reminissing

[shayleetv]

This is something I wrote a while back and pretty well sums up my agreement with my wife about Shaylee's existence. it is something that I wrote in URNOTALONE.

Hi just a note about an incedent that happened the other day when my wife and I were out shopping. Since I am never in public enfemme, I was in male mode. We were at Dillard's when a crossdresser showed up. She was not at all passing; however I think she thought she was. She brought to much attention to her self by not wearing clothing that was appropriate for the occasion. Let me try to discribe a woman in her forties that looked like a bad hooker. She had black cotton streatch pants, a white tube top that bared her midrif with a brown shrug with fur collar. Her shoes were 4" stilleto mules that what had a 2" leapard skin strap across the foot with a 2" sole. Her wig looked like she had combed it with a tornado wind, it was really bad and wild. She wore too much make up and was very bizzare. Put all this on a frame of a man that is 50lbs. overwieght and you would see what I saw.
I felt sorry for her and was glad that she didn't here the comments that I heard from the GG's that were arround me, like: " They should't let someone like that in this store", "What if children were to see something like that, it could harm them", "
That is the most discusting perversion I have ever seen, he should be locked up".
I hate to say it but that poor sole gives all the T-girls a bad reputation. A few of those arround the stores and those who sometimes get read might find it less accepting and more dangerous to be out in public. When my wife, who has as her main rule about my crossdressing, "Keep it in the closet", said to me when we got out of earshot of anyone said to me. "I would just die if I heard anyone say anything that crual about you if you were crossdressed. That is one reason I don't let you go out, I love you too much". She is right , those things could be said of me because the reality is in realtime and in person I don't pass. I can look good in pictures be cause I can manipulate angles and lighting to look different than the reality. And that is ok with me. Back before I met my wife and I was an engenue( a pretty young thing) my weight was 135 lbs. I could pass. I did it so well that I even attended some of my general ed. classes at the university enfemme and got hit on by some of the boys from those classes. AHHHHHH to be young again. Now I am retired older guy who has the physique of a over indulgent lover of food who is 6'2" and 230 lbs. I am very content to just do this thing with my wife and let the pictures that decieve so well be seen by those who want to see me. As my daughter once said to me, "Reality bites, just make sure it tastes like chocolate".

[StaceyJane]

That's why I try to dress for the occasion but I do love to wear hose.

Sometimes I think crossdressers have an inner teenage girl which they are trying to let out. What else explains people in their upper 50's and 60's wearing short skirts.
Some of the girls at Tri -Ess meetings need some serious fashion help. One time I went a girl had on an outfit which I think she borrowed from her great grandmother while other older girls where wearing stuff that shouldn't be worn by anyone over the age of 25.

[Kathi Lake]

Ouch!!

I was at Dillard's last week, but I swear it wasn't me!! :)

Number one, I try to dress a bit more modestly when out and about, as you have seen, Shaylee. Number two, a shrug with a fur collar? In late April? What was she thinking?! :)

It's so sad to think about this poor thing. All I could feel from listening to your description was the same feeling you get when you think about someone sliding down the asphalt after a motorcycle crash. Are you getting that feeling too - where your nether regions pucker with empathy? Ewwww!

Still, you have to credit the brave soul to not only go out in an outfit like that, but to not care. Sure, she could have been oblivious, but I'll give her the benefit of the doubt that she was simply not caring. As for the whole "giving us a bad name" part, I'm of two minds. Number one, do I want to be lumped together in the same group with this person with the same negative feelings from others? Not really. However, can we really afford to make enemies and exclude those like us? We're not exactly a majority. We need all the love we can get - and give.

Kathi

[Emily L]

...I hate to say it but that poor sole gives all the T-girls a bad reputation. A few of those arround the stores and those who sometimes get read might find it less accepting and more dangerous to be out in public....

Whereas I agree that it's always a bad thing to not be aware of how you appear to others (which is one of the main reasons I wouldn't even dream of dressing in public until I lost at least 80 pounds), this part of the post rubs me the wrong way. It sounds too much like the comments I've heard that go, "Those flamboyant gay guys who parade around flaunting their gayness gross me out. I wouldn't mind gays if they just didn't act like that."

Bottom line, whether crossdresser, transsexual, homosexual, heterosexual, whatever, there will be people who don't have that self-awareness (or who just don't care how other people perceive them). Someday, I hope that these people are judged as individuals, rather than being used to reinforce stereotypes.

