others opinions. Could my explosive temper be caused from having tasted the wine from heaven and then forced to drink the water from the muddy stream?
Or simply, am I agressive due to knowing what I am missing out on?
Any feedback is welcome, and advice listened to. Dont want my temper to cause harm to any I love.

[racquel]

" Could my explosive temper be caused from having tasted the wine from heaven and then forced to drink the water from the muddy stream?"

Wow,this is probably the best metafore I've ever heard,and so appropriate.

As to your question Melfoxxcd, I have integrated the two into one pretty well, although it took many years and a loving supportive wife.

[Melissa Ryan]

Mel, I am so glad to see you finally start to chat a bit. Dont stop now! Run! The girl in you can only help the rest of you if you let her. Whats A problem now, might be the begining of a different thread so to speak. Be happy, I hope your having luck with your car :) I'll pm you over the weekend

..........Melissa......... :hugs:

[Tiffy]

All I can say is I feel like you do and I have never been out and about. I have more fredom now than ever and it still happenes. I beleive it is something we need to learn to deal with.

Kisses, April

[Fallen Angel]

it takes a long time to reach a happy medium with your self. me and angel are one all the time. why fight among your self xx

[SaraGoth]

Maybe I'm lucky, but I have felt for a long time that My female and male sides work well next to eachother living in the same body, and look after it for each-other. One does the hard work around the house, while the other does the dusting and makes the beds. I've never felt much conflict to be honest, except maybe sometimes at bed time when she tends to want to take over... But it gets sorted one way or the other... Oh and she smokes, while he does not, and I just can not explain that, or get her to quit :mad:


I (we) can relate. My feminine side smokes, toO! But he doesn't. So strange to talk about one's selves in the third person. But, sometimes, I feel like I'm one or the other. The social constraints of CD/TVing keeps her in check and makes sure I don't do something foolish - and just as well, the guy part of me has more control over her tho I do let her come out and play for awhile from time to time. When I'm her, I often think about wanting to actually BE a woman, but she knows as well as I do that that isn't going to happen in this life time and that she'll just have to wait and see what the next life brings. I often think that it would be therapeutic and or 'educational' to come back as an actual woman. ;)

So, in a sense, there are two personalities at work. The yin and yang of life, I suppose. The female and male sides, constantly in motion, never static, working one way forcing the other to compesate to keep a balance (...in the force) so to speak. :o

You're not alone...many feel the same way.
Drop me a line if you want to talk about it...

Peace,
Sarayuki :D

[SaraGoth]

Or simply, am I agressive due to knowing what I am missing out on? Any feedback is welcome, and advice listened to. Dont want my temper to cause harm to any I love.

Ahh the temper. Yes, I can relate to this...I get from my Dad, but that's no excuse. A temper is a result of impatience. Suffice it to say, you must fine a 'happy medium' where you both can exist. Setting limits yourself will help boost your selves' esteem, so-to-speak. Be more supporting of your wife and be engaging in your communication with her, don't let it run one-way (from either side). Plato has his cave. Women have their ways. Once that simple understanding can be defined and reconciled a middle way can be found.

For me, who's wife is accepting with the attitude of 'out of sight, out of mind' I tend to me more supporting in a masculine manner while doing some of the cooking, cleaning, shopping, and giving HER advice on clothes through little, subtle means of encouragement. I ever so slightly push the limits, but in the end, she really has good taste as it is, and I don't like pushing buttons or playing mind games.

Be honest, forthright, and fair. Life with a woman means give and take - and I mean that both literally, and figuratively...

:)

When in doubt. Smile. You'll make someone's day bright. Unless your goth like me and wear black. Hee hee...

Peace (of mind...)
Sarayuki

[Elinor]

Every male has a feminine side.
The woman within you desires a life in dresses and skirts.
Allow the female within you to come out and have fun being her.
No point fighting it, the feminine side of you is strong so let go and enjoy the
journey to a most enjoyable lifestyle or hobbie.
If allowing yourself to express your feminine side gives you pleasure than do so. Its relaxing safe and fun.
Your normal whatever that means. :D