Opinions?

[Heather Daniels]

I've been reading all the recent posts about telling or not telling and I've really started wondering about something.
My wife knows that I enjoy lingerie, and I've been fortunate enough to be able to wear it to bed with her. She's even gone as far as to buy me a few things. Actually I had to tell her that I had enough, and she could stop buying so much. ( I STILL CANT BELIVE I TOLD HER TO STOP LOL )
She does not know that I enjoy dressing completely though.
I've considered telling her, but I'm not sure I'm quite ready yet. Please dont forget that its not an easy thing to do.
So, my question is..............do you think she has an idea that I'm a crossdresser, or do you think that she just thinks it was "bedroom fun"?
I honestly dont have a clue as to what she thinks because the subject really never comes up.
She's fairly open minded about things and has worked with gay men, lesbians, and even a gay cd'er in the past. She's in the healthcare field, so she is exposed to some diversity in her line of work. I know that she used to giggle about the gay cd'er and she thought it was cute that he dressed. I'm not so sure she would think it was as cute if it was her husband doing the dressing though.
So....what do you all think? Do you think she doesnt have a clue, or do you think she does indeed know and has just waited for me to bring it up?

[Sheila]

you could ask her in the next conversation, with a straight face, how she would feel if it was you wanting to dress :straightface:

[Sarah Doepner]

It may be time to share a little more. The next time she offers to buy something for the bedroom you can say "No, I have enough of that, but how about a skirt or dress?" She can have the chance to say "No" at that time and end it or it can open up for more conversations.

If the rest of us are any indication, this is something that won't go away and may become a bigger part of your life. If that trend holds with you it would be better to have support at home instead of an advisary.

[Elle1946]

My personal opinion is that she suspects but is waiting you to bring it up. She doesn't want to take you some place that you don't want to be. From what I can tell she is very liberal. In any case I would start off small and work your way up.

[Emily L]

You asked her to STOP buying things for you? My mind is blown and my world is shattered. That said, if she wants to keep buying things, get her to send them right on over this way instead... :p

No way to say for sure without knowing your wife personally, but I would say that she most likely knows. Only way you can know for sure is to bring it up, though...good luck! :)

[Karren H]

I think you messed up when you told her to stop... You might have been able to get her to modify or expand her purchase to other clothing and it might have looked like it was her idea!! Which is better imho than if it was your idea... "Honey I have enough lingerie why not buy me something different"... God that might have worked..

[5150 Girl]

Sounds like you're in!
I don't know, but I think I might start adding things to the play, like maybe a dress and heels at first, and aguge the reaction. Then next time add some other things, wig, or makeup, ect...

[pattyv]

"m with Sarah and Karen.

[Gerrijerry]

Does she know are you kidding. with that backround how could she not. Just be honest with her and tell her you want to dress fully. Have fun and go with it. If she says no then it is no. If she says ok. (My wife fooled me with an ok I only reget waiting so long to tell her) then enjoy.

[DonniDarkness]

Oh she wants this dear, seriously, she wouldnt buy you stuff if she didnt like it, just tell her like this....Hey hun i have some more fantasies you may like since you liked this other one so much......

My wife is accepting of the dressing and she too buys me stuff, she once told me that she found it erotic to be so taboo...maybe your girl is the same in that aspect. In my evaluation the girls who like to dress their men are usually more dominent and enjoy the power over us, by makiing us femme they play the "Guy" role in attitude and romance. Personally it is fulfilling to be desired and chased by her aggressive needs and to know that i am what she desires no matter how im dressed.

When we took our first steps into bringing dressing into our love life we had "Role Reversal Nights" which is similar to "Role Playing" which many couples enjoy. (you know...acting out scenarios that would otherwise not happen in RL) Its healthy romantic fun, and it sets the stage for your "beauty queen" to introduced to her, in full glory, without the awkwardness that the first time fully dressed may present. Trust me! Its the best way to break the ice and both of you are expecting to be open minded.

Also make her part of it.... ask her to get primped or pimped too! When the both of you fulfill fantasies at the same time it is the most rewarding of all.