[Karren H]

That is so sweet that your wife said that... Mine would be running and screaming out of the store... Kind of like when TG folks show on television! Sigh...

[Sarah Doepner]

I understand the desire to dress and get out and do something normal. It seems to be something that helps validate our experience somehow. I try very hard to dress for my age, size and the activity, but know that sometimes all those years I missed dressing for my thin 20's tends to creep in. Some say it is the responsibility of those who do go out to represent the best for the rest of us so it becomes easier for every successive trip out to be successful. Others say we have to do what is best for ourselves since we are individuals.

I lean toward the first now, but I know my first couple of times going out were real fashion mistakes that I thought were just great at the time. I got a lot of help over the years and had some good role models, so with a little luck I'm doing better now. I wish the best to the girl you saw at Dillards that day and hope she has had the same kind of support while meeting that desire at the same time.

[Jannette H]

That's why I try to dress for the occasion but I do love to wear hose.

Sometimes I think crossdressers have an inner teenage girl which they are trying to let out. What else explains people in their upper 50's and 60's wearing short skirts.
Some of the girls at Tri -Ess meetings need some serious fashion help. One time I went a girl had on an outfit which I think she borrowed from her great grandmother while other older girls where wearing stuff that shouldn't be worn by anyone over the age of 25.

How very true, now recently I've been called a grandma because my skirts were below me knees. I wear skirt and blazer suits most of the time and most GGs my age wear skirts at the knees or below I try to dress accordingly. I guess It's what a person feels or what they want to project. I think sometimes we are kind of delusional about what is taste full to wear I know I am at times. I see younger GGs and CDs wearing something and I think WOW I want to wear that and think again I would look kind of out of place. :2c:

[Lynn Marie]

For me, learning to dress a little more moderately, was going to say modestly, has been a learning experience of a few years. I was in a serious closet for all that time so no one cared......except me.

When I got serious about CDing, the tight, short mini-skirt really turned me on. And that was a big part of the problem. I was trying to dress like the girls and women who excited me sexually. Then with the advent of modern digital cameras that can take movie clips as well as pictures, I started taking pictures and short movie clips of myself to see what I really looked like rather than what images I had in my head. I was surprised! I looked awful in those mini-skirts and much classier in longer skirts. Not only that, but my heels were too long and I needed a new face, hair, and some jewelry. Oh yeah, and probably a little less chest.

So it's little by little by little. The difficulty seems to be that some of us CDers come bursting out of the closet long before we have any sense of style and decorum and embarrass ourselves and others around us. It would sure help if we just had a few friends who could help us come out graciously. I'm thankful for this forum because of the positive feedback I get here. Makes me want to excel and get better at this craft of creative crossdressing.

[AllieSF]

I, actually, am glad that there are people like that who go out in public. Look, the general public has enough trouble accepting anything different. So, with an extreme like that CD, who by the way is living her life the way she wants to just like most of the rest of us on this site, she just raises my look and ability to the accepted to a much higher level, and does the same for all the rest of us. When you see the the bad extreme (in your opinion), the other middle of the road and opposite extremes take on more value as being less shocking and upsetting to others.

Could you explain why it may be more dangerous for others to go out dressed as a result of this CD dressing the way that she did? It is dangerous no matter where you go in today's world. We just had a man die in broad daylight in downtown Oakland, CA recently in a relatively safe area as a result of a boy from the hood having an anger management problem. It can happen anywhere for any reason where we may never expect it.

The basic premise here is that the more of us that are out there doing whatever and dressed however, the more the other people will be begin to realize that just like in every other aspect of life we come in all shapes, sizes, colors and orientations. Just look at all those email jokes with pictures of one side of our population that frequents Wal Mart and dresses very differently than the mainstream. They just make everyone else look so much better. It seems like we all say the we should be able to live our lives as we please as long as it doesn't break and laws and hurt someone else. Then we go around telling people (like that mis-dressed CD at Dillards) how they should dress. I guess that I do not get it, this switching of feelings about how others dress. But, I will not deny that person their right to do what they want.

As for worrying about what others say about you when you are out in the public, if it bothers you a lot, then just do not go out, which I understand that is what you do. However, if you want to go out and enjoy life outside in the real world, then it is best to learn how to develop a tougher skin, and I do not care attitude.

Shaylee, this is not an attack on you or your post, but is my opinion on recurrent opinions made on this site in this and other posts: Dress according to the rule book or you will give us a bad reputation and hurt out chances to go out in the public's eye and be accepted. As you can see I truly do not believe that. Thanks for posting this topic.

[Terri D]

This is the one time I wish I didn't read one of the posts here. I agree 100% with AllieSF. Why should the T-girl you encountered while shopping conform to a dress code.
Consider that maybe that was her day to strike a hooker look. Why? Who knows? Maybe that was the mood she was in that day. Would the other customers be equally shocked if a real hooker showed up that day dressed that way??
Maybe she did it purely for shock value. Sometimes we need our sensibilities shocked. She may have been in anarchist mode.
I don't know,I wasn't there. Sounds like a gruesome sight. Not a look I'd care to affect.
What I do know is that I'm a little saddened by some of the responses. Maybe in my old age I have become more tolerant of others. Or maybe I just don't care what people do, or say, or wear.

[sherri52]

shaylee you are right there are two things a CD should remember. Always dress for the ocassion and keep your confidence.

[msniki48]

shaylee,

So much of what you say is true. I think it is partly because we try to fly under the radar. problem is that it also keeps us from flying...[fear of being clocked] I sometimes....no i just plain wish i could just not care what people thought, as that girl did. it just doesn't seem to be there for me, or you or your wife, or so many of us here.

sometimes i wish the "i don't care girls" would take a page out of our book, and i wish i could take a few from theirs.

thanks for making me think....


PS....unless you took your profile pic 20 yrs ago... i don't think you would have any problems out and about....tell your lovely wife i said so ;)

if it is a recent photo...then when i grow up... i wanna be like you!:battingeyelashes:

[KarenCDFL]

Funny thing is that your description of this person sounds like a woman (yes a gg) who works in our local Costco.

I can't tell you how many times I wanted to go up to her and ask her if I could help do her makeup!

Once again a double standard!~

[fetishtop]

Forget about CDs looking bad in public. How about the droves of GGs that have no personal fashion sense, wear e.g. tight, short skirts and weigh fifty+ pounds more than they should, with bad legs and generally look as though they are auditioning for a horror flick?

[shayleetv]

msniki48....
Thanks for the flattering remark about my avatar picture. It was taken five years ago and it is completely
out of of context with any surroundings to show how big I really am. Lighting and other camera tricks that pro photographers use like lens and such can really be deceptive. NO PHOTO SHOPPED photo for me.
AllieSF and Terri D I think it more in the odds of things that in a violent world such as ours, you have got to admit the woman in Dillard's was putting herself in a worse position than say my friend Kathi or even our "go pretty" Kimberly fromTX. Both are good representatives of our culture and when in contact with the general public make it a lot easier for the rest of you who come in contact with the same public when en femme. That helps us all. That is all I am saying.

[Rianna Humble]

Hi just a note about an incedent that happened the other day when my wife and I were out shopping. Since I am never in public enfemme, I was in male mode. We were at Dillard's when a crossdresser showed up. She was not at all passing; however I think she thought she was. She brought to much attention to her self by not wearing clothing that was appropriate for the occasion. Let me try to discribe a woman in her forties that looked like a bad hooker. She had black cotton streatch pants, a white tube top that bared her midrif with a brown shrug with fur collar. Her shoes were 4" stilleto mules that what had a 2" leapard skin strap across the foot with a 2" sole. Her wig looked like she had combed it with a tornado wind, it was really bad and wild. She wore too much make up and was very bizzare. Put all this on a frame of a man that is 50lbs. overwieght and you would see what I saw.

I felt sorry for her and was glad that she didn't here the comments that I heard from the GG's that were arround me, like: " They should't let someone like that in this store", "What if children were to see something like that, it could harm them", "
That is the most discusting perversion I have ever seen, he should be locked up".
I hate to say it but that poor sole gives all the T-girls a bad reputation.

I am glad that your initial reaction was the right one - to feel sorry for her and glad she couldn't hear the hateful comments.

I'm sorry that that reaction didn't last long enough for you to think twice about your comment that she gives T-girls a bad reputation.

You don't know what was going on in her life. You don't even know if the way she dressed was intended to be some kind of statement.

If being poorly dressed gives peers a bad reputation, then I think every single person in the world now has a bad reputation.