Hugs and Kisses,
-Donni-

[BRANDYJ]

My opinion from everything you said is she suspects it, or even knows it already. She might even be waiting for you to bring it up for fear of hurting your male pride. Let's review for a moment.
1. she knows you like lingerie Duh!
2. she is OK with you wearing it to bed. (pretty accepting to me)
3. even goes so far as to buy you things.. Sounds like she loves you and wants you
happy, and/or is hoping you want to take it further since it might turn her on or at
least interest her even if for just bedroom play
4. She's fairly open minded about things and has worked with gay men, lesbians,
and even a gay cd'er in the past. She's in the healthcare field, so she is exposed to
some diversity in her line of work. I know that she used to giggle about the gay cd'er
and she thought it was cute that he dressed.

From what I read, I wonder if you need to be hit on the head to understand that your wife most likely will accept it, maybe even want to indulge you more. Just look at all you have in the way of clues!
Even if I'm wrong, and I don't think I am, there is no doubt she loves you and wants you happy. What other woman would buy lingerie gifts for her husband if she was not OK with it?

The only thing that confuses me is how you were ever able to tell her you enjoy lingerie when I sense there is a fear of communication about sensitive issues between you.

Do you not trust her and her devotion to you and your marriage? Have you ever given her reason to NOT trust you?

Sometimes I think we fear or worry way more about our own cross dressing then the women we love would care about it and how she thinks or feels about us.

If your marriage is strong, I think you need to have a talk with your wonderful accepting wife. Don't let her find out on her own. That is rarely good since it means you covered it up and hid it from her. More so, she will feel you don't trust her if she finds out other then you telling her.

I'd take her out to dinner at her favorite place, buy her flowers, plan a nice romantic evening and put on some soft music and tell her something is bothering you and you need to talk to her. Again, from what you told us, I think both of you will feel relieved and closer for it.

I sincerely wish you luck and hope you take her clues and open up to her....the sooner the better.

[Deborah Jane]

I think she already knows, if not, I would say she definately suspects.

Try chatting with her, I have a strange feeling you could be pleasantly surprised :)

[Joanne f]

Although i would have a guess in saying that your wife suspects that there is more to it that does not make it an open and closed case as some would accept the liking of wearing female undies but not think that there is more to it than that , i think it would be a good idea to do what Sheila has said and ask her what her feelings would be if you liked to dress up more.

[BRANDYJ]

Heather, go back and read every single post...over and over and over again. That's the hit in the head you seem to need to get it.
You say things in the bedroom have been off for awhile. DUH! This revelation to her might be exactly what you both need to bring it back!

I admit, I am in a relationship with a very dominant woman. I am her submissive. It is more then bedroom games to us. She is dominant 24/7 and we both like it that way. I don't feel any less a man for submitting to her at all. In fact, we met on a site for those of us into Dominant/submissive relationships. I can put aside my macho crap and become her girlfriend or obedient man just as easy as I can go from drab to feminine. So I have not let go of my macho side at all. I've simply made myself more available to her wishes for my behavior and what makes us both happy. I save the macho crap for the guys at work and in the bar. You can be humble and still a man that sometimes is feminine. So put aside your fears of losing your macho stuff. You and I think she will both be happier for it.
I worship her for the strong, beautiful woman and lady she is. I have learned that there is nothing in the world I can't or don't discuss with her. I feel I am more of a man for allowing myself to submit to her and all her wants and desires. But in fem mode, which she enjoys me in often, is such a special close bond that I can't even begin to describe it to you.

I honestly think this will renew and strengthen your relationship with her.
So be man enough to open up to her and trust her!

Good luck! :thumbsup:

[BRANDYJ]

now that's odd. I just responded to a post by the OP (Heather) and once I was done, I se her post was removed. I am going to guess she had second thoughts about what she shared in the way of more information and decided to remove her own post.

Heather, your post was fine and no reason for you to be afraid to post here. But I can now see why you have a problem in opening up to your wife since you seem to be afraid to open up to us. I'm so sorry to see that. We are all hear to help and not judge.