I have seen both men and women (read GMs and GGs) dressed very inappropriately for their surroundings, however that does not give me the right to say "he gives men a bad reputation" or "She gives women a bad reputation".

I have seen women dressed like the stereotype prostitutes we see on crime dramas - do I think that all GGs are on the game? - of course not!

You could have dressed my old self in the most expensive suit in the world and all you would have achieved was to present him as a fat slob in an expensive suit. Yet despite his appearance, lots of people saw him as a very compassionate and caring person to whom they could turn in times of trouble. Whoever said that "clothes maketh the man" was speaking out of the wrong orifice.

[lee in a skirt]

I can see where you and your partner are coming from with the stay inside part my partner is the same with me.

[t-girlxsophie]

that is the only thing that would hurt me when am out Dressed,not any potential abuse,nor the stares,but I would hate my Wife to hear bad comments made about me,being so accepting she never hears anything negative in our life regarding my dressing,would hate if anything was said to hurt her.

My stepkids are of age now to be left alone in the house,so we are hoping to get out together more and more,she is stronger than me I would say so maybe her skin is thicker than mine.and It would concern her not a jot.am sure we will find out soon enough

[kimdl93]

Thus far, I haven't been publicly en femme. but if/when I do venture out, I hope at least to be dressed appropriately for the situation and for my age and stature. I know, in an ideal world we could all dress any way we want...this aint that world and anyway, for me personally, I'd rather look like I had some modicum of taste.

[Kerigirl2009]

That is so sweet that your wife said that... Mine would be running and screaming out of the store... Kind of like when TG folks show on television! Sigh...

Funny you should mention your wife reaction to TG folks on TV- My wifes reaction has been to bust out laughing, Not completely sure how I feel about this, but today thier was a movie where the boyfriend was shown a picture by his girl friend where he was wearing a dress and wig and she called him a "transvestite,croosdressing pervert" and then went on to berate him this is when my wife told me to rewind it so she can use that the next time she is angry with me. Again, not sure how I really feel about this, but atleast she is laughing and I am pretty sure joking with me. I HOPE!!!!

[Kathi Lake]

Shaylee, thanks for the sweet comment. I don't necessarily try to be an ambassador, but instead strive to be the best person I can be. Sometimes that person is wearing a fabulous outfit! :)

Keri, it is communication - as good or bad as it may seem at the time, it is communication. To me, that is a good thing. That means it isn't getting swept under the rug, but is forefront in her mind, allowing her to think about it and digest it a little bit more each time. Progress.

Kathi

[docrobbysherry]

Reading posts like yours leaves me feeling VERY content to remain in my safe, little closet!:)

U DO know that Dillards, like most of the department stores where I live, has a, "Torch and Pitchfork", section!?:eek:

[Gerrijerry]

ok so she was out to have fun hurting no one and happy dressed the way she wanted. Have any of you looked at how some woman dress. 40 to 50 year old woman trying to dress as teens. some even older looking like used hookers.
I went to a sweet sxteen an few years ago and the mom who was 32 years old was dressed like she was competing with her daugther for the boys at the party.

[shayleetv]

There are some who have made comments about a "bad reputation" being overly critical. No, not in reality! Image has a lot to do with acceptance and what people think of you has a lot to do with with your security as a minority that is way misunderstood. I have talked with friends and acquaintances who have no idea that I crossdress and have heard their plethora of misinformation about us. We're according to their views potentially all some kind of sex offenders, criminals, rapists and voyeurs. This comes mainly from the middle of the road, straight, white middle class friends of mine. They are probably not to different from most of your friends who don't know your special life. those attitudes are pretty scary. Don't misjudge what I said. She has the right to do as she pleases. But sometimes your right to do what you want to do can hurt others. How do you change attitudes when this is what they see of us. I was in advertising before retiring and negative impressions are the hardest things to change. They have a life of their own and it takes great effort to change them. That's all I'm saying. But try telling that to those who are victims of any kind of hate crime. Hate has to come from some kind of misconception, I for one don't want to be a contributor. Just put your best foot forward is what I think I'M TRYING TO SAY!!!!!