[joandher]

Hi
My wife knows, excepts,and even buys me hose and (girly )deodorant , she washers my underwear and irons it and puts it back in the draws, ,
only this morning watching television a guy was on who is bringing out a range of unisex makeup,my wife said you will be ok there , I replied that I could always practice with some old stuff of hers ,well you should have seen the look and comment I got @:{)*&^%$£" not in this house
she doesn't mind the under dressing ( fully ) 24/7 full stop ,I keep hinting about taking it a little further and just get verbal back, also she blows hot and cold with the under dressing sometimes (will never understand )

:hugs: J-JAY

[Heather Daniels]

BRANDYJ, you're right, I posted something then had second thoughts about it.
As for the opening up to her....yes I think it's fear that keeps me from doing it. I honestly dont know why, since it does seem rather obvious that my wife would probably accept this side of me. She has treated me as a submissive girl in the bedroom before. I cant even begin to explain just how wonderful that was.
Maybe I have this stupid vision of myself being a tough, guy's kinda guy, and am afraid to let the real me out to her. I'm from Pittsburgh....a shot and a beer kind of town where steel and iron used to be king. Men are supposed to be men here. Maybe that has something to do with it. I was born in the early 60's....perhaps it goes back to the era I was raised in. I honestly dont know why I am having such a hard time fully accepting this side of me. I am who I am and I cant change it. I am a crossdresser and absolutely adore everything about femininity. The more feminine I can be....the better I feel. Maybe its the 40 some years that I've spent trying to hide this from even myself that makes it so difficult to come clean about this.
I've been thinking about opening up to her for a few months now but I still can't let myself do it. I honestly dont know why either. To anyone else it would seem that I'm on the path to having an accepting, even contributing wife. Sometimes I see it that way, and other times, I shrink back into my shell and pretend Heather doesnt really exist. Honestly girls....I have had so many talks with myself about this that I'm getting even more confused. Friday night I went out to the local watering hole and had a couple of beers. It was pretty quiet there and only a few of my friends showed up. I sat there, at the corner of the bar, by myself, and all I could think about was why am I so afraid to open up to the woman that has shown me that she loves me even if I like to wear stockings, panties and chemise's to bed. Why am I unable to show her that I sometimes feel very feminine and love acting on it. Why do I insist on keeping the macho side of me where everyone can see, and hiding the caring, feminine, sensitive side from my wife? Maybe it's because I'm really not ready to shed the macho image and become a girlfriend to my wife. I honestly dont know.....but I do know this...........
these femme feelings are not going to go away till they close the lid on my box and drop me into the ground. I've been doing this for far too long to think otherwise. The older I get the stronger the feelings become too, so I know in my heart, that this must be addressed someday. I'm just not sure when that day is going to be. Hopefully.......sooner than later.
One more thing......she accepts the lingerie.............but the dressing completely, may be a whole different story.

[bredalee25]

My wife knows I dress and supports me. You could still test the water just ask her if she'd be against you wearing something more than nighties. I mean she already sees you in womens attire you just want to take it to the the next level. If she opposes to it at least you'll know for sure how she feels.

[Elizabeth 66]

If she doesn't know then you really have to tell her, for the sake your sanity and your relationship. i have just responded to another thread were the poster had left it far too late to tell their SO and now is in a massive hole, all relationships are based on honesty, so you cant afford to lose the trust.

What i would suggest is that you just build up on what you have now, make small suggestions.

I have removed a section that i posted without as much thought as i try and put in my posts, and after another comment and reading it back i think some may find it a little offensive. but it was meant to fetch a little lightness into what is such a hard subject.

[sherri52]

Why not try to spice it up a little yourself. Ask her if she would let you borrow a dress and put it on. Make up a story if you like. If she goes for it then work in the rest of the outfit and start your crossdressing then ( at least to her).

[ReineD]

She probably feels as if this is just kinky fun, and she wants to participate in your bedroom experience for the fun of all concerned. :)

It is likely she has no clue that it is more than this, so I would begin talking to her about it very gently and be prepared for ups and downs. But don't wait too long else she will feel lied to.

Good luck! :hugs:

[docrobbysherry]

I was married, now divorced! I used to think I knew what my ex was thinking!:D

Turns out I was always WRONG!:sad:

Then, I started ASKING her what she thot. Gosh, I didn't even understand her EXPLANATIONS of her thots!:eek:

Still, I suggest u TRY THAT approach FIRST! You're probably SMARTER than I! Maybe you'll understand her thots!:brolleyes:

[Desiree8]

Dudette... you have it made! She thought the gay CDer "was cute"... she buys you lingerie, and "bedroom play" things.
HELLO... WIDE OPEN DOOR HERE!
Your dilemma is going to be "how to re-open the door so foolishly closed?"
I like Karren's idea... have enough of the lingerie, but, a nice skirt & blouse, or dress...
all you can do is wait for a special moment.
Ohio 5150 also has an excellent idea.... suggest going further w/ the bedroom fun things. That is how I got my wife to paint my nails, suggested it as part of "bedroom play". She liked it (I freaking LOVED it!Woo Hoo!), and have a nice light coral shade right now. :heehee:
Best to you. Sis!
keep us in the loop!
:hugs:

[DonniDarkness]

Maybe it's because I'm really not ready to shed the macho image and become a girlfriend to my wife.


Heather,

First, just because you want to embrace your inner girl does not mean you have to bury your macho side...I practice balance between both for my sanity as well as hers, many of us do not feel we want to be full time women and enjoy being our guy selves just as much as our female side

Second, What ever you choose to do JUST BE TRUTHFUL, as hard as it may be. This is when you use your MACHO side to push cute little Heather Daniels back thru the door your wife so graciously opened. Seems like she got frightened and withdrew. You gotta use that Man Courage for her then. I know its tough because i still do it.

You supressed Heather for 30ish years, its not going to be easy to tell anyone.

We have a hard time telling our SO's from fear of rejection, from what i gather here in your posts, you will not be rejected by her for your crossdressing. However that does not mean she wont for lying to her or making up stories to "fool" her into accepting Heather. She works in the medical field.....chances are shes a smart girl:D

Last, Heather, i rebuild old cars, remodel homes, own a small buisness, house husband, dad......im a guy alot.....i also find time to read romance novels, sew and alter clothes, shop and pamper Donni....oh did i mention i wear girls clothes too...:D My point is be honest and find your personal balance

[AKAMichelle]

She probably thinks it is more of a fetish thing. She might not think it is so cute for her husband to crossdress, but you never know. She could think you adorable.

[~Michelle~]

You asked her to STOP buying things for you? My mind is blown and my world is shattered.

Trust me, he's not the only one, I had to tell my wonderful wife too, but sometimes she still can't resist. :battingeyelashes:

[Deborah Jane]

Maybe it's because I'm really not ready to shed the macho image and become a girlfriend to my wife.

Why ever not? It is possible for you to keep both. :thumbsup:
Sheila [my wife] has no problems at all with me spending all day as my guy self, following my so called "macho" pursuits and hobbies, then coming home, getting bathed and spending the rest of the day and evening with her glammed up as "Debs"
If your SO realises that "both" sides are still the same person and it's only the appearance that's differant, she maybe only too happy to accept you :)

Just my :2c: from my own experiance.

[Sheila]

But i would feel that you could actually suggest to your SO that she dress you, after all you would be just a giant doll (i wish i had a doll when i was young) and which GG can resist playing with a doll

Well this GG can resist the urge to play dress up with a doll, I wasn't into it when I was a kid, so why the hell would I want to start that at 50 :doh:

I don't see Debs as a doll for me to play dress up with, I see her an an emerging woman, who has the right to emerge as she chooses, if her and my idea of what to wear differs to certain places we talk about it, I treat her (I hope) with the same respect that I would any other GG friend (and also with the same sarcasm on occasions :heehee:)

Heather your wife may be very open to your telling, and she may well participate fully and give you a heap of advice, nobody but you hun can decide, but if as you say the urge to tell is getting stronger, maybe time to turn the TV off, take the phone off the hook, and lock the front door and have that talk :hugs:

[Sedona]

Heather, in the grand scheme of things, it sounds like either she knows already, or she's 90 percent there. Just go ahead and tell her. From her background, and from most of what you've already written, I'd be shocked if she freaks out about this.

[June Laine]

My wife supports my passion so it's easy for me to tell you to that telling your wife is easy, but the bottom line for me was being truthful to my wife.