[Lexine]

I agree with one of the people who responded who said that any girl (GG, CDer, TG, etc) with no fashion sense would be up for scrutiny. Dressing up for the occasion also means dressing up so whatever you choose to wear will look good on you too. Kathi's pretty much proven that personality wins everything (see ALL her stories... and damn you for having an iPad j/k), but by decreasing hurdles in letting people understand and approach you, you help them understand where you're coming from or, better yet, make them not question your appearance and your motivations. Had it been a GG who walked in instead of a CDer, I'm sure those girls would say something similar.

[Kathi Lake]

Yes, it's true that a GG would get talked about if she came in dressed in the same outfit - kinda.

If a GG came in wearing what our friend came in wearing, tongues would wag. She would probably be called trashy, a fashion train wreck and other things. Still, she would have the respect of those around her as one who is either unknowing or uncaring of fashion norms. She's a GG, and can "get away" with stuff like that.

We, however, would have a different response. It would be more of a "See? I told you so!" response. Seeing one of us dressed like that would simply serve as a reinforcement of the negative stereotypes that many people (wrongly) have about us - we're perverts, molesters, sexual addicts and worse.

That is the point I believe Shaylee was trying to make. Not that this woman didn't belong in the store, but that she wasn't exactly putting her, or our, best foot forwards. When I go out, I try to dress modestly. I know when I went out with Shaylee, I was dressed in a turtleneck and khakis. Sure, some of it is due to the fact that I'm a prude. Some of it is due to the fact that Utah is a bloody cold place to live (I woke up to snow the other day. In May!!). A majority of how I dress is due to wanting others to see me in the best possible light. If they're going to see a "sicko tranny" well then, they're going to see the best-dressed, most normal-looking and acting sicko tranny ever!

:)

Kathi

[Frédérique]

We, however, would have a different response. It would be more of a "See? I told you so!" response. Seeing one of us dressed like that would simply serve as a reinforcement of the negative stereotypes that many people (wrongly) have about us - we're perverts, molesters, sexual addicts and worse

Yeah, I think people have this “idea” of crossdressing, married to perversion, implanted in their minds – seeing our unfortunate heroine in the store only reinforces their preexisting stereotypical attitudes. The media certainly doesn’t help by isolating, then chastising, anyone who dares to step out of the “norm” and experiment with life. What to do? I say this often, in many ways, but you need to implant ideas of tolerance in young minds, specifically by teaching them to question everything they see or hear. Look around and make up your own mind – reality is far more complex than you realize, boys and girls. This worn-out postulate about all crossdressers being perverts came from somewhere, you know – it can certainly be challenged, yet I’m not sure if anyone has the courage to equate tolerance with intelligence. When I was a boy, I was pretty much left to my own devices in regards to understanding. I smelled something fishy about the fixed attitudes I encountered, so I kept my mind open. If I had run into the person at the store, I may have been shocked initially, but it would’ve made me aware of a larger, more interesting world than the one being presented as polarized fact. An indelible memory perhaps, or a turning point to build upon…:battingeyelashes:

[Darla Jean]

Isn't our decision to dress a personal decision? What we wear and where we choose to wear it differs for every girl on the site. I am 60 and I prefer to dress my age. But, at the same time, I have worn a ****ty little skirt, a baby doll that is simply stupid (that was purged) and put on lipstick that suggested I work in Amsterdam! But it is all personal choice - to say that someone is dressed inappropriately for a cd seems to this girl to be a bit inconsistent with who we are - many would suggest that our interest in getting a bra to fit right, or just the right stockings (and I won't even get into shoes!) is inappropriate. So...I don't think we can sit in judgement of others based on what they wear and where they choose to wear it. And all that being said, I'd never be caught in a short skirt or a low cleavage blouse as they simply are not who I am. I am modest and would probably have reacted the same way. But I have to work at it and understand that I cannot begrudge others for their choices...

[shayleetv]

I want to say one more thing and then I am going to stop posting until I can get medical help for all the self inflicted bruising on my head from hitting it against the wall. It seems that if I were to use some other minority maybe those of that minority would get the idea behind what I was saying because there are enough of you who totally missed the point. Maybe you have never been or felt like you were a second class citizen. Take the point of Avis car rental a decade ago. They were second to Hertz and their ads stated, "We try harder." Why did they try harder? They wanted to be the best car rental in the business!
No SA went to help the tranny my wife and I saw, but when I went shopping with Kathi she was helped immediately. And yes they knew she was a male. BEST FOOT FORWARD.
I am Don Quixote and I tilt at wind mills.......................